Chapter 27
Grace took Jacob’s hand as they hurried out of the study.
She was still kind of stunned that Noah had seemed so cheerful, that they were playing hide and seek in the rooms that had felt forbidden not long ago, and that her son seemed so animated.
They were all like little miracles, and she was so very grateful.
At the top of the stairs, she turned to Jacob.
Noah was already nearing twenty. “Where do you want to hide?” she asked, and in response he took off down the hallway, clearly having his own agenda.
Grace watched him go in bemusement. Okay, she guessed they weren’t going to hide together.
Which meant… where was she going to hide? Noah was already on thirty.
She hurried down the hall, opening a door at random and stepping into a bedroom that smelled of must and mothballs, the beds stripped of covers, the only other furniture a huge wardrobe like something out of Narnia.
Cautiously she opened the door, the creak making her jump, and then peered inside.
It was empty, and big enough for her to stand in.
Laughing a little, feeling like she was in a fairy story, Grace stepped inside.
She’d read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe to Jacob last year, and the line about being sensible never to shut oneself in a wardrobe flitted through her mind as she was careful to hold the door closed without latching it.
She also held her breath, which had suddenly sounded loud in the near-empty room.
In the distance she heard Noah call, his voice light and full of mischief, “Ready or not, I’m coming…”
Suddenly Grace had to stifle a giggle. She was hiding in a wardrobe, and it felt so silly… and so fun. She was glad that Jacob was having fun, and Noah, too. He’d seemed so much lighter when he’d come back downstairs, and it made Grace glad. Really glad, even if she didn’t understand the change.
“Let’s see…” Noah’s voice carried down the hall as he came toward the room.
Grace found she had to press her hand over her mouth.
“Where is everybody…” Noah mused, calling out, Grace suspected, so she and Jacob could hear him.
A giggle slipped between her fingers and she pressed her hand more tightly to her mouth.
The door to the bedroom creaked open. Grace stood as still as she could. She realized she both wanted and didn’t want to be found, which was a strange feeling. She heard footsteps coming closer and then stopping right in front of the wardrobe.
“Hmm…” he said, and the vibrations of his voice seemed to shiver down her spine. “An open wardrobe… how curious.”
He knew she was in there, Grace realized, and another muffled giggle slipped through her fingers. The door creaked open and there was Noah, grinning at her.
“Like Narnia,” he said, and she laughed.
“That’s just what I was thinking.” She started to step out of the wardrobe, only to catch her foot on the lip and then pitch forward, straight into Noah’s arms. He caught her instinctively, drawing her to him to steady her, and for one blazing, blissful moment their bodies were pressed together—shoulder, waist, hip, thigh. She could feel him everywhere.
Then Grace made the mistake of tilting her head to look up at him. Except it didn’t feel like a mistake. His body pressed against hers felt very much not like a mistake. So did the blazing look in his eyes as he stared down at her, and the whole world seemed to stop.
One, two, three seconds they simply stood there, pressed together, staring.
Then Grace made a small sound—she didn’t even know what—and a shudder went through Noah before he lowered his head and kissed her.
For a second Grace’s lips remained as slack beneath Noah’s as his had once been beneath hers. But then his arm came around her waist and somehow he managed to pull her even closer and Grace’s lips parted beneath his as he deepened the kiss.
And then things got a little crazy. A little—or even a lot—urgent and intense and really wildly exciting. Grace wasn’t sure how it happened. One minute his lips were pressed to hers, the next they were practically making out, at least it felt that way even though they were still just kissing.
Everything was spinning.
Noah pulled away first.
His breathing was ragged, his face flushed, his pupils dilated, and Grace was pretty sure she had all the same things going on.
For a second, they simply stared at each other.
Grace wanted to say something, but her head felt empty, and the truth was, she wasn’t sure of the vibe.
Did Noah regret that kiss? How could he, when it had been so passionate, so honest?
“We’d better find Jacob,” he said, and he turned away, heading for the door. Grace practically staggered after him, still reeling.
They went bedroom by bedroom, calling his name, not referencing the kiss in any way, shape, or form, even though Grace’s lips were buzzing so much she kept putting her fingers to them and then pulling them away quickly, embarrassed.
“Maybe the east wing,” Noah murmured, frowning, when they hadn’t found him in any of the rooms along the hallway.
“Would he really have gone so far?” Grace asked. She wasn’t worried, not exactly, but Noah was frowning like he was. He started striding down the hall, so Grace had to practically jog to keep up.
Her lips weren’t buzzing anymore.
Half a hallway of rooms—bedrooms, little sitting rooms, rooms that were empty save for a couple of boxes or a shrouded piece of furniture—Noah stopped in front of one door, his hand resting on the knob without turning it.
“Noah…?” Grace prompted when he didn’t turn it. She was starting to feel anxious about Jacob, as well as anxious about them, if there even was a them, which it was starting to feel like there wasn’t.
“He wouldn’t…” Noah whispered to himself, and then he opened the door.
Grace knew immediately whose room it was. This room wasn’t shrouded in dust sheets; it wasn’t packed away or empty or forgotten. It was a boy’s room, done in navy blue, with a shelf of books about science and chess and a windowsill with an amazing collection of sea glass.
It was Jem’s room. It had to be.
Noah stood in the doorway, practically vibrating with tension, while Grace peeked out around him.
Jacob was hiding under the bed, his gray eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Hey, buddy,” Grace said quickly, not wanting Noah to inadvertently ruin the moment with his own unwieldy emotions. “What a great hiding place!”
Jacob frowned a little, and she realized he’d wanted her to look for him more rather than come in the room and find him right away.
Understandable, she supposed, in a six-year-old, and the last thing she wanted to do was ruin the moment with her emotions.
“We looked all over the house for you,” she enthused, “and we couldn’t find you anywhere!
This really was a great hiding place, Jacob. ”
Appeased, he slowly scooted out from under the bed. Noah still hadn’t said anything. Grace glanced at him uncertainly; he was staring at the sea glass. Tentatively she laid her hand on his arm.
“It really is an amazing collection,” she said quietly.
He didn’t reply, and then after a second, he shook her hand off.
“Yeah, it is,” he agreed, and Grace couldn’t tell anything from his tone.
Jacob tugged on her hand, and when she looked down, she saw the question in his eyes as if he’d spoken it aloud.
Grace sighed, unsure whether she wanted to ask it right now, when Noah seemed in the grip of such a strange mood.
Then she remembered how he’d kissed her mere minutes ago and decided she didn’t need to be such a chicken.
“So should we have pizza again,” she asked, trying to sound cheerful, “or I could whip up some pasta at the lodge?” Was it presumptuous, to assume they’d have dinner together? They’d done something together after every chess lesson over the last week, so she told herself it wasn’t. Plus, that kiss.
Noah glanced between them both, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “Um, maybe a rain check tonight?” he suggested without looking either of them in the eye. “I’m kind of…” He didn’t bother to finish that sentence, and Grace decided not to make him.
“Okay,” she replied as equably as she could.
They needed to talk about that kiss, but maybe Noah needed time to process it.
Maybe she did. In any case, Grace decided, she was going to be mature about this.
“Another time,” she said quietly, and Noah shot her a quick, searching look before turning away.
“Another time,” she said again, this time firmly to Jacob.
“I think tonight it’s you and me, bud, with chicken nuggets and a checkers marathon. How does that sound?”
Jacob nodded eagerly, and Grace was glad he wasn’t too disappointed. She knew how much he liked spending time with Noah… maybe too much, if Noah wasn’t going to be in their lives long term.
Ten minutes ago, she might have wondered—hoped, even—that he might be. Now she wasn’t so sure. From the look on his face, he was seriously regretting that kiss. He looked torn, and unhappy, and like he wanted them to leave.
Well, fine then, they would.
“We should go,” she said, a little abruptly, and Noah looked even more torn.
“Grace—” he began but then didn’t say anything more.
Holding Jacob’s hand, Grace walked out of Jem’s bedroom.
After a few seconds, Noah followed, closing the door behind him with a soft click.
She got their coats, Noah following them, and then headed downstairs.
Noah still had said nothing, but Grace still sensed his misery and wondered how and when things had gone so wrong.
Had it been the kiss, or finding Jacob in Jem’s room, stirring up all sorts of memories? Both, neither?
Did it even matter?
It wasn’t until they’d reached the front door, Noah still silent, that Grace decided she needed to say something. Jacob had gone ahead a little, holding the umbrella, splashing in puddles and soaking his jeans.
“It’s okay,” Grace said quietly, her gaze steady on his face, “if you don’t want to do anything about that kiss. It was just a kiss, after all.” It hurt to say that, because it had felt like so much more to her, but she appreciated that really that was all it had been.
Maybe.
“It’s not that…” Noah said in a low voice. “But remember what I said before—”
“About not wanting to hurt me?” Grace filled in. “Yes, I remember that.” It was hard not to.
“That hasn’t changed,” Noah told her, and she felt something in her sink, because she’d thought something had changed, at least.
“Okay,” she said after a moment. Jacob was stomping in puddles, sending up arcs of muddy water. He’d need a bath when they got back. “I understand,” she told Noah. She met his gaze squarely. “But just make sure it’s me you don’t want to hurt, and not yourself.”
Noah’s lips parted soundlessly as he stared at her first in confusion and then dawning realization and feeling a small twinge of satisfaction at having got the last word—even if she’d have preferred such a thing not to be needed—Grace turned away and, taking Jacob’s hand, started walking down the drive through the rain.