Chapter Nine #2
Henrik frowned for a second then shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. I’m pretty good with names and I don’t remember an Emma. Is she a friend of yours?’
‘Emma Stone, the Hollywood actress?’
He looked at me blankly. ‘Sorry – no idea. The signal is bad out here, as I said, and I’m not really one for watching films.’
Good God. ‘Not even on your laptop?’
‘My laptop is very old,’ he reasoned. ‘I’ve spent too much of my life staring at a screen; I mostly avoid them. When I’m not working, I like to take the boat out.’
The farmhouse came into view, and it was very clearly a family home.
Beautiful red brick, with a cutesy porch and white shutters on every window.
Picture-perfect from a distance, but as we got closer, I could see the paint was peeling on the shutters and the roof was missing a slate or two.
Henrik walked me down a dirt track and my phone picked up the Wi-Fi network before we’d even reached the lounge.
‘What’s the password?’ I asked, thirsty for distraction.
‘Audhilda,’ he said, taking my phone and typing it in. ‘Do you want to sit inside while you do whatever it is you need to do?’
I nodded. ‘Yes please. I’m quite attached to my fingers.’
Henrik laughed and punched a code into the keypad, granting me access to the lounge of tech shame. It clearly hadn’t seen much action in a while. The shutters were closed, and the tables and chairs were covered in a thin layer of dust.
‘Amazing, thanks.’ The group chat was pinging off the charts and I couldn’t wait to read all the gossip.
‘And what was it you wanted again? A macchiato?’
I blushed, feeling like a prize chump. ‘No, I’m fine. I didn’t realise this was the set-up.’
‘I’m teasing. I’ll get you a coffee from the kitchen. Milk? Sugar?’
‘Splash of milk, half a sugar, please.’
HIIT me up Group Chat
Abi: Don’t hate me, but there’s been a slight miscommunication on my part.
Kat: Go on?
Abi: Not for you – Sara.
Kat: Oh. Well, she’s not online so tell me – I won’t hate you
Abi: So, it turns out the retreat Emma Stone went to was in Sweden, not Norway.
Kat: Oof, so close.
Abi: I know. Do you think she’ll be cross?
Kat: Not at all, babes! It’s an easy mistake to make after half a bottle of wine. You weren’t expecting her to book it.
Abi: True. I feel bad though. Where the hell is she? Sara??? Where the hell are you?
I knew this didn’t feel right. FUCKETY FUCKING FUCK. Where the hell was I? This was where spontaneity got me: in a mud hut in the middle of nowhere, setting fire to my Jimmy Choos to stay warm.
Me: Abi!!!!! WTF! I’m getting the next boat out of here. There’s no spa. Or heating!
Kat: Hey, Sara! Hmm, that sounds bad. Abi isn’t online, but I’m sure she’ll get the message soon. She’s really sorry ?
Me: I’m going to kill her. Abi!!! I’m going to kill you.
The door creaked open, and Henrik appeared with two mugs and a plate of biscuits. ‘One very basic coffee with milk,’ he said, putting it all down.
‘As long as it’s hot and caffeinated.’
‘Oh yeah. It’s all of that. Cookie?’ he offered. I took two in case he didn’t come back. ‘Is it legal work you’re doing?’
‘Er… yes, a couple of urgent emails. Shouldn’t take long.’
I tilted my phone away slightly as I quietly clicked out of Instagram. I’d already posted my photos of the fjords and the farmhouse and made it clear I was at an amazing top-secret spa #amazing #topsecretspa.
Henrik sat opposite with his coffee and I wondered if he had to supervise me while I was in here. To make sure I didn’t overdose on TikTok.
‘Henrik? This is a bit of a strange one so bear with me, but having checked a few things online, I seem to be… on the wrong retreat.’
He slowly raised his eyebrows. ‘The wrong retreat?’
‘Yes.’ I laughed. ‘It turns out, I’m supposed to be in Sweden. Can you believe it?’ I took an awkward sip of my coffee, then stopped for a second to enjoy it. Perfect taste, perfect temperature, creamy and strong. ‘Oooh – this is nice!’
‘Isn’t it? That’s the coffee you’ve got in your cabin. Jonas grinds the beans by hand. He’s obsessed with it. Wait till you try the biscuits. Freshly baked in the Nilsen kitchen this morning by the big man himself.’
I bit into one and it melted on my tongue. Crumbly and oaty with choc chips, it immediately leapfrogged Fortnum’s double-choc chunkies as my favourite biscuits of all time. Henrik watched my face change with a shy smile.
‘Good, aren’t they? Mor’s secret recipe. My mother. Sorry, you were saying… you were heading for Sweden and took a hard left?’
‘It’s a long story; I won’t bore you with all the details. Obviously I’ll still pay in full – I wouldn’t want you to be out of pocket.’
Henrik looked completely bewildered. ‘But you only arrived last night. How do you know you won’t like it here?’
‘Oh no – it’s not that! I already love it here, but it’s my friend’s birthday.
My Swedish friend.’ I could smell freedom.
A quick swipe of my credit card and I’d be out of here.
We could sweep this misunderstanding under the carpet and forget it ever happened.
‘If it’s OK with you, I’ll settle whatever I owe and get out of your hair today.
Can I book a boat back to Bergen harbour? ’
‘Not likely, I’m afraid,’ Tore said, from the doorway. ‘Good morning, Sara. How did you sleep?’
‘Morning!’ I said, surprised to see him. ‘I slept well, thank you. Really well.’
‘I’m pleased to hear you got some rest,’ he said.
‘The Bergen boat only comes once a day, and ordinarily we could take you to the mainland in our dinghy, but not in this weather.’ He looked out at the heavy clouds.
The snow was falling thick and fast against the window, adding to the chunky layer already on the ground. I didn’t want to get stuck here.
‘How long will it last?’ I asked, repeatedly tapping my weather app and getting nothing. I was being held hostage by a lack of technology.
‘A couple of days. Maybe three.’
‘Three days?! You mean we’re trapped?’ I already was stuck here. My heart raced as I tried to think logically. Three days was totally doable. Seventy-two hours. Two more sleeps. I wasn’t trapped; I was safe, and warm and completely fine. But I couldn’t catch my breath.
Henrik eyed me with concern. ‘Are you OK?’
I nodded silently and he jumped up and ran round the table.
‘Look at me,’ he said gently, taking my hands. ‘Into my eyes. It’s fine. You’re fine. Now, take a breath in…’ I followed his voice and mirrored his breathing. ‘And out…’ He nodded as he spoke, keeping eye contact and calmly repeating the words until the feeling passed.
‘Thank you,’ I said, relieved and full of adrenaline, once I was out the other side. ‘I’ve been having these breathless episodes. It’s stress, I think. I’m OK now.’
‘Are you sure?’ Henrik’s eyes were full of concern. ‘Take your time.’
I kept the deep breathing going and pushed into the soles of my feet, feeling the floor solid beneath me.
‘I’ll just have to be patient, I guess. The weather is the weather. Can I book on the next boat whenever it makes it through? And I’ll settle my bill now, so at least that part is done.’
‘But you’ve already paid,’ Tore said, confused. ‘Upfront when you booked.’
‘Have I?’ Well, that explained why I’d thought it was a ten-star spa.
Four grand wasn’t the deposit – it was the full amount.
I just hadn’t quite realised that this was what I’d paid for.
‘Great, well that’s sorted then. No hard feelings and maybe someone else will book in and you can sell my room twice. ’
Henrik shook his head in disbelief. ‘You don’t even want to try it out for a week when you’ve already paid? How bad can it be?’
Father and son both looked at me, one hurt and the other offended.
‘It’s not bad at all! It’s beautiful and I’d love to stay, but as I said, I’m supposed to be in Sweden at a different Firefly altogether. Is it er… Firefly Lodge?’
Tore shook his head. ‘I’ve no idea.’
‘Never heard of it,’ Henrik seconded.
‘The Firefly Hotel and Spa?’ They both shrugged. ‘I’ll double-check. I’m not great with names.’
‘A barrister with a bad memory, eh?’ Tore smiled. ‘Not many of those around. If the weather is clear we can take you back to Bergen on Thursday, but give us a chance to change your mind, hey?’
‘Starting with my laughter workshop,’ Henrik said. ‘If you’re up for it?’
‘Absolutely!’ I said with a big smile. I absolutely wasn’t, but if I was only here for a few days, it wouldn’t hurt to throw myself into it. ‘Lead the way.’