Chapter 15 #2
“The war...” He swallowed. “What I’m doing out there.
What I have to become to survive it, to lead it, to win it.
There’s a darkness in me, Selena. You know this.
But knowing it and feeling it are different things.
” His hand caught mine, grip tight enough to bruise.
“When you reach for me—when our minds truly connect—you’ll feel everything.
The violence. The calculation. The part of me that enjoys the killing. ”
His voice dropped to barely a whisper.
“I’m more unstable than Kaede, and we both know it.
His violence is controlled, channeled, contained.
Mine...” He shook his head. “I am a Shadow, Selena. Not just in name. The darkness isn’t something I wield—it’s what I am.
And I don’t know what it will do to you, feeling that.
Being inside my mind when the feral side takes over. ”
I let him finish. Let every word settle into the space between us, giving them weight, giving them the attention they deserved. Because this wasn’t just about the mental connection anymore—this was Zirene cracking open the door to his deepest fear.
That I would see him. Really see him. And run.
“Zirene.” I shifted closer, cupping his face in both hands, forcing him to meet my eyes. “I know you have a darkness. I’ve always known. I saw it the first time we met—that predator lurking beneath the royal mask, the one who would burn worlds if anyone threatened what was his.”
“I know you have a feral side,” I continued.
“Probably more unstable than Kaede—and I say that as someone who’s been pinned beneath Kaede when he loses control, who’s felt his possessive fury rattling through our bond like a caged beast.” My thumb traced his cheekbone.
“You think I bonded you without understanding what you are?”
“I think you see the best in me.” His voice was hoarse. “I’m afraid of what happens when you see the worst.”
“Then let me tell you something.” I leaned in until our foreheads touched, until his shadows wrapped around me like a second embrace.
“I’m your Nova for a reason. Not because I’m naive, or blind, or too human to understand what Aldawi darkness means.
I’m your Nova because I’m meant to calm your Shadows.
To balance your darkness. To be the light you reach for when everything else goes black. ”
His breath shuddered out of him.
“That’s what this bond is,” I pressed on.
“That’s what we are. You’re not protecting me by hiding the worst parts of yourself—you’re denying me the chance to do what I was born to do.
To love you. All of you. The sovereign and the shadow.
The commander and the killer. The male who holds me like I’m precious and the monster who would shred anyone who tries to take me away. ”
Silence. The dark purple waves crashed along the stardust sparkling shore.
Then Zirene’s arms tightened around me, and he buried his face in my hair.
“Stars, I don’t deserve you.”
“Probably not.” I smiled against his shoulder. “But you’re stuck with me anyway. And I’m going to reach for you during my training, and you’re going to let me in, and whatever I feel from you—darkness, violence, that feral edge you’re so afraid of—I’m going to love you through it.”
He pulled back just enough to look at me. His eyes were suspiciously bright, his shadows calm for the first time since he’d appeared.
“When you touch my mind,” he said slowly, “when you truly feel what’s inside me... you may see things I’ve never told you. Things I’ve never told anyone.”
“Good.” I kissed him softly. “Then I’ll finally know you as completely as you know me.”
Something cracked in his expression—not breaking but releasing. Like a pressure valve finally loosening after years of building force.
“Train hard,” he said. “Ryzen will push you. Let him. The stronger your reach, the clearer the connection will be.” His hand cupped the back of my neck. “And when you find me out there, Nova—when you feel what war has made me—don’t let go. Promise me.”
“I promise.” I sealed it with another kiss. “I’ll never let go.”
“Good, because the Quaww are relentless, and I don’t know when I will see in you the flesh again.
” His jaw tightened, shadows dancing across his features.
“Every time we push them back from one sector, they regroup faster than our intel predicted. Someone is feeding them information—ship positions, supply routes, fleet deployments. We’ve lost three cruisers since the war started. ”
A muscle on his cheek jumped.
“Good crews. Good warriors. People who trusted me to lead them, and I—” He cut himself off, but I saw the rest in his eyes. The guilt. The weight of names he’d memorized, faces he couldn’t forget, lives that had ended under his command.
I pressed closer, my hand finding his over my hip. In this private space, I couldn’t offer comfort the way I could in the waking world—but I could offer this. Touch. Presence. The reminder that he wasn’t alone.
“And V’dim and Z’fir?”
“Their orders came through. They remain the same. Lunkai Sol system defense, linked with the female Aldawi fleet.” His fingers traced idle patterns on my hip, an absent gesture that spoke of how desperately he needed to touch me.
“Protecting Lunkai. Protecting Aldawi’s origin.
Protecting Destima, where the remaining humans and demi-humans gathered. ” A pause. “They’ll be leaving soon.”
“I know.” The words tasted like ash. Another fracture. Another piece of my constellation scattered across the void. First Zirene to the war. Now V’dim and Z’fir to this sol system. Soon, me to the CEG station.
How many separations could we survive before the distance between us became too vast to bridge?
“Kaede is going with you to the CEG station.” His tone shifted—still tired, but sharper now, tactical. “You can’t go without him.”
“As if he would let me leave his side.” I huffed. “Ryzen, Zyxel, and Eshe too. Odelm and Xylo are staying with the cubs. Keeping Destima’s Circuli network secure.”
“Good.” His approval was quiet but fierce. “Kaede will die before he lets anything touch you—and Ryzen’s skills will be invaluable if things go wrong. His mental abilities, combined with what you’re learning...”
“If?” I raised an eyebrow.
His laugh held no humor. “When. Things always go wrong, Nova. We just have to be ready to survive them.”
The starlight caught his face as he shifted, and I saw how much the war was eating him alive. And how helpless I was to stop it.
But here. Now. In this dreamscape where nothing existed but the two of us—I could give him something.
I shifted, straddling his lap in one fluid motion. His hands immediately found my hips, steadying me, and his eyes went dark with sudden hunger—a hunger that had nothing to do with food and everything to do with need.
“Selena—”
“I’m here.” I cupped his face between my palms, forcing him to meet my gaze. Letting him see everything I felt—the love, the longing, the desperate determination to hold onto this connection no matter how many light-years tried to separate us. “Right here, right now. And I want you.”
His control fractured.
The kiss was devastating—raw and desperate and flavored with everything we couldn’t say.
All the fear we were both pretending not to feel.
All the distance that made every moment apart feel like slow strangulation.
All the nights we’ll be spending reaching for each other across an impossible gulf of stars, finding only an aching absence.
His tongue swept into my mouth, claiming, demanding, and I gave him everything he asked for. My fingers threaded through his hair, loosening the precise binding until black strands fell around his face. My body pressed against his with an urgency that matched his own.
Clothes in the dreamscape were thought—one breath they existed, the next they didn’t. The warm night air kissed my skin, replaced immediately by the heat of his hands mapping my body like he was relearning every curve, every dip, every place that made me gasp.
“You’re so beautiful.” The words were wrenched from him, ragged. His palms slid up my thighs, my waist, cupping my breasts with a reverence that made my throat tight. “Stars, I miss you. Every moment. Every breath. Every time I close my eyes and you’re not there—”
I didn’t answer with words. I answered with my body, rocking against him, letting him feel how much I wanted this. How much I needed him. His groan vibrated through me as I settled more firmly in his lap, and his grip on my hips tightened to the edge of bruising.
“Please.” The word escaped before I could stop it. “Zirene, please—”
He entered me slowly, reverently, his eyes never leaving mine. And the feeling was something between physical and pure emotion—the dreamscape translating sensation into something deeper, something that existed only between us in this private place where nothing else could intrude.
We were one. In that moment, truly one.
We moved together under the stars, the sound of the waves a rhythm beneath our own.
Slower than desperate. Faster than gentle.
A rhythm we’d learned in the early days of our bond when everything was new and terrifying—and inevitable.
His forehead pressed against mine. His breath mingled with my gasps.
“I’m coming back to you.” His voice broke on the words. “Whatever it takes. Whatever I have to do. Whatever pieces of myself I have to sacrifice—I will come back to you, Nova.”
“You’d better.” Tears burned my eyes, threatening to spill. “I can’t do this without you.”
“Yes, you can.” He thrust deeper, and stars burst behind my eyelids—or maybe they were the real stars, wheeling overhead in their eternal dance.
“You’re the strongest person I know. You survived capture.
You survived bonding seven males who would burn the galaxy for you.
You survived everything the universe threw at you and came out sharper, brighter, more fierce.
” His hand cradled my cheek, thumb brushing away the tear that escaped.
“You’ll survive this too. And I’ll be waiting. ”
The pleasure crested—not just physical but soul-deep. The kind of release that came from being seen, being known, being loved despite every broken piece and sharp edge. I cried out his name as the wave crashed through me, and he followed moments later, his body shuddering against mine.
For a long moment, we just breathed.
Tangled together in a paradise that existed only for us, the lilac waves singing their eternal song below, the stars bearing witness to everything we were and everything we’d promised to become.