Chapter 25
SOREN
I had absolutely no desire to get out of bed this morning after the longest and most emotionally draining night of my life.
I thought that causing Jude pain after everything he put me through would be easy but it wasn’t. It was at first, but then the blood and the pain and the tears and the screams gnawed at my nerves. I don’t think I’d ever get those noises and images out of my mind.
But it also felt freeing watching the life leave his body, because now I knew he’d never hurt me again. I was free in a way I hadn’t been in a long time. I was finally able to take my life back, and now I had a man who actually cared about me to do it with.
Last night was the first night I’d showered with Kade, and one of the first times I’d slept in his bed. He was never getting rid of me now because this was the nicest bed I’d ever laid in in my entire existence.
I smiled despite the ache in my muscles and rolled over to the man in question. Except he wasn’t there, and from the coolness of the sheets, he hadn’t been in a while.
What the hell?
I knew he was a morning person, but it was unusual for him to be gone so much sooner than me, and not to mention I would have expected him to sleep a lot longer after last night to recoup.
I looked over my shoulder at the alarm clock and saw it only read nine o clock. We hadn’t even gotten home until after two.
Which means he either never came to bed, or he barely slept at all.
I pushed back the covers and tiptoed to his dresser to pull out a pair of pajama pants so I wasn’t walking around his house in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear.
The last thing I needed this morning was Astrid seeing me in all my half naked morning glory.
I’m sure she’d seen and heard some questionable stuff in this house before, but God forbid she saw me in a t-shirt.
The floor was cold beneath my feet as I made my way downstairs and peeked around the corners and peered into the hallways to see where Kade was hiding. But the gym was empty, and the same went for the kitchen. Even the library was eerily silent.
Bile rose in my throat with fear that something was wrong, and that there had been a retaliation that came up about Jude or Lilah’s death. Although, I’m not sure who would be stupid enough to challenge the Luchettis over Lilah.
I sure as hell didn’t plan to.
A piece of paper sitting on the kitchen counter next to an empty coffee mug caught my attention, and I peered over to see Kade’s familiar handwriting.
Soren,
Running errands today. Meet at my mother’s at 6. Isaac will take you.
Kade
A lump formed in my throat at the fact that his family wanted to meet with me. For what reason?
But then a memory tickled my brain from last night about my wish to sign everything over to his family so my tie to the Mafia was done, and he had said he’d arrange a meeting. I guess I didn’t expect it to be so soon.
But the sooner the better I guess. I wanted to be out of this situation once and for all.
It made no sense to me why he wouldn’t take me to his mother’s himself, or the fact that he’d left me alone all day, unless he really wasn’t worried about retaliation from Jude’s family.
Maybe it was silly of me to expect him to give me so much of his time lately. He did have a life outside of me that he had to attend to. I couldn’t expect him to be cooped up with me in the house all the time.
I couldn’t help the ray of sadness that shone on my heart due to the fact that he wasn’t here, and for some silly reason I already missed him.
I guess I just hadn’t expected him to go back to his routine so soon.
Something in the back of my mind told me that something was going on, and the life I had been planning to build was already crumbling before I could even begin.
I don’t know why every fiber in my body was screaming at me to wear a dress tonight, when all I really wanted to do was tempt fate and show up in my sweatpants and pullover, with my hair piled on top of my head, just as I had when I had gotten shot.
The hours had ticked by ever since I’d seen Kade’s note, and as much as I tried to pass the time with a good book, I ended up reading the same page over and over again, not absorbing any of it.
I just wanted to get tonight over with and see Kade, and to help me realize that all the worry I had that something was wrong was all in my head. That things were the best they’d ever been and would be for a long time.
But I couldn’t shake the ominous feeling that settled on my skin.
So maybe that’s why I gave in to the voice inside my head and got myself together, looking like an entirely different person when I stepped out of the bedroom.
“Ready to go, Mrs Peirano?” A husky voice came from behind me at the front door.
I gasped and brought a hand to my chest, having gotten used to being by myself all day. I turned to find Isaac at the door, waiting just as Kade had said.
“Yes,” I said simply, trying to regain my composure as discreetly as I could.
I made my way out the front door and to the car parked out front, Isaac hurrying to open the door for me.
I wanted to ask him if Kade had made it a requirement to have the door opened for me.
I think I’m having a mental breakdown.
In the shitstorm that had become my life, I had taken it upon myself to make my life motto: you either laugh about it or you cry about it.
So damn it if I laughed hysterically at all the wrong times. At least I wasn’t crying. I hated crying.
Crying had meant weakness, and in my world, weaknesses could mean death.
It’s why Lilah and Jude had such control over me. They saw any little weakness I had and used it against me until I broke.
But now I was going to piece myself back together again. I wasn’t going to let anyone break me again. I’d spent far too long being broken.
The ride to Kade’s father's house was quiet. Thank God Isaac wasn’t a talker, and before I knew it we were pulling in front of the mansion.
Even though I’d been here before, it still didn’t take away the shock value of it. I’m sure Kade’s family had so much money they didn’t know what to do with it, and this house hadn’t even put a dent in their fortune.
I took a deep breath and waited for Isaac to come around and open the door. But when I looked up at the man who had opened the door, it was Kade who stood there, in all his dark, hot, Mafia man glory.
“Soren,” he greeted, offering me his arm to take.
“Kade,” I replied with ease, wondering where his cold shoulder was coming from. Had something happened?
I held onto his arm, noticing how stiff he was beside me as we made our way inside the front doors.
“Are you okay?” I whispered, as we inched closer and closer to the table filled with his brothers.
“Absolutely,” he replied, not even glancing my way.
What the fuck?
Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my bones. But maybe it wasn’t about me. Maybe I was overthinking it and being dramatic. Maybe the stress of signing over everything was getting to me.
Not entirely impossible.
I never thought I’d be able to leave this life behind, even if Lilah was still alive. I thought I’d be a prisoner forever. I didn’t think I’d be able to let go of the life that felt like the last piece of my father I could hold on to.
But that's the point of letting go. To learn. To move on. To grow from it. If we spend our entire lives holding on to things that are working to slowly destroy us, we'll never have room to let in the things that will have the ability to rebuild us.
I held my head up high as I walked into the room full of some of the most powerful men in Boston and brushed off whatever was happening with Kade. It was the only thing I could do to get through this.
Mafia men smelled weakness on people, and I didn’t have time to be weak anymore.
Weak Soren was gone. I’d killed her and tossed her in the marina.