Chapter 21 #2
“Stupid stuff,” she told Noah stiltedly.
“All of it utterly untrue. I was a diva, I’d abused our staff, I had had affairs, as well as a secret sex tape from my college days…
all kinds of stuff.” She shook her head, tasting bile as she relived the awful memories.
“It was… horrendous. And people believed it. Not everyone, maybe, but enough. At least it felt like enough. I felt like I couldn’t go out without people staring at me and whispering.
New York is a weirdly small town in some ways, and everywhere I went there was someone…
” She shook her head, her stomach cramping at the memories.
Whispers. Stares. Other mothers and even their nannies stepping away from her outside Jacob’s school.
Getting disinvited from birthday parties, her number removed from various WhatsApp groups…
there had been a thousand little ways she’d felt the slights and cuts, each one of them bleeding her dry.
“And Jacob had stopped speaking by then,” she continued stiltedly.
“After I told him I was leaving Brad. He literally just one day refused to say a word. He must have been picking up on all the tension, I guess, but I decided we needed a complete break. We moved into a hotel and then a sublet, but I just wanted to get away from it all, and so this job felt like an absolute godsend.” A shuddery sigh escaped her.
“And now that I’m away from it all, I’m not sure I ever want to go back. ”
“Dear Lord, Grace.” Noah shook his head slowly, his expression both serious and tender in a way that made Grace ache. “That sounds… unbearable.”
She nodded, sniffing back the tears she really didn’t want to shed. “It was.”
He reached for her hand, threading her fingers through his, the touch both jolting and comforting her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been touched with affection, besides by her son. It felt like it had been forever. “I’m so sorry.”
She nodded again, staring down at their joined hands, enjoying the slide of his fingers across hers, grateful for the faith he was showing in her and her story. Here, at last, was someone who understood and believed her. It was enough to make tears prick her eyes again.
“Did you ever consider prosecuting for libel?” Noah asked gently. “As well as domestic abuse?”
She shook her head, her gaze still on their twined fingers, taking strength from the clasp of his hand.
“No. I didn’t want to have it drag on. Jacob was clearly traumatized, and Brad has so much money, plus he’s golf buddies with all kinds of lawyers and judges…
it just didn’t feel worth the effort and angst. And I was already feeling so worn out from it all…
I decided it was better just to leave it all behind. And so I did.”
“Well, I hope you got some money out of him, at least,” Noah said seriously. “In the divorce settlement.”
She almost laughed at that as she looked up at him.
“Would you be surprised to learn he had a watertight prenup? I signed it at the time because I was still grieving my dad and I didn’t think I cared about money, and I don’t.
I don’t actually want anything from him but child support, and he’s giving me that. ”
“Does he want to have a relationship with Jacob?” Noah sounded concerned, and rightly so. Grace was concerned about that, too.
“So far, it seems no,” she told him. “The custody arrangement hasn’t been finalized yet, though. But when I said I was taking this job, he was… pretty indifferent. To me, obviously, but also to the possibility of not seeing his son.”
“He sounds like a complete jerk.” Noah’s mouth thinned. “What kind of man doesn’t want to see his own son?”
“Well, my ex-husband, for starters.” Grace looked back down at her lap, inwardly wincing to remember just how unbothered Brad had seemed by the fact that she was moving away.
He’d probably been relieved to have her out of the picture, but he hadn’t even asked about Jacob or when he would be able to see him.
It had kept Grace from having to make a decision about whether she wanted a man who had put his hands around her throat to be involved in their son’s life, but even so, it had still hurt.
Did he not care about his own son at all?
“And when it comes to a custody arrangement,” she continued, “I’ll have to figure out what to do because I know Jacob is fond of his father, and I don’t believe Brad is a—a danger to him, but…
I don’t know.” She swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat just at the thought of it all and how overwhelming it felt.
Coming here had been a respite from having to think about the future, but she knew she’d have to face it sometime, and probably sometime soon.
“It’s hard,” she confessed in a low voice. And lonely.
“Well, I think you’re very brave, Grace,” Noah said softly.
He squeezed her hand and she looked up again, trying to smile, only to experience a jolt when she realized how close Noah was.
Somehow they’d both moved near each other on the sofa without her realizing, and his face was now very close to hers, his lips were close to hers, and she felt her stomach flip in a way that was more anticipation than fear, as thoughts of her ex-husband melted away and all she could think about was this man before her.
This handsome, kind, complex man with very kissable lips.
Grace swallowed hard, amazed and embarrassed by the direction her thoughts had lurched in so suddenly.
Noah had been asking her about child support and custody, and here she was, thinking about kissing.
And yet… she’d been lonely for so long, not just lonely but truly alone, first without realizing it, and then realizing it all too well, feeling it every single day in the absence of friends, of family, of even any sympathy.
And right now, Grace knew, she didn’t want to be alone. She wanted a connection, a closeness, with someone who understood and believed her and maybe even liked her, too. She wanted to feel if not loved, then at least wanted. Just for a moment.
She moved first, her breath hitching as she leaned forward and then, her heart starting to beat hard, brushed her lips across Noah’s. His lips were both cool and soft, and he stilled beneath her touch, not responding but not moving away.
Uncertain now, Grace stilled too, and for a few torturous seconds they hovered there in a way that didn’t feel expectant, but rather just awkward. Seriously awkward, in fact.
Then Noah eased back, a look of regret and maybe even pity on his face that made Grace’s stomach cramp, because this wasn’t just awkward anymore, it was awful.
But it wasn’t as awful as what he said next.
“Grace… I’m sorry. I… I can’t.”