Chapter Five
Five
So that was that, then.
Cheryl had been crystal clear on the video call, despite the look of despair on Antony’s face.
My annual leave had been extended to a month plus another month signed off work.
Ha! How’s that for duty of care for your staff?
Bobby juggling my workload for a fortnight was just about manageable – two months was another thing altogether.
And I’d already been locked out of the email system, so I couldn’t even keep a cursory eye on things.
Corporate wellness dictated it. I had to rest and recuperate in whatever way worked for me and they wouldn’t hear another word on the subject.
Those red follow-up flags would have to stay waving in the digital ether until I got back.
I gave the company portal login a try, but that was blocked too, and when I closed the page, the Firefly Forest website was sitting open behind it.
CANCELLATION was flashing in the corner of the reservations page with one green dot now available to book.
I clicked into it out of curiosity. A double cabin on their four-week mind and body transformation programme, starting next week.
Which was no time at all to get myself organised and over to Norway.
No. It was too soon. I couldn’t be spontaneous in my current state of mind.
I couldn’t even think straight in my current state of mind.
I needed some air and a walk to think things through, and I needed to eat.
Yes. Food. My brain was all sixes and sevens, and I could tell my blood sugar was low again – not a great start to my wellness journey.
The lunchtime bustle was in full swing on the walkway below, the city workers like busy ants off to get their breadcrumbs and grains of sugar to take back to their nest. I didn’t much fancy being out and about in King’s Cross, but the fridge was empty, and my stomach was growling.
I could be down to Greggs and back in ten minutes if I got a sweat on.
Tuna mayo on white, salt and vinegar crisps, a four-pack of sausage rolls and a Sprite.
The working woman’s thinking food. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and did a double take.
Pale and tired, my hair in the same bun it had been in all week.
I added blow-dry to my mental to-do list. I’d dressed up for my video call with a wide hairband to hide my curly bird’s nest. Business up top and casual on the bottom.
My spotty blouse looked fresh, but my leggings were faded and baggy.
Horrible to look at, but so comfortable, I sometimes wore them in bed.
They’d be fine for a quick lunch run. No one in Greggs would care.
I zipped my big coat up, ready to run the gauntlet.
‘Big Issue, love?’ Ron was waving his bundle of mags in the freezing cold as people rushed past him on all sides.
‘I’ve already got one,’ I said, dropping my hood at the first challenge. ‘It’s me.’
‘Sara! Sorry, I didn’t recognise you under there. I don’t usually see you this time of day.’
‘Well, you will do from now on – I’m off for a few weeks.’
He frowned, concerned. ‘Everything OK?’
‘Yeah, in the grand scheme of things. Just need a reboot.’ My breath had turned to smoke in the cold air. How could he bear to stand outside all day in this weather? ‘I’m getting some lunch, Ron. What would you like?’
‘Oh no, I’m fine. I can’t ask you to do that.’
‘You’re not asking, I’m offering. Sausage roll? Coffee? Sandwich? All of the above?’
His eyes softened. ‘Thank you.’
I could have eaten my arm off I was so hungry; I grabbed two of everything and a bag of doughnuts for luck. With three bags full, I hurried past Harry’s and the al fresco diners huddled under the heaters. Rather them than me.
I sensed Mark before I saw him. Something in my peripheral vision made me double-take as he leant back with his hands behind his head and pulled a funny face.
The shiny blonde he was sat with laughed, and I couldn’t help but stand and stare at the two of them, happily wrapped in woolly blankets and drinking red wine.
He looked up and our eyes locked, but my feet wouldn’t move.
I was frozen to the floor, stood there in my saggy leggings and Crocs and socks, laden down with Greggs carrier bags. Then I lifted myself up, stuck my nose in the air and marched myself over.
‘Mark? Is that you? What a lovely surprise!’
‘Oh… er… hi,’ he stammered, looking like he might throw up. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘What am I doing here? I live here. What are you doing here?’ I was enjoying watching him squirm, even though he looked gorgeously handsome in the pale blue blazer I’d bought him for the Henley Regatta.
‘You’re back in your flat?’
‘Yep. Three weeks now.’ His date looked from him to me for clues as to what was going on. ‘Dad is looking after Twigs and Dots while I get myself sorted.’ I smiled at Millie. ‘Our babies,’ I said, to clarify.
She snorted into her wine. ‘You have babies?’
‘No! Of course not!’ Mark said, going bright red.
‘They’re grown up now, I suppose, but they’ll always be babies to me.’
‘Sara! What are you doing?’ he hissed.
‘Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met? I’m Mark’s wife.’
‘Ex-wife,’ Mark added vehemently. ‘Sorry about this, Millie, she’s talking about our dogs.’
‘You have dogs?!’ she said, alarmed.
We both stopped at that.
‘Yes. The sausage dogs in my photos. Do you not like dogs?’
Millie wrinkled her tiny nose. ‘I’m allergic. Like, really bad.’
‘Oh. That is a shame.’ I couldn’t help but smile. ‘Mark loves the girls, and their wiry hairs are all over the house. And in the bed, of course,’ I said, with a wink. ‘And, darling, I’ve been meaning to tell you – I’m going away for a few weeks, so you’ll have to play single parent until I’m back.’
‘Away where? When? I thought you were ill?’
‘Norway. One of those Scandi spas – you know the type. Impossible to get into normally, but Abi managed to pull a few strings. Mum and Dad will have the dogs on my weeks so it shouldn’t affect you too much, but I thought you should know in case there’s an emergency. It’s only for a month.’
‘A month?’ he blustered, eyes bulging. ‘But I can’t possibly do any more than…’
‘Well, you might have to,’ I interrupted, with a smile.
‘Dogs are for life; we both know that. I’m sure your mum will help if you get stuck.
Have you met Mark’s mum?’ I turned to Millie, who shook her head.
‘Nightmare,’ I whispered behind my hand.
‘Anyway! Take care, or ha det bra as they say in Norway. Enjoy your lunch.’
I needed to book that last slot in Firefly Forest, and fast. I strode off, handing Ron his lunch as I went past and filling my face with mine while I waited for the lift. I ran in, propped my phone against a bottle of wine and proceeded to payment.
Focus, Sara, focus, I thought, trying to steady my mind.
Nothing was more important in this moment than securing that place.
My hands were shaking as I auto filled my credit card details, panicking that someone else might book on that green dot before me.
Click, swipe, face scan and it was done.
It was too easy to spend money these days.
My phone even recognised my face when it was stuffed full of sausage roll.
Yes! I was IN. My brain flooded with dopamine as I poured myself a glass of wine to celebrate.
This would be an excellent way to busy myself for a month.
If I stayed here, I’d only stalk Mark’s Instagram day and night, obsessing over who he was with.
Then I’d look up Millie, and her friends and family, and her ex-boyfriends and their ex-girlfriends…
I was driving myself mad even thinking about it.
No. I was going to Emma Stone’s spa and that was the end of it.
HIIT me up Group Chat
Me: Ladies – I’ve only gone and booked it! I’m off to Norway!
Abi: Random. Why?
Me: To that retreat you recommended! The Emma Stone one.
Abi: No way.
Me: Yep. Firefly Forest. I’m being spontaneous. Thank her for me when you see her.
Kat: YESSS! You go, babes!