12. Luke
12
Luke
M y heart speeds up when I hear the door of the apartment close. I squirm in my seat, desperate for him, but trying so hard not to show it. Ever since he kissed me in public…
I place my hand over my racing heart. It feels like my chest can’t contain it. Any minute it is going to beat so fast it will fly away. The sliding glass door opens. Evan looks down my body with a hungry gaze, making my skin prickle.
“ Well , don’t you look like a sex god immersed in the light from the golden sunset?”
“ When did you become poetic?” I tease.
He stands between my thighs, leans down, and runs his hand up my naked torso. “ Always so warm,” he muses.
I lean forward, connecting my lips to his. “ I will be your sex god anytime,” I murmur.
He takes over our kiss, making it something desperate and ravenous. I have to remember that he wants to be in control tonight. While it goes against my instincts, I want it so fucking much that I’ve jerked off twice since lunch. I’m lost as his teeth trap my lip, sucking until it hurts. The zip of my zipper surprises me. Evan’s hand wraps around my manhood, eliciting a groan from both of us that vibrates in our kiss.
“ Stand the fuck up!” he commands.
Grasping his shoulders, he helps me up, only to push me against the glass. Our mouths are still connected, but it is more like two dogs nipping at one another’s muzzles. Forcefully , he spreads my jeans open and ratchets my hips forward. We grind our hard dicks together. His authoritative role-playing is sexy as fuck, making me feel primal, feral even.
With a firm grip, he grabs my jaw and jerks it away from his mouth, shoving two fingers inside before I can catch my breath.
“ Suck my fingers like you suck my cock, baby.”
I bite down on his fingers, holding them in place as his words surge through my system. Are we going to do this out here? Does he want the entire city to see us fucking?
“ Suck ,” he hisses in my ear as he tightens his hold on my jaw.
I release my teeth from his knuckles and suck. At first, I feel uncomfortably vulnerable. When he starts working his fingers in and out of my mouth, it soothes me.
“ Going to make you mine.” His breath is hot against my ear.
I continue sucking his fingers, imagining what he is going to do to me. How will it feel? Evan came so hard the second time I fucked him. He was powerless. I wonder if I can reach that level of ecstasy. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about having him inside of my ass. Sure , I have wanted it…got off to the thought of it, but reality is more complicated.
Wanting him to have control is much easier than letting him. I like control because the most important things in my life have left me utterly helpless. The control calms the storm inside, grounds me, and when it comes to sex, it is the ultimate fix. I have to trust him. I will trust him because I love him, the same as I love Rachel . They both leave me helpless and wounded.
He pulls his fingers from my hollowed cheeks with a pop and taps my cheek twice like he is the damn Godfather . He pushes my jeans low on my hips, revealing the tip of my cock. Looking down at it, he smiles. The distraction has the thrust of his fingertip into my asshole taking me by surprise. I jolt forward on instinct.
“ Shh ,” he soothes. Sliding his nose along my cheek, he breathes in my scent. “ Is riding your ass going to be like riding a wild bronco?”
“ Wasn’t expecting it,” I huff and ease my hips back, searching for his fingers. When one slips inside my body, I shiver. “ Two please.” I curl my fingers around his shirt. The buttons cause my knuckles to ache.
“ Two ? Need to go slow, Luke ,” he warns. All of his bravado is gone, and I find how much he cares, endearing.
“ Two . I can take it.” I glance up into his piercing blue eyes. “ I play with myself.”
His brow shoots up. “ With your fingers?”
The fact that he wants details makes me smirk. I shrug one shoulder as his finger circles just inside the entrance, massaging the tight muscle there. “ And a dildo.”
His mouth captures mine as he plunges both fingers inside my body. It’s so feral that he growls into my mouth. Each time his fingers slide out, I chase them, pushing my hips back until my ass presses against the cold glass.
“ For you,” I manage to say.
His fingers suddenly shift deep inside of me, opening me, spreading me wider. My jeans are slowly working their way down my thighs. Where we are, what we are doing, and Evan’s demeanor, are all so provocative, that I feel an orgasm tensing my muscles. I whip my face away, gasping for breath.
“ Stop ! Gonna come!”
Evan nips at my jawline. “ Need lube anyway. I want you naked, Luke . Naked beneath me.”
I pull at his shirt trying to reconnect with the Earth’s gravity, but I swear I’m levitating. The pleasure is building to a breaking point. Suddenly his fingers disappear causing my climax to recede. He slips inside, leaving me panting, with my back pressed against the cool glass. My dick is out for the entire city of Chicago to see.
And I don’t give a damn!
My scattered thoughts are a swarm of how I can ever stop wanting to be with Evan , and how can I live without him in my life, my bed…my body—constantly?
“ Get your ass in here, Garrett !” he barks, and I smile from ear to ear.
Pushing off the glass, I yank up my jeans and follow him inside. He slides the door shut, and bites my neck as I try to slip past him. It spurs an intense defensive reaction in me. Grabbing his wrist, I pull it behind his back and twist. He grunts with the pain.
“ You’re asking for it!” I tell him.
He laughs maniacally as I walk him down the hallway. Stopping next to his bed, I use my free hand to unfasten his pants and pull his dick out. He wiggles trying to free the arm that I have locked against his back. I jerk his cock with my fist.
“ Damn right I am asking for it!” he counters, reaching back to grab the back of my neck.
I dodge his hold and arch back out of his reach. “ Going to have to work for it first. Why don’t you put that hand to use, and unbutton your shirt?”
“ You trying to get me naked?” he asks in a flirtatious way.
I push his pants and boxers down. The warmth of his ass has me grinding my cock against him. When he throws his shirt off his shoulder, I bite the thick muscle. He stumbles so I tighten my hold on his arm. Placing my foot between his knees, I use it to wrench his pants to the floor.
“ Step out,” I tell him as I hold them to the floor. As he steps out of his clothes, I free his arm from the sleeve of his shirt, leaving it hanging from his trapped arm.
“ Are you going to let me fuck you?” he asks with a petulant twinge to his words.
I smile and brush my lips along the shell of his ear. “ Told you I would. I want you to.” I will, and I do. I just needed something to tame the lion inside.
He rolls his shoulder. “ Then why have you got my arm in a hammerlock?”
“ It’s no fun if you don’t have to work for it.”
A deep threatening laugh rumbles in his chest. Lightning fast, Evan twists his body, releasing his shoulder from my hold, grabs the waistband of my jeans and jerks me against his body as we fall to the bed. I land on top of him with a thud. He launches our bodies up, throwing me face down onto the mattress. With his forearm bracing my shoulders to the bed, he roughly removes my jeans. It’s a wonder I don’t blow my load with the filthy way he is treating my body. Something about him being forceful with me ratchets up my arousal. I struggle against his hold as endorphins pump through my system.
I am as high as I am aroused. My cock presses painfully against my abdomen, leaking precum. With a loud crack his hand strikes my ass, stilling my struggles with the shock.
“ Want me to take you rough?” he threatens.
Do I ?
Before I can answer, he spreads my ass cheeks and spits. His salvia creeps down the crevice of my ass. “ Goddamn !” I curse.
A wet squelching sound echoes in my ears before his fingers plunge into my ass. The sound that starts in my gut and rolls up my throat is primal. I realize now how we are all a breath awayfrom being complete animals, free of inhibitions and reason.
Evan lays against my back, pinning me down as he works me, stretching me for his cock.
“ Relax ,” he whispers and softly kisses my temple. “ While I love this side of you, you’re going to have to submit.”
My ego refuses. I’m high on adrenaline, and so full of emotions, it’s impossible to relax. I squirm under his hold, wanting to push him to wrestle with me more.
His fingers sink deep, and he clenches his hand and releases, sending an odd wave of pleasure through me. I don’t miss that he is rubbing his erection against my ass.
“ Do you want me?” I ask. All my hang ups about why Evan refused me for so long, surface.
“ You know I do.” His voice sounds wounded.
I know he wants me in this moment. Wants to fuck me. I can handle that. Tuck my emotions away, and we have a go at a rough fuck. Something about letting him inside of my body feels heavy and frightening. A reminder of what that guy did to him bolts through me. God how I wish I could have protected him, make it all go away.
His lips plant kisses over the side of my face and down to my shoulder.
“ I love you, Luke ” he whispers against my skin.
I’m suddenly completely disarmed, becoming limp underneath him.
“ That’s better,” he says softly. “ I still need to get the lube. Are you finished fighting me?”
His fingers slip free. I nod. The high is wearing off, and I attempt to suppress the trembling. His hold releases, causing his warmth to recede.
“ Evan …” I whimper.
The drawer opens and closes. His fingers glide down my spine.
“ I know,” he responds.
I suppose he does know. The vulnerability. The fear. The emotions at war within me. I hear the squirt of the bottle of lube before I feel his fingers swirl the cool liquid around the most private part of my body. He takes his time, slicking me up and lulling me to a relaxed state.
“ Roll over.”
I squeeze my eyes tightly, take in a deep breath, and ease onto my back. When I open my eyes, Evan is right there, looking over my face with such love and adoration, it hurts.
“ You look like a frightened deer.”
Words fall apart on my lips. I focus on his eyes. My favorite color because his eyes are the only thing I have ever seen that color of blue, a kaleidoscope of navy and royal blue.
“ I love you,” tumbles from my lips.
I’m thrown by the press of his crown against me, but I wrap my legs around his to keep him right here.
“ I want to take you, like this, your first time.”
I take a shaky breath and nod again. Carefully , I slide my hands over his hips, wanting to feel their fluid movement. When they ease forward, I watch Evan’s face as he slowly penetrates me.
“ Relax for me.”
It takes me a moment, but when I do, he kisses my slack mouth. A burn seers through me as he pushes forward. When I cringe, he stills. I am completely at his mercy, needing his guidance and reassurance.
His forehead falls to my chin. “ Feels so good. Tell me when you’re ready.”
Instead of answering, I pull his hips forward. The burning singes deeper, but he is moving slowly so the pain quickly retreats.
“ So full…”
He groans in agreement and pulls out.
No ! No ! No ! Don’t stop! I’m not ready for him to move away. I am dying for this closeness, for there to be nothing between us.
His cock pierces me again, tunneling deeper, slowing, deeper and deeper until I think he’s going to hit my spine. I’m disappointed that each inch he gains inside of my body hurts like a motherfucker. My body bows in response as I clench his hips.
“ Tell me I didn’t cause you this much pain,” I plead.
“ I like the pain, baby.”
And fuck how that affects me. I didn’t realize I had the choice to enjoy the pain. It seems so obvious. I take in a breath, relax my spine and concentrate on Evan filling me.
Relief is instantaneous as he withdraws, but it is coupled with a deep sense of loss. I slide my ankles up his thighs and press them against the bottom of his ass, urging him back inside. He slides his forearms up next to my ears, arches his neck back, and with all his upper arm strength, pulls his entire body forward. His cock plunges so deep I growl out, but the look of pleasure on his face sobers me. I skate my hand up his chest and caress his face.
His body slides down mine. I tuck my knees around his ribs as he returns to me. The head of his cock presses along a spot inside that has me seeing technicolor. Shaking all over, I feel him smile against my hand. I curl my chin to my chest, and he kisses the crown of my head.
“ That’s the spot, Luke . That is why you make me feel like I’m being fucked by a god.”
His hips roll away, and back. His cock hits my prostate like it’s a drum, sending vibrations of pleasure through my body that rock me to my core.
“ More !” I plead.
He gives me more. With the pain gone, he thrusts faster, sending me to the fucking moon each time he lands deep. He begins grunting in my ear. It feels wild and free. I hope he feels free too, because he has been in a self-inflicted cage all his life.
The world spins along the rhythm of his hips. I clutch him to me, dying to get closer somehow. His fingers wrap around my aching cock, squeezing with a relentless pressure and using my own precum as lube for his strokes. The weight of him, coupled with his girth stretching and filling me, is divine and delicious.
I claw at his back, seeking purchase as the overload of pleasure drives me mad. It boomerangs from my cock to my prostate to the skimming of his damp skin along mine.
The dam breaks. Cum shoots from my cock like a fucking geyser, hot and thick between our bodies. Evan milks my dick with his tight grip, stroking me with intention. My climax doesn’t recede even when I’m empty.
“ Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuck !” he growls through clenched teeth. I know what he is feeling, my orgasm from inside. It’s an addictive rush.
His movements become erratic and intense. His cock pounds against that spot until I can’t fucking see. Pressure pins me to the bed until I swear my body bursts apart.
“ Evan ! Fuck Evan !”
He stills deep inside my body, his pelvis jerking with isolated pulses. I wish I could feel his cum filling me. I want everything from him.
He collapses against my body, sweaty and limp. Our breath collides between our lips which are barely touching. I kiss him gently, and he squeezes me close. His fingers find my hair, toying with it until he is twiddling and twisting one of my curls around his finger. How does he do that? Fucking break my heart with a simple touch that makes me feel like I hung the moon for him.
“ Is it always like this?” I ask.
“ With you it is,” he answers.
Wrapping my fingers on the back of his neck, I pull him into a kiss. He submits easily, allowing me to spear his mouth with my tongue and pull at his lips with my teeth. His fingers continue to play with that curl. I am completely flayed open, and completely his. Evan owns me.
EVAN
All night. We flip-fucked all night. I seriously don’t know which I like better, being the bottom, or the top. Luke gives me everything, always has. Maybe I take advantage, but I need him. I don’t want this week to end. I didn’t want to sleep, but we both passed out as the sun rose. Hunger woke us up around noon. Not surprising, since we completely skipped dinner.
I watch Luke tear through that turkey sandwich for the second time, and it pleases me just as much as the first time.
Leaning back, he rubs his stomach. “ My lord, that sandwich is amazing.”
“ Are you going to eat another one tomorrow?”
“ Absofuckinglutely !”
We both laugh.
“ So I can rest assured that you will at least come back to Chicago for the sandwich.”
He blinks at me as if I pinched him. Grabbing my hand, he kisses my palm. “ When I come back, it will be for you, baby.”
I push away the thoughts reminding me tomorrow is our last day together. I have no clue when we will see each other again.
“ Are you sore?”
He raises an eyebrow, glances around us, and leans forward. “ Fuck yes! Were you after our first time?”
“ Of course, I was. Have you seen the size of your dick?”
He tosses his napkin at my face. “ Have you seen yours?”
His eyes lock on mine as if we’re in a staring contest. I wonder if he is attempting to memorize this moment the same as me. He is the first to look away, glancing at his phone.
“ Come on. We’ve slept most of the day. I want to visit that gallery.”
And I just want to take him back home. This is important to him, and I can’t disguise my hope that they will be interested. Earlier this week, he showed me his website and all the photos he has taken over the years. They are incredible, like something out of National Geographic , rich with color, and so vivid you can almost touch the subjects. It has changed my viewpoint of him. What I dismissed as a hobby, is somehow a part of him, like a birthmark I never knew he had. I like it so much better than the cowboy who dreaded every morning, worked too hard, and rarely felt fulfilled. This is different. I can see the light in his eyes when he talks about his work.
“ Do you think you’ll ever make this your career?” I ask as we walk down the street. It is colder today with the wind whipping around the buildings.
He smiles. “ I don’t know if I can. I mean, yeah I want to, but it’s going to take a lot more interest to get noticed enough to make a living.”
“ Can’t photos sell for a lot of money?”
He grins at me as if it’s a silly question. “ I’m not Ansel Adams , little brother.”
“ Not yet!” I correct.
He draws in a long breath through his nose and looks up at the sky. “ I can’t even allow myself to feel anything close to that being reality.”
I take his hand and weave our fingers together. “ Then I will imagine it for you. I believe in you. What you showed me…blew me away.”
His cheeks turn pink. It is such a rare thing to embarrass Luke Garrett . I love it.
“ Yeah well, you, unfortunately, don’t own a gallery.”
I squeeze his hand. “ It will happen.”
His fingers tighten around mine. I look around at the people walking past us. No one flinches. No one does a double-take or stares at our clasped hands. When I kissed him yesterday, and people were not only kind but supportive… I felt a freedom I have never known outside of Luke’s arms. Who knew the weight of regret and judgment I carried with me was so damn heavy? I seriously have felt one-hundred pounds lighter.
Like the little addict I am, I want more of it. So grabbing his hand, and holding it, is another test of this city I live in, just to see how much I can get away with before someone turns on me. How far could I go? How much do I want to push it? Illicit thoughts of sexual acts where people could possibly see us pepper my imagination.
“ You okay?” Luke’s voice pierces the fantasy.
“ Yeah , why?”
He holds up our joined hands. “ Because you were squeezing me hard enough to hurt.”
I drop his hand. “ I’m sorry. Just thinking about being with you.”
His smile is gorgeous. The sunlight is dancing on his blond hair. He grabs my hand.
“ Don’t let go.” His hand pulls at mine as he comes to a dead stop. Confused , I stop too. With our hands still joined, he raises them between us. “ This means so much to me. And that kiss yesterday… As if it was easy for you… as if you haven’t been hiding yourself for your entire life.”
Someone bumps into me. I apologize and move us into a narrow alley. When I lay my head on his chest, he wraps his arms around me. His fingers cling to the nape of my neck, and his lips kiss my head.
“ No one said anything bad!” I tell him as if it just happened, and the shock hasn’t worn off. “ No one cared.”
“ I know. It was shocking to me too. But this isn’t home. We are strangers here and there is freedom for us in that truth.”
I let my eyes fall closed as I indulge in the warmth of his love and affection. “ They don’t care that we’re two men.”
He rocks me a little and kisses me again. “ No , they don’t, because it doesn’t matter. We love each other.”
In my mind, I imagine looking at the two of us as if I were someone on the sidewalk or passing by on the street. Does it look like we are in love? Does it seem lewd or wrong? It doesn’t to me. I love the way we look together, the way we looked in the mirror in the bathroom as Luke took pleasure in my body.
“ Can I ask you something?”
“ Anything ,” I answer.
“ Last night, when you were inside of me for the first time…” I moan with the memories that solidify and send ripples of sensation through my body. “ Did you feel free, because I want you to feel free?”
“ What do you mean?” I tilt my head back and look into his eyes which are the same gold as the sunrise.
“ I remember feeling utterly free, at your mercy, but free of all the bad things…all of the painful things,” he explains
I nuzzle my face against his throat and under his hair. “ More so when you’re topping. I love both, but your control over me, my body, and my pleasure… Heaven help me, it is everything.” When I look up, he is staring at me intently. “ And I am so mad at myself for pushing you away, for hurting you, for keeping this from happening sooner.”
“ Don’t , baby!” His hand cups my face so tenderly that I lean into it.
“ But what if…that first time we touched each other… what if…?”
His lips interrupt my words. What if I had let him kiss me then? I could have had everything so much sooner. The emotions he feeds me through our kiss dissolve my thoughts and questions. He tastes familiar, but it is more than that because it’s Luke . He tastes like the one thing I have always thirsted for but didn’t know I needed.
He leans his forehead against mine, parting our lips. “ What if I could have been here for you, even if you weren’t ready? What if I kept in touch? What if I had been able to prevent what happened to you?” he asks.
I step back, my arms falling to my sides as I ball my fists. I can’t deal with that reality! Take me home and make it all go away, Luke !
“ I’m sorry,” he mutters, reaching out and touching my chest.
“ We don’t talk about it anymore. Don’t even think about it,” I insist. “ I need to bury it. I need you to let it lie so I don’t…so I don’t have to admit what happened was real.”
Fuck , he looks wounded! I hate it. I hate the pity, and the regret, my stupid mistake has caused him. With his hand around the nape of my neck, he crushes me against his body.
“ Yes ! I’m sorry, baby. It’s dead and gone. I’m burying it right now, forever, right here in this alley. I’ll never mention it again, but you have to do the same. Let me take it away from you. When it haunts you, you have to come to me so I can do just that.”
Then take me home now and take it away!
“ We don’t have to go to the gallery today.”
I shake my head and look into his eyes. “ No ! I want to take you. I’ll be okay. I promise.”
He holds my chin between his thumb and finger. “ You’re sure? I can take you home, make it better.”
A small smile lifts my lips. “ I love you so much. You always take care of me. Well , when I let you.”
“ Even then.”
That’s the truth, whether I am uncomfortable admitting it or not. He always does—always.