Chapter 14
SOREN
Or I’ll fuck that giggle right out of your mouth.
The words replayed in my head as I lay in bed that night, unable to close my eyes because when I did, against my better judgment, flashes of sexual fantasies with Kade were all I saw.
I could count the number of men I’d been intimate with on one hand. I could count the times I’d orgasmed on one hand, too, and that was only by my own doing.
No matter who I was with, they never did it enough for me. I had a hard time asking for what I wanted, whether it was out of embarrassment or that I was worried about repercussions. Or in the case of Jude, just wanting to get it over with.
I faked it whenever we were together, letting him think he knew what he was doing.
But the man wouldn’t be able to find my G spot if it slapped him in the face.
Hearing Kade say the filthiest thing I’ve ever heard come out of a man’s mouth made my core throb instantly.
I had to squeeze my thighs together just to dull the want and the urge to jump his bones.
What made it worse was having to pleasure myself in the shower thinking of everything else that man could do if that was what just one sentence from him did to me.
On one hand, thinking about sleeping with another man made me feel guilty. When I was growing up, my father always taught me the importance of marriage, and about staying faithful to your spouse, and loyal to the bitter end.
But then Lilah had gone and fucked the entire thing up by selling me off to the highest bidder and forcing me into a marriage I never wanted.
So while a small part of me feels guilty about considering being unfaithful to Jude, that son of a bitch would deserve it for all he put me through.
Not to mention I deserved to have a good time. To have something good for myself for once.
To take what I wanted.
But although Kade said those things, did he really mean them?
After he had spouted off his dirty threat, he had laughed it off and walked away, leaving me stunned stupid. Part of me wondered if I’d imagined the whole thing and somehow dozed off and had some kind of weird dream.
But I knew that wasn’t the case. I knew Kade was just that bold, even if he didn’t mean it. He obviously had no shame in his game.
But why on Earth would he be interested in me? I didn’t really take care of myself, never wearing makeup and looking like a hollowed-out version of myself.
But even that was changing.
Every day I’d look in the mirror, and I could see my face begin to fill out and the bags under my eyes begin to vanish. I had more energy throughout the day, and my mind felt calmer. I could stay up all night reading and not feel a thing.
It’s like I was on the verge of dying, and being here for just a short period of time had begun to remind me what it was like to feel alive.
But what killed me was I didn’t feel this way in my own home. It was a thought that I constantly kept coming back to. Why had I let myself get this bad? Why hadn’t I left Boston when I wanted to, like I’d planned? Why did I let Lilah stop me? Even before she had trapped me in a marriage?
I could easily be living in somewhere like Seattle, with my own apartment full of glass windows, and an easel in my living room where I could paint until my hand cramped, and study fine arts like I’d wanted to.
It blew my mind that getting kidnapped by a criminal was what it took to show me what I truly was missing out on, and what my heart still craved.
Yes, I could still paint at home, but my heart was never in it. It felt like I hadn’t touched my paintbrushes in weeks. All I wanted to paint was darkness and pain instead of the bright colors of the world and happiness.
I used to be such a happy person. But when my father married the Wicked Witch of the West she slowly drained the life out of me year after year, until my father died and the rest of me faded away with him.
After some time, my eyes would focus, having gotten lost staring into my own eyes in the mirror and in my own pitiful thoughts, restoring my clear vision.
I would make my way down to the dining room to eat something for breakfast before taking my cup of coffee into the library and spending the majority of the day there. Every day felt so normal and routine.
I rarely saw Kade in the morning for breakfast or in the afternoon for lunch. I didn’t even want to know why he was gone so early in the morning and gone for so long.
I’d only ever bothered to memorize Jude’s schedule so I knew he was coming home, and when he’d leave. His schedule was the same every day, since his dad ran everything on the Mafia side and Jude ran his father’s company for him. It looked like a legitimate company but was far from it.
But whatever works, I guess.
My thoughts were bouncing all over the place, laying here, sleep nowhere in sight but I couldn’t get Kade out of my mind.
The things he said to me. The way he’d looked in a t-shirt and a pair of sweats.
The way electricity flew between our bodies when he taught me to defend myself.
How his breath felt against my skin. How delectable he looked when he took off his shirt, the sweat dripping down his rock-hard abs and leading down to underneath his waistband.
I couldn’t even get the throbbing of my core to stop. I was laying here, itching to relieve the buildup, or itching for Kade to relieve the buildup for me himself. He’d made me this way. It would only be fair that he helped the situation.
But as I laid there, I talked myself out of it. I didn’t feel brave enough to go jump his bones at this hour, especially if he ended up rejecting me. Then I’d be mortified for the rest of my days. I’d probably be the punch line of a joke between him and his brothers until I died.
I wanted to roll over so badly and sleep, but I was wide awake, buzzing with need. As if he could sense it all the way from wherever his bedroom was, which I assumed was the opposite side of the house. I heard the door open, and the side of the bed dip, not having to look to know it was Kade.
“Can’t sleep?” I asked, my throat dry, fighting with myself harder and harder against this man.
“Not in the slightest,” he responded, laying back onto the pillows with his hands behind his head.
“What’s on your mind?” I said after a moment, turning my head slightly to read his features, the only light in the room the sliver of moonlight from the window.
“You,” he growled.
“Me?” I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
“Yes. You,” he said, not giving any room for questions.
“You've been in my every waking thought since I brought you here, Soren. You’re in my head when I’m out running the streets for my father.
When I’m trying to read in the library, while you sit there on the couch.
When I’m fucking my hand in the shower.”
I gasped, my heart beginning to pound.
“Oh,” I replied, the only thing I was able to get out.
“Feel what you do to me, Soren,” he said, leaving no room for argument as he grabbed my hand and put it over his straining erection in his boxers.
I didn’t mean to, but a moan escaped my lips, because this man was huge.
I had never been with someone this big. I questioned my ability to even be able to handle him.
His hand moved so fast I couldn’t react. He grabbed my chin, and ran his thumb over my bottom lip.
“I’m dying to know what you taste like, Soren. What you feel like around me. What your lips feel like wrapped around me. I’ve tried so hard to deny it, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold back,” he said, his voice sounding strained.
“Why me?” I asked, his hand cupping my jaw, not letting me go any time soon. “I’m nothing compared to anyone else you’ve been with.”
“You are everything, Soren. Don’t let anyone, especially your small dick husband, tell you otherwise,” he growled.
And he crashed his mouth against mine before I had time to protest.
I could already feel my nipples hardening beneath my nightgown as I moaned into Kade’s mouth. A bite of electricity went all the way from my lips to my core, pushing me past my limit when it came to this man.
I broke our kiss, rolling from my back and on top of Kade, straddling him, and putting myself exactly where I wanted to be: grinding on his lap, and feeling him hard against me. He made me feel brave, and like I didn’t need to be shy when asking for what I wanted.
“Soren,” he groaned, pulling me down to bring our mouths together once more, running his tongue down the center of my lips in a silent command I was more than happy to oblige.
He tasted like mint and bourbon, something I’d never get tired of.
“Heaven,” he mumbled against my lips.
I sat up, breaking the contact between our lips and giving him a confused look. “What?” I breathed.
“You taste like heaven,” he said, before he pulled down the straps of my nightgown, exposing my breasts fully to him.
“Perfection,” he said, as he cupped them in his hands. He sat up, taking my nipple in his mouth, giving it a nibble, causing me to throw my head back. His tongue on my body was enough to make me lose it. He moved to the other side, working the same magic that he did with the other one.
“Kade,” I moaned, fisting my hand in his hair, and giving it a small tug, bringing his mouth back to mine, and grinding on him again.
“What do you want, princess?”
Even though he made me brave, my face grew red hot. I wasn’t used to asking for what I wanted when it came to the bedroom. Nobody would ever listen anyway, so why bother? I was merely there for their pleasure.
But fuck that.
I want my own.
“I want you to taste me, Kade,” I challenged, wondering just how serious he had been.
“Where?” he teased, knowing this was all new to me. I didn’t think at that moment my face could burn any brighter. But if I wanted my own pleasure, he’d make me tell him all of my demands.