8. Family
FAMILY
BLUE
It was hard for me to focus on my work once Brick left. His warning was ominous and freaked me out. At least Tracy’s nosy ass was gone when I got back. But his words kept echoing in my head.
Pay the money back soon, or you will be in a world of hurt.
I don’t know what the fuck Chauncey promised, or when he’s getting out of jail. I just know that I told Brick that I would have the rest of his payment as soon as possible.
I know I’m gonna have to beg, borrow, and steal to get it, but enough is enough.
I have to get my mama out of this mess, even if it’s the last thing I do.
I never thought I’d have to give her an ultimatum, but I can’t go on like this.
Chauncey creates a problem, my mom runs to me to fix it, I help, and then Chauncey fucks it all up again.
It’s a never-ending cycle of abuse that I just don’t want to deal with anymore. This isn’t the first time that he’s put our lives in danger, and if I don’t cut him off, it won’t be the last. This will keep going until one or all of us are dead.
I know one thing for sure: it ain’t gonna be me or my mama. That bitch Chauncey, though, when I get my hands on his ass, he’ll wish he never met us. He’s used and abused this situation for too long.
I know that I’m going to have to suck it up and go to my family for help. I didn’t want to involve them because they’ve done so much for us. But when a guy like Brick comes to warn you, you don’t ignore it. If I don’t have Mama’s debt cleared, both of us will end up missing or dead.
I have to suck up my pride and ask my family for help. I would go to my Aunt Delores, but she doesn’t have the kind of money we need. I also don’t want her worrying about us because she worries enough.
Hey cuz… I need a huge favor…. meet me at Soul @ 8.
BLACK: hey cuzzo… U good?
No.
BLACK: Who I need to kill?
nobody yet.
BLACK: cool. See ya @ 8
After I read Black’s text, I feel the tension rise. I’m not working in the Hounds’ clinic tonight, and I don’t want to show up there otherwise. It’s been a solid month of me actively avoiding hanging out at the clubhouse.
I do my shift, make my money, and take my Black ass home. It’s what I should’ve been doing from the beginning, but we all have to live and learn. I knew catching feelings for Bishop would end with me being heartbroken, but the heart wants what it wants.
Once I finish paying off this debt, maybe I will start dating again. I can at least start going out with friends again. I haven’t had a social life in ages. It will do me a world of good to relax and have some fun for a change.
“Maybe I’ll take a vacation. A trip to an island somewhere,” I say, trying to make myself feel better.
If I have something to look forward to, maybe my present situation won’t feel so endless. I hate this out of control feeling that I have. It took me a long time to get in control of my life after my dad died, and I swore to never feel like that again.
Now, here I am at thirty-four years old, feeling like I did when I was a kid. I hate it, and I will take control again. But first, I have to put my big girl panties on and ask for help.
I don’t know how Black will react, or whether he will want to get my Uncle Tree involved, but I sincerely hope not. Uncle Tree just might kill Chauncey, and even though I don’t give two shits about Mama’s deadbeat husband, I don’t want my uncle to get caught up.
It’s one of the main reasons I didn’t go to my family in the first place.
I don’t want them mixed up in any mess. As patched members of the Hounds, they have enough to deal with.
They’ve been a huge part of that brotherhood for years, and I know they make moves.
But I also know that they have to be careful about how they move.
That’s why I tried to handle this situation myself. But I know when to ask for help, even though I don’t like asking. When there’s a threat of death, I know I’m in over my head.
“So, you need a fifteen-thousand-dollar loan by tomorrow?” Black questions.
The deep brown skin on his forehead is wrinkled, and his brows are pinched together. The snarl on his lips and the way his hands are steepled tell me this won’t be easy. I know my cousin, and he wants more details.
Shit, I was hoping he would just give me the cash.
“Yes, just a loan. I promise I’ll pay you back,” I say, the obvious pleading in my tone.
“Baby cuz, I know you. You don’t ask for shit. So, what’s really goin on?” Black leans forward, studying me closely.
“Do you not want to give me the money? I can ask somebody else.”
My words come out defensively. I don’t mean to snap, but my nerves have been on edge since Brick visited. Hell, they have been on edge since all this shit started.
“Now, don’t go getting all mad and defensive and shit. You know you can ask me for anything, and I’ll give it to you. You also know that I’m not stupid, so stop tryin’ to play in my damn face.”
I sigh because the jig is up. I tried to get over without having to tell Black the details. But it looks like I’ll have to come clean. I just hope he won’t be too hard on me.
“Okay, dang. Chauncey…”
“I know fucking well you ain’t askin’ me for money for that motherfucka!” Black interrupts me, scowling.
“Now you know better shit than that,” I growl, rolling my eyes. “Don’t piss me off,” I huff, offended.
“My bad.” Black holds up his hands in a surrendering motion.
“Anyways, as I was saying…” I clear my throat nervously. “Chauncey got Mama to get money from a loan shark.”
“What in the actual hell! Dammit, Aunt Carol Anne. What the hell was she thinking?” Black shakes his head.
“She was drunk,” I answer, shame coloring my words.
Black places his large hand over mine and squeezes, giving me comfort that I’m too ashamed to ask for. Logically, I know the shame isn’t mine, but I carry it anyway. I’m still trying to save Mama; unfortunately, I don’t know if she can be saved anymore.
“Why didn’t you come to me sooner? I could’ve handled it.” Black looks at me, seriousness dancing in his gaze.
“It isn’t your responsibility.” I look down to avoid the heaviness of his stare.
“It wasn’t yours either.”
“My mama is my responsibility,” I argue.
“No. Your mama is grown. You can’t keep trying to help somebody that doesn’t want to be helped, Blue.”
I shake my head, but I keep my disagreement to myself. I know he’s right, but it’s not that simple. He doesn’t understand because his mama is a healthy, functional, rational adult. My mama hasn’t been those things in a very long time.
“I just need the loan, Black. I’m in the middle of this now. They want their money now, so I… I need the money now.”
“Alright, I have the money in the safe. You call them and have them meet you here, and we’ll take care of this shit tonight. I can’t have my little cousin out here risking her life. I’m pissed that you let it go this long.” Black looks at me pointedly.
“I know. I just didn’t want to bring anyone else into Chauncey’s mess. I thought I had enough time to fix it. Thanks for understanding, cousin. I appreciate you. For real. I’ll pay you back, I promise.”
Black waves his hand, dismissing my words. “Don’t worry about paying me back. Just don’t let this shit happen again. If you or Aunt Carol Anne are in trouble, I want to know about it. And I want to know ASAP, not months later. You got it?” Black’s words are stern, and I know he means business.
As scary as my cousin is, he’s never so much as raised his voice at me.
Black and I have always been close. He’s a lot older than me, so he’s more like an uncle, but I’ve always been able to go to him for anything.
I knew I could count on him. I’m just glad I got a lecture instead of him going to Uncle Tree.
“Thanks again, Black,” I say, relieved as hell.
“No thanks needed. Now, call the shark so we can do this shit.”
Thank goodness for family!