Chapter 9 Weston #2
I dug around in the drawer until my hand ran over a box, and I pulled it out, the lid creaking with age as I opened it.
A rush of air left me like a deflating balloon as I stared down at the ring.
The diamond, tiny as it was, sparkled in the light.
It wasn’t even half a carat, but I’d saved for it for months.
The band was simple, thin, and gold. It wasn’t anything special, not even a morsel of the kind of ring my Sav deserved.
But it looked meant to be when I slid it onto her finger eleven years ago.
And it was the worst pain I’d ever experienced when she gave it back an hour later.
I knew from the look on her face that something had been wrong, that she had been lost in her head so deep even I couldn’t pull her out of it.
“Say something,” I said, my voice too quiet. I didn’t want her to know I was freaking out, but she just kept staring at the ring. Staring at it like it was a weight dragging her down.
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
“Anything, angel, just talk to me.” I brushed her hair back, desperate to touch her, to feel connected to her in any way possible. “Let me in that cute head of yours.”
The corner of her mouth twitched with a barely there smile. “I love you, Wes,” she said, her voice shaky. “I love you more than I thought was possible.” She looked up at me with teary eyes, and my stomach dropped. “But I’m only eighteen. I’m leaving for school in two days.”
My chest tightened. “And I told you I want to come with you. There are ranches in California. I can get a job at one and ride while you go to school.”
Her chin quivered, and more tears than I could catch rolled down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to come with me.” The words were soft, broken, and devastating as they left her.
I blinked, my mind struggling to absorb them. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t feel anything, my body numb with shock. “W-What?” I never would’ve predicted her saying that.
“I want to go to school and figure out who I am, what I want my life to be, not figure out how to be someone’s wife. I don’t even know what my life is going to be like in a week, let alone decades from now.”
“Your life is supposed to be with me, Sav,” I whispered, stunned, my own eyes burning with unshed tears.
“You said you wanted forever, you said you wanted me. Us. This. Forever.” I was giving her what she wanted, what we both wanted, and had spent hours dreaming about.
I didn’t understand what changed her mind.
“I do,” she wept. “Just not right now. This is too much. We’re too young for something like this.”
“People get married this young all the time. Your parents did, and look at how happy they are.”
“And they never left Wild Creek either. But I want to. I need to. And this is my only chance.” All I heard was her saying she wanted and needed to leave me. Leave me behind just like my parents did, just like she swore she never would.
My voice cracked as I whispered, “You’re tearing my heart out.”
She only cried harder. “I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Wes.” She pulled the ring off her finger and forced it back into my shaking hand. “I love you, but I can’t do this.”
“We don’t have to be engaged, we can do the long-distance thing, I’ll do whatever you want, Savannah, just please don’t end us.”
“I have to,” she said, pain and regret written all over her face, but she stood anyway.
I got back on my knees, taking her hands in mine. “Please don’t do this,” I begged, fully crying now. “Please don’t ruin this, Savannah baby, please. I can’t lose you. You’re the love of my life. I can’t breathe without you. Please.”
She pulled her hands out of mine, face crumbling with heartbreak. “I’m sorry,” she said one last time, and walked back to her house, not looking back.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and shoved the box and picture back into my nightstand, locking away that broken piece of me that had yet to heal. I wasn’t sure that it ever would.
Did she ever think about that night? Think about the good times?
I wasn’t sure I’d ever know at the rate things were going between us.
Every time I thought I had worked my way closer, she’d shut me out again.
And I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before I gave up completely.
Gave up on all of it: her, riding, being the happy guy I’d always forced myself to be.
I sniffled, raked a hand through my hair, and went to take a shower before dinner with my brothers to pull myself together.
The diner was thankfully not that busy. I didn’t have it in me to deal with people’s stares or questions about how I was doing. I knew they meant well, but I just didn’t have the energy for it today. I picked at my burger and fries, not really in the mood for that either.
“What’s wrong with you?” Beau asked from across the table, frowning. “You look like someone pissed in your beer.”
“I can’t drink beer, that’s what’s wrong with me.” Alcohol made my lingering concussion symptoms worse, and I couldn’t drink for another week. But I’d do just about anything to be able to drink myself stupid, so I didn’t feel this gnawing hole in my chest.
“No, that’s not it.”
“Just drop it, Beau,” Colt said from next to me.
“It’s Savannah,” I admitted, staring at the table. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, couldn’t lie about us for another second. And if that bothered her, then… Well, then it bothered her. She could scream at me for all I cared. At least then she’d pay attention to me.
“What?” Beau said with a mouthful. “What about her?”
“I know you know something happened with us. Everyone does,” I said.
“Well, yeah, but it’s none of our business,” Colt said. “Neither one of you owes us an explanation.”
“We were engaged. When I was nineteen. She broke it off to go to Stanford an hour after I proposed.”
Beau choked on his food.
Colt fidgeted next to me. “Well, that’s…not what I expected.”
“I would’ve told y’all, but she didn’t want anyone to know. Hasn’t wanted anyone to know. The first time I saw her after she ended things was at the rodeo when this happened.” I gestured to the sling.
“Jesus Christ,” Beau rasped. “I just thought it was some high school thing that fizzled out.”
I took a large sip of water. “No. We were together for two years, and it was everything. Could’ve been everything.”
“Well, what about now that she’s back home?” Colt asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. She won’t let me back in. I’ve tried. I even told her I still love her.”
“Damn,” Beau sighed, running a hand over his mouth. “What are you gonna do?”
I shrugged again, staring at the table. “Don’t know,” was all I said, because for the first time in eleven years, the situation truly felt hopeless.