Chapter Five
Cipher
The music box has been testing me. I have added a mechanism that allows a carousel to pop up when it’s opened, but the spring sticks and it’s not how I want it to be.
It’s not a problem I can’t solve—it just requires patience, and that has been harder than usual to come by this week. I set down the piece and roll my neck, adding in some breathing exercises Noa of all people showed me to reset my aura, whatever that means.
Noa left for the mainland a few hours ago to get supplies.
He needed something to keep himself busy.
Noa processes things by talking them through, then when there are no words left to say, he needs to move.
So I gave him a list of things that I didn’t exactly need just yet, but it gave him something to keep busy.
As I pick up the piece I was working on and turn it over in my hands, I examine the spring—it’s tiny and the whole reveal relies on it.
I have been trying over and over again to get it to work, but there has to be something I’m missing.
Guess I won’t figure it out today, though.
Noa told me that there is a saying: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity.
Then he laughed and said that none of us here are really sane anyway.
Cave is the one who calms me because he needs no words; his presence alone is all that is needed. I find it easiest to exist around him. He knows how important this box is, as we plan to give it to Valli. We have a surprise for her as her Christmas present, and without the box it will be spoiled.
It’s been four days since Valli saw Cave, and she is breaking inside but trying to put on a brave face—we all are.
Yet she has a determination unlike anything I have seen before.
Valli has always had to be strong for those around her and unlearning that will be hard for her.
But she has us now, so she doesn’t have to be strong all the time; she can break down if she needs to, and we will be there to catch her every time.
I haven’t said anything because there are no words that will change how her trauma presents, so all we can do is show her with our actions, and she will learn in time that she can rely on us. Trust is not given; it’s earned.
I pick up the music box and smile; I have restored it to perfect working condition, and I know the issue is that I am adding a part that was not made for it.
We have also been fixing up an old house in the residential area, and everyone on the island has been helping, especially Nails.
His real name is Rhett, but we’ve called him Nails ever since he nailed his own hand to a beam that he was fixing a few years ago after he asked Vero for help.
He now knows better than to ask Vero for anything.
It’s a nice house and has been sitting empty for two years.
I know we could stay out here, but I would lose my sanity continuing to have people looking over my shoulder all day while I work.
Nixie signed off on it a few days before Cave was taken away.
Valli deserves a real house, not a run -down, drafty shed full of bits and pieces that I will never throw away—you never know when you’ll need a jar of bolts or a drawer of screws.
The music box will be finished by the time Cave comes home, and I will work around the clock to make it happen.
I have learned to hear footsteps coming since being with Cave, as it makes it easier to multitask. Valli is back, and she pauses at the door just for a second, then walks through.
I glance up and she smiles, but it’s forced and sets off alarm bells in my head. Noa’s oversized hoodie swallows her tiny frame, and her hair is piled on top of her head.
She leans against the workbench beside me, close enough that her arm touches mine. She doesn’t say anything, and I love that about her; when she comes into my space, she can fall into silence with me. It’s nice knowing that simply being close to me is enough for her.
I turn to face her.
“How’s it coming along?” she asks, knowing when I move my attention away from what I’m working on it’s a sign I’m ready to engage.
“Slowly,” I say, picking up the spring. “This tiny thing is giving me hell.”
She leans in to look at it, little lines creasing between her brows. “What does it do? The box, I mean.”
“It will play a melody, and it opens.”
I want to slap myself—of course the box will open.
“To what?”
I gaze up at her and smile. “That part isn’t ready yet.”
I have kept the carousel that has been hand-crafted hidden. I don’t want her to see that part until I paint it, so I need Noa’s help for that part, to keep her away from the shed for a few hours.
“It’s really pretty,” she says, running her finger along the box. “Nixie sent me home. Apparently, my staring into the void was distracting her, and there is nothing for me to do once the rain starts.”
Just as she says the words, a light rain hits the shed roof.
“I can’t stop thinking about his face,” she confesses, her eyes turning glassy.
“The way he looked at me before I left. I know he understood what I said to him, but I hate not having firm confirmation. Then I wonder what it’s doing to him being back there in that place and I can’t .
. .” Her voice wobbles and she inhales deeply, trying to compose herself.
When I see all her walls coming back, fighting to lock into place, I take her hand in mine.
“I can’t do anything to fix it, but I showed up for an hour and tried to hold myself together, so he didn’t have to worry about me.”
“Come here,” I say, pulling her into me until she straddles my waist, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight to my chest. “I’ve got you. You’re allowed to feel like that, but I know Cave, and if you asked him to do something, he will. He’s a stubborn guy.”
She sniffles, and I realize she is crying, so I kiss her head. “You don’t always have to be strong. I will always hold you when you need me to.”
Valli doesn’t say anything, so I simply cradle her in silence. There is nothing more I can say that would make her feel any different, and I won’t insult her by trying. I just rub circles on her back and let her process her feelings.
After a while, she pulls back enough to wipe her face on the sleeve of Noa’s hoodie.
She opens her mouth, and I give her a look, knowing an apology is about to leave her lips, so she smiles and nods.
Valli never has to apologize for needing me, for breaking down and feeling.
She apologized to those around her for way too long.
“I hate this,” she says.
“Me too.”
“I hate that he is in there, and I’m on the outside.” She looks up at me. “Do you ever tire of not being able to fix something?”
“Depends. Sometimes fixing something that people perceive as broken takes time because it isn’t actually broken.
Maybe they’re trying to find their way through something instead.
You don’t have to fix everything for the people you love, Valli.
Rather, you just have to make sure they don’t go through it alone.
If it’s a music box, on the other hand, sometimes I want to throw it against a wall and be done with it.
But then my brain would just make me rebuild it again. ”
“Do you think he will come out of there the same?”
I think about what she is asking—about Cave in the facility, and what we read in his file.
“I think he will survive it. It’s what Cave knows how to do.
He survived it once before and can do it again.
I know that isn’t the same as being okay, so I won’t tell you he will be.
What I will tell you is that he is incredibly stubborn, and he will do everything he can to come back to us.
If he isn’t okay when he gets here, we will love him through it until he is himself again. ”
“You think he will want us to love him through it, though?”
“I am sure,” I say, reaching up and tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
“And I think he will be back before we know it. Nixie is on it, plus Vincent is helping. The minute they get an opening, they will bring him back, no matter what state he is in. Then we love him until whatever is cracked inside him heals.”
She stretches up, and I close the distance. Her lips press against mine as she leans her whole body into the kiss, and I bring my hands to her face, holding her there, needing the closeness as much as she does.
When she deepens the kiss, I pull back, as I don’t want her to think I’m using a moment of weakness for personal gain.
Once she knows me well enough, she will know that sex rarely crosses my mind until it’s happening.
I rarely seek it out; the comfort of touch and being close to someone has never appealed to me enough to search for it.
I don’t hate it when it happens, but I could live without it and not feel like I was lacking.
“You sure?” I ask, and she nods before smashing her lips to mine again.
As I stand, she wraps herself around me tighter, and I move us to the couch. The rain outside is steady now, and the shed lights are dim. It’s as if the universe has set the mood for us.
I never put on a performance the way others do; I wouldn’t know how, and it’s not something I’d want to learn.
What I do is pay attention to things that matter, and Valli matters to me.
I notice every small sound, the way she whispers my name when I do something right, and the way her hands move and what they reach for.
I memorize it all. These are the important details.
And details are important when you like to know how things tick; more importantly, I want to know every detail about her.
I let her set the pace because that is what she needs right now—to feel in control—and I’m not going to take that from her.
She shifts in my lap, moving herself along the hard ridge of my cock beneath my jeans.
I grip her waist and my head falls back; who knew that dry humping would feel so damn good?
Valli reaches down and pulls the hoodie over her head, dropping it to the ground. She has nothing on now besides a lace bra, and when I glance down at the discarded pile of fabric, I see she removed her shirt as well.
“You’re staring,” she says.
“You’re just . . . I mean, wow.”
She chuckles, and I feel my ears heat. Valli reaches for the hem of my shirt, and I lift my arms and let her take it off. Her hands flatten against my chest, then she runs them over my skin, raising goosebumps on my arms. I still, letting her explore, and she traces lines with her fingertips.
When they dip below my navel, my stomach hollows out, and when she reaches for my belt, I cover her hands with mine. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
She smiles and leans forward to place a kiss on my chest, above my heart.
“I always want to be with you, Cipher, but I will stop if you need us to slow down.”
Shaking my head, I reply, “I’m fine, but I don’t want to rush you.”
Valli takes her time undoing my belt and the buttons on my jeans, then she moves off my lap to pull them off, along with my boxers.
I feel the weight of her eyes upon me, and as glance up at her, she licks her lips as she takes me in.
When her gaze lock with mine, she smirks and reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra before slowly letting the straps fall down over her shoulders.
As the material brushes over her nipples, they harden, and she drops the bra to hook her fingers into the sides of her leggings, teasing me by lowering each side just a little until she slides them and her thong down enough to reveal herself to me. And damn, I really like what I see.
Once she steps out of her bottoms, Valli straddles my waist again. I grip the cushions hard when she wraps her hand around my cock and strokes me, my eyes rolling to the back of my head, though they spring open when the heat of her squeezes me and she sinks down onto me.
She sets the pace and I follow, no words needed.
I find out quickly that she responds to slow, gentle movements.
Not everyone does; people like Noa need the feeling of being wanted so badly that it has to equal urgent passion, and there is nothing wrong with that.
But Valli’s brain has been running at full speed all week, and she needs a break; she needs someone to take her apart fully.
As she rocks against me, I learn what makes her breath catch: kissing the sides of her neck, just below her ear, and on the inside of her wrist. So does touching the small of her back, and when my hands spread flat and pull her in closer, she clenches around me.
“Cipher,” she moans breathlessly.
“I’m here. Let go, I will catch you.”
I want her to know I am entirely in the moment with her, that I’m not lost in my head. I want her to know that if she ever needs me, I will give her my undivided attention.
She whispers something against my jaw, but I can’t make out if it was even a word, so I pull back to look at her face, checking to make sure she’s okay. “Good?”
“So good, do not stop.”
I’m not planning on it, but I let her set the pace, biting down on my tongue a few times to clear my thoughts so I don’t come, though it’s getting harder the faster she grinds against me.
She comes apart slowly, and I watch as she does.
How her head falls back, and her eyes close, the way her body arches.
I want to remember this moment, the one where she allows herself to let go, to enjoy something she doesn’t need to apologize for grasping for herself.
My fingers dig into the couch cushions as her pussy clamps down tighter and her body shudders, then I finally stop fighting the feeling coiling inside me and help her ride me through my release.
Once we both come down, her body sags against mine, face tucking into my neck as I wrap my arms around her and listen to her breathe.
“Cipher,” she whispers into my neck.
“Mmm?”
“Thank you.”
I chuckle. “You don’t have to thank me for sex.”
That makes her laugh. “Not for the sex, though it was very good. For being what I need. I have never had that before. I have always had to be the strong one all the time; I never let myself be anything else.”
I simply press my lips to the top of her head and don’t say anything else.