Chapter Three
Three
The journey to Dover was hit by weather chaos every step of the way and it was a relief when the taxi finally pulled into the harbour.
Hurricane-level rain as we’d thundered through the Surrey Hills on the train, then sunny as you like on the south coast with the calming slosh of waves leading us towards the boats.
Enormous seagulls circled overhead, cawing loudly and dive-bombing tourists as they tried to tuck into their fish and chips.
‘Look at the size of it!’ Heidi cried, ducking as one swooped past us, scanning for food with angry, yellow eyes.
‘The seagull or the ship?’ I said, staring up in horror at Esmeralda.
The cruise liner completely blocked the horizon, the sun bouncing off the windows as hundreds of black dots moved around the decks.
The crew must have been scrubbing for weeks for it to shine so bright, with both the Union Jack and the Portuguese flag at full mast, fluttering in the wind.
I had a full-on Titanic-panic as I looked at my holiday home for the next fortnight.
How did it float? HOW? I’d convinced myself the ship would be so big it wouldn’t feel claustrophobic at all.
But standing here next to it, feeling so small and insignificant, was giving me palpitations.
It was four times the size of their other ships and I’d be sleeping in a tiny tin bed, inside a tiny tin bedroom aboard a gigantic TIN BOX that somehow floated on the water.
With no one to help if anything went wrong.
The boat version of Russian dolls. My breathing went shallow and the volume of the world suddenly went quiet, replaced by a ringing in my ears. I was going to faint.
‘Kat? Are you OK, love? You’ve gone slightly green.’ Heidi put her hand on my forehead.
I gave her a weak smile and nodded. Excalibur Cruises was my account, and nobody was taking it from me – not without a massive fight, at least. I was getting on that boat no matter what, and I’d be sleeping in that teeny, tiny tin bed.
‘I’m just hot,’ I said, using my hand as a fan and looking around. ‘I need a drink.’
‘You and me both,’ Heidi said, swiping two champagnes from the meet-and-greeters at the bottom of the ramp.
The crowd were mingling while they waited to check in, and there was a day one party going on, with a DJ and drinks.
Checking in and getting on board was a whole event in itself and the soon-to-be cruisers bobbed along to nineties tunes in anticipation while they stood in the make-shift queue.
Champagne wasn’t the kind of drink I’d had in mind, but I made the best of a bad situation and knocked it back, clocking all the fifty-somethings nudging forward eager to get on the ship.
My soon-to-be holiday besties. There was clearly a cruising look – and neither Heidi nor I were wearing it.
The men were in navy jackets and pink trousers, with boat shoes and no socks, while the women fluttered around like excited butterflies in floaty dresses and Panama hats.
Purples, greens, pinks and yellows – my black shorts and matching jacket were stuffy and dull in comparison.
‘I’m overdressed,’ I said, nodding at them.
‘You’re dressed to impress, which is exactly how it should be,’ Heidi replied. ‘We’re working, remember – this lot are all on holiday.’
I was always in awe of the perfectly buffed women with manicured nails and swishy blow-dries when they arrived on holiday.
That was occasionally how I looked on the flight home, once I’d had a fortnight’s peace and time to think about myself, but never on the way out.
It was hard to commit to appointments when I was on client-call twenty-four-seven.
I’d cancelled the hairdresser so many times over the years that they wouldn’t let me book anymore; I could only go on standby.
My holidays these days were all about powering down and recuperating, which usually started with a solid day of sleep.
I’d crawl exhausted onto the plane, looking a total wreck, with a plan to beautify myself once I’d arrived.
A plan that worked less than five per cent of the time.
‘Kat! Heidi!’ A bronzed hand with bright red fingernails and adorned with gold rings waved above the crowd, and Brooke’s face appeared through the melee.
‘There you are!’ she gushed. ‘I’ve been hunting everywhere.
’ She was wearing a burnt-orange dress, with gold sunglasses and sandals to match.
A willowy flame with a feathery white cape, and certainly not dressed for work.
‘Morning!’ Heidi and I sang in unison, then kicked into profesh mode, speaking over each other in our rush to ingratiate ourselves.
‘We’re so excited to be here!’
‘The ship looks amazing!’
‘Thank you so much for having us.’
Brooke waved away our platitudes with a fan she’d flipped out of nowhere. ‘Not AT ALL. You need to understand the product to sell it – right? You should be on these cruises once a quarter at the very least. How else can you keep your ideas fresh and relevant?’
‘It’s a good point,’ Heidi said.
‘And I’m sorry but the recent PR has been looking anything but.’
‘Do you think?’ I said, slightly shocked at her blunt delivery.
Brooke beamed, as if she wasn’t delivering devastating news. ‘That’s why Fran had to go if you want the truth. But we don’t know for certain that she was the problem – it might have been you guys for all I know. Hell, maybe it was a combination of y’all, but we’ll find out soon enough.’
A sucker punch delivered with a spoonful of honey. The cruising queen was a total sociopath. I mirrored her smile with an uncomfortable nod, despite myself.
‘Morning, Brooke,’ a throaty voice said over my shoulder. I turned to look and there he was. The super-smooth PR-star who had ruined my life.
‘Leo Kendrick! There you are!’ Brooke drawled, giving him a double air kiss.
‘Here I am,’ he said, lifting his sunglasses with a grin. I’d forgotten how handsome he was with his thick, jet-black hair and dimples. ‘How are you Brooke? Excited for the trip?’
‘Hell, yeah. It’s everything I love all at once. The ocean, travel, work – and competition.’
Leo laughed and held out his hand. ‘Speaking of which. Good to see you again, Heidi, and Kat… it’s been a while.
’ His palms were cool and solid like a professional businessman.
Mine were hot and sticky like a grubby gremlin and we held on a fraction too long making eye contact for the first time in years.
‘It has,’ I said, a convincing smile concealing the irritation I felt at being in his presence. ‘How have you been?’
‘Very well, yeah. Incredibly busy,’ he said, raking a hand through his quiff. ‘You know how it is in agencies – there’s either too much work and not enough staff or too many staff and not enough work. Right now, it’s the former, so we’re recruiting.’
‘Nice problem to have,’ Heidi said. ‘And Dinky Drinks have settled in?’
It still stung to have lost that pitch to them.
Our campaign had been so bloody cute. A school sports day of kids dressed as fruits racing for the win, then drinking their Dinky Drinks together in wholesome harmony.
Amplify had gone down the organic, fresh fruit angle – which put the focus on the parents, and the client had loved it.
‘Yes, the ads go live next month,’ Leo said. ‘Feels like we’ve been to every fruit farm in Europe these past few months but we’re happy with the result.’
‘And now you’re off again!’ Brooke said. ‘You’re in demand! Everyone wants a piece of you.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ Leo said, abashed. ‘But I’m very glad to have every piece of me here. We are delighted to be pitching. I’m looking forward to adding the Excalibur Cruises logo to our website.’
I flashed him a filthy look and he laughed. ‘Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?’
‘Now, now, children,’ Brooke interjected. ‘Play nice.’
‘Are you travelling on your own?’ Heidi asked.
‘I hope not. My creative director, Zach, should be here somewhere.’ Leo arched his nicely moisturised neck to look around the crowd as Esmeralda gave a prolonged blast of the horn and sent a shit-tonne of smoke into the atmosphere.
‘Ah, I see him.’ Leo put his fingers to his lips and whistled, and Zach ambled over like a well-trained dog, wearing baggy shorts and carrying a large leather man bag.
‘Alrigh’?’ he said, in a Welsh accent, giving us all a slight nod.
‘Zach, you know Heidi and Kat from Northstar PR,’ Leo said. ‘And Brooke, of course.’
‘Of course,’ Zach replied, shaking our hands in turn. ‘Good to see you again.’
We’d crossed paths briefly at the Dinky Drinks pitch, when they’d arrived early, presumably to check out the competition.
The pair of them walking in was an impossible image to forget – both well over six foot, Zach with his bright blond perm and wire-framed glasses and Leo super clean-cut in his sharp blue suit.
They were renowned in the industry as a formidable team and a well-oiled pitching machine, and once we realised we were up against them, we knew we were in trouble.
But I wasn’t going to let history repeat itself. This time, we’d be ready.
‘Well, ain’t it just peachy that y’all know each other?’ Brooke trilled, delighted. ‘Just a bunch of good old pals goin’ cruisin’ together.’
We side-eyed each other and laughed. More like a bunch of angry snakes trapped in a bag together.
Esmeralda sounded her horn again and there was a kerfuffle at the front of the crowd as trays of empty champagne flutes were marched back up the ramp and onto the boat. An over-tanned man in a captain’s uniform blew a whistle and everyone went quiet.
‘Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Thiago, and I am your captain for the next two weeks aboard the beautiful Esmeralda.’ He waved up at the boat, gleaming in the sunshine, and everyone cheered.
Leo was already filming on his phone, and I felt immediately on the back foot as I scrambled to do the same.
The game had already started, and we weren’t even on the ship yet.
‘It is my humble pleasure to have you as my guests as we sail to the Azores, Madeira and on to Lisbon. Thank you for your patience as we all board the ship, we have one more hour until we set sail, so please be ready with your ticket information while my team help get you onto the Esmeralda and show you to your cabins. Thank you and bon voyage!’ The crowd cheered as Thiago pressed a button and a confetti cannon exploded.
‘Right, you four – follow me,’ Brooke said, taking control. ‘Let’s check-in – we don’t need to queue.’ She marched us to the front of the line and flashed her ID badge.
‘Let the fun begin,’ Heidi murmured, as we ran after her.
‘VIPs coming through,’ she barked. ‘Brooke Harris from head office, plus agency guests.’
The check-in lady was dressed in lemon feathers and had the energy of Big Bird with her kind smile, and equally gentle demeanour.
‘Welcome, Brooke, it’s so lovely to have you on board with us,’ she said. ‘I’ll just get Mr and Mrs Binns here checked in, and I’ll be right with you.’
An anxious-looking lady in a pale blue dress peered out from behind Zach and her husband pulled her forward. ‘This way, my love. We were here first,’ he said, firmly, avoiding eye contact as his cheeks went red.
The lemon lady handed them each a plastic card attached to what looked like a real fish.
‘Here are your keys,’ she said, delighted with herself.
‘You are in our Sardine Suite, with a panoramic ocean view, a Jacuzzi, sauna and your own private butler.’ Wow.
If that was what the ordinary punters were getting, I couldn’t wait to see what they had in store for us VIPs.
‘Our concierge will show you through and we hope you have the most fabulous stay with us.’
Brooke gestured for us to follow as the pair stepped onto the ship. ‘No need to go into the full spiel – just tick us off your list and I’ll take them through.’
‘I’m afraid I can’t do that, Ms Harris,’ she said, gently asserting her authority. ‘We’ve had strict instructions from head office for you and your guests to get the full Esmeralda experience where possible, so Arlo will escort you to your rooms.’
‘Fine, that’s fine,’ Brooke said, impatiently, rolling her eyes.
Leo was now taking photos and Zach seemed to be surreptitiously recording the check-in process, while Heidi and I nosed in on the conversation.
Gah! I’d missed it again. I was holding my handbag, a tote, my passport and my tickets so I’d have to scribble some notes down later.
I couldn’t wait to chuck all my stuff on my emperor-sized bed and jump in the Jacuzzi.
This competition was going to be mercenary, and I needed to be on my A-game.