13. Jax
13
JAX
I glide with singular purpose toward the drop to Fate’s den, combing through how I will approach asking her what I need to.
“Jax?”
My head snaps to the left and I skid to a halt. Skating from City Hall, my fathers both wave at me with their free hands that aren’t interlocked. They’re everything I aspire to. Mated more winters than anyone can count, their bond has only strengthened over the centuries.
“What are you doing here?” Dad asks as they both stop in front of me, his silvery brows bunched together. “It’s still wint—”
“I came to see Fate.” There’s no point in trying to keep this from them. They know more than I do, but I won’t ask them my questions. Fate is the one who holds the cards—the one who can actually give me what I’m asking for—I won’t put them in the middle of this. They’ve already given me so much.
As Lead Albiduses, they’re always working with Fate to ensure every season is executed flawlessly and help rookie harbingers get acclimated with their new role. I had quite a hard time adjusting after my transition to immortality. I don’t remember much about it. Like my mortal life itself, it’s faded away. Only small shards of memory remain, glinting from the back of my mind when I least expect it.
“Son, you’re so close to the end of season, and your work this winter has been impeccable,” my pops says, a smile peeling up the corner of his mouth.
“It has.” I grin back at them. I’ve made sure of it. Going above and beyond with my Frost duties makes it possible to see Jolie. It buys me every small moment I get to be with her, even if she’s only just realized I’m there.
Dad’s pale-blue eyes twinkle at me before darting over to his mate’s. They are polar opposites in appearance. He’s a few inches shorter than me with silvery skin, while Pops is tall and lanky with sky-blue skin, navy waves, and a beard to match. His swirling gray eyes watch me like a storm cloud. Every exposed inch of them, aside from their faces, is covered in the feathered markings of our people, a culmination of all those winters out in the world. Now they’ve earned the ability to remain here, helping us to do the same.
“I’m still getting my frost marks this winter,” I add, wanting to make sure they remember how dedicated I am to our work. Being an Albidus, being able to help new Frosts, it’s the perfect way to pay it forward after everything my fathers did for me. I’ve been working toward this role and having the power to oversee hundreds of Frosts, ensuring they thrive within our community, for more than two decades.
“And you’ve been staying away from the mortals?” Pops asks, his stormy stare making the air drop to an even more chilling level. My attention shifts to their hands that are still clutched but tensed, the veins on their wrists bulging beneath their markings.
“Yes,” I say quickly, “I’ve been avoiding the mortals.”
Now, a very specific mortal with hair the color of rich cocoa… not so much. But they don’t need to know that.
“Good.” Dad’s shoulders drop and he releases a breath. “You have no idea how hard it was for us to keep you in extended hibernation through last winter.”
“Keep delivering these outstanding winters and you’ll be an Albidus in no time,” Dad says, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze.
Pops beams with pride. “The youngest Frost to lead since Jack himself.”
Ah yes, the first Frost harbinger and first to take the role of Lead Albidus. He spent centuries helping other Frosts, including the two standing before me. Now he’s retired.
“You make us so proud, son.” Dad takes his hand off me, resting his forehead on Pop’s shoulder. Pop’s navy waves fall in his face as he kisses Dad’s temple.
“Thanks.” I fight the drop in my tone, inserting a quick smile to offset it. My chest aches at the sight of them together.
Just another reminder of why I’m here.
Once I’ve earned my final frost marks, I’ll be able to choose any calling within Nivea. Lead Albidus is what I’m destined for, and one day, I hope to serve as one with my beautiful Tempest by my side.
“So you’re on your way to see the boss?” Dad asks, swallowing thickly.
Pops loops an arm around him—over what, I’m not sure—then his sharp gaze comes back to me. “Do you want us to go with you?”
I shake my head. “I need to do this on my own.”
They’d only try to stop me, which I don’t hold against them. They love me. If I were in their skates, I’d do the same to protect the Frosts in my care.
“Of course.” Pops gives me a small nod. It means everything to me that he’s not trying harder to intervene. “You know where to find us if you need us.”
Dad points over to their house, a large sculpted mansion that sparkles with icicles hanging off the roofs and wraparound porch. It’s much larger than most of the other homes in Nivea, with plenty of space for the younger Frosts to stay until they are mated and on their own. “Stop by for a frozen cocoa before you head earthside?”
“Of course, Dad.”
He and Pops pull me in for a hug before skating off together. The way they look at each other, like they see everything beneath the frost marks, staring at the core of the other… I want that.
Fate has the answers Jolie seeks. Ones I wish I could give her. When I see my Tempest next, I’ll have them for her. No more pages filled with questions I can’t respond to. No more self-doubt. She’ll know everything I do. She’ll know I’m real. Here.
Hers.
There are no secrets when it comes to your mate. I don’t care if she’s mortal, I’ll give her every truth she desires. Give her everything in whatever way I can.
One day, she will see me. Fate has to know how.
She’s the one that gifts us our mates, after all.
Fate’s den is deep below where the harbingers live, a steep cavern with a dozen twisting coves extending in every direction. No one knows where all the paths land, aside from Fate, but each season’s harbingers have a separate entrance. I assume some must go to her private quarters. Maybe some reach other ethereal beings like herself.
“I wondered when you’d come,” Fate’s silvery voice echoes through the chamber.
“You’re Fate. I assumed you’d already know that.”
Strings of flowers and leaves, branches, thick icicles, and beams of light fall from the ceiling, each element unique—as unique as the floor beneath us, carved to look like the dial posted on our tower in Nivea’s city center. A watercolor pool swirls on its own at its center, and I stare into it, mesmerized. Fate sits on its edge, dress draped along the ground, stirring her palm within its rippling rainbow.
“Contrary to what you may believe, I cannot foresee everything.”
“But you hold on to the strings?”
“More like tip the scale.” She points toward an oversized one situated in the corner with small stones of different shapes, shades, and sizes piled on either side. Her rose-gold brows tighten while her arm is submerged in pinks and greens and yellows. “There have been times when I’ve even been surprised.”
Her expression lifts as she sits upright and unfurls her fingers, showing me a tiny lavender rock, jagged at its edges and shining under the dim light. Clutching it tightly in her fist, she grabs her skirt to hold it off the floor with her free hand before waltzing with a few twirls that spin her glittering, rainbow-hued dress out from her. It’s gauzy and matches the colorful swirls painted across her skin and peeking through her hair. Her body is nearly camouflaged by the streaks aside from her bare, unmarked, rose-gold feet. She leans over, blue and emerald strands of hair falling in her face while she assesses the perfect spot to place the stone within the pile. Lifting her arm, she repositions it a few times before moving her hand to drop it.
“Would one of those times when you were surprised happen to be when I was punished for breaking our rule?”
“In some ways, yes.” Her brows knit in concentration as her delicate fingers stick the stone between a large blue and a sharp golden rock. Sighing, she sweeps herself in graceful paces in my direction.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
She halts midstep, multicolor eyes swirling with an emotion I can’t place.
“I want— I need to know why you gave me a mortal mate.”
Her lips purse. After a beat of silence, she sits down and pats the spot next to her on the ledge. “I don’t know if that’s wise.”
I sit next to her, half tempted to touch the whirling colors within the pool. I’ve never come to Fate before. Not for anything. I’ve been grateful for my immortal life, and I don’t want any special treatment.
Not until now.
“Please. There’s something missing, something nagging at the back of my mind, and I think it has to do with my memory being wiped the last season I was out there. When I was punished.”
“Yes.” She averts her gaze, but I place a gentle hand on her shoulder, waiting until she turns to face me.
“There’s something in the back of my mind—a memory I can’t seem to recall,” I begin, pointing at my temple for emphasis. “I’m sure whatever it is, you and my fathers hid it from me with good reason. Whatever got me benched last winter.” I qualify that sentiment because I don’t want her instantly on the defensive. “But my mate… She’s out there. There has to be a way for us to be together, otherwise you wouldn’t have connected our destinies, right?”
“It’s a bit more complicated, Jax.” Fate stands and turns toward me, then uses her pink-and-purple splashed fingers to crook my chin up to meet her rainbow gaze. “It wasn’t our idea to erase your memories.” She pauses, as if weighing whether to continue. “It was yours.”
“What?” I rear back from Fate’s grasp. “Why?”
“You’re here for answers. I’m not unwilling to give them to you, but know that the truth of the past won’t change who you are or what she is.”
“She is mine, mortal or not,” I growl out, the force of its reverberation shaking flowers and leaves down from the ceiling. An icicle shatters on the floor.
Fate winces, waving it away and tossing a new one up, as if it didn’t happen. Her face softens. “You truly wish to rescind your request to withhold your memories?”
“Are they tied to her?”
“Yes.”
“Then I rescind my request. I need to know.”
“Once I return them to you, it cannot be undone.” Her glittering eyes convey that this is the last time she’ll ask.
“Yes.” There is no hesitation in my voice, and I continue to breathe slowly despite the thrum of Jolie’s pulse within me, calling me to her. I wonder if she’s waking up. If she’s gotten my messages. I want to be there to tell her everything, but I can’t do that without doing this first.
“Show me.”