Chapter 21 #2
Hannah could see Ruth making the most of a bench further across the space, flanked by some historic canons, her gaze fixed out across the harbour and beyond as Millie and Nathan scrambled over rocks.
Louis ambled across the tufty grass and Hannah went with him, picking her way across the exposed black bedrock.
‘What’s that?’ she said, pointing down to the sea where a circular construction stretched out into the bay.
‘A man-made harbour for some of the yachts, I think,’ Louis said. ‘I believe you can walk along it, too. I don’t think it’s restricted to yacht owners, like some places.’
Hannah screwed her eyes against the sun, bright even though she was wearing dark glasses, not wanting to miss a thing from the sensational view.
Louis pointed to the town below, then off to the left. ‘That’s Marigot, obviously, and that way you can see the airport, and I think that’s Terres Basses beyond – lots of beaches there. And way out in the distance you can just about make out Anguilla, another island.’
‘Where?’ She held the flat of a hand above her eyes, frowning with concentration.
Louis moved behind her, pointing over her shoulder to guide her gaze.
‘There. See it?’
She wasn’t sure whether she moved or it was Louis who closed the rest of the gap between them, but when she felt his frame against her, she leant into him, her concentrated frown giving way to the beginnings of a smile as he wrapped his free arm around her waist and she pressed her hand against his, holding him firm.
Too soon he was pulling away, but it was only to shift position so he could face her. She did her best to hold onto his hand, threading her fingers through his as he moved, only giving up her grip when he framed her face with gentle fingers, his gaze intense and totally on her.
‘I was going to say this is the best view up here, looking at you, but I realised that’s about as corny as it gets, so I won’t.’
She grinned. ‘Oh, I don’t know. It sounds good to me.’
‘I meant what I said the other night.’
‘Which was what, exactly?’ She wanted him to reaffirm what she’d remembered but hadn’t felt convinced of, that he wasn’t rejecting her – even though it felt like he had.
But Louis misinterpreted. ‘I didn’t think you were that pissed. You really can’t remember?’
She shrugged. ‘Some of it’s a bit hazy.’
Louis laughed, then his expression became serious.
‘Don’t get me wrong, I am seriously attracted to you, but when we got back to your cabin…
’ He shook his head. ‘It struck me that you should have been enjoying your time on the Ballygowan with someone else. That you and he should have been making love in that room, and I shouldn’t mean anything more to you than being the captain of the ship you chose for your honeymoon – it felt…
I just wanted you to be sure. To want to be with me because you want to be with me – do you know what I mean? ’
‘Not because I’m on the rebound from Ian…’
Louis nodded and Hannah cursed herself for bringing Ian’s name into the mix again.
But she supposed it had to be faced. Louis was as entitled to know how she felt about him as vice versa.
Was entitled to know whether her attraction to him was genuine, or if she saw him as nothing more than a moment in time.
A holiday romance. An escape from reality.
‘I came on this cruise in desperation,’ she said.
‘I didn’t know what else to do with the tickets, or myself, to be honest. Yes, I did want to run away.
I wanted to hide and pretend and forget.
And I still wonder how I’m going to face reality when I do go home.
I’m not going to pretend otherwise. But I also know I didn’t feel this way when I met Ian.
’ She shook her head. ‘Oh my God, he is the last person I should be talking about up here, with you, but I think it matters. He was everything I thought I should want – that’s the best way I can think of to describe him.
My family loved him straight away; he has a steady job, lives locally to the deli, isn’t ever going to stray very far away from Southampton, doesn’t kick puppies or shout at kids. ’
Louis laughed, and she grinned.
‘But seriously, I thought it was right.’ Hannah swallowed, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to say next.
‘Thing is, Louis, I feel the complete opposite about you. Not about the kicking puppies or shouting at kids – I don’t think you’re likely to do those things either – but it’s everything else.
My family have never met you. You neither live nor work anywhere near me.
I know almost nothing about you – in that respect you’re a complete unknown.
I’ve lived a very risk-averse life, and you are the opposite of that.
And yet, I can’t ignore the way I feel every time I’m anywhere near you.
’ She paused, searched his expression for cracks, then ploughed on.
‘It’s incredibly unsettling and logically it would be better to run away from you, rather than towards you.
But it’s exciting, too. It’s mad, because I don’t know you at all.
And yet I don’t think I can ignore this.
I don’t think I want to run away. Not again. Not from you.’
‘Then don’t,’ he said. Two words versus the barrage she’d unleashed on him. Two simple words that cut through all the noise, all the thoughts and worries and the mess Hannah knew she still had to deal with.
‘But what if…’ She tried again, tried to convince herself, as much as him, that what was about to happen was a bad idea.
He shook his head, pushing a loop of her hair away from her face as he leant forward, tipping his face to meet hers.
She’d wondered if kissing him sober would feel as good as it had when she had been drunk, or whether she’d remembered it wrongly.
Turned out that part of her memory had been searingly accurate.
She melted against him as they deepened their kiss, him wrapping his arms around her waist as Hannah threaded hers around the back of his neck and the rest of the world slipped away.