Chapter 42
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
ANTON
We drive back toward the hotel with Thora’s face turned to the window and her hand still in mine, her fingers digging into my palm every so often.
I hate seeing her this way, especially when there’s no one to kill or threaten and no way for me to fix it. But instead of thinking about how to help her, my mind keeps circling back to what she said.
She loves me? Why would she say that?
She doesn’t love me. No one can.
Still, the words repeat until they begin to feel real.
We drive in silence until the road curves, and Thora straightens in her seat, her eyes brightening.
“Hey, can we stop here?”
“Why?”
When I pull onto the shoulder of the deserted road, she turns toward me, stars sparkling in her eyes.
“Well, if we walk right past the trees and head to the right, there is the most beautiful lavender field. It’s one of my most favorite places, and I wanted to share it with you.”
I haven’t seen her this happy since she told me what was going on, so I open my door, but she’s already rushing from the vehicle before I can circle around to help her.
She slips her fingers through mine and leads me toward the path.
As soon as the bright flowers come into view, she grins and breathes in the lavender-sweet air.
Releasing me, she strolls ahead through the field, her hair stirring in the warm breeze.
Sunlight washes over her face as she tilts it upward and closes her eyes.
She looks like an angel, like the very light my mother reminded me I needed in my life, a purpose I never understood or fully grasped until this very moment.
My feet move before I think to stop them, and with every step toward her, the rest of the world quiets until the only thought left in my head is Thora.
Her beauty and laughter. That stubborn nature I’ve become almost fond of, even when it makes me want to lock her in a room where no one can ever touch her.
It’s hard to put into words what she does to me, but I don’t want to keep fighting it. Maybe I don’t understand it the way other men do, but I understand enough to know it’s real.
I keep walking until I’m right in front of her.
She opens her eyes, and that little line appears between her brows. “Are you okay?”
No one has ever asked me that and made me want to answer honestly.
My fingers lift to her face, and when my thumb brushes her bottom lip, her mouth parts beneath the touch.
“Never better, detka.”
Her eyes search mine as my palm clasps her cheek, and when she covers my hand with hers, her warmth nearly undoes me. Her breathing quickens, her chest rising faster while my gaze travels lower, drawn to every reaction I pull from her.
She owns me. In every sense of the word.
Leaning down, I brush my mouth gently over hers, hoping not to let my inexperience show.
Her hands slide up my chest and into my hair, and the groan she makes against my lips sends every thought in my head scattering. I grab her jaw and pull her against me, my control snapping as I take her mouth and end this self-inflicted torture.
She moans and parts her lips, and the kiss consumes every part of me. Her tongue meets mine hesitantly before growing bolder when a groan breaks from my chest and I pull her closer.
I kiss her with more hunger, taking each soft sound she gives me until her need becomes impossible to separate from my own. I gather her hair at the nape and tip her head back, and she follows without hesitation, opening herself further to me.
When she breaks away to breathe, her smile brushes my mouth.
“My God…” She massages my scalp. “You’ve been keeping that from me all this time? I had no idea you could kiss like that.”
I press my forehead to hers, holding her at the waist as I try to understand what just happened between us.
My lips graze hers again. “Neither did I.”
Her laugh reaches a place inside me no one has ever touched, and I know I’m already too far gone to deny what this has become.
Maybe I was lost from the beginning. The instant she looked at me like I was worth touching, I never stood a chance.
Thora traces her thumb along my jaw, her eyes holding mine, and I kiss her again, giving her a part of myself I’ve never offered another living soul.
My fingers dig into her hips as one hand travels up her spine.
I draw her tongue into my mouth, teasing it with mine before taking the kiss over completely, driven by the need for more.
Thora’s fingers slide into my hair, and the slow drag of them sends my hunger surging. I pull her flush against me, desperate for the full press of her body against mine.
She fits against me like she was made for me, and I need to believe she was. That this isn’t another cruel game my father arranged from beyond the grave, placing something good within my reach only to destroy it, like the puppy he gave me before forcing me to shoot it two months later.
The memory of bloodstained white fur flashes through my mind, and I force it away. He doesn’t get to taint this moment for me.
My lips rove down her neck, nibbling and sucking along her throat to her shoulder, my teeth catching the thin spaghetti strap of her dress.
“I want you, Thora,” I whisper against her throat, her pulse beating beneath my touch.
She moans, a soft, feminine sound that shoots straight to my rock-hard erection. As she pulls back only enough to breathe, her lips still graze mine while her fingers trace the side of my neck, and the look she gives me makes my chest ache in a place I used to think couldn’t feel anything.
“Anton.” She clasps my cheeks, emotions filling her eyes.
My name barely makes it out of her mouth before I kiss her again.
Lavender fledges over our legs as I walk her back a few steps, one palm gripping the back of her head and the other braced at her waist. When we reach an open patch in the middle of the field, I lower her onto the grass, her dress spreading around her thighs.
I climb over her, my body molding to hers as my mouth claims her again, unable to stop now that I’ve had a taste. She drags my shirt up, the warmth of her hands sliding across my back as I help her take it off and throw it aside.
Thora stares up at me, mouth swollen, eyes too clear and trusting, and then her grip slips to my belt.
“I want you too.” She reaches up and steals another kiss, her fingers urgently undoing the buckle before pulling the zipper down.
I don’t question her desire or how she keeps giving it to me, even when I don’t understand why she never gives up on me. I envy that because I gave up on myself a long time ago.
Sliding out of my shoes, I push the pants down my hips, my cock dragging against the heat of her through her panties. When I reach down and slide the fabric to the side, her eyes squeeze shut and her legs open wider as my finger spreads her wet pussy.
Her hand slips between us, and the first stroke of her fingers around my cock makes my jaw clench.
“Blyat.”
Her hand flexes around me as she strokes, splintering the last of my restraint. I hold her stare and drive two fingers inside her, bending them exactly how she likes, and the sound she makes nearly ruins me.
“That feel good, detka?”
“Yes.” She squeezes my cock, dragging a curse from me as my thumb circles her clit and my fingers continue fucking her.
If she doesn’t stop soon, I’ll come before this even begins.
“Don’t,” I groan, catching her wrist. “You’re too good at that.” My mouth drags along the side of her throat. “And I want to keep you for a little longer.”
Thora rests her forehead against mine, soaked and squeezing my fingers as her hips rock in small, desperate circles. Every breathless sound she makes has me swearing I’ll never walk away from her again.
“You’re mine, Thora Whitlock. I’m more convinced of that right now than I ever was before.”
My fingers keep moving as she trembles against me, and when her hips start chasing the climax on their own, the need to be inside her turns violent.
“Anton…please…” Her hand finds me again, folding around my length. “I need you inside me.”
A groan tears out of me as I pull her against my mouth, rolling us until she’s on top of me. She grips my cock, her stare riveted to mine as she sinks down and takes every inch. She turns motionless, her cunt stretched hot around me, and for a second, I can’t breathe.
I never realized how much I’d been missing in my life until she entered it. I don’t know if it would’ve been better to never know this at all, or if having her for even a little while is worth the pain of losing her later.
Because this won’t last. It can’t. There are too many obstacles in our way.
But I’ll fight it. I’ll fight for her. To have her. To keep her. To—
I can’t finish the thought.
Instead, I grab the back of her head and bring her down to me, taking her mouth with everything I don’t know how to say. My tongue pushes past her lips, invading her the same way I’ve invaded every corner of her life since the moment she became my target.
She gives it right back, just as desperate, her body moving over mine until her groans vibrate against my tongue. Her core clenches around me, her hips rolling as she takes what she needs. My hands slide over her thighs, her hips, the curve of her waist, needing to touch all of her.
Her tongue strokes mine as she rides me, hungrier now, and my hips thrust up to meet hers, the kiss turning rougher, needier, into something that feels too much like a promise neither of us is ready to make.
When I ram deeper inside her, her nails dig into my shoulders, her cries growing desperate as she sits up and rides me harder, eyes closed while the sun beats down on her. I drag the straps of her dress down, baring her breasts, and tug on her nipple until her mouth parts and her eyes lock on mine.
Thora’s pace falters, pleasure catching her off guard when I thrust up a little harder.
“Yes, right there,” she moans.
I do it again, gripping her hips roughly, wanting to give her everything I’m capable of. Those brown eyes narrow, her chest rising and falling with each gasp as my cock slides out and pounds back in. She’s close, her body trembling, on the brink of collapsing over me.
“Anton…” she cries, and I lower her down, my mouth brushing over hers.
“I have you.” I stroke her clit, keeping my mouth against hers. “Come for me.”
And she does. Her body twitches in deep pulses, her cries turning frantic as her nails claw my chest and her release throws her over the edge. I keep touching her through it, taking every breath, every sound, every trembling roll of her hips as she falls apart on top of me.
Watching her lose herself like this, feeling the pleasure move through her, drags me dangerously close, but I hold back because I refuse to miss any of it.
Her mouth brushes mine, her heart racing as she presses into my body.
“I love you,” she whispers.
The words tear through the last of my restraint. I turn her beneath me, hook her legs over my shoulders, and drive into her hard, desperate to hear her say it again even as I fight against believing I deserve it.
I can’t give her what she needs.
I want to love her, I know that much. I just don’t know how.
Her face draws with pleasure as I cage her with my body, holding her stare while I fuck her deep, each thrust rougher than the one before. When she cries out my name, I come inside her, my hips driving up once, twice, then holding there as everything in me goes rigid.
For a while, neither of us moves. Thora stays folded against me, her face tucked into my neck, her body still wrapped around mine while her breathing slowly evens out. When I ease back, I trace her cheek, and the affection in her eyes nearly breaks me.
“I don’t know how to deserve you.”
She leans into my touch. “You already do.”
I want to believe her, but I can’t. Instead, my hand slides into her hair, guiding her mouth back to mine. I kiss her slowly, needing her to feel how much I want it to be true, how much she matters.
Even if I can’t give the words back, I need her to understand I’m not throwing hers away.