Entangle (Shadow Thorne #3)

22. Evan

22

Evan

I feel petulant. I hate it, but somehow Luke makes it less terrible. Sometimes it feels as if the entire world is against me, especially when it concerns my family. They make me feel incapable of making the right choices. It’s emasculating. So last night, instead of lying in my childhood bed and feeling as if I was going to suffocate, I went to Luke . He lets me need him and lets me be this, whatever I am, in the moment.

This morning, I’m feeling awkward about last night. Rachel unearthed this way of dealing with my feelings, but she’s not an option anymore. I didn’t know how to explain to Luke what I needed, but as always, he understands and accepts. Is there any wonder why I’m in love with him? He accepts everything that I am, no matter how strange or pathetic.

We’ve been riding for a while now. It’s colder this morning, but I like it. It’s perfect camping weather. Still , I hate being apart from him. I’m not sure I’ll ever shake this desire to be touching him constantly.

Luke looks at me and smiles, but I don’t return the smile. Reaching over, he taps my thigh. “ You don’t look happy.”

“ I will be when we get there.”

“ What will be different there, as opposed to now?” he asks.

He looks so regal on the back of Spirit , tall, broad-shouldered, with his cowboy hat crowning his golden curls. I’ve been watching his hips roll with the movement of the horse as we ride.

“ We can touch,” I answer.

With a gentle tug of his reins, Spirit slows to a stop. I slow Shadow down as well but turn him to move next to Spirit . Luke holds out his hands. “ Ride with me. We can tether Shadow to follow along behind us.”

I shrug. “ It’s fine.”

He arches an eyebrow at me. “ Dismount and climb up here,” he says sternly.

I do as I am told, first getting Shadow situated, and then climbing up behind Luke onto Spirit . I grasp the back of his saddle, but he takes my arms and wraps first one, and then the other, around his waist. “ I’ll have to take it a little slower. Spirit isn’t used to riding double, but this way, we can touch.”

With two clicks of Luke’s tongue, Spirit begins to walk forward. She tenses a little but relaxes after walking for a bit.

“ Thank you,” I say against Luke’s ear.

His gloved hand slides over mine. “ Evan , I will always take care of you. All you have to do is tell me what you need.”

I hug him and breathe in his scent. “ Thank you for putting up with my weirdness and kinks.”

He hums thoughtfully. “ Kinks ? So there are more than one?”

We both chuckle. “ Unfortunately ,” I answer.

“ I love you, and all your kinks, little brother. I gotta say the new one from last night might be my favorite.”

I hide my face against his back. “ It’s strange.”

“ It’s not. The amount of trust you place in me, the way you can be so stripped down and vulnerable…. Fuck , Evan . I can’t explain to you how it makes me feel.”

“ You mean that?”

“ Absolutely .” He smiles and looks over his shoulder to glance at me. “ I like figuring out what we each need, and want, together. I like that you want to try things with me. We can truly be free with one another.”

“ I hope so. I need that freedom,” I tell him.

“ I know you do. What you don’t realize is, so do I . The world, Rachel , society…they all put restrictions on me as well. When I’m with you, now, it feels easy.”

“ Now ,” I repeat. I used to put more restrictions on Luke than anyone. “ I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“ I’m not. Now that we’re together, everything is right. Promise me that you will always tell me what you want, even if it’s strange or kinky.”

“ I never pictured you for the kinky type,” I tease.

“ I’m not. I’m the please-my-lover type. As long as what we do pleases you, I’m all in.”

I do not deserve Luke . I whisper thank you to God for him. I pray a lot of prayers of thanks for Luke . I still don’t know if what we share is right, or wrong, but I’m grateful for all of it.

“ I don’t mean to be down,” I tell him.

“ You’re perfect. Let’s just be us, however, we are in the moment. Stop worrying so much about being some ideal version of yourself. I love it when you’re raw and open. It makes me feel more comfortable to be the same way with you.”

The needy side of me is appeased as the restless feelings in me subside.

“ I know you need more from me. I’ve just been in a funk since you left the other day,” he explains.

“ I don’t need any more. I take enough.”

“ It isn’t taking if I’m giving. When we get to Shadow Thorne , you’re going to stop overthinking, and do as I tell you.”

With his words, the anxiousness stirring inside of me takes a hit. “ Fuck !” I whisper to myself.

I close my eyes and bask in the feeling of being close to him and the gentle movement of Spirit . Luke is everything I need. From time to time, I still manage to forget that, getting too wrapped up in my own fears. The past thirty-six hours with my parents was an overload.

All of that seems to float away as we ride together. The sun creeps over the mountains, covering us in sunlight while we are on the elevated part of the trail. The sun seems to play in Luke’s curls. As I watch him and the way it illuminates his face, and those golden eyes when they glance back to me, I become aroused. Instead of wishing to be there already, I enjoy our ride because it has been entirely too long since I’ve been out riding like this.

“ You miss it?” he asks as if reading my thoughts.

“ This part? Yeah . You ? Definitely . The rest? Not so much.”

The trail is about to slope downward, so I ask him to stop for a moment.

“ What’s wrong?” he asks, looking over his shoulder.

“ Kiss me.”

He twists his arm back as I lean forward. His eyes regard me for a moment before they close, and his lips touch mine. I taste and breathe him in, feeling the cool air and the warmth of the sun. When I lick the seam of his lips, they part, and our tongues touch. He draws mine into his mouth and sucks. I barely grab my hat when it is tipped off my head by his. He pulls away and rights his own hat with a grumble.

I am about to apologize when he clicks his tongue urging Spirit forward at a faster pace.

“ I’m not upset, just horny,” he grumbles.

My smile is so big it almost hurts. “ Me too, cowboy. Me too.” I won’t even bring up the fact that I tried to get him to have sex before we left, but he wanted to leave as soon as possible. All we had was a shower, where we mutually jacked each other off while we made out. It felt so good, I considered thoughts of moving back to Wyoming just to be with him.

Shadow keeps up with our pace. When we arrive in the valley, the sun is still hidden. My ass is hurting from riding bareback behind Luke’s saddle all this way, so when we come to a stop under the grove of Aspens , I happily slip off the back and stretch my legs. Luke dismounts and slaps my ass causing me to yelp.

“ You going to let me ride your ass bareback, or is it too sore?” He smirks at me.

I turn and grab him in a headlock, knocking his hat off his head. It takes nothing for him to flip me onto my back and onto the ground. I’m not as strong as I was when I lived and worked on my father’s ranch, but as Luke’s mouth descends on mine, I am happy to be the loser. His hands trail up and down my body. I can feel his hard erection against my own. Desperately , I pull at his clothes as he pushes at my coat and unfastens the buttons of my shirt. Our hands and arms keep colliding until finally, Luke jumps to his feet and begins stripping. His clothes are tossed to the ground, one by one, as he walks back to Shadow and grabs my things, throwing them next to me.

I quickly open the side pocket of my bag. He drops to his knees and begins yanking off my jeans and boxers.

“ Boots first!” I remind him.

Grabbing my leg, he pulls my boot off, throws it down, and quickly does the same to the other.

“ Heads up!”

He catches the tube of lube with one hand. His slick fingers are probing my ass before I even get my arms out of my shirt sleeves. My gaze travels over his naked form as he sits on his knees between my spread legs. His dick is so hard, it’s standing straight up, and bobbing with every movement of his hand.

“ I love you,” I blurt out.

Luke quickly stretches over my body. Before I can wrap my body around his, he sinks into me, causing my eyes to roll back, and my spine to arch. He buries his face against my neck.

“ I fucking love you too,” he grunts.

Rolling my hips, I work him so he’s as deep as possible. I’m full, stretched, and barely able to breathe. He lets me hold him, as we experience each other, merged and connected. His hot breath comes out in visible puffs that curl around my neck. When he stays so still, I worry if he’s okay. I stroke his back and grip a handful of his curls in my hand.

He pushes himself up onto his elbows and watches me carefully. I glance away, feeling overexposed.

“ Look at me,” he says.

But I don’t until I feel his hand caress my jaw.

“ Don’t look away while I make love to you,” he says softly.

I blink a few times and swallow my emotions. His hips pull back incredibly slow, dragging the head of his cock over the sensitive spot that makes me see stars. My eyes close of their own volition. I feel his blonde curls graze and tickle my skin.

“ Look at me,” he says again.

I open my eyes, and they widen as Luke sinks deeper. Allowing him to watch me, I hold his gaze while our bodies rock and grind together. Momentarily his gaze drops to my lips, which I lick.

The sun is beginning to touch his hair so I reach up and tangle my fingers in the gold strands. Back and forth we move together, as he pushes and pulls in and out of my body. Nothing has ever felt so intimate. It’s equally scary and wonderful. I watch as the sun slowly illuminates his face. His eyes glow like gold flecks in water. I trace the pad of my thumb under his eye. He blinks causing his dark lashes to tickle my skin.

“ I’ve needed you so badly,” he says softly.

I nod because I know how he feels. Leaning up, I touch my forehead to his. His eyes close as his cock throbs. The sight of him losing even the ability to hold his eyes open spikes my desire. Stretching my tongue out, I lick and lap at his lips.

His eyes pop open. He pushes himself up and puts my legs over his shoulders. While balancing on only his hands, he thrusts into me. I look down between our bodies, where we’re connected. My cock is bobbing and leaking on my stomach.

Hell ! The sight of his body undulating and rolling in some sort of wicked dance sends chills over my skin. The head of his cock drags over my prostate, over and over.

He has my body folded beneath him, while his strong arms cage me. When I feel him tremble, I look back into those eyes that hold me captive and flay me open. His face grows red as his body tremors, attempting to hold back his own orgasm.

“ Let go,” I tell him.

He pounds into me so hard, I feel jolts of pain followed by waves of pleasure. My cock jerks, shooting cum between our bodies, but it’s the internal earthquakes that have me gasping for breath, and moaning as I clench around him.

With a loud roar of my name, Luke arches his body and shoots his load deep inside me. “ Evan ! Fuuuckk !” My name echoes through the trees around us. I wonder if he’s been holding back all this time, because he’s never been this loud.

My tremors turn into quivers as he continues to fuck me with quick thrusts of his hips.

“ Luke …” I breathe out.

He lets my legs fall to the side and gathers me into his arms. I cling to him for support, needing to be as close to him as possible. Our breathing is all out of sync, rapid and ragged, and fogging between us.

His cock continues to throb and pulse inside of me. I bear down to keep his cock, and his cum, contained. I’ve never felt like this before, so utterly spent, and so overwhelmingly in love and lust with someone, not even Rachel .

The thought of her steals something away from the moment. I bury my face in his hair and breathe in only him, letting him override all of my senses. I can’t admit that she is what’s missing from this moment.

We gradually ease our bodies to the ground, but don’t let go of each other. There aren’t words for what just occurred between us, for the magnitude of our connection, and the love we feel.

LUKE

“ Can we stay like this all weekend?” Evan asks.

I ruffle his hair. “ Since it’s all I want for my birthday, it better be.”

“ You’re so easy to shop for!” Evan quips.

I shake my head. “ You’re such an asshole.”

He rises and rests his chin on my chest. “ But you like my asshole.”

“ Whatever !” I say, dismissing him.

He moves to lie next to me. “ Fine . See if you get access to it again this weekend.”

I chuckle. “ We both know you have no willpower when it comes to sex.”

Grabbing his hat he lays it over his face. “ I can try harder.”

Shifting my body down, I lick and bite his nipple. He moans under his hat, making me smile. “ Don’t . I love it when you give in to me.”

Blindly , he shoves my face away with his hand so I slide lower and take him into my mouth. The only reaction I receive is the thickening of his cock in my mouth. Holding him at the base, I use my tongue to lick, suck, and play. Sucking on the vein that winds around his shaft is one of my favorite things to do, so I indulge myself while he tries not to react. His cock is hard as steel though.

“ You don’t play fair.”

Reaching up, I twist his nipple. “ You don’t want me to.”

Raising his head, he lifts his hat up so he can see me. Almost immediately his eyes squeeze closed, and his head drops back. “ Fucking hell!” he curses.

His feet slide up, lifting his knees so he can rock his hips and fuck my mouth. Cupping his balls, I massage him and trail the very tip of my middle finger from his taint to his hole. Evan gives in to me like a wet dream, and fuck, how I love it.

“ Fuck ! Fuck ! Fuuuuck !” His body tenses and hot cum shoots down my throat.

I swallow it as well as more of his throbbing dick as he continues to come. He’s panting for breath as his body jerks each time I suck down his cock. Finally , he pulls my hair, attempting to stop me, but I don’t move. I know he can’t stand it. I know it’s too much, but the need to push him further drives me. He pulls at my hair and writhes beneath me like a wild animal. Grasping his hips, I hold him to the ground.

Evan lets out a loud wail before calling out my name.

Satisfied , I gently release his spent and sensitive cock and kiss around the base to his inner thighs.

“ You’ve ruined me! I doubt any woman will ever suck my dick like you.”

“ I should hope you won’t be letting another woman, or man, suck your dick.”

Lifting his hat, his lazy gaze meets mine. “ You know what I mean.”

“ Except Rachel .” His head drops back. I shouldn’t have mentioned her, but I can’t contain it any longer. He needs to talk about her.

By the time I ease in next to him, his breathing has returned to normal. I carefully lift his hat from his face. “ Do you still dream about her sucking your cock?”

He scowls at me. “ Don’t do this.”

“ Do what?”

“ Bring up Rachel .” He rolls away from me, but I kiss his shoulder.

“ Don’t you want her back? The three of us together again?”

“ Do you?”

“ Yes ,” I answer, honestly.

“ Can’t you be happy with just me?”

“ Are you happy without her?” I push.

He growls and gets to his feet. I stand and follow him across the meadow to the river.

“ Gonna be cold as fuck,” he grumbles, but once he reaches the water's edge he steps in and slips under the surface.

I sit on the soft grass, watching him swim. He’s stalling in hopes I’ll forget the conversation.

He surfaces, pushing his hair back. Water drips from his chin. Everything he does is so damn sexy and arousing. Out here, naked in the light of day, I can’t hide the way my body responds.

“ Of course I miss her, but I already tried to lock something down with her. She rejected me. It’s why I left the way I did. You both rejected me.”

“ You’ve taken me back,” I point out.

He huffs and looks off in the distance. “ It’s not that easy with her. She has Olivia now…and…” His hand smacks the water angrily. “ And you.”

“ Me ?”

His eyes cut to me. “ Yeah , you! You expect me to believe you two don’t fuck behind closed doors?”

Wow ! I had no idea he suspected any of this. I shake my head. “ You have to because we don’t. After you left for Chicago , we did. I’ll admit that. It was short lived though.”

“ How short lived?”

“ A few months. Olivia was so small and needed constant care. Kinda overshadowed everything.” I shrug. “ We both realized that without you, there was an emptiness too great to ignore.”

“ You haven’t fucked since then?” he asks.

“ No , Evan . In fact, she recently went on a date or two with Bridges Brooks .”

Evan’s eyes widen. “ What the fuck! Why did you let her do that?”

“ Let her?” I scoff. “ I don’t own her. Not like I can stop her. Besides , the first time they went out was when I was with you in Chicago .”

I can see the news is sobering. He had to know that our relationship would have an effect on Rachel .

Evan swims forward and then trudges out of the water. As he approaches, I lay back. He doesn’t stop until he’s literally standing over me, a foot on either side of my hips. A cold rain of water drips down from his body onto mine.

“ Did they fuck?”

“ No !” I insist.

“ How do you know?”

“ I asked. You think I want someone else fucking our girl?” I run my fingers through the icy water droplets on my abdomen. “ She wouldn’t even let him kiss her.”

“ Bridges fucking Brooks ? He’s a multi-millionaire. Do you realize how much land that man owns?”

I roll my eyes. “ I’m aware.”

“ Hell we’re standing in the middle of it.”

My eyes widen as I rise up onto my elbows. “ What ? Shadow Thorne ?”

“ Yep !”

“ How do you know that?” I ask.

Propping his hands on his hips he shrugs. “ He and Dad are friends. Dad was talking about it sometime, and it made me curious so I looked it up.” He looks around us and points up toward the mountain. “ From what I can tell he owns that, this, and all the way to his ranch outside of Alta . This is on the outskirts, but it’s his. Did you think no one owned it?”

“ Well , no, but…shit!” I back up so I can fully sit up.

Evan plops down next to me. “ She’s left us,” he says with disappointment.

“ No , she has not. She still wants us, Evan ! If the two of you would get your heads out of your asses, and settle things, the three of us could start over.”

He eyes me carefully. “ You believe that?”

I hang my head. “ I have to. I know we belong together.”

Taking a deep breath, he looks up to the blue sky. I don’t like the fact that I don’t know what he’s thinking, but whatever it is has his full attention. The sun warms our skin and slowly dries his hair.

Feeling hot, I take my turn in the water, swimming to clear my head. I’m both glad, and regretful, that I told Evan about Bridges , but he should know. I need him to help me win Rachel back. She can’t resist both of us. She’s barely resisting me, but I can’t seem to break through to her.

When I’m too cold to swim any more, I return to lie down next to him. His face is pinched with a serious expression.

“ After I go back. If she changes her mind…” he pauses and takes a deep breath. “ Are you going to have a relationship with both of us at the same time?”

His question disarms me because I haven’t considered it really, not like that anyway. “ I want the three of us to be together.”

“ I get that, but if I don’t make up with her, are you going to fuck her without me?”

“ That’s not really fair, Evan .”

He sits up and looks down at me. “ I think it is absolutely a fair question. Will you, or won’t you?”

“ I don’t know. How can you expect me to resist either of you?”

He grinds his teeth until his jaw ticks. “ You resisted us both after your uncle flew off the handle.”

“ Why won’t you at least try?” I ask. “ She’s right here, little brother. We could go back to the house right now and seduce her, explain how we feel about her. Everything could be set right.”

EVAN

As if it’s so damn simple! “ I asked her to marry me, Luke ! Marry me! She rejected me. Why would I ever set myself up for that kind of pain again?”

He sits up so he’s eye to eye with me. “ I know.”

“ She told you then?” Great , just great! Now I feel like an idiot.

“ It hurt her too. She wasn’t rejecting you. She was setting you free so you could have a life, free to be yourself, away from this place.”

I nod my head. “ Is that what she told you?”

“ It’s the truth.”

“ I wore that damn ring around my neck for two years!” he yells holding up two fingers. “ Two years, waiting for her to call me, tell me she wanted me back, or at least apologize for breaking my heart.”

“ I know it hurt, but the separation wasn’t meant to be forever.”

“ So why isn’t she jumping at the chance to be with you?” I ask.

I can see from his reaction I’ve made a direct hit.

He lets out a breath. “ It’s complicated.”

“ Is it, because you act like it shouldn’t be?”

His fists clench. “ It’s everything. Olivia for one. She’s too young to understand. It’s this motherfucking town with all its gossips, who could not only make our lives hell, but Olivia’s too, and that’s not fair to her. Rachel is trying to protect us—all of us.”

“ So now you defend her? You think having me in the mix is going to help? Honestly ?” I jump to my feet. “ She’s not going to give in just because we are a united front. Let her protect herself and Olivia then! God knows I don’t need all this to blow up my life.”

I trudge back to the campsite we have yet to set up. Guess now is as good a time as any to get started.

“ Can’t you just be happy to be with me?” I yell back to him.

He’s hot on my heels, finally grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop. “ This isn’t about one of us being enough for the other. It’s about the three of us.”

I get in his face and grit my teeth. “ I don’t want the three of us!” I lie. I jab my finger into his chest causing him to flinch. “ I only want you, but that isn’t enough for you.”

“ Don’t twist my words,” he spits out.

“ Fuck you!” I shove his body hard, getting him away from me. Maybe I am twisting his words, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Swiping up my clothes, I get dressed. He stands with his hands on his hips watching me. Once I start setting up the tent, he curses and grumbles as he pulls on his jeans and starts helping me. We put up the tent like two men in a pissing contest. It doesn’t improve as the day begins to wane. Day one and we’re already fighting.

I feel the weight of his stare on me constantly, even while he removes the saddles and brushes down the horses. Later as we eat our dinner, the regret settles in, but I’m not going to pretend that this doesn’t bother me. After all these years, I finally give in to my feelings for him, and we can’t even have a few weeks alone together before Rachel becomes a bone of contention between us.

“ I don’t want to spend the entire weekend like this,” he says carefully.

“ Think this is what I want?” I ask as I scrape the bottom of the metal can for the last of the beans.

“ I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want and need both of you. That’s never going to change.”

“ Then don’t. I don’t care,” I say flippantly. There ! I made everything worse.

“ You’re such a stubborn prick!” he says under his breath.

I narrow my eyes at him. “ Fuck you, Luke . Fuck . You .”

He glares right back at me. “ Why don’t you then? Come over here and fuck me, little brother. Get all this shit out of your system and show me who’s in control.”

I stand, seething, and balling my fists. Fuck him for pushing my buttons! He doesn’t fight fair. Neither of us do.

“ That would make you feel better, would it? To have my cock filling your ass?” I challenge.

He comes to his feet and smoothes his hand down my shirt. “ Wouldn’t it make you feel better too?” He leans in and brushes his nose along mine, giving me chills. “ Hold me down. Fuck me. Breed me?”

My eyes fall closed as he shifts my anger into something twisted and perverted. Stepping forward, I push my chest against his. “ You always need to be the one in control.”

“ Thought that’s what you liked, baby.”

I shove him with my chest again. “ No way am I letting you top from the bottom. It’s not going to make up for the fact that you still want her while you’re with me.”

“ Well , it’s a moot point anyway.” He holds out his arms. “ She isn’t here, and she won’t be in my bed after you leave, either.”

I angle my head and crack my neck as I try my damnedest to resist Luke’s taunting. The problem is that I want to do all those things to him. “ Breed me?” I question. “ You been brushing up on gay porn?”

“ What of it, if I have?”

Fuck that’s hot! “ You imagine it’s me?”

His eyebrow arches up, and those damn gold eyes of his glint in the firelight. “ You know I do. Every time.”

I wrap my hand around his neck. He tips his chin up as I squeeze. “ Why do you do this? Draw out this darkness? Do you know how hard it is to keep it contained?”

He taps my face with the flat of his hand. “ Because you need to let it out, Evan . You’re never going to be happy with someone who won’t let your dark side come out to play.”

“ What do you know about it?” I ask.

His hand moves over mine and squeezes so my grip on his throat tightens. “ All that repressed sexual tension. The anger that having to keep it hidden has cultivated. The desire to be seen by strangers when your own family couldn’t stomach your desires.” Luke’s metallic eyes search mine. “ The way you love the pain. You want to experiment with more pain, more kink. I keep waiting for you to tell me all the things you want me to do to you.”

I gulp as my heart races. He sees right through me, and it’s as if he’s making me hold a grenade with the pin missing. “ What do you think I would tell you?”

His Adam’s apple slides along my palm. I squeeze tighter.

“ Anything ,” he rasps. “ Tie you up. Hold you down. Take you by force.” His eyes glance down my body. “ Hit you maybe?”

I smirk at that. “ You want to spank me, cowboy? Now who’s kinky?”

He smiles, and I know I’m a goner. Thoughts of his palm coming down on my ass shakes me to the core. “ What if I tie you up?” I ask as I give him a shake.

He holds up his wrists between us. When he gasps for air, I let go of his throat and take several steps back. Luke falls to his jean-clad knees, his wrists together before me. My heart is about to burst out of my chest.

Do I let him feed the beast?

I close my eyes, imagining letting go once again. Every time he lets me, it’s harder to rein the darkness back inside. Someday he’s going to push me too far. Then what? What will I do? Who will I be?

“ Strip ,” I say through gritted teeth. I keep my eyes closed so I don’t lose my damn mind with one look at him submitting to me. The sound of his zipper and the rustle of his clothes seem so loud.

I feel him close to me, and when I open my eyes, he’s back on his knees right at my feet, still offering his wrists to me.

I quickly strip off my shirt. Grabbing his hair, I lead him under the Aspens where we made love when we first arrived. “ Turn around.”

When he does, I unbuckle my belt, whip it through the loops of my jeans, and wrap it around his wrists behind his back. Pulling the end through the buckle again, I strap down his wrists and push him to his knees.

Taking a moment to catch my breath and control myself, I run my fingers through his soft curls and tilt his head back. Men aren’t supposed to be beautiful, but as he looks up at me, contrite and willing, he takes my breath away. The hard planes of his body are like a song hypnotizing me. His cock is hard and jutting out from his body, seeking pleasure. I caress his face as he watches me carefully. His stubble is rough, reminding me how much I love everything about a man, as much as I love everything about a woman.

But Luke ? Luke is beguiling.

“ I’m a twisted man. How can you be okay with this?” I ask with desperation.

He leans into my touch. “ Because I love you…all of you. This ? This makes me feel more alive than I thought possible.”

“ But you’re the alpha. You always have been. Isn’t it better for you that way?”

He takes a deep breath, lowers his eyes, and then looks back up into mine. “ With you, sometimes I need to be submissive. It’s the same as you needing to be in control. We’re vers.”

I nod.

Luke stretches his neck, moving away from my touch. “ Unless you’re not man enough.”

With a push, he falls forward, squirming without the use of his hands. I fall to my knees, unfastening my jeans. Wrapping the slack of the belt around my fist, I tug until he stills. The sight of his ass in the air, spread and waiting for me makes my cock throb. With his face pressed to the ground, he watches me from the corner of his eye.

I gather saliva in my throat and spit on the valley between his ass cheeks. “ I don’t think breeding involves lube, cowboy,” I growl.

His eyes fall closed as he moans, deep and low. I swear the ground rumbles beneath us as I stick my fingers in my mouth. When I shove two of them into his ass, he bucks against me and grunts. I spit on him again, prepping him, but also not allowing myself to be swayed by the fact this is going to hurt him.

“ I want it to hurt, Luke .” Not injure him, just feel pain.

“ I know, baby,” he is breathless—for me.

Unable to wait a second longer, I smack his ass with my heavy cock and jam it into his body. He shifts forward with the force. I yank on the belt, pulling him back.

“ Goddamn !” he swears.

With my free hand, I grasp his hip and begin pounding into him. The scent of cut grass, disturbed by our rough fucking, wafts into the air. The breeze blows over us, only slightly easing the heat burning my flesh.

“ Fuck !” he yells.

I slow down as he curses again. His eyes pop open, and he struggles to twist around to see me.

“ Don’t stop! Please don’t stop, Evan . I’m fine. Don’t stop.”

So I don’t. I let it all go, my body, the dark desire, the need for control, and the craving to have Luke all to myself in every way humanly possible. I’m growling and grunting like some wild animal finally mounting his mate.

“ Holy fuck!” Luke cries out as his body jerks with so much force, I have to tighten my reins on him. His body clenches around mine as he comes on the ground. It only serves to spur me to fuck him harder.

Releasing the belt, I fall onto my hands and spread myself across his back. I kiss his slack mouth as he gasps for breath.

“ I want you for myself,” I grunt.

“ You …have me!” he pants. “ All yours, baby. Mark me deep.”

His confession pushes me over the edge. I push into him so hard, his knees give until we’re flat on the ground. He raises his hips enough to keep my cock deeply seated as it spasms and throbs with my orgasm.

Crushed between us, his fingers brush against my skin as if he needs to touch me.

“ You own parts of me, aspects of me, no one could ever begin to touch,” he whispers against my lips.

I gather his hair into my hand and pull his head back awkwardly so I can kiss him. Our kiss is as heated as ever, not as if we both just came so hard, we can’t even hold ourselves upright.

As the high recedes, I feel myself slipping back into the submissive mindset. I can’t maintain control any longer than this. I’m not sure if I give it back to him, or if he takes it when he takes my cum. It’s a scary feeling because he holds so much weight and power over me.

“ Untie me, baby, so I can hold you.”

How does he always know exactly what I need when I don’t even know myself? Is that what loving me does for him—make him privy to all my secrets?

Bracing my weight on one hand, I roll away enough that I can loosen the belt around his wrists. Immediately , he slips from underneath me and covers my body with his. This time we’re face to face. He gathers me into his arms and nips at my neck.

Somehow that makes everything feel okay. The fear retreats as he covers me in safety and affection. As much as I’m able, I wrap my arms around him and caress his back and neck.

“ We belong together, don’t we?” I ask out of a need for validation, because if this isn’t forever, then I don’t think I’ll survive this life.

Tenderly he kisses my lips. “ Yes , baby. We always have, and always will.”

“ Even without her?”

He sighs and runs his fingers through my hair. “ No matter what. Even without Rachel .”

Peace washes over me. I never want to leave this place—his arms. I don’t need the rest of the world, and I’m not so sure it needs me either.