Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
There’s no communication without reciprocation.
CELINE
“I’ll go see about dinner,” Ciprian says, heading toward the door that Malach disappeared through. He glances at Luca and Alistair and widens his eyes until they’re bulging out of his head. Subtle.
Alistair sighs. “Do you need help with that, Ciprian?”
I almost groan. They sound like a community performance of Shakespeare in the Park. I’m about to call them out for it, but Ciprian’s too caught up in his act to be interrupted.
“Yes,” he exclaims. “Thanks for offering. I might get lost, and then the food might get cold, and gods know how I’d manage to carry six meals by myself.
I’m bound to spill something, and someone might slip and fall, and I dread to think how we would access medical care while under siege.
I’ve seen a lot of period pieces, and things are always hard enough without—”
“Holy shit,” Luca says. “I’ll come too if you stop whatever this is.” He drops a kiss on my cheek and lowers his voice to say, “You’ve got this, baby.”
They’re gone before I can give them directions to the kitchen.
Oh well, they’re resourceful. I’m sure they’ll figure something out.
“We don’t have to discuss this,” I say to Riven.
“Or if you want to leave, you’re more than welcome to use the portal in my father’s .
. . I mean, the study.” The house isn’t his.
He’s not entitled to space in this estate or my brain.
I’ll evict him from both and send him to the eternal beyond where he can’t hurt anyone else.
Riven’s silence is loud. Unmoving, he stares at me blankly, like he’s waiting for me to show emotion before he’s willing to do the same. Which reminds me of what I saw earlier.
“While Sheena was healing Malach, your face changed again,” I tell him.
He frowns. “I didn’t shift. I was losing magic too fast to even attempt it. It must have been a glitch.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t a glitch, Riven. I’ve seen enough of those to know the difference.”
“You’re mistaken then,” he snaps. “You were freaking out at the time, anyway.”
“No, I wasn’t.” I cross my arms. “I was upset, not blindfolded. I know what I saw.”
A band rolls from the top of his head to the tip of his chin. “I didn’t shift.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “What if it wasn’t a shift?”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“What if you weren’t shifting into someone new? What if you were reverting to something real?”
“Impossible.” He stiffens. “That’s impossible, Celine. I have no face.”
I cross the room, only stopping when we’re inches apart. The heat of his body is irresistible, and I have to stop myself from curling up against him like I did in the hotel room.
Gently, I trace his cheekbone. “You have a face, Riven, it’s just locked away. If you died tomorrow—which I won’t allow, in case you were wondering—the binding would break and your true face would return, right? The base level.”
“It’s impossible,” he repeats, his eyelids fluttering closed. More bands roll down his cheeks until the amber is consumed by black-and-white crackling lines. Even through the static, I sense his longing. His desperation to believe me, and his fear of disappointment if I’m wrong.
Determination settles in my chest. I know what I saw; it was the face from our road trip. It’s popped up too many times for me not to believe my eyes.
“You had strong features, almost angular, and your eyes were deep brown. Darker than mine. Richer, too.” I smile at him and wink, ignoring my complicated emotions. “You were hot.”
It’s the wrong thing to say.
He spins away from me, and his shoulders hunch.
Tentatively, I reach for him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I knew you would care.” His voice is so low, I have to strain to hear him. “I’m no one, and you were bound to notice eventually. I didn’t expect it to feel like this.”
Fuck tentatively. It’s not getting through to him, and holding back isn’t my style, anyway. Grabbing his shoulder, I turn him to face me. “I’m telling you what I saw because you deserve to know, but you’ve never been no one. Not when you were my enemy, and certainly not now.”
“Then what am I?” he demands. “If I’m not your enemy, what space is left for me? Malach is your first love; Luca is your best friend; Alistair challenges you; Ciprian makes you laugh—there’s nothing I could offer you, and we both know it.”
“You’re making it sound transactional,” I argue. “Yes, they give me those things, but they give me more than that, too. And you . . . You’re my opposite, but when you look at me, I feel seen.”
“Everything about me is a lie—”
“Who cares?” I snap. “Because I don’t anymore. Seriously, Riven, who gives a flying fuck about lies and truth? If we’re willing to show up for each other, that’s all that matters. All I want, all I’ve ever wanted, is someone who stays. Someone who sticks around for the hard parts.
“I want someone who understands my organizational frenzies, but calls me out when my honesty gets too mean. I’m don’t want easy or neat. Our pieces don’t have to fit; we can make them fit.”
My eyes burn, and I shake my head, frustrated with myself for getting emotional. What am I doing right now? I promised myself I wouldn’t beg him to be with me.
He meets my eyes reluctantly. “But you said it didn’t change anything.”
Is Riven . . . sulking? I blink and look him over, replaying what he said a few times in my head. I’ve heard him angry, I’ve heard him amused, I’ve heard him scared, and I’ve heard him bored, but I’ve never heard him sulky before. It’s oddly endearing.
“Yeah, I said us sleeping together changed nothing, because this isn’t the Stone Age. You didn’t steal my virtue, and I don’t need a white knight on a whiter horse to ride in and save the day for me.”
He frowns. “I’m unfamiliar with this terminology.”
Gods, give me patience. “I didn’t say it changed nothing because I didn’t want you anymore. I was saying you weren’t obligated to die for me because we fucked.”
I’m explaining things well, so why is he glowering at me?
“Darling, I’ve been ready to die for you since the night I sliced my hand open and stood between you and Crag. I thought that was obvious.”
“I don’t want you to die for me, Riven.” I shift my weight.
He inches closer to me, and his sulky stare turns predatory. He’s radiating danger right now, and my nipples are too tight. I want him to touch me. Why isn’t he touching me?
He narrows his eyes. “Why are you squirming?”
“Because you’re sexy when you’re mad at me.” I run my fingers across his chest. “Is it because I stole your virtue?” I chuckle, but the sound gets cut off when Riven crashes into me.
His kiss is hot, drugging, and impossible to resist. When he growls into my mouth, I moan, tracing his lips with my tongue. “You taste like him,” he complains.
“Then do something about it,” I taunt. There’s zero chance I’ll stop kissing Malach, and Riven knows that, but the edge of his jealousy is hot. Maybe the guys have a point about the friendly competition thing. If I end up with more orgasms, why would I complain?
I reach between us and unbutton my pants.
Riven smiles against my mouth. “Do you need something, darling?” Oh, he’s cocky, but if he thinks I’ll make it that easy for him, he couldn’t be more wrong.
I shake my head and slip my hand into my underwear. “I can take it from here. I didn’t realize you were tired.”
His hiss is music to my ears, and I shudder as he grabs my wrist and sucks my fingers into his mouth. “Mine,” he says.
I shrug. “You can’t take all the credit. Some of that belongs to Malach.”
And that’s a step too far, because the next thing I know, I’m on the floor with my back pinned to the carpet, staring at the legs of a perfectly good bed.
Riven yanks my jeans over my hips, tears my underwear off, and buries his face between my legs. He devours me like he’s trying to prove a point. I don’t care what it is as long as he doesn’t stop.
My fingers sink into his hair, and I barely resist the urge to steer. Riven knows what he’s doing, and I’m enjoying the loss of control.
“Tell me,” he demands between licks, lashing my clit with the flat of his tongue. “Does this change nothing? How many times do I have to fuck you for you to be mine?”
Good gods. He’s never going to let that go.
“How about this?” I gasp. “I’ll be yours the day you decide to be mine.”
“Done.” He sinks his tongue inside me and rubs my clit ferociously with his thumb.
I explode, pleasure seizing my entire body as I come. When it becomes too much, I grab his hair and push his face away, freezing entirely as I get a good look at him. “R-Riven. The face. Your face. It’s back!”
He stares at me in shock as I use my grip on his hair to turn his head, examining it from every angle. A band of static rolls over his lips, and the amber snaps back into place, concealing and dulling his features until there’s nothing left of the man who devoured me on the floor.
“Was it the same one?” he asks.
I nod. “Did you feel anything?”
He glances at the erection straining against his pants. “Nothing but pleasure.”
“I can work with that.” Heart pounding, I grab his hand, lead him to the floor-length mirror mounted to the wall, and drop to my knees. “Watch yourself,” I whisper.
I undo his pants and pull them down slowly, letting them pool around his ankles.
His hands land in my hair, and I hear his sharp intake of breath as I lick the head of his cock before sucking it into my mouth.
I’m determined to drive him so wild that he has no choice but to see what I see.
If I can give Riven his first look at himself .
. . gods, I want that. There’s no pretending I don’t.
But that means making him forget why we’re here, which is easier said than done. Especially in front of a mirror.
Riven massages my scalp while I lick him all over. When his fingers spasm in my hair, I increase my speed, sucking harder and swallowing around his crown.
He may not see himself today, but he will remember this.
“That feels amazing.” His voice trembles, and I shiver at the sound. I’m the one on my knees, but the only one falling apart is him. Breathing through my nose, I press down until the tip grazes his pelvis. “Darling, please.”
I ignore the burn in my throat, soaking up every desperate moan. Then I pull off and suck the tip gently. The change in pressure is too much for Riven. His grip on my hair tightens until my scalp stings and he comes in my mouth, gasping and trembling as I swallow every drop.
When I glance up, he’s not focused on the mirror at all anymore. He’s staring at me instead, his amber features more relaxed than I’ve ever seen them. “Did you look?” I ask, my voice husky.
“For a while.” Riven traces my puffy lips with his thumb. “But why would I watch you through a mirror when I have the real thing in front of me?”
“But—”
“Your face is more precious to me than mine could ever be.”
I smile and let him pull me to my feet. This isn’t over. Riven deserves a face of his own, and I won’t give up until he has it.