Chapter 33 #2
I freeze. I replay his words in my head and try to decide if I heard them correctly.
“Do you know why I accepted my first job with Macer, Martin and Fisher? Because I knew their corporate office was in the town where you lived. I thought if fate wanted us together that somehow, someway, it would happen. When I moved here three years ago, I thought it was because I was meant to be with you. I looked for you everywhere I went, and when I didn’t just run into you, I Googled you.
When I saw you were married?” He stands and starts to pace with his hands on his head.
“It almost destroyed me. The thought of you with another man… and happy with another man, hurt like a motherfucker. But all I wanted was for you to have what you needed, and I came to the conclusion that it would never be me.”
I shake my head and leap toward him. I want him to know that it is him. That I made a mistake and that I want him more than I want my next breath, but I can’t seem to find the words.
“Last week, my office asked me to move to Atlanta for a year to head up a new firm.”
I gasp. “No!” I manage. I can’t lose him. I have to find a way to tell him.
“I told them I couldn’t go. I said no.” His eyes strain to focus on mine, and I wonder if he can see the relief I feel at his words.
“I told them I wouldn’t leave because my life was here and I wasn’t going to let her slip away from me again.”
I ponder his words and they melt my frozen heart. “You’re really not going?” I question in a panic. “You’ll stay?”
He pulls my body into his, and I tremble in his arms. There’s so much I need to say to him. He lifts my fallen head by my chin and his eyes blaze.
“I never stopped loving you, Ever. And now that I’ve had the chance to be near you again and can feel that empty space being filled up with everything that is you… I know, now more than ever, that I always will.”
His words are magical. For the first time in my life, I’m sure of someone besides myself. I’m sure that Nick Rowen was and still is the love of my life. The space between us is too much, and I grab his shirt in my hands and pull his lips to mine.
It’s forceful and passionate. My kiss is filled with all the things I so desperately need and want to say to him.
His hands grasp the side of my head as our mouths mold together.
I need him to know just how much he means to me.
As he kisses me, I’m reminded of how much I want him. How much I’ve always wanted him.
I reach down and pull his shirt from his waist. He moans into my mouth as his tongue slides against mine.
I push his shirt off his broad shoulders, and he yanks his t-shirt from his pants and over his head so my hands can rest on his bare chest. I move my hands over him, touching his chest then his abs.
My hands can’t move fast enough, and I want more of him. I need him.
My hands drop to his waist, and as he continues to kiss me fervently, I unfasten his belt and unzip his pants. He groans into me as his hands grab my hips and push my body into his.
“Do you know how badly I want you? How much I need you?” he asks.
“I want you too, Nick. I can’t wait another day or even another minute. I need to know how it feels to have you inside me. I’ve always wondered what it would have been like to make love to you. I don’t want to wonder anymore. I want to know.”
His hand cups my ass and jerks me forward into him as if there is still a space between us where our skin needs to be pressed more completely together. “Are you sure? Because I would wait for you. I’d wait forever.”
I pluck my lips from his and stare into his panting, wanting eyes. To know that someone wants you as much as you want them is the most amazing feeling in the world. “You’ve waited fifteen years. I think we’ve both waited long enough.”
His lips are back on mine. His arms are bent at the elbows in between us as he holds my head in his hands.
He softly licks my lips and recoils to examine my face.
His breathing is ragged and my heart is pounding.
He turns me so my back is against his chest. He pushes my hair away from my neck to expose by bare arm and shoulder.
His mouth dances on my skin and his hot breath sends shivers down my spine.
The need for his touch overwhelms me. I let myself care.
I let myself love him and everything he’s always meant to me.
I lift my arm over my shoulder and wrap it around his neck.
I push my fingers into his hair and gently pull at the base.
His fingers glide along the material on my stomach, and he squeezes through my dress as his mouth tenderly sucks and kisses the skin of my bare shoulder.
His hand explores upward until his fingers reach my chest. Gently, he caresses my breast in his hand and moans.
He savors the skin on my collar and begins to unzip my dress. I’m filled with want, need, and sudden anxiety. The lights are on and it’s bright. He’s going to see every single one of my flaws, and I’m scared he’ll be disappointed. I still want him, but I turn abruptly to stop him.
He raises his eyes to mine in concern, and I quickly hurry to the entryway. He laughs when I turn out the light and close the bathroom door just enough to still cast a glow in the room.
“Did you think I was going to make a run for it?” I ask him playfully.
“I’ll admit it crossed my mind.”
“I’m never running from you again, Nick Rowen. I love you and you’re stuck with me.”
“What did you say?” he questions. The lightning crashes outside and fills the room with a brief flash of light.
“I said I love you.” I reach for his hand and take it in mine.
“I’m not sure I ever stopped. I’m sorry for my childish behavior and for creating issues where there aren’t any.
In the past, I taught myself that hope led to heartache.
I was scared you weren’t real, so I tried to ruin things before I felt too much.
” I take a step forward and slide my hand along his chest. “Now it’s too late.
I feel everything for you I felt before and more. ”
Nick sighs in relief and opens his mouth to respond. I stop him with a finger to his lips. “Please let me finish.”
He smiles and nods his head. “The thought of you moving away and me never seeing you again shocked me out of my fears. I don’t want to waste another moment doubting you when I can spend that time loving you instead.
I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you.
I trust you, Nick. I’m not going to run away.
Just promise me you’ll never lie to me or play with my heart. ”
“Are you finished?” he asks sweetly.
I nod my head, but for once I’m not afraid. In my heart I know he’s going to confirm what I already know to be the truth.
“I would never do anything to betray you or hurt you. I will never lie to you, and your heart has never been a toy. I know how hard it is for you to put your trust in someone again, and I’m honored to know that person is me.
When you’ve wanted and hoped for another chance as long as I have, you realize just how lucky you are when you get it.
To know you trust me and that you love me again?
It’s more than I could have hoped for. I’ll do everything in my power to try to deserve it. ”
I smile widely as the lightning crashes and fills the room with light once again.
“Now…” he continues. “Not to say I’m anxious, but am I zipping up your dress or removing it?”
I laugh as his eyes burn into mine and heat fills my senses. I turn my back to him once more. “Take it off,” I command.
He finishes unzipping me and slides my dress down my hips. I take a deep breath and turn to face him. I stand in front of him in my bra and underwear, exposed but somehow confident that he’ll always want me.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
“Even with stretch marks and cellulite?” I ask him, knowing it’s not the sexy talk we were going for.
“All I see when I look at you is the woman I love. And I told you I wouldn’t be whistling any tunes when I saw you naked, so I hope you’re prepared for my mouth. I’m a man of my word.”
I gawk, and he raises his eyebrows before his lips returns to mine.
There’s something in the way he kisses me.
I know he loves me. Our love is like a life force with its own energy.
He reaches behind me and unclasps my bustier, slowly pulling it from my body.
The front of his fingers skims the skin of my spine as he kisses me gently, sucking on my bottom lip.
He gazes into my eyes and they’re filled with desire.
His eyes lower to my breasts, and he immediately bends and tugs one into his mouth.
He circles my nipples with his tongue and cups my ass from behind, pulling me further into his kiss.
His hand caresses my breast while he licks and flicks my nipple.
The waves of pleasure he creates cause my head to spin.
He tugs my underwear down my legs and leans me back onto the bed.
He slides them off each foot, and I close my eyes as he plants slow, lingering kisses up each of my thighs and breathes heavily between my legs.
The heat of his breath sends me spiraling, and just when I think he’s brought me to the point of absolute bliss, his tongue flicks and licks me and I’m lost in incomprehensible pleasure.
He takes his time exploring me, and my insecurities and worries fade away.
He moans as he tastes me and his kisses become quicker and more intense as if somehow, I’m creating the same desire in him that he’s creating in me.