Chapter 5 #2
I chuckled nervously. I couldn’t imagine it. My mom had had a life before our quiet presence on the mountain? And her name; that couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?
“She named me after her?” I asked.
“Well, sort of. You know your real name, right?” she asked.
I looked at the floor and nodded.
Susan drummed her fingers across her knee. “I’ll never know what happened to my sister, but your mother knew—and it made her live in isolation and keep you from that place for the rest of her life.”
I got up to sit down beside Susan.
“Why would you take me in? You and Katie might be in danger from my being here,” I said.
She lifted her eyebrow with a hint of amusement in her eyes. “I’ve seen you do martial arts, kid. I’m not worried. Plus, we have Derrick on our side. But more importantly, it’s what my sister would’ve wanted. Your mother cared for her; that much was clear.”
“But she never told you what happened to her,” I said.
“No, she didn’t,” Susan said. “But she did give me closure. I knew the moment I looked into your mother’s eyes that my sister was gone. Somehow, I also knew that there was nothing I could do about it. It’s strange to look back on.”
Susan was distant, lost somewhere in a memory. A fresh wave of energy came over me as my pulse quickened. I could finally do something for her.
“I’ll find out what happened to her,” I said, my fist tightening. “And to my mom.”
She gave me an amused smirk. “You know, I kind of believe you. Just… take care of yourself, Anna.”
I leaned against her shoulder. “Thank you, Susan. For everything.”
I stared at my closet: worn-out hoodies and long-sleeved shirts with the little holes for my thumb; my sneakers were so formed to my feet I hadn’t retied the knots for years.
It was bad enough that I was leaving my home, but not being able to take my hoodies was like abandoning my identity.
And The Squelching Mink? Seriously? What kind of name was that? Besides, there was nothing off Winding River Road except trees. The ground was too low and often flooded by a decent rain. I grabbed my phone. I need to talk to Eiryn. Somehow, he always made things make sense. I texted:
Hey… I have some news. Looks like I’m heading out of town for a bit. Derrick got me into a cool study abroad program. It’s where my mom went.
As he always did, Eiryn’s ellipse started flashing as soon as it said read.
What? That’s AMAZING!!!! Where is it? When do you leave?
Apparently tonight… It’s in Norway. Crazy, huh?
Uh, Norway? WTF? And tonight? That’s insane. I’m coming over.
Figured. See you in a bit.
Be there in 10.
I dropped my phone on the covers. What was I going to tell him? Okay, see ya, I’m off to The Squealing Goat or something.
I fell back onto my bed. This whole thing sounded like a joke. Was Derrick fucking with me? I groaned, pressing my hands to my temples.
Hearing a car door slam outside my window, I pulled a few of the slats in the blinds, saw Eiryn in the driveway, and released them so they snapped into place.
I took the stairs quickly and met him at the door.
Shock lined his face, his hands in the air, questioning me.
“Tonight?”
I shrugged as he walked in and shut the door behind him.
“You can’t be seriously considering this,” he asked, pacing around the living room.
I pressed my lips together. “Derrick said this is where my mom went. I think the only way to figure out what happened that night is to figure out why we were hiding in the first place. If she went to this place to study, it’s the only clue I have to her past.”
Eiryn sat down on the couch. “Anna, I know it’s been hard for you with what happened to you. But I’m scared for you. I’m scared of what pursuing this might do to you.”
I shut my eyes, my throat tight as I swallowed. “I’m scared too. But I’m more afraid of living my whole life never knowing. I’d rather risk everything than accept what happened to my family.”
Katie came around the corner, sharing a silent look with Eiryn, and sat down beside me.
“I can’t believe you’re going to do this,” she said.
“I know it’s crazy,” I said. “But I can’t put that night to rest until I know what happened. I think it has something to do with my dad. This might be my only chance to learn about her past. I have to try or I’ll regret it.”
Katie looked like she was about to plan my funeral.
“I’m not dying, you know,” I said, a wry grin on my lips.
“I knew you talking to Derrick wouldn’t be good,” she muttered. “You’ve done so much, Anna. So much to get where you are. You were going to start classes with me. You were about to start dating and everything! Are you sure you can trust him?”
I touched her hand, drawing her attention to me.
“This has nothing to do with Derrick,” I said.
“Have you asked him, Anna? He knew your mom from a long time ago, right? He must know who your dad is. Make him tell you what is going on!” Katie pleaded.
I stiffened as if she’d slapped me in the face. I’d asked Derrick many times about my family, where my mom was from, and other innocuous questions typical of a child. He always deflected, never giving me an honest answer.
“I know Derrick’s withholding information, but he’s not lying to me,” I said.
Eiryn gave me a curious look, a glint of gold in his eyes.
“How do you know that?” he asked.
I exhaled slowly. It was hard to explain, and I knew if I tried, they wouldn’t get it. It was a feeling.
The memories broke free, my mind flooding with moments of my past I hadn't thought about in years. Derrick had brought stability whenever he was around. It was like something in me settled with his presence. I could breathe easier. When he was gone, my mom and I both felt it.
Like something was wrong.
He left and did not return, but someone else did. I’d have felt it if Derrick returned, and if he had, no one would’ve dared touch my mom or me. No, there were two others there that night. A monster… and someone else.
“I just know,” I said, refusing to try to articulate my feelings on this.
Katie scoffed and threw her hands up indignantly.
“Fine. Let’s say Derrick has nothing but good intentions.
Somehow, you went missing for a year on his watch.
And now he wants you to go to the same place your mom did before she decided to go into hiding for years?
” Katie said. “The fact is that something bad happened to your mom, Anna. No one who knows you thinks you could’ve hurt her, so don’t give me that I killed her bullshit.
Whoever did this got to her, and now you’re going to go out there and announce yourself to them. ”
I couldn’t look at her. Katie was my closest friend. She wouldn’t say this if she weren’t truly worried about me.
How did I tell her it didn’t matter?
“She might be right, Anna,” Eiryn said quietly.
My fingers trembled. But it would be worse if they came here. What if they went after Katie, or Eiryn, or Susan?
“They brought me back. Whoever did this to me took me and brought me right the fuck back,” I said, tightening my fist. “They already know where I am. If they wanted me dead, I’d be dead.
Besides, I’m not announcing anything to anyone.
But I’m tired of everyone having more information than I do and never being able to share anything with me.
I’m going to figure out what happened to my mom. ”
Katie shook her head. “Okay. I hate this, but you know I’ll always support you. But I swear to God, if I go a week without hearing from you, I’ll fly out there and collect you myself. Got it?”
I smiled, unshed tears lost as I threw my arms around her.
“Deal.”
The drive was quiet except for my heartbeat thundering in my ears.
I’d known Susan since freshman year of high school, but despite everything, I still didn’t know what to say to her in this moment.
A simple thank you sounded worse than saying nothing at all, as if two words could cover the enormous debt that I owed her.
I swayed forward as Susan braked, the seat belt bracing across my chest as it locked. I tried to swallow, but my throat was too tight. She pulled off the road, shifting the gear into park. I tried to take a deep breath but couldn’t satisfy my need for oxygen.
She pressed the hazard button, and the monotonous clicking of the blinkers echoed between us.
She sat there for a moment, not taking off her seatbelt.
I couldn’t look at her. If I did, I’d shatter.
“I want you to know something, Anna,” she said.
I stared forward, holding as still as I could.
“I always believed you about what happened that night—every word.”
I didn’t move. Everything within me was on the edge, like a dam about to give. Tears escaped down my cheek, and I tried to take a deep breath, but only restrained sobs sounded in the silence.
“I’m sorry I never told you,” she said.
Like an ax, each word chopped at my walls.
“Why?” I whispered. “Why did you believe me? I didn’t believe me.”
Susan touched my hand, squeezing it gently.
“It’s because of something Annabelle said in a letter once. She couldn’t speak about Nightfall much, but we had a way of saying things to one another that no one else understood. In that letter she gave a sort of metaphor about how easy it is to become lost in the shifting shadows,” she said.
I slowly turned my head to look at her, an aching rigidity forming in my muscles.
Susan wiped a tear from her eye, looked at me with determination, and patted my hand.
“I didn’t want the others to come because you needed to make this decision on your own. Whatever you decide, Anna, stay in the light.”
I nodded.
“Thank you, Susan.”
Sticks cracked underfoot as I stepped onto the path. Leaves rustled in the wind as rays of light from the fading sun filtered through the canopy. Ahead, I saw a small building. It was made with log timbers—an uncommon trait in an area booming with cheaply constructed vacation rentals.