Chapter Four
Valli
I didn’t want to alarm Cave as soon as he got back, but the question has been eating at me. I need to know what happened to my brother. If something bad happened because of me, I couldn’t live with myself, despite how stupid that sounds after everything he has done to me.
Cipher tinkers at his workbench, though Cave tried to get him to stay in bed. After some negotiations, he is working on his music box.
Noa has returned after a few hours at the cemetery digging holes—he needed something to do—but I’m more concerned about Cave.
He hasn’t been back to the cornfield. Everyone told me he rarely leaves it, so that can’t be a good sign.
Also, he has been different since he came back, not that I have much history to go off, but even Noa and Cipher agree.
“Is Rowan dead?” I blurt out into the silence.
Cipher freezes and Noa coughs, while Cave slowly turns around to face me.
The quiet is deafening, and my heart thumps wildly in my chest. I need him to tell me either way so I can process it. Cave shakes his head, and I sigh in relief.
“Where is he?”
Cave shrugs and turns back around. Anxiety claws its way under my skin; if he doesn’t know where my brother is, this cycle could start again.
A small part of me freezes in terror. I don’t want to keep living like this, not knowing who he is going to owe money to and always having to look over my shoulder.
Cipher reaches over, takes my hand in his, and squeezes tightly.
The rest of the day moves slowly, and I want to tell them I have to go home. It’s time to get back to my life. I need to find a job, and fast. The bills will pile up, and I hate not having all my ducks in a row, so to speak.
I know Cave is watching me; he tracks me every time I move. He does the same with Cipher, barely letting us out of his sight. I really don’t want to piss off the Scarecrow right now.
Noa leaves to get us dinner, and I work up the courage to tell them I will be returning home tomorrow.
The thought alone has me pacing around the room.
I didn’t expect it to be this hard, and maybe under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be.
Yet these men saved me from Steedy and my brother.
There is no way I could ever repay them.
How many people would put themselves in danger for a near stranger?
Not that they feel like strangers to me; it’s as if I have known them for years.
Which is not a feeling I have ever had before.
Normally I avoid friendships, so I don’t have to explain Rowan to anyone.
A car horn beeps, and Cave heads to the doorway. Cipher doesn’t move from his seat as I follow behind Cave.
Outside, Noa is reversing the hearse up to the doors, and when he jumps out and runs around the back, he tells Cave to help him.
“I figured since we all eat here so much, I would bring a table back. It’s one of those fold-out ones.”
Cave grabs the table and Noa hands me two fold-up chairs, while he grabs the other two and the bag of food.
Once we are inside, Cave puts the table up in the center of the shed, Noa dumps the bag of food on it, and I open the chairs. Cipher hasn’t even come up for air, so focused on what he is doing. Cave walks over to him and picks him up.
“Cave, be careful, everything hurts. I would have come as soon as I finished.”
I laugh. Cave and Cipher’s relationship is like nothing I have seen before. They just know what the other needs. Cipher makes sure Cave leaves his cornfield to shower, and Cave checks that Cipher remembers to take a break and eat.
Noa unpacks the burgers and hands me mine. “Chicken, no tomato, extra cheese.”
I smile at him, and he winks in return. My insides do a somersault, and butterflies invade my stomach. It’s crazy how quickly I have developed feelings for these men.
“Are you okay?” Cipher asks me.
I shake my head, and all three men’s focus turns to me. “I need to talk to you all about something, but I don’t want anyone to think I’m ungrateful.”
“We would never think that,” Noa says, taking a bite of his burger, and keeps talking with his mouth full. “You can always talk to us.”
I inhale as the butterflies in my stomach morph into a swarm of damn bees. “I think I need to go home. I love being here, I really do, but I have to pay bills and Leni relies on me.”
“We have money and can pay you,” Noa interjects.
I laugh. “I can’t accept money from you—that would make me feel like a hooker. While I am all for women doing what needs to be done to survive, there is a line I have to draw, and that is other people supporting me. It’s bad enough I have been mooching off you this long.”
Cave growls. “No.”
“You can’t tell me no, Cave. I can’t let my sister suffer. It’s bad enough I have had to, and I refuse to let her.”
“I kinda agree with the big guy—you can’t leave. You’re the only one who can talk sense into Cave, and we still have to dig another grave together. I also have these cool lights and a skeleton to add to a display, and I even built a coffin for it.”
“We can still do all those things. I won’t be gone forever, but I need to get back to my life for a bit. I love being here, though. Truly.”
“We understand,” Cipher says. “As long as you promise you’re coming back.”
I smile at him. “Try to keep me away. Besides, you’re all welcome to come and stay with me.”
“Sold,” Noa says. “Let me pack my things. I’m coming with you.”
That makes me laugh. “And what about your job and the graves you need to dig?”
He scratches his chin. “We can dig holes in your backyard. That will keep me busy, and Nixie can do without me for a while.”
Placing my hand over his, I squeeze. “I appreciate that, Noa, but you love it here. I will come back once I find a job and sort my life out.”
Noa sighs. “Fine, but you’re coming back to us. Don’t do anything stupid like disappearing forever.”
I smile. “I promise.”
Cipher reaches over and squeezes my hand under the table. “We’ll be here when you get back.”
Cave says nothing, but also doesn’t do his caveman act either.
I think that means he understands why I need to go back, or at least I hope it does.
He watches me eat, his eyes following every movement.
I refuse to feel bad for needing to live my life the way I want.
I talked with Kayla earlier about it. She was helpful, reminding me that these men have a way of steamrolling your life, even if they don’t mean it.
Plus, it’s not like I’m leaving forever and they won’t see me again.
Once we finish eating, I help clean up. Noa takes the burger wrappers and dumps them in the trash bag.
I call dibs on the first shower; these guys—mainly Noa—like to use all the hot water.
Gathering my things, I take them into the bathroom and turn on the water, making sure it heats a little before I strip down and get in.
I am taking my time, enjoying myself, when Cave comes in already naked and gets into the shower without a word.
He places his hands on my hips and pulls my body into his.
I look up and see his eyes hold so much emotion. I wish there was an easier way to communicate with him.
“Okay,” he whispers, and I understand that he is accepting I need to do this for me.
“Thank you for understanding. Everything has happened so fast, and I need time to breathe.”
He nods. “Mine.”
I laugh. I have never been claimed before, and it would be a lie to say I don’t like it.
His hands move down my back, and he turns me around as he reaches for the body wash.
He works it over my shoulders, and I shiver beneath his touch.
The water streams between us, and he follows the body wash with his mouth, kissing across my collarbone.
I turn and do the same to him, my hands sliding over his chest and arms, feeling the muscles underneath.
Then I kneel in front of him and take him into my mouth.
The water runs over both of us, and his hand cradles the back of my head.
His breathing gets heavier, and I can feel him trying to hold back.
He pulls me up, lifting me into his arms as I wrap my legs around him, and carries me out of the bathroom still dripping wet.
I’m completely naked in his arms as he walks me toward the main room of the shed where Cipher and Noa are waiting, a rope tied to the beams.
Cave lowers me down and raises my arms above my head, wrapping the rope around my left wrist, then the other end around my right.
My feet still touch the ground and my body is free to move, but I cannot control my arms. I feel exposed with them all here, their eyes roaming my skin.
“Your safe word is red. If it gets too much, just say the word and we will stop,” Noa says, and I nod.
Cipher surprises me by moving in closer. He is now shirtless, bare besides the bandage covering his wound. His mouth finds the hollow of my collarbone, and he kisses along it softly as goosebumps line my skin. His hands slide up my sides, tracing the shape of me.
Closing my eyes, I enjoy the feel of his lips and hands on me.
My eyes fly open when another hand touches me. Noa’s fingers trail down my shoulder, up my arm, and stop at the ropes.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs.
Cipher’s mouth moves across my shoulder, while Noa’s hand slides down my body. Glancing around, I find Cave taking us in—waiting and watching.
“Can I touch more of you?” Cipher asks.
“Yes,” I pant, not taking my eyes off Cave. “Touch me wherever you want.”
Cave steps closer, and I moan as Cipher sucks the skin on my neck. Noa wraps his hands around my waist and moves them slowly higher until his thumbs sweep the undersides of my breasts.
Cave reaches out and brushes my cheekbone. “Mine,” he says possessively.
I pull against the ropes, leaning into Noa’s touch and arching slightly. Cipher follows the movement with his mouth.
“Patience,” Noa says with a chuckle. “We’re only touching right now.”