18. Luke
18
Luke
“ I
can’t wait ’til you come get me! Can we get ice cream?”
I peek back at my chatty companion in the rearview mirror. “ I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“ Why not?”
“ Because you just had breakfast, and you shouldn’t have ice cream before school.”
She lets out a dramatic sigh. “ Please !!!”
Okay , a change of tactic is needed here. “ What did you and Mommy do while I was gone?”
“ That man let me have ice cream,” she says matter-of-factly. I do a double-take in the mirror. Olivia’s sweet cherub face is smiling.
“ What man?”
“ Caleb’s daddy.” She looks at me. “ He got me ice cream with chocolate and a cherry.”
What in the fuck? Bridges took Rachel and Olivia out to dinner? How would he even know… He must have met her when he came to pick up Caleb .
“ When ?” I need more details.
“ At dinner.”
“ You and Mommy had dinner with Caleb’s dad?” Seriously ?
She nods. “ Mommy didn’t eat her cake. I like Caleb . He’s funny.”
“ Yeah , Caleb’s a good kid.” I squeeze the steering wheel trying to keep my emotions under control. “ Why did you guys go to dinner?”
She shrugs and stares out the window. “ The next day Mommy took me to see Spirit .”
Anger flares in my gut. She went on a date? With Bridges Brooks ?
“ She did?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“ She wouldn’t let me ride her.”
I have a thousand questions, but Olivia isn’t going to be able to answer them, not with the details I need.
“ Well , that was for the best. Maybe this weekend I can take you riding,” I offer.
“ Okay !”
“ Little O ?”
“ Huh ?”
“ Did Caleb’s daddy pick you up for dinner?”
“ Yep . He put me in my car seat,” she chirps.
“ What happened when he brought you home?”
“ I took my bath.”
This is insane! I’m interrogating a four-year-old. I should be questioning Rachel , which I fully intend on doing when I get back home.
Bridges Brooks is… well, he’s fucking rich! I guess you could say he’s good-looking. I know his wife died a long time ago. He’s certainly closer to Rachel’s age than I am. I’ve heard he is a womanizer, so all kinds of red flags are waving right now. I’m gone for one damn week, and he pounces on her and takes her and Olivia out to dinner?
I’m seeing red, but I need to chill the hell out! Olivia is in the car, and I need to get her safely to daycare.
“ Olivia ?”
She glances at me.
“ Will you let me know if Caleb’s daddy talks to Mommy again?”
“ Okay !”
But she won’t be very reliable. I mean how many times has he talked to Rachel while Little O was in daycare? Heck , for all I know he could have spent the entire day with her, taken her out to lunch in Jackson on her break. I slam my fist on the steering wheel.
“ What’s wrong my Luke ?”
I take in a deep breath. “ Nothing , baby girl.”
I drive up to the daycare and park. I have to keep my cool as I take Olivia to her class. After checking her in and hanging up her coat and lunch bag, I crouch down, and she gives me a tight bear hug. I kiss her hair and hold her tightly.
“ I missed you,” I tell her.
“ Miss you too. Come back and get me, okay?”
I smile as she pushes away, giving me her serious face and shaking her finger in my face.
“ Will do, ma’am!”
She plants a loud smack on my cheek and runs across the room to join the other kids.
“ Hey , Luke !” Miss Sarah wiggles her fingers at me and smiles sweetly. It’s been a while since I brought Olivia to daycare. I’d forgotten the way Miss Sarah smiles and flirts with me.
“ Morning ,” I say with a clipped tone. Not wanting to give her the opportunity to corner me, I turn and leave.
When I get in the Escalade , I slam the door. I have no right to be so angry. Not once in the past four years has Rachel even looked twice at another man. Now , I find out she went on a date?
I can’t compete with someone like Bridges . I don’t have that kind of money, a big house… I can’t offer Rachel any of that. Is that something she wants? Is it because of Olivia ?
After I pull out onto the street, I crank up the volume on the radio. I’m driving too fast, but I need some damn answers! I can’t be this angry and defensive when I talk to Rachel , but seriously what is she thinking? She’s so afraid for the whole damn town to talk about us, but she doesn’t think their tongues will wag to find out she went out with Bridges Brooks ?
“ Fuck ! Fuck !” And double fuck when I pull behind the house and Rachel’s car is gone.
LUKE: Where are you?
RACHEL: I have errands to run today.
“ Yeah , I just bet you do. Guess I know the real reason you don’t want me kissing you.”
LUKE: When will you be home?
RACHEL: Dinner.
I slam my head back against the headrest and grind my teeth together.
LUKE: We need to talk.
RACHEL: We can talk at dinner.
LUKE: No, we need to talk ALONE!
I can see she is typing, but no message arrives. Three dots come and go causing me to growl in frustration.
RACHEL: Nothing has changed, Luke. We can’t do this.
I toss my phone on the seat and throw my hat down too. I scrub my hand over my face wondering what in the hell happened. This isn’t supposed to be how this goes. She is mine, damnit!
The ranch stretches out before me. The horses are running in the pasture that is turning green. Everything suddenly feels just as fucked up as it always is. I finally have Evan , and now I have to fucking fight for Rachel .
Taking a deep breath, I put my hat back on my head, and pocket my phone, before I get out and head to the barn. Not a damn thing I can do about it now so I might as well try to work out my frustrations. There sure as shit is plenty to keep me busy. Maybe Evan was right, and I never should have left Chicago .
RACHEL
When I get home, Luke is making dinner while Olivia sits on the kitchen floor playing with her Polly Pocket toys. The minute I walk in the house, Luke’s clean scent hits me, Aspens in the rain and a fresh cool breeze. He must have showered before picking up Olivia .
“ Mommy !” Olivia pops up and runs to give me a hug.
“ Hey , bug! How was school?”
“ Fine . Luke’s making tacos!”
“ I see that!”
Luke glances over his shoulder from where he is standing at the stove. “ Hope that’s alright, since you hadn’t gotten home with the groceries, there weren’t a lot of options. Are they in the car?” he asks as he wipes his hands on the dishcloth.
“ Yeah , but I can get them.”
“ I got it,” he says as he ducks around the fridge, grabs his hat, and goes outside.
“ Happy to have Luke back?”
Olivia nods dramatically. “ Yep ! He took me for ice cream after school” Suddenly , she smacks her hand over her mouth. “ I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”
I kiss her forehead and laugh. “ It’s okay. I won’t tell him you let it slip.”
Luke returns with the groceries, so I set Olivia down, and start putting them away. I am not sure what Luke is expecting from me, but what I’m getting from him is the silent treatment. It’s a far cry from the way he has been since he came home. We still know our places, and despite dinner being tense, Olivia fills the quiet with her chatter.
When I get up to take her to get a bath, Luke lifts her into his arms. “ I’ll take care of her.”
They leave the kitchen, and I take a moment to catch my breath before I start the dishes. I have stayed away all day to avoid him, but as soon as Olivia is in bed, I’ll have to face the music. I just don’t understand why he is pushing this so hard all of a sudden. We have been good for the past few years. Can’t he just wait a little longer?
For what? I realize that I don’t know the answer to that. Olivia to be older? Will that actually be any better, and how old exactly? There is no age where her mom and her brother being in a relationship will be easy on her. So never? Maybe that’s the reason he’s pushing things. It’s now, or never.
I still don’t know how this could possibly work out. Maybe if we moved away, but we have the ranch. I have my job. I swear there is no scenario where I see things working out for us. And what about Evan ? How is he going to fit into all of this?
I have to be honest, I am so jealous that Luke got to spend time with Evan . Not the type of jealous that wishes it had been me instead of Luke . I wish I had been with them too.
“ She wants you to come tuck her in.” Luke takes the dish towel from me, as well as the dish I hadn’t finished drying.
Feeling brave, I face him and look into his eyes. He arches an eyebrow as if it’s a challenge.
“ You still want to talk?” I ask.
He looks away. “ Oh , we are definitely going to talk.”
I don’t know what that means, but it feels like I’m in trouble. I haven’t done anything wrong, so there is nothing to worry about, at least that is what I tell myself.
I tuck in my baby and read her a story. Maybe I take longer than normal and read her three stories instead of one. When she can’t keep her eyes open, I kiss her goodnight and turn off the light.
Like a coward, I don’t go directly into the kitchen, choosing instead to lean against the wall it shares with the hallway and watch him put away the last of the dishes.
“ You can come in. I don’t bite.”
“ Yes , you do.”
He turns to me then and narrows his eyes before coming closer until he has me crowded against the wall. His gold eyes search mine. “ You’re right. I do, and you like it.”
Shit ! Why did I say that? I look down at our feet and breathe in his scent, deciding that must be what is making me crazy. He places a hand on the wall above my head, trapping me.
“ What’s this about you going on a date with Bridges Brooks ?”
“ What ?” He has my attention now! Just how in the hell does he know about that?
“ Olivia told me all about Caleb’s daddy taking the two of you out to dinner.” So that explains his mood.
“ It was nothing except a friendly dinner.” When I attempt to slip out from beneath him, he grasps my upper arm and pulls me back.
“ You belong to me. I don’t want you going out on dates.”
“ Belong to you?” I scoff in his face. “ Last I checked I belonged to no one. Let alone you.”
He chuckles and throws his head back as if something is funny. I don’t find this one bit funny.
“ So exactly how friendly was this dinner?” he probes.
“ Just that. We had dinner, and he brought us home.”
“ Did he try to kiss you?” he asks.
“ Did you and Evan fuck?” I counter.
“ Did you kiss him back?”
“ Did you fuck another woman while you were in Chicago ?”
“ Did you fuck Bridges ?”
“ Fuck you!” I push against his chest with all my might, and go into my bedroom, praying he will leave me alone.
The minute I try to close my door, he stops it and slips inside. He closes it and leans back against it, looking over me carefully. “ Did you?” he asks again.
“ Did you ? This isn’t some double standard. You don’t get to fuck around while I play doting housewife!”
He slides across the room like a spirit, gathers me against his body, and takes my mouth in a kiss so passionate, I forget what we were arguing about. His hands are all over my back, sliding down to my thighs, and lifting me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, and we grind against one another with all the desperation we have kept hidden for years.
Our tongues slide together and wrestle as each of us plays a game of trying to take control, while completely submitting. He eases me onto the bed and trails his lips along my throat, biting my flesh and reminding me how he knows how much I love it. With my hands, I rip at his shirt, making no headway. He rises over me and pulls the shirt from his body, revealing his muscular torso that I want to lick and taste. Grasping my face, he opens my mouth and dives his tongue inside again.
As much as I want to give in and forget all the reasons why this isn’t the right decision, they are all nagging at me. I jerk my mouth from his. “ Did you fuck someone else?”
His eyes search mine, and I don’t like what I see. “ I didn’t fuck her.”
Tears well in my eyes, because up until this moment, I didn’t really believe he had been with another woman.
“ We were going to. I didn’t. She just sucked my cock.”
I push at his heavy body and scramble away. “ Who ? Who was she?”
Luke sits back on his haunches, his chest heaving, and throws up his hands. “ No one. A girl that worked in a bar.”
I shake my head and pull my body into a tight ball.
“ Evan wanted us to share…”
My mouth drops open and tears slip down my face. “ Share ? Like you shared me?”
“ Fuck !” He scrubs his hand over his face. “ I’m sorry. It wasn’t like that.”
“ But it is exactly like that, isn’t it? This was never about me, was it? Just you, and Evan , and some shared pussy to keep it interesting until Evan lets you fuck him.”
His face looks completely offended. “ No , babe! We love you!”
I dash the tears from my cheek and grab a pillow to hug. “ Doesn’t feel like you were loving me while you were sharing some girl that worked in a bar !”
“ Don’t ! You’ll wake Olivia ,” he whispers.
“ You don’t! Get out of my sight!” I yell.
“ Please let me explain. I’ll tell you everything,” he pleads.
“ I don’t want to know the details. I knew there had to be some reason you were suddenly so hot to get in my pants. I had hoped it was because you and Evan finally got together…but…” I can’t repeat it.
“ We did fuck,” he blurts out.
Again , I am shocked, and relieved I’m not standing, or I would have been knocked off my feet.
“ I went there because something happened to Evan .”
“ What happened?” Concern enters my warring emotions. “ Is he okay?”
“ He is now, but he wasn’t. It was his idea to get me laid. I just wanted to be with him, so when he suggested we share…”
I scowl at him in disgust. “ You thought it would be a fun way to have your cake and eat it too.”
“ At first, but it wasn’t. I only wanted Evan . It was the only way he would let me close to him, but I couldn’t fuck her.”
“ Did he?”
He hangs his head and sighs. Then he nods once.
“ Well , that’s lovely. I’m so happy for you both.”
“ Don’t be this way.”
“ Oh , what way is that? Hurt ? Because I am destroyed! I didn’t sleep, or kiss, or do shit with Bridges ! I told him my heart was taken. I turned him down while you were letting some slut suck your cock!”
He grasps my wrist, but I jerk away and move to the chair. He sits across from me on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees. He keeps trying to touch me, but I shift away, just out of his reach.
Taking a deep breath, his eyes finally meet mine. “ It was the same bullshit as always. How he isn’t gay, and how he can’t cross that line. He was balls deep in her with my cock in her throat when, out of the blue, he kissed me, Rachel . He kissed me, and it was better than I ever could have imagined.”
My audible gasp silences the room.
This is terrible! His first kiss with Evan is with some slut they’re fucking? Not me? Not alone even. My chin trembles. “ I’m happy for you then.”
Luke drops to his knees and wraps himself around my waist. The scent of him gives me a deep pain. I love him so much, but it is over. He and Evan have moved on without me.
“ You don’t love me anymore,” I speak the truth that is shattering my soul.
He squeezes me so tight it’s difficult to breathe. “ I do love you! I love you so much, and I’m so sorry. I never should have let him talk me into doing what we did. I’ve been so lonely, and I missed him so much. Fuck , how I have missed him. Once I was in his orbit, I would have done anything for just a small taste of him.”
I hate that I understand. I hate even more that it is all my fault that he was lonely, is lonely.
“ Forgive me for fucking up, Rachel !” He looks up at me with tears in his eyes, and it rips my heart to shreds. “ Please !”
All I can do is shake my head. Am I supposed to be happy he didn’t actually fuck her because I’m not.
“ Don’t .”
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “ Evan and I made love. Not that night. Later . He finally let me be with him, love him completely.”
God , his expression twists the knife, because how can I be angry that he and Evan found their way to each other? They love each other so much.
“ Then you should be with him.” I take his face in my hands as my heart continues to crack.
“ I am with him. Well as much as we can be from a long distance, but we are in a relationship.”
How can I be so happy for them, and hurt so very much? I wipe a stray tear from his cheek.
“ Then you don’t need me anymore. You have each other, and that’s what matters.”
Luke’s brow draws tight, and he shakes me. “ No ! Don’t you understand? You are what is missing. We need you! We love you! That is what I’ve been trying to make you understand since I got home. I don’t want to wait anymore, Rachel ! The three of us can finally be together! Evan is with us now.”
His hope is beautiful and heartbreaking. “ Evan wants me back?”
His face falls.
“ He doesn’t know you feel this way, does he?”
“ He will. The minute we are all three together, he will see…both of you will see, it is how we are meant to be.”
Crushed . I feel utterly crushed. I bury my face in my hands and cry.
“ Shh ! Don’t cry!”
But he doesn’t understand. He only sees the ideal dream, but Evan isn’t here. Evan isn’t asking this of me like he is. Evan probably doesn’t have any idea.
“ Does he know that you were going to ask this of me?”
His sigh is like a nail in the coffin.
“ Please go.”
“ I’m not leaving you alone right now.”
“ You have to,” I say with finality.
“ Please , give us a chance. I know you both were hurt when things ended, but it’s finally time we heal, and find our way back to each other.”
I can’t even look at his face. I feel blindsided, and more than anything, I am broken hearted that they shared some other woman. Getting to my feet, I stand over him as he looks up at me pleadingly.
“ Please leave. I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t…”
“ I won’t leave you like this.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “ Well , you don’t have a choice. Please give me space, lots of space. I beg of you.”
He holds to my ankle as I walk away but eventually lets go. I escape to the bathroom and slide to the floor unable to keep from bursting into tears before he leaves my room.