30. Rachel
30
Rachel
L uke fell asleep, but I didn’t. I know so much was riding on this dream of getting a gallery showing. Some of it is my dream too. I want success for Luke . He’s so very talented and deserves the life he wants. Since arriving in Chicago and being with Evan , I have entertained thoughts that if Luke landed this opportunity then maybe our lives could move here, to be with Evan .
The bed moves so I snap my eyes shut and pretend I’m asleep, even cuddling closer to Luke and hiding my face against his back. I hear Evan moving about and the rustling of clothes. He leaves the room, and when I open my eyes, he is gone. From down the hallway, I hear the sliding glass door to the balcony.
I decide to join him and milk every moment I have with him. I slip out of bed and take a moment to gaze at Luke , who is curled on his side, sleeping with his head between the pillows that Evan and I were occupying. We need three pillows, and always to have a king-sized bed. Luke has a king-sized bed. I wonder if we’ll get to be together in his bed when Evan comes home for a visit.
I swipe up my dress and panties from the floor. Tiptoeing across the floor, I slip into the bathroom to freshen up. I don’t bother with a bra, thinking it will just be in the way at some point.
Evan is still on the balcony, leaning on the railing with his back to the door. He turns as I open the door.
“ Hey , Siren .” His arm stretches out beckoning me to him, so I go to him, letting him wrap it around my waist. He pulls me tight to his side and kisses my temple. “ I thought you were asleep.”
“ Not really. Heard you leave. You okay?”
He pockets his phone which I didn’t realize was in his hand. His skin is warm from the sunshine. I slide my hands over his shoulders as he gently nudges my nose with his.
“ Yeah . I just had a phone call to return.”
“ I’m worried about Luke ,” I tell him.
“ I know. Me too, but you know Luke , he will make this happen. If not now, then soon.”
I nod in agreement.
“ All isn’t lost. There are always other options, other galleries.”
“ You’re right,” I say in agreement. “ I guess we need to spend the rest of our time here helping him find other options.”
Evan is watching me intently, letting his gaze roam over my face. He kisses me softly. “ I’ve missed you so much.”
I smile against his lips. “ I’m so glad we were able to visit.”
He takes a deep breath and sighs, turning his attention to the view spread out before us.
“ It’s an amazing view. Your apartment is so high up.”
“ Yeah , I wanted one on the highest floor possible.”
“ Is the rent expensive?”
He doesn’t answer me, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
“ Evan ?”
“ Huh ?” He turns his stormy blue eyes back to me, but I can tell there is something on his mind.
“ What are you thinking about?”
He blows out a breath and runs his fingers through his already messy hair. “ Nothing .” He steps away from me and returns to the position he was in when I joined him.
Propping my elbows on the railing I push my hip against his. “ Talk to me, Evan .”
He shakes his head. “ I don’t know how.”
I chuckle. “ You don’t know how? We’ve never had issues talking and confiding in one another.”
He rubs his hand over his mouth.
“ Do you not want to talk because Luke is here?” I ask. It seems unlikely but not out of the question.
“ No . In fact, it’s because he’s here that I want…”
“ Want what?”
He closes his eyes and hangs his head. “ This is insane. I’m insane for even thinking we can do this.”
Throwing my arm over his back, I hug his shoulder. “ The three of us together?”
He doesn’t answer me, which worries me. His opposite hand slides up his arm to take mine. “ I want to do something with the both of you while you’re here. That is what the phone call was about.”
“ Um …okay.”
“ I just don’t think Luke will go for it.”
“ But I will?” I ask.
“ You , more likely than him.”
“ But you won’t tell me what this is?” That does not give me a good feeling. “ Do you want to go inside and talk?”
Grasping me by the waist, he sits down in the chair and pulls me into his lap.
“ No . I want to ask you first.”
“ Will you just tell me what it is?”
“ Did Luke tell you about the gallery opening we attended?” he asks.
I smile. “ Oh , yes! After he described some of the paintings, I looked up the artist… Hugo something. I can’t remember his last name now.”
“ Hugo Marquis .”
“ Yes ! His paintings are amazing.”
“ Luke hated them.”
“ No , he didn’t hate them. Their subject matter took him by surprise, but trust me, they made an impression. And then Hugo caught you both on the roof.”
Evan smiles, peeking up at me. “ Fuck , that was so hot!”
Taking his face in my hands, I slide my thumb over one of his dimples. “ The paintings?”
“ No , giving him a blow job on the roof. Out in the open.”
“ Even when Hugo saw you?” I ask. Evan’s eyes glimmer. I already know the answer. “ You did like that you were caught, didn’t you?”
“ I mean, I was mad. Luke was furious.”
“ But ?”
“ But the fact that he saw us made the whole scene more…erotic. I know it’s twisted.”
I nuzzle against his cheek. “ You wish the whole world could see you with him.”
“ And you…see us. Maybe not the whole world.”
I look in his eyes and run my fingers through his hair. “ As long as they don’t know who you are. You know I feel the same, right?”
He raises an eyebrow in question.
“ Don’t get me wrong, I hated that Charlie found us…saw us, but sometimes I try to imagine what he thought when he saw us,” I tell him. “ I want the world to see how in love we are, to witness this incredible love we share. I am so tired of hiding.”
Evan’s hand strokes my hair. He sticks his fingers through the weave of my braid, loosening it until it unravels. “ It’s a sickness. I want to fuck you and Luke right here on this balcony. Dreamed of taking you to the roof where there is a pool and lounge, taking that chance that someone might see. I want them to see. It’s so…”
“ Arousing . Provocative .” I finish for him.
He leans his forehead to mine. “ What is wrong with us?”
I sigh, a little unsure of the right answer. Perhaps we are twisted. I shrug. “ Maybe we seek validation for what we have. The three of us have had to hide everything we feel for one another. We can’t talk about it or share the most wonderful thing in our lives. The one thing that is most important, we shove into a closet as if it’s terrible.”
“ It’s not, but they think it is,” he says softly.
They do, and I hate it. I shift my body so I’m sitting, facing him with my knees next to his hips. As I embrace him, he wraps me in his arms. Nothing is said for a while. We just hold one another in the heat of the sun. I take note of all the ways our bodies are pressed together. From time to time, he squeezes me close, and I hug him back. I wish we never had to be apart.
“ What if we could show the world and still keep it a secret?” he asks with a quiet voice.
I smile and hum as I imagine what that would be like—never having to hide our relationship. “ That would be amazing.”
“ I’m serious, Rachel .”
I sit up so I can look into his eyes. “ What did you have in mind? Broadcasting the three of us on a billboard in Times Square ?”
Evan crosses his arms in front of his chest. “ Hugo just called me.”
“ Hugo ?”
“ Hugo Marquis .”
I huff in disbelief, but Evan doesn’t flinch. “ Are you serious?” I ask.
He nods and unfolds his arms so he can place his hands around my waist. “ He wants to paint us.”
“ What ? Evan , don’t be ridiculous.”
“ I mean it. He’s been hounding me ever since he caught us on the rooftop. The more I think about it, the more I think it would be an incredible way to not only expose our affection for each other while still maintaining our anonymity, but our love would be immortalized. It would be seen as beautiful and arousing, not…” He throws his hands up. “ Not disgusting and wrong.”
Is he for real? I mean I can tell he is serious, but how am I supposed to believe Hugo Marquis actually called him? Why would he call Evan ?
I stare into Evan’s serious and unwavering eyes. I wish the world could see the depth of his heart and soul like I do.
Of course, he would call Evan . I mean look at him! Look at them together! I have seen them together, kissing, fucking…making love. The most beautiful men on Earth are in love with each other. Why wouldn’t he want to paint them together?
“ Are you going to just sit there with your mouth open?” he asks.
I shake my head and close my mouth. “ He actually called you?”
Evan pulls his phone from his pocket and shows me the last received call was indeed, Hugo Marquis .
“ But Evan , he’s a well-known painter!”
He smiles and nods. “ I know.”
“ He wants to paint you and Luke ?”
“ And you too.”
“ Me ?” I immediately shake my head and attempt to shut him down. “ Oh noooo! He doesn’t even know about me.”
“ Yes , he does. I told him. He was even more intrigued when I told him we were in a polyamorous relationship.”
“ Uh -uh!” I laugh at the absurdity. “ He doesn’t want me there. He wants the two of you because you two are…”
“ Are what?”
“ Fucking gorgeous! And the two of you together…” I slap my hand to my chest. “ You take my breath away. If he can come close to capturing on canvas what I see when you are together….” I let out a long breath to steady my heart rate. “ Then …then…”
“ Then what?” he asks with curiosity.
“ Then he will make a damn fortune when he sells that painting.”
Evan rolls his eyes and brushes my comment off. “ Whatever …he’s just an overly talented voyeur who gets his rocks off watching people fuck and then painting it.”
“ Then why are you even considering this?”
“ I told you. The entire world would see us, and never know who we are! He doesn’t paint recognizable faces. It’s the perfect fuck you to everyone who thinks what we have with each other is wrong.”
“ Wait !” Something he said earlier grabbed my attention. “ He watches them?”
“ Yep .”
“ Let me get this straight. He watches! Watches …like in person…in the room while…”
Evan cocks an eyebrow and nods. “ That , or he is willing to film us.”
“ Oh , hell no!” I jump up from his lap, holding up my hands. “ And risk the chance of that video getting on the internet? No way in hell!”
Evan stands and takes my hands in his. “ Okay so no to the video, but think about it, Siren .” He moves in closer, crowding me against the sliding glass door, until his lips are brushing against mine. “ The three of us, making love while Hugo watches, sketches us….”
Heat rolls down my spine at the initial thought, and it shocks me. How can a man watching us be a turn-on? “ It might be creepy.”
“ Okay so…what if he’s there, but we don’t know he’s there?” Evan asks.
“ Do you even know what you’re asking?”
“ Look , I don’t know how this works. We don’t have to do the video. Maybe we will know he’s watching, but not actually see him. Just the knowledge that someone is watching…maybe we wouldn’t even have to tell Luke .”
I push against his chest, but he doesn’t budge. “ No ! We promised no secrets. Luke has to agree to this too.”
Evan gives me a crooked smile and then licks my lips. “ So you’re on board?”
“ I didn’t say that.”
He kisses my lips and pulls my lower lip with his teeth. “ No , but I can see it in your eyes.”
“ What can you see?” Because I am not sure I want this at all.
“ Your eyes are black…they’re always black as night when you’re aroused. Plus …” He flicks my nipples with his thumbs. “ These are hard. I bet you’re wet too.”
I slap his hand away before he can lift the skirt of my dress. “ Stop it.”
“ Admit it.”
“ Evan … I mean…talking about it, fantasizing about it is one thing, but to really actually do it?”
“ If we can convince Luke …will you do it?”
“ Yes , but…” I can’t believe I just said yes. It just came out of my mouth without thought.
“ No buts. All we have to do is explain to Luke why we want to do this.”
“ You know he won’t like this,” I’m backtracking now. “ He is so protective of us…of our relationship.”
Evan takes my lips in a heated hiss, succeeding in shutting me up. His hands move to my ass that he squeezes and lifts until my feet leave the floor. I immediately wrap myself around his waist and give in to his kiss. I can’t believe what I have agreed to do, but I know I’ve done so because I would do anything either of them wanted.
“ This is crazy,” I mumble against his lips.
“ I know, that’s what makes it fun,” he remarks before taking me inside and walking with me down the hallway, back to his bed and back to Luke .
EVAN
“ Absolutely fucking NOT !” Luke stands up so fast, the bar stool crashes to the floor. Rachel rushes to pick it up as Luke grips his head in his hands and paces toward the sliding glass door.
“ Come on, Luke . You’re not even giving this a chance,” I tell him.
Truth is, the reasons I had in my mind don’t sound as convincing when I’m saying them to Luke as they did when I said them to Rachel . Rachel was easy to convince. She’s got just as much freak in her as I do. I knew this would be a hard sell to Luke , but the minute I told him Hugo called and why, he blew up.
Luke spins on his bare feet and holds his finger up to me. “ How can you even think for a second about letting that little French prick paint us? You do know what he will expect?”
“ Yes , I know.”
“ Do you?” he asks Rachel .
“ Evan said he wants to watch us.”
“ Exactly !” He points to her as if she’s proving his point. “ Watch us having sex, Rachel ! You cannot be on board with this.”
She approaches him carefully. “ Will you just hear him out?”
He turns to me and narrows his eyes. “ Oh , I heard him! If you want to tell the world about us so badly, then let’s call up your family and tell them.”
“ Luke !” Rachel smacks his chest and pushes him back.
“ That is not the same thing!” I argue.
“ No , it’s not!” she agrees. “ Luke , this is about having us…our love on a canvas for the world to see, and only we will know it’s us. Evan can’t come out to his family. You know that! But this we can give him.”
Luke looks at her with an exasperated expression and shakes his head. “ Give him? This is the three of us naked, sharing our most intimate moments with…with…fucking Hugo Marquis !”
It’s pointless! If only he knew why I really want to do this, and it has nothing to do with being immortalized in paint. I mean yeah that is pretty freaking cool, but this is all to help him. That is if he will fucking let me!
“ Never mind! I’m sorry I asked.” I throw up my hands and escape out onto the balcony.
“ Fucking hell, Evan ,” I hear him say as I close the door.
I can’t tell him all of this is to get his own gallery showing. After I sent Hugo a couple of snapshots of Luke’s work, he said he would give him space in his private gallery where people have to be invited to even view the pieces.
That means money. That means exclusive exposure, unlike anything Luke has ever dreamed. But if he finds out, then he will never do this. Luke would never want us doing this for the sake of his career.
Maybe I should have told Rachel , but it’s better if she doesn’t know. Luke is absolutely talented enough to earn this on his own, but everyone needs a break, someone to drop the right name, or the right person to see their work.
The door opens behind me, but I don’t turn around. It’s only when Luke leans against the railing next to me that I know it’s him. He doesn’t say one word, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the first one to speak. I said my peace, gave all my reasons. I am not to the point of begging on this.
So the two of us just stare down at the city below us, watching as lights slowly switch on in all the tiny windows of the buildings around us. Sometimes I sit out here at twilight and just watch the people as they make dinner, watch tv, and go about their lives. It always amazes me how hardly anyone draws the curtains or closes the blinds. The skyscrapers give the false illusion that no one is watching.
“ You really want this?” he asks.
“ It doesn’t matter. I only want what the three of us want.”
“ That doesn’t mean we aren’t individuals in this relationship. We each have different wants and needs.”
“ This isn’t a need,” I assure him.
“ So it’s a want.”
I shake my head and clasp my hands.
“ Is this the want of the exhibitionist in you?”
“ Don’t worry about it.”
I start to move away, but he grasps my arm, holding me in place. “ Talk to me. I promise I will listen.”
“ Like I told Rachel , it’s insane, but I don’t know. Yes . There . Yes , I am intrigued by the idea of Hugo watching us. You heard him that night. He thinks we’re good-looking, and he wasn’t put off…disgusted by…us.”
Luke shakes his head as if he’s had enough. Then he turns and pulls me into his arms. “ Fuck , baby.” I brace my hands against his chest, afraid to hope. “ You are beautiful. Handsome . However , you want me to say it.”
I don’t know why that makes me feel giddy or some shit. I turn my face to his chest to hide my smile.
“ Is that what you felt when he caught us on the roof?”
That’s a hard question to answer. I slide my hands around to his back and take a deep breath. “ I hate hiding. It is so freeing having you here, where we can just be together no matter where we are. Knowing he saw us, felt empowering in some way.”
Luke’s fingers glide up and down my spine.
“ I want to feel that again. I want to feel that every time I look at a painting of us. Remember how for a few moments, everything was perfect, that we weren’t hiding, and there was nothing to fear, that what we have is right and good.”
Easing back, Luke takes my face in his hands and studies my eyes. I can’t really read his expression. He loves me, but I am not sure how he feels about my proposition. When he glances at my mouth, my shoulders fall. Like always, he ghosts his lips across mine, teasing me in a way that I am sure is payback for all the years I made him wait to kiss me. He knows it drives me crazy. Makes my dick hard. Makes me on fire for him.
“ You know,” he whispers against my lips.
But I don’t know, and when he kisses me gently, I’m pretty sure I’ll never know but also never really care. With the tip of his tongue, he licks a path from my chin and over my lips to just under my nose. His next kiss is greedy, hungry, and fuck all if I don’t moan like a needy bitch. He laughs under his breath and into my mouth as his tongue plays with mine.
“ You know,” he says again only with more mirth.
“ I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head.
“ Look at me.”
His thumb plays with my lips, flicking and pressing along my mouth.
“ You know I’d make love to you so the entire world could see if that’s what you want.”
I grasp his biceps. “ I don’t know what I want…what I’m asking. This could all blow up in my face.”
“ Shh ,” he hushes me and then sticks the tip of his thumb in my mouth. Instinctively , I begin sucking and this time he’s the one groaning with need. “ We will try. Okay ? We will set this up and go. The three of us though. She wants to be there too, but also because this relationship is beyond any two of us.”
I nod in agreement. Willing to agree to anything after the way he kisses me.
“ But if U -go so much as licks his lips when he looks at you, I will punch him in his round French belly.”
“ I have one request.”
He smirks at me as he runs his fingers through my hair. “ Another one?” I look away knowing I’m asking too much as it is. “ Tell me what it is, lover.”
My knees nearly buckle. He holds me against his body gauging my reaction to this new term of endearment. “ I like being your lover.”
His lips take mine in a fiery kiss that convinces me I’m not going to survive this love affair. It will surely burn me alive.
“ Tell me,” he says between kisses.
Holding to his hips, I grind myself against him. “ I want you to be in control of everything that happens when Hugo is there.”
His eyes lock with mine as his brow pinches. “ I will take care of everything…take care of you and Rachel . You want the world to see this love between us? Then I’ll make sure they see what we feel, so no one can deny how real and strong our love is.”
I smile hesitantly. “ Are you sure?”
His eyes fall closed as he nods. “ Yeah , baby. I’ll do this for you.”
His lips briefly touch mine, but he pulls back.
“ Now go get the fuck out of those shorts and back in bed. Rachel and I aren’t done with you yet!” The deep timbre of his voice causes chills to rise all over my body.
Rising onto my tiptoes, I clasp his face in my hands and kiss him with as much passion and gratitude as I can muster. His hand slides into the back of my shorts and squeezes my ass so hard I yelp.
“ Now !” he says with a dark undertone that has a shiver washing over me.
Taking his other hand in mine, I slide open the door and lead him to my bed.