Chapter 19 #2
“I believe the allure of her own home blinded her for a while to how isolated she truly was from everyone she knew. The duke had several new mistresses before I was even born.” His face darkened.
“The duchess did her best to make my mother miserable. Then Mother took to drinking, and it ruined her health. She was dead before she even saw me enter Cambridge.”
“You can’t think she resented you, Your Grace. You were an innocent in the decisions made by adults. Maybe she was disappointed in the choices she’d made as a young woman.”
“I’ll try to think of it that way,” he said, giving her that little half smile. “Because of course I turned all my resentment on my father. He’d used her for a momentary pleasure, and left her to suffer the consequences.”
“But he did support her, and you. Maybe he even loved her in his own way,” she suggested, hoping to ease his pain.
“If so, it was a brief love. That’s what this place”—he waved an arm to encompass the room—“this vaunted position in life does to people. Even I, who should know better, occasionally enjoy the power of dozens of servants at my beck and call.”
“But you’re a wealthy man, aren’t you? Don’t you have your own servants in Manchester?”
“A few. But trust me, it is not the same. I guess I never realized it,” he added with a sigh. “I keep telling myself that I wouldn’t have been like Cecil, like my father, if I were in their shoes.”
“I’m sure you wouldn’t have.”
He laughed with little apparent amusement. “Humoring me, are you? That’s what one does to a duke.”
She nudged him with her elbow. “You know that’s not what I’m doing.”
“Hmmm.”
She went back to the music, and it made her feel safe, removed from the frightening emotions he so easily inspired in her.
In her mind, she kept hearing her own words of comfort to him, that he was an innocent in decisions made by adults.
She was good at giving out advice, but not at accepting it.
She, too, had been an innocent in her parents’ blunders—logically, she knew that.
But she could not escape her own deduction that she should have seen it coming, should have been prepared.
She was no child, as Richard had been when tragedy had happened to him.
“So tell me about the spectacles,” he said.
Meriel looked down at the keyboard. “They’re spectacles.”
“But they’re made of simple glass.”
“Very well, yes, they are.”
“So they are a disguise.”
She smiled and shook her head. “No, they’re protection.”
“That, you’re going to have to explain,” he said dubiously.
“I had one other position as governess before I came here. After that, I decided it was best to…downplay my features.”
He put his hand on her thigh and spoke in a low, controlled voice. “Did your employer try to hurt you?”
“Heavens, no. You were far worse than he was.”
He blinked. “Oh. Well then. What happened?”
“His wife could not overcome her jealousy toward me. She was convinced that her husband hired me for inappropriate reasons—”
“Like my brother did,” he said softly.
“Exactly. The husband could not accept her constant need to keep track of me—and to keep track of him. Finally, he had to let me go. After that, I resolved to…alter my appearance a bit. He gave me wonderful references though,” she added brightly.
He leaned closer. “And I’m sure Cecil was very concerned about those.”
She lifted her nose in the air. “He was. We discussed Stephen’s education extensively. He only wanted the best for his son.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
If he was smiling, he hid it behind his glass.
“Stephen often comments on how pretty you are,” Richard said. “He tries to be very casual about it, but I think he’s matchmaking.”
She softened at the thought. “What a sweet boy. Surely someone on the staff must have told him that a duke could not possibly marry a governess.”
“Of course he knows that, but—” Richard suddenly cleared his throat.
Meriel got a strange feeling, and she stopped playing to face him. “If he knows that, then why would he—” She broke off and stared aghast at Richard. “He knows!”
“Meriel—”
Her voice dropped to a shocked whisper, and she glanced at the open drawing room door. They were still alone. “He knows who you are!”
“I didn’t tell him,” he said tiredly. “He’s just too smart to believe that his father might have changed so easily toward him. I first found out that Stephen knew the truth when he was correcting my food preferences. He’s been very helpful ever since.”
She stared at Richard as if she didn’t know him. “You used that boy as a—a co-conspirator! You let a six-year-old lie for you?”
He shrugged. “What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t leave. I told Stephen the truth, that his father is still sick and doesn’t want to appear weak before the world. That made perfect sense to him.”
“But—”
He took her hand and she let him, but only so that no one would see her struggling in anger.
“Meriel, he’s been invaluable to me in my disguise. He wanted to help; how could I refuse him?”
She sighed, knowing he was right. “This just isn’t natural. What if this somehow…hurts him?”
“He could be hurt far worse, if we’re not careful. He’s been very good, never calls me anything but Father. Even you were fooled, and you spend most of the day with him.”
“Your Grace, I—” Meriel broke off as Beatrice entered.
The maid’s expression was respectful, even toward Meriel, as she asked if His Grace needed anything else. When she’d gone, Meriel used the awkward pause to rise to her feet.
“I’ll wish you a good night, Your Grace.”
He stood and took her hand between both of his. He lifted it to his mouth and kissed her a bit too long. His lips were warm and soft and made her feel almost faint with longing. She admitted to herself that she wanted to be close to him.
And she’d just discovered another of his lies! Well, an omission, anyway.
“Your Grace,” she murmured. “Please do not come to me tonight.”
He studied her, betraying neither anger nor disappointment. “Are you well, Meriel?”
She nodded. “I just…it’s all so new to me that…Oh, heavens.”
“Go to your solitary bed then.” One corner of his mouth teased her with a smile. “Dream of me.”
Her eyes widened, and she fled the drawing room. Did he already know he’d invaded her dreams?