Chapter 4
NASH & VELVET
ANOTHER TEXT
Three years after they met
Velvet
Baby, can you please pick up some stuff for me on your way home tonight?
Nash
Fuck, is the list gonna be as long as the last one?
Velvet
Let me re-phrase my question: Do you want your dick sucked tonight?
Nash
Why you gotta kill me, V?
Velvet
This is me loving you, Nash. I’m cooking you dinner AND sucking your dick.
Nash
Fuck. Send the list.
Velvet
Here’s what I need from the supermarket: butter, milk, diced beef, potatoes, broccoli, garlic, carrots, pumpkin, onions, rice, Vegemite, peanut butter, eggs, cheese, makeup pads, shower gel (the one we always get, do NOT come home with any other brand, let me know if you can’t remember which one it is and I’ll send you a photo, I repeat do NOT come home with a different brand), tampons (the ones you always get me x 10 boxes), and pads (the ones you’ve bought me before x 10 packs).
Nash
Fuck me, why so many tampons and pads?
Velvet
I’m donating some to Share The Dignity.
Nash
The what?
Velvet
It’s a charity that does a period product drive to help women who are doing it tough. Maybe we should get more than 10 of each.
Nash
Fuckin’ hell, I’m on my bike. Can these wait until tomorrow? You’ve ordered a shitload of other shit for me to grab. I’ll already be loaded up with my own stuff. And fuck knows you’ll have my balls if those eggs don’t make it home in one piece.
Velvet
No, I have to donate these tomorrow and won’t have time in the morning to go buy them. I think we should buy more than 10 of each. Maybe 20 of each.
Nash
This dick sucking you’re doing tonight…. am I getting a show with it?
Velvet
Nash, I’m trying to decide how many tampons and pads you should buy. Can we just focus on that first?
Nash
I am fuckin’ focusing on that. I’m figuring at the rate you’re going, I’ll have to come home and swap my bike for the car before hitting the supermarket.
Velvet
Oh, good idea. But what’s that got to do with your blowjob?
Nash
I’m gonna need a fuckin’ show to go with the blowjob for all these pads.
Velvet
Well I’m gonna need lots of pads in exchange for a show.
Nash
I’ll back a fuckin’ truck in for one of your shows, baby. I’ll buy every fuckin’ pad I can find.
Velvet
See, this is why I married you.
Nash
Because I love the way you shake your ass?
Velvet
No because you love me. Let’s be real here, you’d back a truck in and buy every pad in sight for me even without a show, and even without a blowjob.
Nash
Fuck, you know I would. But fuckin’ promise me I’m getting something out of all these pads. Throw a man a fuckin’ bone.
Velvet
A show. A blowjob. And some wild sex.
Nash
Done.
Velvet
Oh, and I wasn’t finished my list yet. Here’s what else I need.
From the chemist: pick up the scripts waiting for me there, plus some Vitamin D.
From the bakery: bread, bread rolls, croissants, and one of those banana breads I love.
From the dry cleaner: pick up my skirt I had taken up.
From the newsagent: pick up my magazine subscription waiting for me there.
Nash
Fuckin’ hell. This show, blowjob, and wild sex better be the best fuckin’ show, blowjob, and wild sex you’ve ever given me.
Velvet
You know you love me.
Nash
Fuck. You know I do.
Velvet
I love you too, baby xx