16. Luke
16
Luke
T he night feels like a blur. I’m sure it’s from the lack of sleep. I am absolutely hungover on Evan Logan . When we weren’t making love, we were fucking. Something changed in him. I swear I saw that final thread of sanity break in him. Damn it all to hell if it wasn’t the most wonderful thing I have ever witnessed. How could I not have known? I don’t know, maybe I did just not to this extent.
Evan , the man I have loved as long as I have known him, is like an iceberg; what exists on the surface is only a small part of what is underneath. I loved that part of him too, but now…now I’m addicted to it.
I slip the sheet completely from his body, leaving him totally exposed on the bed we have torn apart.
“ Love you,” he mumbles.
I snap the shutter on my camera a few times. “ Love you too, baby.”
“ This modeling shit is easy,” he quips.
I lean forward and bite the back of his thigh. He hums in pleasure. “ That’s because all you’re doing is napping while I rearrange your limbs to my liking.”
He rolls onto his back, eyes still closed, and props his arm over his face. “ I have other parts you can rearrange.”
Taking his cock, I rub and stroke it back to life. We are both well fucked beyond comprehension, but the desire hasn’t been satiated.
“ Lick it,” he says.
I give him a long lick and then suck him into my mouth. His free hand clenches my damp hair.
We got up to find fuel in the form of food and then showered before I started our little photo shoot. It’s allowed him to cheat and snooze, while I battle to keep my eyes open. My cock hardens, and I find myself rocking against the side of the mattress for some relief.
With a pop, I free his cock. His hand drops to the mattress. “ Gonna take pictures of your cock,” I warn.
Motherfucker grins, and it makes me want to fuck him silly.
“ You love it, don’t you? Being on display for me? For everyone?” I ask as I adjust his cock, so it is lying against his thigh, hard and thick.
His moan is his only answer.
I slowly move around the bed as I take more pictures, some close-ups of the ridges and dips of his muscles.
“ Would you entertain the idea of letting him watch us fuck?” I lower the camera as Evan lowers his arm so that I can see his face. He lifts his knee and begins to lazily stroke his cock.
“ Would you?” he counters.
“ I asked you first.”
He scoots up and shrugs one shoulder. “ I would be lying if I said it didn’t intrigue me.”
“ But you would let him into our intimate moments?”
“ To me, it’s more like someone seeing how much I want you. Witnessing this incredible miracle of pleasure between us. As much as I can’t let the world know…” He sighs and rubs his chin. “ Deep down, I want the entire fucking world to see us fucking. So everyone would have to shut the fuck up because they can’t stop us. They can’t keep me down anymore. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I want to rip off all the blinders and force everyone’s eyes wide open. You don’t know what all of this has done to me.”
I set the camera on the nightstand and crawl over him. Our naked bodies fit together like they were separated at creation. “ Maybe I don’t understand, but I felt it when you submitted last night.”
He looks away. “ You mean when I was rough and unyielding.”
Grasping his chin, I force him to look at me. “ If you only knew what just the mention of that does to me.”
He brushes his fingers through my hair. “ You deserve better. Love like Rachel gives us; deep and caring.”
“ You care,” I defend.
His gaze roams over my face and his eyes blaze with want. “ I want to devour you.”
I crush my lips to his. While he kisses me for a few moments he eventually pulls away.
“ You don’t understand,” he warns. “ I could steal you, and lock us away from the world, only to drag you out for the world to witness while I claim you—just like the beast I am. I’m not right in the head, Luke . I feel… animalistic, driven by my desires without reason.”
“ And you think that is wrong?”
“ Isn’t it?”
His question wounds me. I pull myself up to straddle his hips and take his face in my hands. “ Then it must be wrong how much I want it…want you to do all of that to me.”
He scowls, angered at my confession. I know he doesn’t believe me, but it is the truth.
“ Last night,” I have to take a moment to regain my composure from the memories of what we did. “ I have always needed you…this side of you.”
He frowns and caresses my face. How do I explain so that he understands?
I drag his hand to my heart. “ I have so much hurt, Evan . You know that.”
“ Been the cause of some of that,” he mumbles.
I lean my forehead against his, feeling breathless. “ Last night, you ripped all of that away. I was as raw as I have ever been, but you were there, taking that vulnerability and loving me, needing me, wanting me because of it. I’m fucking addicted.”
He flips me onto my back, spits in his hand, and strokes his cock. “ Gonna fuck you, Luke .”
My legs fall apart as he spits on me next. The warm saliva slides down the crack of my ass. I close my eyes as if I could somehow prepare myself. With a loud grunt, he is pushing into me. The warmth turns to a sting, but he is relentless as he pounds me into the mattress. I take the pain knowing it will dissipate, but also because it is healing in its own twisted way.
I am the lucky one, to bear witness to Evan’s unraveling. I’m even luckier to be the only one he releases this side of himself to. I’m convinced no one else could take the pain he is dishing out to me. It would only tear them apart.
But me? This heals me.
“ More !” I shout.
Evan grabs my hips and folds my body like a rag doll to the point that my knees are against my shoulders and my ass is presented to him. It’s so damn perverted. Realizing what is about to happen, I hold my hips steady in the awkward position. Rising to a crouch, he drives into me with such force I fear my spine is going to split the mattress and hit the floor. He momentarily pulls completely out and squirts lube directly into my ass before driving his cock to depths unknown in my body. Lube drips down my balls, sliding down to my cock. The pounding makes my head throb and my vision blur. Blood rushes to my head to the point it feels it might explode. The power dynamic is unmistakable as Evan possesses my body.
I see it when I look up into his eyes. The man is gone. This is the beast he has referred to, and I see there is truth in the reference. I wish I had seen him like this long before now. All this time he has needed someone to set him free and love this side of him.
An alarm breaks through the sounds of our fucking. While it rips me out of the moment, Evan’s head drops, and he fucks me harder. I can’t suppress my groans of pain, but fuck it feels so damn good. Maybe I’m a masochist for loving the pain.
The alarm keeps blaring. Evan’s eyes snap open and search the room for the offending noise. Anger is evident in his expression, as well as the force he’s using to fuck me. Spying my phone, he smacks it onto the floor. It doesn’t stop the alarm. He probably just broke my phone, but it’s irrelevant. I let him have ownership of me and the moment, closing my eyes to take it all in and make sure to not let the pain override the pleasure.
He comes inside of me with a loud growl like a warrior on a battlefield. After I’m overflowing with his seed, he pulls out and flips my legs down. My hips ache with the release, but I don’t have a moment to consider what his intentions are. He swings his leg over me and impales himself on my stiff cock. The shock unravels me in an instant, overwhelmed until I’m coming inside of him. Evan’s body falls on top of mine with a thud. We’re panting as if we just ran a sprint.
“ Time for you to leave me,” he says with an angry petulance.
“ I have no choice.”
He slips off my cock, gets up, and disappears into his closet. “ Just fucking get dressed so we can leave.”
His anger is misplaced, but I can’t blame him. Evan wants what he wants, and he wants it without stipulations. Unfortunately , that is all we have, an ass ton of stipulations in whatever this relationship has evolved into.
EVAN
I shouldn’t be feeling this way. This week has been incredible. Last night was… I have so many mixed emotions about last night.
“ You okay?” Luke asks as he approaches me from the ticket counter.
“ Not really.” I slip my hands into my pockets, but he retrieves one and steps into my space.
“ I’ll come back. We’ll be together.”
He places a kiss on my cheek, but I decide fuck that shit as I grab the back of his neck and crush my lips to his. At first, he laughs into our kiss, but then the shock wears off as his tongue spars with mine. Everything within me wants to push him against one of the self-service kiosks and fuck him right in front of everyone in the airport.
Luke growls into my mouth, and I reluctantly pull back. I have definitely lost my damn mind. In less than a week, I have gone from freaking the fuck out when Luke mentioned kissing me in public, to tongue fucking his mouth in the middle of O’Hare . His cowboy hat shades his face but not his shit-eating grin.
“ You don’t have to enjoy this so much,” I grumble.
“ I can’t help it. I have wanted you uninhibited for so long, little brother. It’s something to behold.”
I run my thumb over my chapped lips and look around us. “ Well , you got it, and now I’m a possessive son of a bitch who doesn’t want to let you out of my sight.”
When my gaze meets his, I see his sadness. “ Come home. Please come see me soon. Make a date right now so I know I can survive.”
But I can’t because I don’t know. Having a job and responsibilities sucks ass, even more so because I have no leverage when it comes to things like last-minute time off, or even time off near a holiday.
“ I’ll be home for a week at the end of the season to help Dad .”
“ July ?”
I nod and run my fingers down the seam of his shirt. “ I can’t promise…don’t want them to know.”
Luke embraces me. I know he understands, but I also know he doesn’t like it. “ You’re a grown-ass man. They can’t keep us from spending some time together.” He nuzzles his lips against my ear. “ I want to fuck you in my bed, the barn, under the Aspen . Want to smell you on my sheets.”
I squeeze the hell out of his bicep. “ If you don’t fucking leave right now, I’ll drag your ass back to my place.”
He moans as if daring me to do it. The back of his hand grazes over my cock so I grip him tighter. He sucks in a breath and bites his lower lip.
“ When you look at those pretty bruises I left on your inner thighs, you better think about me.”
The gold in his eyes flares hot. Then he arches an eyebrow, challenging me. “ I left bite marks on your ass.”
My eyebrows rise in surprise, and for a moment the anger in me eases. I love him so much. “ I like it.”
“ Like what?” he asks.
“ Being rough with you.” I look down as my fingers fidget with one of the buttons on his shirt. “ Could never be like that with Rachel . I need it,” I confess.
He lets out a breath that skirts around my ear and gives me chills. “ Me too. I always needed what we have, Evan . Do you see that now?”
I wet my lips and look into his eyes. The honesty there is unnerving. “ You saw that I needed it too, didn’t you?”
Luke takes me in his arms. “ What the fuck am I going to do without you?!”
Emotions well in my throat. I desperately want the anger back. Not this vulnerability that threatens to break me in two. “ Go before I have a fucking breakdown.”
Instead , he presses closer so that our bodies touch as much as possible. Even our hard cocks find one another in the busy setting. When his arms drop, and he steps back, I feel my heart being ripped out of my chest.
“ I love you,” he says with a finality that crushes me.
“ Love you,” I say much too casually because I can’t go deeper than that.
My tall, golden-haired cowboy takes three steps back, turns, and walks away. I watch him until I can’t see shit for the tears marring my vision. Then I get the hell out of that damn airport.
LUKE
I’m flying first class. My legs cannot handle coach ever again. The good part? They let me have a Jack and Coke before we even got in the air. After two drinks, my body gives up, and I pass out. It was my goal after all, because I cannot deal with being left to my emotions and thoughts while on a plane full of people.
When the flight attendant wakes me, I feel confused. He’s a good-looking man with a broad body and neatly trimmed beard. “ We will be landing soon.”
I nod, but he doesn’t leave.
“ You okay?” he asks.
“ Why wouldn’t I be?”
He raises his eyebrows. “ I saw that goodbye in the terminal. Wasn’t sure you two could survive without being physically connected.”
I feel pissed and defensive, but I’m honestly too tired to do anything. “ Not sure we can either.”
Taking my empty glass, he folds up the tray table. “ That was about the hottest sendoff I’ve ever witnessed. Maybe you should join us on the return flight.”
If only I could have the luxury. “ Can’t . Got a sister and a ranch to take care of.” And a stepmother that my body is hoping will offer comfort and solace.
He smiles. “ Buckle up. You’ll be on home soil in a matter of minutes.”
When he walks away, I feel a little odd. No one has ever seen me as anything except a heterosexual male. Surprisingly , it doesn’t bother me, except for the fact that I think he might have been flirting with me. I glance down the aisle, and for a second, I look at him with the part of me that is attracted to men. I’ve never felt attraction to anyone other than Evan . The guy has a nice ass and thick thighs.
I turn and sit straight in my seat as I buckle the belt. Nope ! I don’t feel a thing for him, not even a spark. This side of me belongs to Evan Logan , forever.
Something about walking out into the Wyoming air soothes my soul, but at the same time, it cranks up an ache in my chest that has been growing since I walked away from Evan . As I gaze toward the mountains, I suddenly feel lost. That feeling of being home feels askew. I’m sure it’s just lack of sleep. I’ll be fine once I’m home, and damn how I am going to crash in my bed when I get there. The thought of a hot shower and crawling naked into my bed is the only thing keeping my feet walking across the tarmac. The temperature is much cooler here, but the air is still. The sky is big, and deep blue. It’s late in the day. I stayed with Evan as long as I thought I could and still get a flight home.
I take a deep breath, steeling myself to see Rachel . Something tells me there will be a significant difference between us, and I’m not sure how that is all going to shake out. I hang back, letting several people enter the terminal in front of me. The minute I step foot inside, I hear a squeal. Suddenly , Olivia is wrapped around my leg like a little monkey. I drag my fingers through her curls and scoop her up into my arms.
“ Hey , Little O .”
She grabs my face in her little hands. “ My Luke ! Do not leave me again!”
I chuckle despite myself.
“ Yes , please don’t ever leave us alone again.”
The sight of Rachel takes my breath away. She’s in a floral dress with a matching sweater, most likely what she wore to church this morning.
“ That bad?” I ask as Olivia snuggles against my neck with her head on my shoulder.
Rachel rolls her eyes as if to tell me not to ask for details. “ She hasn’t slept at all since yesterday’s nap. She’s a cranky bug today.”
I hear Olivia sigh, and I imagine she’s wearing a pout. “ Am not!”
I snuggle her close and kiss her plump cheek. “ It’s okay. I haven’t slept since yesterday either, so I’m definitely a cranky bug too.”
My attempt to make her smile is a failure which tells me Olivia is in bad need of sleep.
“ I was going to take us out to dinner, but I don’t think she’s going to last,” she says, rubbing Olivia’s back as we stop in front of baggage claim.
Rachel looks tired too. I feel bad for leaving her to take care of Olivia all alone. Why can’t the people I love be under one roof, or at least in the same state? I reach up and slide my fingers through her dark tresses. The familiarity as she leans into my touch, finally gives me a feeling of home.
“ I don’t need to eat. I need sleep more than anything. Looks like I’m not the only one.”
Rachel’s eyes open. “ You mean me?”
“ Yeah , I mean you.”
“ I’ll be fine. Besides , I can sleep in while you take her to daycare in the morning.”
I shift Olivia to my other hip. “ Oh , is that how it’s going to be?”
“ You bet. After being gone for a week, it’s your turn to let me rest.”
I let my fingers drift down her back in a way that is too intimate for all kinds of reasons, but I need her to feel it. She does because she shivers a little and pulls her sweater around her.
“ Not a problem. I’ll pick her up as well so you can do whatever you need to do tomorrow.”
When the conveyor kicks on, Olivia raises her head and wiggles to be put down. I do, but hold her hand and let her drag me closer. Rachel is close behind. Thankfully my suitcase is one of the first to show up. Once we’re ready, we quickly head to the parking lot. I strap Olivia in her seat while Rachel climbs in the passenger seat.
“ Mind driving?” I ask. “ I really haven’t slept.”
“ Sure !”
“ Sit with me,” Olivia says.
I know she will probably fall asleep before we make it too far. “ You know there isn’t room back here for me. I want to talk to your mom a little if that’s okay.”
First , she frowns, and then the tears start. By the time Rachel climbs behind the wheel, Olivia is crying a sad, tired cry.
“ What did you do?”
I give Little O her stuffed lamb and kiss her cheek. “ Don’t cry, baby girl. I will give you a bath when we get home, and we can play with Mr . Squishy .” Mr . Squishy is an octopus bath toy that Olivia loves for me to use to squirt water at her. It always makes her squeal in delight, but I have a feeling even a bath isn’t going to make her laugh.
After I shut the door and climb in the front, Olivia settles.
“ She wanted me to sit with her,” I explain.
Rachel glances in the mirror before looking back at me. “ She’ll be alright. I fed her a PB & J while we waited on you. Not the best dinner, but I think that will have to do for tonight. I can fix us something. I’m just not sure what.”
Propping my arm on the back of her seat, I push her hair behind her ear. “ I missed you.”
“ I missed you too!” she says with an entirely different tone.
Leaning over, I kiss her temple. “ Missed you so much, babe.” I’m too damn tired for my own good, saying things I know verge on crossing lines we have clearly set.
She clears her throat. A part of me wants to continue to make her uncomfortable. I want to push until it spurs that passion that is always underneath her surface, so I trail the tip of my finger along her collarbone.
She gives me the side eye and glances in the mirror again. She won’t argue as long as Olivia is awake. I dip my finger into the edge of the neckline of her dress, skimming the top of her breast.
“ Luke !” she scolds in a whisper.
I settle back in my seat. “ Relax ! I know to wait until she’s in bed.”
That earns me a heated and confused look. I smile, enjoying the game. My cock is at half mast, not completely put out by the multiple rounds of sex and blow jobs I’ve had in the last twenty-four hours. It’s all I can do not to reach over and slide her dress up her thigh. I want to touch her, taste her.
“ Remember that kiss you begged from me at Olivia’s baby shower?” I ask, looking in the side mirror. Olivia’s head is swaying back and forth as she fights to stay awake.
Rachel backhands me across the chest. “ Stop it!”
I grab her hand and bring it to my lips, kissing her knuckles. She attempts to pull her hand away, but I don’t allow it. Rachel turns up the classical music and whips her eyes my way. “ What is going on with you?”
“ I told you, I missed you.” Since I don’t have a filter, I have no problem placing her hand over my cock.
She hits the brakes a little too hard at the stoplight and huffs out a heavy sigh. I let her hand go, and she snatches it away.“ Maybe you should ride in the back.”
“ Sit behind you? I can handle that.”
“ Never mind!”
I leave her alone and struggle to keep my eyes open, as the movement of the car lulls me to relax. A hot shower and my bed. That is all I can focus on.