Chapter 19 #2
No fucking wonder he was wound so tight. The man needed to get laid. “How long has it been?”
“Three years.” I choked on my drink. “Yeah,” he sighed, while I wiped my chin.
“Do you want to?”
“Of course, I want to. I just don’t think I should.” He wrenched his jaw, swirling his beer. “Didn’t have a lot of time for it overseas. And my head isn’t exactly right since coming back this time, and I don’t want to accidentally hurt someone.”
I didn’t really know what to say to that. I knew he had problems with adjusting, but I didn’t realize they had reached that point. “I don’t think you’d hurt someone, Emmett. Especially not a woman.”
He shrugged before looking up at the girl again. “Maybe not, but it’s not worth the risk.”
A slow song came on, something sappy, and Savannah looked around. In a snap decision, I handed Emmett my drink. “Take this. I gotta go beg your sister to dance with me.”
Savannah was walking off the dance floor when I took her hand, spinning her and bringing her into my arms. Her eyes were wide when she collided against my chest, sparkling from the fairy lights strung up in the trees above.
“A woman as stunning as you shouldn’t be alone on a dance floor,” I said, proud of how quick I thought of that.
“Good thing I’m not, then.” Her voice was soft with a subtle rasp. Flirty in a way that made me ache.
I pulled her closer, my hand settling low on her back. “I miss you, Sav.”
“I miss you, too,” she said quietly. She moved closer, to the point that we were flush, our bodies gliding like one on the dance floor. It was effortless being with her like this, as if we were extensions of one another.
“I hate this. Hate not waking up next to you. Come back to me, angel.”
She laid her head on my chest. “It’s not that simple, Weston.”
“But it could be.” My grip on her tightened. “Please.” Couldn’t she see how miserable I was without her? Couldn’t she feel it in the way I clung to her?
She glanced around the reception area before looking up at me again. “Have you decided what you’re going to do yet?”
I stopped dancing, realizing with startling finality that yeah, I had. “Let’s go for a walk,” I said, and pulled her away from the party.
We walked in silence until the music was only a faint hum covered by the sound of crickets chirping and frogs croaking by the pond nearby. “I’ve been thinking.”
“That could potentially be dangerous,” she teased.
“Smart-ass.” I swatted her ass, making her yelp. I pulled her into my arms, wanting to be near her when she was smiling and laughing like this. “I’m serious, Sav.”
Her head tilted, and she draped her arms over my shoulders. “Tell me what you’ve been thinking.”
“Training.”
A small furrow formed between her brows. “Training?”
“Yeah. Teaching people how to ride, being their coach. Or maybe judging at rodeos.” There were surprisingly a lot of ways I could stay close to rodeos without actually riding in them.
“I got so caught up in thinking it was either ride or nothing, but Henry of all people reminded me that wasn’t the case earlier. ”
She gave me a bewildered look. “A four-year-old gave you career advice?”
I chuckled at how ridiculous it sounded. “Pretty much.”
Her hands slid down my chest. “And you think that’d make you happy?”
“As happy as I can be not riding,” I admitted. “I don’t want to waste any more time, Savannah. We’ve already wasted eleven years. And it just feels wrong to do something that worries you so much.”
She backed out of my grasp. “I won’t let you give up your career for me. I told you, I’m not going anywhere, so don’t make this decision based on me. I won’t be able to live with myself if you do this for me and not for yourself.”
“I am doing this for myself,” I assured her, but the wary look on her face told me she didn’t buy that for a second.
“I knew retirement was coming soon anyway. Maybe not right now, but in a couple of years. But this accident…it freaked me out, Sav.” I hadn’t told anyone that.
Not even her. “The thought of riding again makes me nervous, and that’s not something that’s ever happened to me before. I think it’s a sign I need to stop.”
I took her hand in mine, hoping she could see how much I meant what I was saying. “Yes, you are playing a factor in this decision, but I’m not sure I wouldn’t have decided this anyway if you weren’t here.”
“If I weren’t here, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the first place.”
“I told you it wasn’t your fault.”
She pulled her hand out of mine. “Well, it feels like it!” she snapped.
“And now you’re saying you’re retiring early because of me.
” She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at the ground.
“You’re going to end up hating me for it.
” The words were weak, broken, loaded with fear.
Nothing like the woman she’d grown into.
My shoulders fell. “I could never hate you, Savannah.” It gutted me to know she thought that was even a possibility.
“Who’s to say in ten years you won’t resent me for this? Won’t blame me for cutting your career short?”
“Me. I’m saying that I won’t. You gave me the space to make this decision for me and me alone. You told me if I wanted to keep riding, I could. And I’m telling you I don’t. Why can’t you take my word for it?”
She looked away, chewing on her bottom lip. “I’m not worth it, Weston,” she whispered. “Not worth this kind of sacrifice.”
The words rang through the air like gunshots, and hurt as if the bullets had torn through my flesh and bone. It was agonizing to me that she felt that way about herself, knowing how absolutely wrong she was. But more than that, it pissed me off. A lot.
It just might’ve been the stupidest thing I’d ever heard come out of her mouth.
I wrenched my jaw, breathing hard. “You think so, huh?”
She looked up at me, teary-eyed. “Yes.” I nodded, grinding my teeth together. I pulled out my phone and put it to my ear. She took a step closer, confused. “What are you doing?”
“Just the guy I wanted to talk to!” Austin said as he answered.
I looked Savannah dead in the eye as I said, “Hey. Consider this my formal announcement of retirement.” Her eyes went wide, her jaw dropping with a gasp.
“It’s been great working with you, Austin, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me these last ten years, but my priorities have changed, and I need to focus on what matters to me most. I’ll be in touch about a final ride. ”
“Weston, we can—” I hung up. I put my phone in my pocket while Savannah stared at me like I’d just shot someone.
“Tell me again that you aren’t worth it, Savannah, I fucking dare you.
” I took her face in my hands, making her look at me.
“I let you walk away once, and it nearly killed me. I’d be a fool to let you slip through my fingers again.
You are the love of my life. My everything.
The air I breathe. The blood in my veins.
Nothing could ever come close to you. Nothing could ever replace you.
And don’t you ever say that you aren’t worthy of anything again. Do you understand me?”
A tear rolled down her cheek as she nodded. “Yes.”
And just like that, I wasn’t a bull rider anymore. But it didn’t feel as terrifying as I thought it would. It felt like a new beginning, an opportunity to figure out who I was. And as long as I had Savannah, I knew everything would be okay.