10. Chapter 10 #4
“But I left.” Hank looked as disappointed as Ethan had been that night. “I had to, you know I did.”
Ethan nodded; he’d known, but that hadn’t made it easier.
“I didn’t go over there that night to do .
. . what we did.” Hank turned even brighter red.
Fucking hell. Never mind Hank’s skin, Ethan felt like he was currently being boiled alive, blood bubbling away inside his veins like lava.
“I didn’t mean to do that. I mean, I meant to, in that I wanted to, but .
. .” He shrugged. “You know what I mean.”
“We got carried away,” Ethan said seriously, which was the best way he could find to describe it. “Kind of inevitable, if I’m being honest.”
Hank barked out a laugh. “Yeah. Exactly. And trust me. I want to see you. I want to see you get off. I wanna make you moan right in my ear. But we’re not doing it like this.”
“And you get to decide?” Ethan challenged.
The look Hank shot him was bone-melting, never mind blood-boiling. That was already happening, anyway. “Yeah,” he said.
“Shit,” Ethan muttered.
“You like it,” Hank said knowingly.
“I hate it, too.”
“Yeah, same,” Hank agreed. He laughed again. “God, this sucks.”
“Wanna suck you,” Ethan said, before he could stop himself.
And suddenly, like all their teasing had reached its maximum potential, the air got still and thin. Ethan could barely breathe as they stared at each other.
Hank cleared his throat. “When I’m back in New York, definitely. Um. I’m gonna hold you to that.”
Ethan’s mouth was so dry. “Yeah,” he barely choked out.
For another long moment, their gazes met and hooked. Held on.
“Don’t make it harder,” Hank practically begged and Ethan rolled his eyes.
“I think that’s the whole problem,” Ethan said knowingly.
Hank sighed. “Don’t be unfair. Not when I’m trying to do the right thing,” he said.
“What you think is the right thing,” Ethan said.
Even though he wasn’t really disagreeing, now that he was thinking about it.
Now that he knew, without a single doubt, that Hank wanted him just as much as Ethan wanted him, he could even admit that Hank wanting to do things “right” was sexy. Hot. Romantic, even.
Ethan wouldn’t have said romantic was something that really mattered, but Hank going out of his way to make an effort for their first date even if it hadn’t panned out and denying himself now, because he wanted them having sex to be special.
Sure, maybe they’d had sex, but only in the technical sense of they’d both gotten off.
Neither of them had gotten naked. Ethan hadn’t touched Hank nearly as much as he wanted to, and Hank hadn’t touched him back.
“You don’t?” Hank asked, calling him on it.
“Okay, fine, sure, yes, it’s a good idea. Well, not good, but I’m gonna accept it.” Ethan grinned. “Not make it too hard, anyway.”
“You’re the worst,” Hank groaned out.
But you love me, Ethan thought. He didn’t think Hank quite did, maybe not yet, but it felt like he could.
Instead, Ethan said, “Guess you should start asking Bo for some meditation recs.”
Hank laughed. “God, I guess so. Not that much has changed. I didn’t . . . um, last year. Either. Or this summer.”
Ethan had suspected that was true; they’d talked too much that if Hank had hooked up with someone else, Ethan was pretty sure he’d have been able to tell. Even if Hank hadn’t told him, he’d have noticed the gap of it in the middle of everything else Hank was telling him.
“Me either,” Ethan said. “And you know what that makes me?”
Hank hummed.
“Really fucking horny,” Ethan admitted.
“You could . . .” Hank took a deep breath. “If you wanted—”
“I don’t,” Ethan interrupted, because he knew what Hank was about to suggest and that wasn’t even an option.
Not anymore. Not just because they’d almost gone on a date.
Not because they’d kissed and shared a pair of orgasms. Because he didn’t want anyone else, and that had been true long before they’d met up for camp this fall.
“Okay,” Hank said, voice soothing. “I’m just saying, it’s an option, if you wanted.”
“It’s not,” Ethan retorted. “Not for me. Not anymore. Not for a long time. You’re who I want, and I’m not settling for less.”
Hank’s cheeks had gone pink. “Same.” He paused. “Besides, if you did, I might have to go AWOL and come down there, make sure you don’t fuck anyone else again.” He didn’t add ever again, but the implication was there and it made Ethan feel all gooey inside.
“Oooooh, don’t tempt me with a good time,” Ethan teased.
“I mean it. Maybe . . .” Hank hesitated. “Maybe you’re not mine, not yet, but you’re mine. I wanna be yours. If I’d stayed in New York . . .”
“I know,” Ethan said softly.
Hank made a frustrated noise. “I hate this.”
“It kinda sucks,” Ethan agreed. “But it’s not gonna be forever. Not even close, okay? You’re gonna tear it up in Syracuse and then you’ll be back here, before you know it.”
“I’m gonna try,” Hank promised.
He didn’t have to say he was trying not just for himself, but for Ethan, for Ethan to know it was true, anyway.