36. Jolie
36
JOLIE
A fter dinner, my body still tingles from three hours at the spa and having every knotted muscle rubbed before being pampered with facials and pedicures. I feel incredible, relaxed, refreshed.
Every step toward my room is far too slow. I pass the glass windows and their clear view of the stars and spot the faint outlines of Frosts moving outside. Blurs of graceful motion building their masterpieces, draping ice across awnings and spinning snow from the sky. I don’t stop, though. None of them are Jax. While there’s no logical explanation for the certainty, I can sense he’s already waiting for me in my room.
As I lift the key to the door, Jax’s growl from our last night together replays in my mind.
“I can’t fuck you tonight, Tempest. Not the way we both want and deserve.”
I pull the key back, clutching it in my palm. My gaze drops to my booties, and I adjust the sweetheart neckline of my navy-blue maxi dress, admiring how the swirled tip of my mate mark shimmers between my breasts.
While I used to opt for higher necklines, I’ve started gravitating toward ones that dip lower, not minding it being seen. To everyone else, it’s a silvery scar. To me, it’s a permanent reminder of Jax. That he’s real even when the seasons separate us.
And now he’s just on the other side of this door, waiting for me. His chill and the gentle scent of spiced pine glide out into the hallway from under the door.
I shiver. I shouldn’t be so nervous. Jax has seen me naked. Has witnessed how my body falls apart from his touch. His tongue. His magic. He watched me for weeks before I knew of his existence.
But tonight’s different.
There’s no race against the clock. There’s only us.
My knees wobble, but I summon enough courage to finally bring the key to the door. It doesn’t work the first time, so I swipe the key and try again.
Click.
I barely twist the knob and the door groans all the way open. The room has been transformed, glowing with buttery light where Jax stands before the stone fireplace. He’s there in his fully solid harbinger form, just a pair of fitted trousers with his hands in his pockets. I actually think he’s nervous too.
“Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful,” I rasp out, taking in the cozy space.
White flower petals pepper the floor and bed. Quilts and blankets have been strewn throughout the room, and behind the thin curtains hanging in front of the balcony are strings of twinkling fairy lights crisscrossing over each other. “How did you—”
“I may have borrowed them from the florist shop,” Jax replies. I can almost make out the tinge of a blush on his sharp, pale-blue cheek bones. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
The golden halo of lights hovering over Jax mutes his icy tones, and for a second, I can easily see the little boy in the grainy photos. The one taken tragically from this world.
I want to tell Jax that I’ve found his brother. Maybe he already knows Winston’s alive. Maybe he’s even seen him. But I know there will never be a normal time to bring up the subject, so I take a deep breath and begin.
“I know you remember bits and pieces of your mortal life, but did you ever search for your family after…” …You died . Somehow saying the words is like shoving an icicle into my own heart. “Do you remember what happened when you became a Frost?”
His brows lift a bit, then he crinkles his lips together to the side. “When you become a harbinger at a young age, it takes years of training. Not only to learn your Frost skills, but to also grow up and learn about the outside world.” The ball of his Adam’s apple bobs, and his voice cracks a bit. “Once I was done with my training, my first time back in the mortal world, I tried to find them. That’s when I learned that you can only visit the areas you’ve been assigned. The leaders in Nivea purposefully don’t let you go where your life was right away.”
I think back to what Jax has told me about the Lead Albidus role in our past conversations. He’s been working toward becoming one of these very leaders. “Why?”
“Look at what happened when I found you last winter.” He kneels on the fur rug, and I match his stance, our hands coming together. His thumb skims the pulse point of my wrist, and I shiver, not daring to take my eyes off him. “Interfering with mortals is dangerous. It can alter destinies. Even with my memories removed, I still found you. Still interfered.” The firelight tosses orange flares across his skin as his chest heaves. “They don’t remove our memories after we die. It would be too cruel to wipe away the good things we experienced in life. The ones we loved. So they keep harbingers away for the first handful of winters. Once they know you’ll follow the rules, that the mortal memories have loosened their grip, they aren’t as strict.
“I found my family. Let myself get distracted by being around them for years. Then eventually, I stopped going. I think it likely happens to most harbingers that way.”
The brittle resonance to his voice conveys the real truth: I’ve hit some fragile boundary Jax held within himself. But if this shatters him, I’ll be right here to collect the pieces alongside him, no matter how sharp. No matter how deep they cut. He’s read my journal, knows every ugly shard I’ve tucked away from the rest of the world. But not from him.
Never from him.
“Why?”
“What was the point? They couldn’t see me.” He tosses his hands in defeat, looking more like the teenage mortal than the otherworldly Frost he’s grown into. “Wouldn’t ever be able to.”
“What about now? We both know there’s a way. Your brother is still out there. I could talk to him. I could help him believe…”
“No.”
“No?”
“What good would that do? Hurt him more after he’s spent most of his life mourning me? I’m not the same person that built snowmen and played ice hockey at the lake with him.”
The last words trail off. I stroke his cheek, hating that I’ve upset him. “You remember what happened, don’t you? At the lake?”
“Of course I do.” His voice lowers along with his gaze. “You don’t forget something like that, Jolie.”
“You never told me…”
“I didn’t want to burden you with that.” When his eyes finally reach mine again, the rims shimmer with the threat of tears.
“Is it because of what happened to me? When you saved me.” I recall how painful it was just reading about the boy who took his little brother to play hockey at the lake and saved him only to never return home. Never to enjoy another winter by his family’s side. “It must have been for you to find me like that. T-to watch me die.”
“It was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.” A single tear tracks his cheek, and I brush it away with the back of my hand. “I hate that one day, if things work out as I hope, you’ll have to go through it in your own way.”
My hand stills at his temple. “What do you mean?”
“When harbingers are blessed with their mates, their lives become interconnected. As if they are one soul strung along a line between two bodies. You see everything. Their entire life bared to you.”
“You saw my life?” I run my hand through his hair, toying with the silver and blue strands. What had he seen?
“Every beautiful and heartbreaking memory, Tempest,” Jax says, crooking my chin. He leans in and kisses me once, slowly. Tenderly. “I knew the moment I did that, no matter how much I wanted you for myself, I couldn’t have you. Not yet.”
Not yet. “But one day?”
He brings our hands over the left side of his chest. “I hope so, with every beat of your heart that rests within me.”
Thump-thump.
Thump-thump.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
Thump-thump, thump-thump.
My pulse scatters between us and the fire illuminates the frost marks in their beautiful, swirly patterns covering every visible inch of his arms and the strong panes of his chest. They sink into the divots of his abs and ascend all the way up to cradle his throat. I swallow thickly, remembering those marks against my palm and tongue.
Jax’s pupils eclipse his prismatic irises. His nostrils flare and a low rumble works its way up his throat, echoing through me. I half expect the force of it to shake the room, but it’s only my body that buckles, weak from it.
From him .
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Sorry. Your scent is hard to resist.”
“Then don’t.” I stand and lift the hem of my dress, pulling the scrap of lacy underwear past my knees and kicking it onto the floor. I want this. Him. I don’t care if I don’t fully understand all the intricacies of harbingers and their mates.
Mortal, immortal.
Life, death.
Mates, fate.
I understand enough to be certain that he’s mine and I’m his in a way that’s irreversible and all-consuming.
His chest heaves, fists balled at his sides. For a moment, his expression turns weary, as if weighing my words. Just when I think he’s going to bring things to a halt, he prowls toward me.
“Fuck it.”
He scoops me up into his arms as he stands. My legs wrap around his waist, dress bunching at my hips, forehead resting against his. I’m swept up in his gaze. In him. My thighs graze the marks along his stomach. I rock my hips eagerly, seeking friction, and with each curl of my pelvis, he grows harder beneath me, near bursting through his tight pants.
I reach between us, fumbling for his zipper. Gripping the small piece of metal, I tug it down, his cock bursting free. It’s freaking huge. When my fingers trace the beginnings of his knot, they freeze.
Jax holds still, as if waiting to see what I’ll do. Then he speaks, voice low. “It’s okay, Tempest. We don’t have t—”
A hiss cuts off his words when my fingers wrap around his base.
“Show me what it means to be your mate.”
He growls, spurred by my words. In three strides, my back is pinned to the wall. His cock presses against me, drawing soft whimpers from my lips with each pierced graze of my clit.
“That’s it, Tempest. Rub that perfect pussy against me. Take your pleasure.”
I slam my hand against the wall, using it as leverage to ride along his cock. The angle is delicious, and my toes curl with each scrape of his frost markings on my skin. Desperate for more.
More friction. More pleasure. More him .
The pressure below my belly craves things I don’t even know if I can express. My hips are frantic, bucking so wildly that I half expect to climb up Jax’s tall frame.
The ecstasy is intense, almost too intense. He holds me through it, rocking with me, body following my rhythm and coaxing me on.
I’m losing control. Losing it to the swirl of that tiny silver snowball against my clit, the chill of his satin shaft between my lips, the delicately rough texture of his frost marks stroking my skin. The knot building at his base rubs up and down, spreading me further.
I moan, and my body spasms as it takes and takes its fill, the sound so guttural, so primal with need, that it nearly startles me.
Nearly.
Because then Jax plunges over the edge, and I’m certain there’s nothing more beautiful. Hair mussed, lips parted, a low, rumbling growl erupts from him. He comes in hypnotic waves, coating my clit, dripping along the tips of my thighs. Thick and wet and deliciously messy.
Sharp canines graze my pulse, wet sounds building between us as he groans against my throat. I’m teetering on some dangerous line. One that I desperately want to cross. I lengthen my neck, savoring his frosty breaths.
“Tempest,” he repeats, over and over, like a gentle prayer spoken on the breeze. His lips press to my pulse, peppering in a few playful nips. He rocks his hips, each glide is slow and intentional, as if he’s trying to rub his essence deep into my skin. Then he runs his nose up the length of my neck and cradles my jaw, kissing me as he carries me over to the fur rug in front of the fire, laying me down with a restrained reverence that’s almost painful.
His canines graze my throat and ignite something in me. Now that the haze of the mind-blowing orgasm is wearing off, I can’t help but wonder why. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“When I…um…showed you my neck, I had this overwhelming urge for you to…” I trail off, not even knowing what to say, so I fumble for the closest comparison I can think of. “Is this mate thing like vampires?”
Jax barks out a laugh. My body flushes with embarrassment, and he quickly clears his throat, regaining his composure.
I frown. “Glad someone finds this funny.”
He nudges my chin with his nose, so I lean my head away, exposing my throat to him.
“Vampires, from what I understand, like to drink each other’s blood.” As he speaks, he drags a finger up and down my neck, sending a shiver low in my belly. His chest rumbles against my back, and he moves a hand to splay over my hip. “Harbingers have the desire to claim their mates. To leave a mark and solidify the bond between us. It heightens the connection.”
Jax reaches between my legs, smoothing his thumb across our release, rubbing it in until it’s fully absorbed into my flesh. “One day, when you’re ready to claim each other, just say the word and I’ll happily sink my teeth into that sexy throat of yours.”
He playfully nips me.
“Claim each other?” I crane my neck to look at him, understanding dawning on me. “As in, bite you back? Does it have to be your throat?”
He arches a brow. “Did you have somewhere else in mind?”
“I don’t know,” I backtrack. “I’m just trying to understand.”
“A mate’s bite is a full acceptance of the bond between them.” I shiver against his cool touch. Savoring it and the scent of mint chocolate chip permeating from us. “We don’t have to, Tempest. Not ever. Not if you don’t want—”
“It’s not that.” I clamp my mouth shut, trying to find the words. “But my teeth aren’t sharp. Won’t that hurt you?”
I hadn’t thought about it before, but all Frosts have those elongated canines in their harbinger form. Surely that made a claiming bite easier. Would it hurt me when he did it even though his teeth were sharp?
“Probably.” He shrugs and pretends to bite my shoulder over the fabric of my dress. It’s plastered to me, damp with sweat. “But it’s a pain I’ll gladly take.”
Fingers drift up my center, hovering above my sternum where I can somehow sense his touch before he even does it. As soon as his skin grazes my silver mark, it echoes everywhere . “The bite is meant to be pleasurable. Even moreso than knotting since it’s something exclusively shared between mates. Though that won’t be the case for us.”
“It won’t?” I’ve been so focused on being able to take his knot since I first saw it, I didn’t think about him with other people. A twinge of jealousy sinks into my gut, nausea at the idea that he’s been with harbingers who are better equipped, better built to be his mate. Instead, he’s stuck with me.
“Hey,” he grips my chin and gently swivels it toward him until my eyes are reflected back in the cracked, glittering mirrors of his, “you’ll be the first and only one to ever take my knot.”
“Really?” I sigh, and he chuckles.
“I’ve always known nothing would ever compare to being with my mate.” He dips down and kisses me, his minty breath invigorating me. Our tongues explore each other until he hardens against my back. “Now that I’ve found you, touched you, tasted you, I know I was right.”
My skin flushes. The thought of the other night, when he was preparing me to take his knot, replays in my mind. It’s like I’m some inexperienced virgin, not a woman that’s had multiple men in her bed. But this, this is different. Not just because of Jax’s unusual equipment, but because it’s him. I want to blow his mind. Be everything he hoped for when he prayed for a mate for years.
I rub my legs together, feeling the remnants of our cum still slick at the top of my thighs.
Jax sucks in a breath.
“Tempest…” he warns, reminding me that he can scent how badly I want this.
“I don’t want you doing anything you aren’t completely certain of. Knotting, claiming—these are things I’ve understood for decades. Things ingrained into harbinger life. I know how strange it all is to you.” His cool breath caresses my shoulder, tousling my hair.
“Are you hesitating because I’m mortal?” I ask. If I can’t hide how much I want this, want him, then how come he’s still cautious? How come our clothes are still on and we aren’t wrapped up in one another?
“Yes.” When my face falls, he quickly adds, “But only because I was taught about mates and everything it entails. You and I, there’s never been anything like us. You might not experience the bond like I do.”
“Tell me what it’s like.”
His eyes shut a moment, and he takes a steadying breath, as if weighing his words. He rests his head on my shoulder, the sharply crinkled corners of his eyes subtly soften. “My connection to you is a constant thrum. An electricity that never shuts off. You could be anywhere and I’d still feel drawn to you.”
His hand drifts to my mate mark, fingers working until there’s a pop of a button between my breasts. “The need to be with you. It’s a want beyond wanting. To protect you from pain, love you, bring you pleasure—it is all-consuming.”
Another pop .
Then another.
The buttons roll across the furs beneath us, and the fire warms the mark now fully on display. Jax’s fingers swirl over my sternum, and desire pools at the top of my thighs. I clench them together, shifting for friction. He continues to play with my mark, and I can’t help but wonder how it’s connected to his own as his erection thickens against me. “In my world, there is no question once you find your mate. You witness their entire lives, hopes, and dreams in an instant. Fully seen, fully cherished.”
“And that’s how you feel about me?” I rasp, clinging to every word.
“My words barely do it justice.”
He huffs out a laugh. Rolling to face him, I cradle the sharp angles of his cheek.
Staring at him, I can almost imagine what he’d look like if things had gone differently. If he’d lived a full life. If he’d never met Fate. Maybe we would have found each other under different circumstances, though I doubt it. All I know is that I can’t imagine a life where he’s not part of it. Not anymore. “Ever since you came into my life, before I even understood why, I saw you in my dreams and in my waking hours. At first, I thought I was crazy. I couldn’t understand everything that was happening. But I do feel this tether between us. It’s as real to me as you are. I may just be mortal—”
“You aren’t just anything, Tempest,” Jax says, platinum brows drawing together, tone deadly serious. “You are everything .”