Chapter 26
The weeks passed and in May it rained for a week, so Grace and Jacob were stuck indoors, either at the lodge, where they played Uno and checkers, or up at Grayhaven, where Jacob played chess.
His lessons almost always ended with a meal or at least a coffee with Noah, keeping the conversation light and easy, because surely they’d had enough soul-baring ones already.
All in all, it was surprisingly pleasant, despite the lowering gray skies, the sleeting rain, the sea that was whipped up into angry swells all around them.
Unfortunately, it postponed their picnic to see the cottages, which Grace had been looking forward to, and, she acknowledged, had probably built up too much in her mind as something almost but of course not quite resembling a date…
so maybe it was a good thing it hadn’t happened yet, and she’d had less opportunity to embarrass herself. Again.
As it was, they’d been spending plenty of time together, and she still had that unfortunate awareness of Noah as a man, in ways she always had but which were now painfully acute.
The smell of his aftershave. The warmth of his fingers brushing against hers when he handed her a mug of coffee.
The way his smile, once so rare, suddenly lit up and transformed his face, and how his laugh somehow made her laugh, simply by the sheer, joyous sound of it.
She knew how he pursed his lips when he was thinking, and how he stared off into the distance, his forehead knitted, when he was thinking about something he didn’t want to say.
Probably, she thought, about Jem, but she knew better than to ask.
If Noah wanted to tell her, he would, in his own time.
So far they’d kept away from all that stuff, and that was okay.
The rain was pouring as Grace walked with Jacob up to Grayhaven, their umbrella getting blown inside out several times during the walk, so by the time they reached the gates, despite their rain boots and waterproofs, they were pretty damp.
“Come in, come in,” Isaiah called to them, sounding both pleased and anxious at the dripping sight of them. “You’ll need to warm up… and maybe some hot chocolate, I think.”
Grace smiled gratefully at him. In the short space of a few weeks, Isaiah had become the grandfather Jacob had never had—he’d never known her own dad, of course, and Brad’s dad had been too busy playing golf and making deals to bother much with his slightly socially awkward grandson.
“Thank you, Isaiah,” she told him as she stepped inside, shivering a little in her damp clothes. Even though it was mid-May, the day was surprisingly chilly.
While Isaiah went to make hot chocolate, Grace headed upstairs with Jacob. They’d been in Grayhaven plenty of times, but they hadn’t seen anything beyond the few rooms they’d been in—Noah’s study, the guest bedroom where they’d once slept, and the kitchen.
As ever, Grace was curious about all the closed doors they passed, but she’d never dared to open one and peek in, and she didn’t now. Snooping felt like searching on the internet—sneaky and off limits. And one thing she didn’t want to mess with was Noah’s trust.
“Hey there.” He rose from behind his desk, a smile breaking across his face like a wave as they came into the study, Jacob going right to the chessboard as usual.
Grace smiled back, a big grin that she couldn’t keep from splitting her face.
This friend thing was kind of nice. Even if a growing part of her didn’t want it to be just a friend thing.
Noah was wearing another sweater, this one in mulberry.
He looked really good in sweaters, Grace mused as she took off her coat and hung it to dry on the back of a chair.
Even holey, raggedy ones. He looked good in jeans, too, especially faded ones that clung to his thighs and, well, butt. Yes, she was noticing.
Something friends generally didn’t do, so maybe she needed to stop.
Then again, maybe she wouldn’t.
“So, how’s my favorite chess prodigy?” Noah asked as he gently ruffled Jacob’s hair. “Ready to learn the Ruy Lopez opener? Oh, I know you know it,” he continued, holding up a hand as if to forestall Jacob’s protest, “but I’m talking countering it, okay? Serious stuff. You ready?”
Grinning, Jacob gave a nod, and Grace had to look away, moved nearly to tears by how naturally Noah interacted with her son.
Noah gave her a quick glance as he settled himself in front of the board, opposite Jacob. “I’d suggest you get some fresh air, but I don’t think it’s that kind of day.”
“No, definitely not…” She paused and then asked hesitantly, “Would it be all right if I… looked around?” She thought of all the closed doors she had yet to open—both physically and metaphorically, if she was honest. “I don’t mean snooping,” she added hurriedly, as she glimpsed something flicker across Noah’s face that didn’t seem all that encouraging.
“Just, I don’t know, maybe is there a library or something? ”
“There is a library,” Noah confirmed after the briefest of pauses. “It’s opposite the drawing room we went in the—um, a few weeks ago.”
When she’d apologized for kissing him, Grace knew he was trying not to say. She preferred to think of it as the day they decided to be friends.
“It’s okay if I go in there?”
“Of course.” Noah gave a little shake of his head, as if clearing it. “Sorry if I seemed less than pleased by the prospect. It’s just I haven’t been in many of the rooms here, so they’re probably covered in dust sheets. But… yes. Go ahead.”
“Okay.” She scanned his face, trying to gauge his expression. She still couldn’t tell if he was pleased by the idea of her looking around or not. She felt as if she’d taken him by surprise. “Off the entrance hall?” she confirmed, and Noah frowned.
“Why don’t I show you? Jacob can set up the board.” He touched Jacob’s hair lightly and then went to the door to hold it open for Grace.
“It’s okay that I’m checking it out?” she asked as they walked down the upstairs hall, ever attuned to his ephemeral moods. “I don’t mean to be nosy.”
“It’s fine, Grace.” He smiled at her. “As long as you like looking at a lot of moldy encyclopedias, that is. If I seemed a little taken aback, it’s just because you made me realize how little I’ve done here in terms of opening up the house.
” He shrugged. “I really should do something about it, I guess.”
Briefly she rested a hand on his arm, so they paused by the top of the stairs. “Only if you want to, Noah.”
He glanced down at her, his eyes darkening with an intensity of emotion that made her think he was thinking about something more serious than pulling off a few dust sheets.
“It’s not a question of whether I want to,” he said slowly, “but what’s best. Right…
maybe I don’t want to molder along with the encyclopedias. ”
Her heart skipped a treacherous beat as she stared back at him. She was pretty sure they weren’t just talking about the house now. About empty rooms or closed doors… at least not physical ones.
“I don’t think anyone should molder,” she replied quietly, and he let out a laugh, breaking the taut moment like a hammer to glass.
“No, I shouldn’t think so,” he agreed, and started down the stairs, making Grace wonder if they’d been talking about the same thing at all… and even what that was.
The library was covered in dust sheets just as Noah had feared, but it was a handsome room with deep-silled mullioned windows that overlooked the harbor, although the drapes were all drawn.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he remarked as he pulled a dust sheet off a beautiful mahogany table inlaid with hand-tooled leather. “At least the books don’t look too moldy.”
Grace glanced at a shelf of handsome leather volumes. “They don’t,” she assured him. “But don’t let me keep you from the Ruy Whatever opening.”
“The Ruy Lopez.” Noah stood by the door, his hands on his hips, as he surveyed the room, a thoughtful look on his face.
“I haven’t been in here since I was a teenager.
I can still picture my dad at that desk.
” He nodded toward the desk whose dust sheet he’d removed.
“He liked to work in here rather than upstairs.”
“You haven’t talked about your dad much,” Grace ventured cautiously. She hadn’t expected Noah to share anything like that.
He blew out a breath. “I’m not sure how much there is to say.
He worked a lot. That was pretty much his whole personality, at least to me, as a kid.
I mean, I think he was a good dad, in his own way, but he didn’t spend much time with us, and he didn’t love this place the way my mom did, even though it came through his family.
He used to charter a private plane to fly up here for the weekends, but she’d spend the whole summer with us. ”
Grace caught her breath. Noah definitely hadn’t talked about his mom before, except to say they weren’t speaking. “It must have been hard for her when she decided to close this place up,” she remarked quietly.
“Yeah, it was. I’m not even sure why she did.
I mean… it was tragic, of course, that her friend’s daughter died.
And I could see not coming for a couple of years, even…
but it was like she turned on the island, you know?
Like she couldn’t bear ever seeing it again.
I didn’t understand it at the time. I’m not sure I do now. ”
“And what about you?” Grace dared to ask, still half-holding her breath. “What made you come here after your brother died?”
He glanced at her bleakly. “It was the only place I could think to go. Jem and I had always loved it here… I think he felt happiest here, away from crowds, from any pressures… and I… I wanted to feel close to him.” His voice caught, and he let out a shaky laugh as he half-turned away from her, brushing at his eyes. “Sorry,” he murmured thickly.
“Oh, Noah.” Grace’s heart ached for him. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”