Chapter 1 #2
“Nothing,” I manage to get out in between blubbering.
“It’s all these damn hormones. And Linda.
And you. And everyone. And, oh God, Willow’s nearly here and we’re not ready.
” I stare at him through my tears. “What if she won’t attach to my boob?
What if she cries all day and all night and we can’t soothe her?
What if I’m the worst mother known to mankind, and I drop her or accidentally leave her in the car one day or nearly drown her in the bath or—”
J’s arms come around me and he pulls me close, holding me firmly in the way he does when I stumble and need him to catch me.
“Firstly, you are never gonna be the worst mother known to mankind. That’s not fucking possible.
Second, whatever shit comes up, we’ll deal with it together.
You’ll never do any of this on your own. I fucking promise you that.”
I bury my face in his chest, breathing in his familiar scent that always calms me. I could stay in these arms, with this chest, for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t be too long. However, my abdomen tightens, and cramps radiate from my lower back around to my front.
Gripping his shirt, I bend slightly, leaning into him while I focus on my breathing. J’s hands instantly move to my back, and he applies some pressure where he knows I need it.
The contraction lasts for about forty seconds at which point I let go of J and start pacing the room again.
“You need me to stay and help?” Nash says, and if I wasn’t dealing with pain and worry and a million racing thoughts, I’d laugh at what I hear in his voice. It’s not often Nash Walker is unsure of shit, but everything about him right now tells me he’s out of his comfort zone here.
I leave J to him and just focus on my walking and breathing.
I completely tune out and don’t notice Nash leaving or J returning to the room. It’s not until J comes back into the lounge room and to me that I zone back in.
“Put your hands around my neck,” he says.
I frown. “Why?”
“We’re gonna try something.” He doesn’t wait for me to do what he said. He takes hold of my hands and brings them up to his neck, positioning them where he wants them. “Now dance with me.”
“You’ve lost your damn mind, J,” I say, trying to remove my hands from his body. “I’m in labour. Not a time for dancing.”
He keeps my hands right where they are and uses his bossy tone on me. “Sway your hips, Madison, like you’re slow dancing. I read that this can help.”
I stare up at my husband. “You read up on this?”
He slides his hands around my body and rests them on my lower back where the pressure feels good. “Of course I fucking read up on it. I wanted to know how to help you.”
And just like that, more tears well in my eyes.
I sway my hips and grumble at him because I’m sick of crying. “God, why do you choose today to be husband of the year? I mean, out of all the days to do nice things for me and make me cry, you had to choose today when I already have enough hormones in my body to get that job done.”
He sways with me. “I fucking love you too, baby.”
“I never said I loved you.”
“Yeah you did.”
“Jesus, do you ever stop arguing with me? I’m trying to have a baby here. I don’t need all this discussion over what I said. I think I know what I said.”
He chuckles and tightens his hold on me. “Okay then, tell me you love me so we can get that out of the way and get back to having a baby.”
There’s something in his tone or in his words or in his moves that catches my attention.
I meet his gaze and feel the love blazing from his eyes.
This man.
The man I’ve always loved even when I tried to tell myself I didn’t.
The man who has never let me down. Not once.
The man who holds all my hopes and dreams so tightly that I know he’ll never let them crash and burn.
My fingers curl against the nape of his neck.
“I love you, Jason Reilly, in ways I don’t even know yet.”
“Give me your lips,” he bosses.
I don’t hesitate to give him what he wants.
When he’s had his fill, he growls, “Now sway those hips. I’m way past fucking ready to meet my daughter.”
“Meet your beautiful baby girl,” the midwife says as she places Willow in my arms.
I’m exhausted.
My body is done.
And my mind might have actually fled my body.
But suddenly, as Willow’s tiny face comes into focus, and J traces his finger over her cheek, all of that is forgotten.
I think my heart is about to explode.
I’ve never felt a feeling like the one I’m feeling right now.
The love that’s filling my entire being.
It’s like what I feel for J, but different.
It’s as infinite as the love I have for him, but different again.
It’s absolute in a whole other way.
“Fuck.” The word falls softly from J’s lips, and I smile up at him in time to meet his gaze.
The world stops in this moment.
It’s just me, and J, and Willow.
Finally together.
And it’s me, and J, and the love we have for each other.
It’s deeper somehow.
Which seems crazy to me, but I can’t deny what I feel.
It’s like what we just went through together for the last sixteen hours, and the child we now share, changed everything, and grew our love to a whole new level.
“I love you,” he says, pressing a kiss to my lips.
I kiss him back. “I love you, too, J.” I glance down at Willow before looking back at him. “She’s everything.”
He nods and kisses me again. “Yeah, baby, she is. She’s just like her mother.”
It’s in this exact moment that I know I’ll do this all over again.
I’ll say yes to all the babies J wants to make with me.
I love this man more than life itself.
Even though I grumble at him.
Even though I fight with him over dumb shit.
And even though he drives me insane some days.
I love J.