Chapter 44 #2
“I’ve never been with a woman before you.” He lowers himself over me, his large body fitting against mine. “There was no one. Not like this. Not in any way.”
My pulse stumbles. “Anton…”
Those words leave me stunned and fill me with too many emotions to name.
I cradle his face and turn him toward me. “Thank you for giving me that.”
“Are you sure you’re all right with it?”
Oh, my heart.
“Of course I am. Are you kidding?”
I kiss him once, then again, needing him to understand how much this means to me.
The rigid line of his body eases as he lowers more of his weight onto me, his thick cock pressing hard against my core. Holding my stare, he positions the crown at my entrance and pushes inside me slowly, inch by inch, until there’s no space left between us.
It feels like more than his body he’s giving me. Knowing I’m the only woman he has ever trusted this way deepens the bond between us, tying me to him in a way I know I’ll never be able to undo.
We spend the night wrapped in each other, unable to stop making love. By the time sleep claims us, I’ve lost count of how many times he’s made me come, and judging by the smug satisfaction on his face each time, he isn’t shy about letting it go to his head.
A horrid dream wakes me. I saw myself being drowned by my own mother, her face so purely evil, sweat still coats my brow. I felt my lungs burn, inhaling water as I choked on it, trying to beg her not to kill me, but she only pushed my face deeper.
Staring at the ceiling now, with Anton’s arm heavy across my stomach, I wonder what the hell it meant.
Maybe it’s because it’s as though she killed the person I was before I became Thora. Because she lied. They all did.
How do I look past my parents’ transgression? How do I look them in the face and forgive them for taking what wasn’t theirs? And if I find my aunt, what do I even tell her? That I went into the system, adopted by a good family who loved me?
I guess that’s the only answer I can give. The real one is too ugly to say out loud.
God, my head is killing me.
Needing to grab some meds, I gently lift Anton’s arm from my stomach, careful not to wake him as I shimmy out of bed. He groans, moving once, but he doesn’t open his eyes, and I freeze until his breathing evens out again.
The floor is cold beneath my feet as I tiptoe, stepping over his pants where they were thrown haphazardly last night. His phone is on the floor beside them, and I bend to pick both up. As I lift the pants, something slips from one of the pockets and flutters to the floor.
At first, I think it’s a receipt or maybe some folded-up business card, but when I pick it up, my fingers go numb.
Because it’s a photo. Of me. I don’t know where he got it or why, but it’s a shot from one of the galas my family hosted a year or so ago.
As I stare down at it, my pulse hikes up. Turning it over only makes me more uneasy as I take in a random number written on the back.
#119
My fingers snap around the photo. What does that mean?
“What are you doing?”
His voice creeps up my neck, so close that I gasp and stumble back a few steps before whirling around to find Anton standing there. I struggle to gather my thoughts long enough to ask the question burning through me.
“Why do you have my picture in your pocket?”
His face doesn’t change, blank and almost expressionless even in the dark. “Because I’m supposed to kill you.”
I let out a laugh…but it evaporates when I don’t see his demeanor change.
My stomach drops so violently that I have to take another step away from him. “Oh my God.”
“Thora—”
“Oh my God, you’re not…” A gasp catches in my throat, the photo trembling between my fingers. “You’re not kidding.”
“Relax. Please. You’re still alive, which means I didn’t do it.”
“Relax?!” My tone rises so sharply that Volchok’s head lifts from the floor near the bed. “You just admitted you were planning to kill me, and I’m supposed to relax? What reality do you live in?”
“These days?” He stares past me, looking almost as wrecked as I feel. “I have no idea.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I have never refused an order from my brother until you.”
The room spins, or maybe I do. I reach out to the chaise, grabbing the edge to stabilize myself, while he clicks the bedside lamp on.
I press a hand to my stomach. “Your brother ordered you to kill me? Why? What the hell did I do?”
“It wasn’t you.” He approaches me cautiously.
“Oh, good. That makes me feel so much better.”
“It was your family’s fault.” Another step, and I don’t even have the strength left to get away, dizziness plaguing my head. “They moved in on business that wasn’t theirs and refused to back down, no matter how many times we warned them. You were the way they were going to pay for it.”
My body drowns in a bitter chill, unable to comprehend anything he’s saying.
“Holy shit.” I stumble back, staring at him as the truth crashes over me.
“You’re all fucking crazy. Everyone in my life has betrayed me, and I thought you were different.
I thought you actually gave a shit about me, but what was this?
You wanted to know what it felt like to fuck a woman, so you used me for practice before killing me?
That way, when the woman you really want comes along, you’ll know what you’re doing? ”
His jaw sets. “Don’t.”
“No. You don’t get to look at me like that.” Tears burn behind my eyes as I shake my head, disgust turning my stomach. “Everyone I’ve ever loved has lied to me. Everyone. And now you’re one of them.”
Anton’s chest rises, holding my stare with more emotion than he can hide.
“I never asked you to love me, Thora.” The words come out harsh as he stalks toward me, forcing me backward until I hit the wall. “I told you I didn’t want friends. I liked being alone. Then you came along and ruined everything.”
“I ruined everything for you?” I scoff. “How dare you fucking say that to me?”
He grips my throat, fury blazing across his face, burning away every trace of the man who once made me feel safe. “Did you think I could change? That love would fix whatever is wrong with me, detka? Because you can’t fix this.”
His teeth snap as tears spill over my cheeks.
“Clearly.” Anger radiates through me. “Get the hell away from me.”
He jerks away as though my skin scorched him.
“What does 119 mean?” I ask as I create more distance between us.
He appears confused at first, then his eyes grow.
“Just fucking say it. Because it can’t get worse than this.”
His fingers run through his hair while I wait for the words to come, already knowing I’ll hate them.
“You were supposed to be my 119th kill.”
Nausea slams into me so fast, I almost stumble. He’s there to catch me, his arm sliding through mine.
“Don’t touch me!” I shove past him, grabbing my clothes from the floor. “I’m leaving. If you follow me, I’ll—”
“You’ll what?” He grabs the back of my head, his fingers clutching tight.
My sinister grin must surprise him, because his grip loosens a fraction.
“I’ll kill you,” I tell him.
A muscle in his jaw twitches. “I’m not letting you leave.”
“Then you can go ahead and slice my throat right here. Or maybe use a gun. I don’t exactly know what the plan was.” I laugh, hysteria taking over.
The man I fell for was my killer. They really need to make a movie about this.
“Let me go, Anton. I won’t ask again.”
When I lurch at his chest this time, he drops his hands. “Don’t go.”
“You don’t get to do that.” I yank the shirt over my head. “You don’t get to order me around.”
“Where are you going?”
“That’s not your business anymore.”
“Thora, please.”
My chest pitches at that single word, the desperation behind it rocking me. His fingers twine through mine, and the second they do, everything inside me cracks even more.
But he can’t make this better. He betrayed me just like my family. Everyone in my life is a damn homicidal maniac, and I’m sick of it.
I rip away from him. “You should have told me.”
He laughs dryly. “And you would have understood? Do you know what it means to go against my brother’s orders? Do you know what he’ll do when he realizes I’m never going to finish the job?”
When I don’t say anything, he winds his arm around my waist.
“I was going to ask you to run away with me.” When I stare up at him, all I see is pain. “Guess that isn’t happening now.”
My chest caves in at the thought.
Would I have actually left it all behind for him? Dropped my entire world and fled? I guess we will never know.
“This is too much.” The tears come harder, blinding me. “I can’t…I can’t be here. Just let me go.”
He moves back, then reaches for me again before stopping himself, his arms falling back to his side. “Text me when you get wherever you’re going. If you don’t, I will come after you.”
I know he means it, so I give him the answer he expects. “Fine.”
My duffel is still near the dresser, and I shove everything I took out back inside before zipping it. Anton doesn’t try to stop me again, but I sense him behind me the entire time.
At the door, I freeze, giving him one last look. My entire heart slices in two, the crushed photo on the floor between us.
“Bye, Anton.”
I wait for him to say something, to make this better somehow, but nothing comes. So I open the door and walk away, knowing there’s nothing left here for me any longer.