Chapter 9
Scarlett
As I walked back into my office, I could see April bustling around my desk, organizing and arranging various reports and papers. When I reached my desk, I could feel the smooth surface of it against my fingertips as I picked up one of the reports.
She retreated toward the door to excuse herself. “I set out the reports on your desk. I didn’t want to disturb your lunch.”
“It’s fine. Thank you.” I said, glancing at the file in my hand.
“Scarlett, I’ll be leaving a little early today. Rory and I are picking up Christian, but we’ll meet you at Brody’s afterward.”
“Yes, I recall Graham saying something about that,” I said, slightly distracted, eyeing the contents of the folder but not really reading them.
“How was your lunch?” April asked, her voice taking on a hint of worry.
“It was good.” My fingers went to my lips where I could still feel the warmth of his kiss, and I paused in a small moment of silent reflection, dragging my fingers down my chin before looking at her.
“That’s good. I’m glad it was nice.”
Her hand rested on the doorknob, ready to exit, and yet she hesitated. I couldn't let her leave just yet. I felt the weight of my words, heavy and uncertain, as I stood before her, desperate for her understanding and guidance. She was my confidant, my ally, and I needed her now more than ever.
“April?”
“Yes? Was there something more?”
“Can you hold on a moment? I wanted to ask you about…” My voice trailed off, unsure about how to ask. She’d already told me about their relationship, but I didn’t know how to navigate these initial stages. I had questions. Like, do they each want this? How will I know? How do we talk about it or approach the subject? Too many of these questions raced through my mind to articulate any of them.
She released the handle and joined me in the small seating area. “What’s on your mind?” She spoke the words, but her eyes told me she already knew what I wanted to know.
“It was something Graham said.” I smiled and my fingers instantly went back to my lips. “He has feelings for me, but also knows Brody and Drake do as well. How can he be sure of that? But there was more. He said I didn’t have to choose.”
The corner of her mouth on one side went up in a smirk. “That’s code, Hun. He’s telling you he is in with a poly relationship.”
“Poly?”
“Polyamorous. It means more than one.”
“Like you?”
Her head dipped acknowledging my question. “Exactly.”
“But how can he know about the others?”
“Well, don’t get mad, but Drake and Graham had a conversation earlier with Rory and Stewart about our relationship, wondering how it worked.”
“What about Brody? Did he talk to them, too?” My cheeks flushed when I thought about them talking about me that way and anger began to rise making my brows crease.
April’s calming hand reached for mine and she soothed me with a squeeze and a smile. “Don’t be angry. They’re trying to navigate it, too. After all, you are talking to me about it, right? They need to get some insights, too. Their role is a little different to navigate. Understand they must agree to share you when their first instinct is to want to keep you all to themselves.”
The tension left my body, the rigidness in my posture disappeared and my shoulders drooped in defeat. My face turned red from embarrassment and self-reflection. I felt foolish and selfish for a moment. I’d only considered the ways each of them affected me and not the other way around. What did I have to offer them?
My shoulders slumped when the flash of realization that the world did not revolve around me hit. It was a humbling moment of self-reflection that brought with it a wave of vulnerability and tears welling up that stung the back of my eyes. I’d been so focused on my own fears and problems, I hadn’t considered what they were going through.
I desperately wanted to just hide and not deal with anyone. I desperately wished for my tiny apartment, that ugly wig and the anonymity that came with it, but April wasn’t going to let me retreat within myself again. She pulled me in close and wrapped her arms around me.
“Oh, Scarlett, what’s wrong?”
My body shook with sobs as the full rush of tears burst forth, and I simply cried. “What do I have…,” I sucked in a ragged breath, “…to offer?”
“You will know as time passes. What is it that each of them makes you feel?”
I sniffed, looking down at my hands nervously wringing in my lap. The soft rustle of tissues pulled from the box and handed to me broke the otherwise silent moment.
April's voice was gentle and calming as she asked, “What's wrong?”
My throat all of a sudden felt constricted, as if a hand was squeezing it tightly to keep the words at bay, but I had to let it out. I wiped at the tears on my cheeks and choked back the lump in my throat. I blew my nose, trying to regain my composure and gasped shuddering breaths before I spoke.
“It all began with Brody and Sensei. Maddy suggested I take some MMA classes to learn to feel more confident, stronger. Right away, they both helped me. Sensei saw the struggle within me right from the first meeting and has been understanding, somehow knowing what I needed each step of the way. Brody was firm with me as a teacher, but also gentle. He makes me feel strong. Drake, on the other hand, is funny and tries hard to make things lighter when I am feeling low. It is like he lifts the weight of my worries and carries them for me. Graham, of course, you know. He recognized my abilities and what Felicia was doing to me. He gave me confidence in my work life, returning what was lost within me. Each of them is so different, but all of them make me feel more like the old me.”
“Well, what do you think each of them might think of you?”
“That I’m a pathetic mess?”
We both laughed. Not because it was true, but because it was true. I was a pathetic mess, but because of each of them I’d become so much more. Emerged from my cocoon like a butterfly transformed.
“Sometimes I think men have this instinct to protect. I think it can be almost primal,” April said.
“I won’t always need protecting.”
“Neither did I. You know, our story is similar in many ways. But now I am different with each of my guys, and when we’re all together, each of us brings something to the mix that makes it whole. You can find that, too.”
“I’m just unsure,” I admitted, dabbing my cheeks again with the tissue.
“Just don’t overthink it, and you’ll be fine.” She hugged me in a warm embrace and stood, reaching her hand out to encourage me to stand as well. “Now, freshen up. Don’t let Graham see you’ve been crying. I have to go so that we can pick up Christian. You ok?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” I nodded and lifted a compact to inspect my red nose and eyes. “I am a mess.”
Her lips went up in the corners, and she tilted her head. “See you soon.”
I thanked her as she left my office then patted some fresh makeup on the red areas and under my eyes, adding a bit more mascara to freshen them up.
The sunlight was fading into a warm orange glow, illuminating the city skyline. The day had been full of change and crazy moments, and I was glad it was almost over. My mouth watered at the thought of sipping a glass of wine while soaking in a hot tub. My body was tired and tense from the day's events, and the thought of sinking into a steaming bath and feeling the water envelop me in its warmth brought a sense of relief and relaxation.
But Graham and Stewart were escorting me home in the sedan, and April and Rory would be there after they picked up Christian. We planned to discuss safety and finish getting everything in place for security, but I felt completely drained. All of this meant my bath would have to wait, and the worry of safety was exhausting.
The supportive and caring people in my life filled me with a deep sense of gratitude, and I reflected on the positive impact that my decision to go to the gym had on me. Maddy's words of wisdom rang true, and I couldn't help but wonder how she was faring. It had been too long since I had checked in with her, and I made a mental note to catch up with her and share the exciting and tumultuous events of my life. One of our “into the night” phone calls to fill her in on all the craziness and find out about how things were going with her was in order. I really wanted to talk to her about the guys and get her thoughts on it.
The past two weeks had transformed my appearance and confidence, a shedding of old skin and emergence of a new self. I couldn't help but feel a sense of renewal, and I no longer looked like a shy, unremarkable girl with tangled hair and frumpy clothes. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I didn't blend into the background. Instead, I walked into work with a spring in my step, wearing outfits that reflected my true style and personality.
A lightness replaced the weight of insecurity and fear. I’d worn the disguise to protect myself, but over time it became a prison for my fears. I laughed inwardly. The wig was truly awful and so was the attire, but it had kept me safe. Yet, even in this newfound freedom, there was still a sense of uncertainty and trepidation, there was still so much more to navigate, and it felt overwhelming.
Graham’s gentle knock on my office door was like a faint heartbeat, urging me out of my thoughts and back into the present moment. His voice, soft and calm, was a welcome change from the chaos and noise of the outside world. He’d come to tell me they were ready. April left half an hour ago, and I wasn’t even paying attention to the time.
As I gathered the files, he stepped into the office and said, “You will not likely be getting any work done at home.”
His hand caressed my arm as he reached out and took them. Placing the files on my desk, he pulled my sweater from the hook and held it out for me. “Let’s just go. There are still a lot of things to go over. Until they catch this guy, we must take some precautions.”
I pulled my purse from the bottom drawer of my desk and smiled at him warmly. He made me feel safe. “I’m ready.”
Stewart stood just outside the door, waiting for us. As I joined Graham and Stewart on the stairs, the sturdy, cool metal railing beneath my fingers provided support as we descended from the mezzanine together. The gentle brush of Graham's hand on the small of my back added a sense of comfort and reassurance.
As we drove home, the passing scenery blurred in my vision as my mind raced with images of the terrifying events. Deep down, even though I knew I was safe, I felt nervous. A cold, invisible hand crept up my spine, sending shivers through my body as the memories played like a horror film in the back of my mind. My muscles tightened, and I slouched in my seat, unable to shake the unease. Graham's touch brought a small sense of comfort when he felt me slouch and turned to face me.
Stewart in the front seat, seeing my unease, sat straighter. His eyes darted around the car and out the windows, on high alert.
“Scarlett, what’s wrong? Did you see something?”
I struggled to choke the lump in my throat down and let out a heavy sigh. I felt silly when I said, “It’s nothing. I’m fine. I just got a chill, is all.”
But that wasn’t the truth. I had a terrible feeling that washed over me like a black wave ebbing into the very core of my consciousness, warning me of some terrible thing on the horizon. I couldn’t explain it. There was just a feeling. A premonition.
When we arrived at the house, a uniformed officer instructed the driver to pull into the garage. Another on the inside held his hand up for us to remain inside the car until the door fully closed. What I couldn’t understand was why all this overprotection was just for me. I’m a big nobody, and it seemed like overkill.
“Why are there so many officers?” I asked Stewart as he climbed out of the car. He opened my door, and I continued. “I’m no one important. I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Don’t get me wrong; I am grateful for the protection, but it seems a little over the top, don’t you think?”
“Part of it is who requested the surveillance. With the FBI on this case, it is now in their court. This guy is not only wanted for the murders, but there is also something more we haven’t been told yet. With the DNA evidence they got from the bites, they’ve been able to connect him to a bunch of stuff, and you’re the first survivor, Scarlett. They want to make sure you stay that way.”
I shuddered and faltered a little, but Graham wrapped a supportive arm around my waist and held me up. I prayed my glib joke about the meat thermometer was true, and they found him keeled over in some alley.
We entered to find raised voices. Brody practically bellowed at the others. He was furious.
“I don’t care what you think, it’s not enough. She’s not going!”
“What’s going on?” I asked as I walked into the room.
Drake hurried over and kissed me on the cheek, looking past me to Graham, who nodded his head to him. “We were just discussing class tomorrow.”
“Who’s not going?”
“You.” Brody’s voice was nearly a growl as he shot a glare at Drake.
“What do you mean? I am so.” I was getting pissed. He didn’t get to tell me I couldn’t go to class. “What about Jenny? I don’t plan to participate. We discussed this already.”
“That was before.” He stomped over to stand next to Sensei with his arms folded defiantly.
“Before what?” I demanded.
The entire room went silent. It was a big room with high ceilings, so every sound carried, and not a single person seemed to be breathing.
“What’s going on?” I shouted.
April had arrived a short time before we did and stepped forward.
“Tell her,” she demanded.
“Tell me what?”
Sensei sighed and pulled a chair out for me at the table. “Let’s all sit down and talk about it.”
I was getting more frustrated and angrier by the second. Drake led me to the chair and whispered as I sat, “Remember Cheri, everyone just wants to know you’re safe.”
He placed a hand on my shoulder before stepping over to another seat. There were eight chairs surrounding the large oak table. I sat in the one on the corner and Drake offered the end seat to April. She immediately reached for my hand and smiled reassuringly.
Sensei's movements were quick and precise as he bustled around the kitchen, which provided a momentary distraction. I noted his movements as his hands clanged glasses. He had pulled his hair back into a neat bun and wore a traditional silk robe with intricate designs that I had often seen in class. Something about it felt comforting. He produced some beers, a bottle of wine and a few cans of soda, placing it all on the table.
Brody grabbed a beer and twisted the top, which popped off with a satisfying hiss. He took a long pull from the bottle and slammed it down. The thud of the bottle on the table was loud enough to make me jump in my seat.
“Will you quit with the brooding bad boy attitude and just tell me what the hell is going on?”
He looked shocked, but before he could speak, Sensei, who’d been circling the table like some kind of vulture, cleared his throat and blurted it out.
“We saw him. At the gym.”
“What?” I gasped and stumbled when I jumped to my feet. Eyes wide, I frantically searched for an escape, my throat instantly constricted as I tried to suck in air. Panic raced through my body like an electric jolt. My vision faded, and the room seemed to tilt and spin, blurring everyone’s faces into worried masks that seemed distorted and far away as the darkness closed in.