Chapter 14
Lazarus~
The drive back to St. Dymphna’s was a quiet one, but Elisabeth didn’t seem to mind.
I, on the other hand, was reeling from everything that she’d told me, and shame and regret swirled in the pit of my stomach at how I had treated her professional interest during our night together.
While I assessed, treated, and cured, Lissa did far more.
Her need to understand why her patients were experiencing the things that they were going through made me look and feel like a quack; a doctor that just handed out prescriptions because it was easier than getting involved.
I had also assumed that her education had been limited to the Catholic faith, but talk about being fucking wrong. Suddenly, everything that Bodhi had said about her made sense. Elisabeth’s mind was open in a way that valued tolerance over being right, something that God surely appreciated.
When I finally pulled into the parking lot, I turned off the ignition, prompting Elisabeth to ask, “What are you doing?”
“It’s already dark, Lissa,” I pointed out. “I’m going to walk you to the door.”
She rolled her eyes, her annoyance clear. “Do you have any idea how many times I walk this parking lot at night, Russ? It’s safe enough, trust me.”
“I don’t care,” I told her. “I’m not letting you walk alone at night.”
Instead of arguing with me further, Elisabeth gestured towards the door, giving me permission to open it for her again.
Counting to ten, I got out of the truck, then cleared the front to help her out, and neither of us said anything as we walked across the parking lot.
A part of me wanted to stay until she was ready to leave, but I knew that she’d lose it if I offered, so I was going to have to be satisfied with baby steps, if that’s what this was.
Once we reached the front doors of St. Dymphna, I knew that I couldn’t let her go without giving her a genuine apology for being such an ass that night.
I hadn’t meant to insult or offend her, but that didn’t matter; good intentions and all that.
So, what I needed her to believe was how sorry I was for ruining that night.
As Elisabeth reached for her keys, she said, “I’ll call your office if I find anything interesting during my research.”
“My office?”
She looked up at me as she grasped her keys in her hand. “Yeah, I don’t have your number, Russ.”
“Yes, you do,” I argued. “You should have it with the text that I sent you earlier.”
Looking me right in the eye, she said, “Oh, I deleted that as soon as you replied to my five o’clock text.”
I ran my hands through my hair as I shook my head, ready to strangle the stubborn woman. Yes, I’d been a dick and had insulted her, but it wasn’t like I’d gone and slaughtered her cat right in front of her. I’d made some careless remarks and had asked her some asinine questions, but that’d been it.
“Jesus, Christ,” I bit out. “How many times do I have to tell you how sorry I am about that night, Lissa? I mean, is the plan to hold a grudge forever?”
“I don’t recall you saying sorry at all,” she retorted, never one to back down.
“I said it in a million texts, voicemails, and I even sent you messages on your social media,” I reminded her. “I lost count of how many apologies I’ve sent you because you hadn’t given me a choice. You refused to see me, so that was the only way that I could tell you sorry.”
She shrugged like she wasn’t shredding me to pieces. “Fine. You’re sorry.”
I stepped away, leaning my head back to crack the tension that was crawling up my spine. I was trying to make amends by giving her a sincere apology, but she was dismissing me in the same way that I had dismissed her choice of psychiatric discipline.
She was fucking killing me.
Once I got myself under control again, I looked back down at her. “Baby, don’t do that.”
“Do not call me baby,” she immediately fired back.
“Why not?” I asked, forgetting about my earlier vow not to overstep.
Her back straightened, and she looked fucking stunning when she was primed for a fight.
“Don’t let Bodhi’s claims of an epic love go to your head, Lazarus,” she practically hissed.
“Even if I do end up believing that I’m meant for the greater good, and that Bodhi is telling the truth, that doesn’t mean that I have to bring you along for the ride. ”
“You heard him,” I fired back. “You won’t be successful without me.”
“With God, anything is possible,” she reminded me. “With God, not you.”
“I’m fucking sorry,” I snapped as I grabbed her arm. “What the fuck more do you want from me, Lissa?”
“I don’t remember asking you for anything,” she quickly replied, though she wasn’t making an effort to dislodge my hand from her person.
“Oh, that’s not how I remember it,” I said, my voice dripping with an anger that I wasn’t used to. “In fact, I remember you begging for me.”
Instead of slapping me in true pearl clutching fashion, Elisabeth got right up in my face. “I was begging for your dick, not you. So, don’t confuse the two, Lazarus.”
I refused to believe that.
“You can lie to me and yourself all you want, but we both know the truth,” I growled. “Otherwise, why cut me off so brutally?”
Elisabeth let out a humorless laugh, and a slither evil danced down my spine. “Because that’s how unimpressed I was with your dick. I didn’t cut you off because you hurt me; I cut you off because you weren’t worth my time anymore.”
Somewhere in the darkness, I could hear a chorus of gleeful laughs, and I knew that sound. It was a familiar song from my childhood, and I’d only recently begun to hear it again. Bodhi had warned me that evil was winning, and in this moment, I believed him in a way that I couldn’t explain.”
With my hand still wrapped around her arm, I reached up with my other one, then grabbed the back of her neck as my lips came down on hers.
Whatever this was, whoever was after her, however we came to be here, I was not going to let anyone take her from me again.
I was not going to give this woman up without a fight, and that included fighting with her.
However, instead of pushing me away, instead of struggling to free herself, the sound of Elisabeth’s purse and keys hitting the ground echoed through the silent night as she kissed me back, and as soon as I let go of her arm, my hand slid around her back, wrapping her close to me.
I held her impossibly tight as we kissed, her mouth open in a sweet invitation for me, but it was more than that.
Just like that night, we were doing more than just kissing or sharing the same air.
We were being what Bodhi had accused us of being.
We were fucking one.
All too soon, Elisabeth broke off the kiss, leaving us both breathing heavily, our hearts racing like we’d just run a marathon, and though I had no idea how I knew what she was feeling, I did.
I felt the beat of her heart like it was nestled next to mine in my chest, and the realization made my hands shake with everything that I wanted to do to her.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” she rasped, out of breath.
“Like hell,” I bit out. “We both know that it’s something that should have been happening every damn day since our night together.”
Instead of denying it, Elisabeth threw her hands up to stop me from touching her again. “I need a minute, Lazarus. I need...I just...you need to go.”
“No, I-”
“I’m not asking,” she snapped. “I’m telling you that I need a fucking moment, and you sure as hell better give it to me.”
Even though I didn’t want to leave her, my brain was telling me to take the kiss as a win and to give her the space that she was demanding.
I was also very aware that I couldn’t fuck this up again, so left with little choice, I gave her a tight nod, letting her know that I’d heard her loud and clear.
“Fine,” I finally said. “Fine.”
I watched Elisabeth let out a deep breath, still trying to collect herself, and I was dying to question her to death about her feelings for me, but I couldn’t. There was just too much to dissect at the moment, and the priority really was to see if Bodhi really was who he kept claiming that he was.
“I have to work late tomorrow, but I’ve got some time on Thursday to re-question Bodhi,” I told her. “I’d like you there when I do.”
Instead of answering me, she just gave me a simple nod, then moved from me to grab her purse and keys off the ground. Neither of us said anything as I watched her unlock the hospital’s front doors, then disappear into the empty lobby, not bothering to look back.
Jesus fucking Christ, that kiss.