12. Chapter 12
December
“I’m just saying,” Ethan said, trying not to pout a little as he moved a dish to the strainer, but making sure to shake the excess water off it first, because if he didn’t and he got the counter around the sink wet, it would set Charlie off, “it could happen.”
“And cows could fly, too,” Hank muttered. “I know you want it—I want it, but if Inverness is gonna call me up, he’s going to do it after the break.”
“Maybe,” Ethan said dubiously. He set the second dish next to the first. There was still a third in the sink, and the pots and pans from dinner. The third dish, because, naturally, Max had joined them for dinner.
Max had practically made dinner, so Ethan was grateful for that.
It was why he’d offered to do the dishes—and also because Hank had texted.
And also because Charlie and Max had leaned in together on the couch, chatting in that low, earnest way of theirs, and Ethan always felt like a painfully awkward third wheel whenever they pulled that crap.
“You know that if he’s going to be bringing me up, it’s gonna be after the holidays,” Hank said. Tonight, Hank had opened their convo with the news that he’d been talking to his parents about him going up to Toronto during the holiday break.
Ethan made a face and tried to pretend Hank was wrong, but he wasn’t. That was the whole problem.
“What are you gonna do up in Toronto?” Ethan asked. He wasn’t going, obviously, but it made missing Hank less awful if he could visualize where he was, what he was doing.
Christmas was less than a week away, and Ethan hadn’t been trying to get his hopes up, though these days it felt like his hopes were permanently raised.
Still, it hadn’t been only him. They hadn’t talked about their holiday plans, and Ethan had a feeling it was because Hank had been putting off making holiday plans.
He’d been hoping too, that he’d be in New York instead of Syracuse by the time the end of the month rolled around.
“Try to stay warm,” Hank teased. “I don’t know. Annie’ll be home, too. So I’ll get to see her. Maybe I’ll drag her skating on one of the outdoor rinks.”
“Sounds fun.” Ethan was trying not to sound sulky, and he wasn’t sure he was quite pulling it off.
“Would be more fun if you could be there, too,” Hank admitted.
“Yeah?” They hadn’t talked about meeting parents—obviously Ethan wanted that but they weren’t even officially dating yet. Unfortunately. Ethan mentally cursed out Inverness, even though he usually liked Inverness.
“I was actually thinking.” Hank let out an unsteady breath. Looked nervous. “I was thinking I’d tell my parents and Annie about us. About me too, I guess.”
It was not what Ethan had expected, but he wasn’t upset about it. “Yeah? You think it’s gonna be okay?”
Hank rolled his eyes but the relief lingering in the depths of them was reassuring.
“Yeah, it’s not gonna be a big deal. Mom’s probably going to throw me a Congrats, you’re gay now party.”
“God, would she?”
“Yeah.” Hank laughed. “But if she wants to, I’m gonna tell her to hold off so she can do it with you there, too.”
“I’d love a Congrats, you’re gay now party. When I told my parents, they barely blinked.”
“Well, yeah, both your brothers did it first,” Hank said.
“Exactly. They’re good for something.”
Hank laughed. “So it’s settled, then. Next summer, my mom’s throwing us a Congrats, you’re gay now party.”
“I’ll be there with my rainbows on,” Ethan said. “Can I bring my brothers or do they not count because they were already gay?”
Hank choked out a laugh as he drank out of his water bottle. “They’re welcome, for sure.”
“If I go to Toronto, you’ll come to Michigan, right?” Ethan asked, even though he already knew the answer. Last summer, when he’d initially made the invite, everything had been heading in this direction, so not that different, but it still felt like night and day between then and now.
“You won’t be able to keep me away.” Hank’s smile was warm.
“Good. And let me know how it goes with your parents and Annie,” Ethan said.
Hank made a scoffing noise. “Like I wouldn’t. I’m just sorry you won’t be there, too.”
“Me too.” Ethan made a noise. “It all fucking sucks, honestly.”
That was the thing—and it was unfair, and if Ethan ever got a chance, he was going to bitch to the commissioner about it—the AHL had a much longer holiday break than the NHL. The NHL’s was, at best, like three freaking days. But less, sometimes, if a team had to travel.
But Hank would have almost a week, plenty of time to head up to Toronto. No time for Ethan to join him.
Because his own parents had come to New York for Thanksgiving, they were heading to the West Coast for Christmas, Livvy flying down to LA to meet them and Avery. Ethan wasn’t really that pissy about it. Or else he might not have been, if he’d gotten Hank. But clearly he wasn’t going to get Hank.
Instead, he was going to spend the whole three days watching Charlie and Max wind themselves closer and then closer, still.
He shouldn’t be jealous, but he was kinda jealous.
“You know I’m trying,” Hank said, and Ethan couldn’t miss the sudden hopeless bitter edge to his voice, the one that Ethan hated hearing. The one he’d been hearing more and more lately.
“You are, it’s not about you,” Ethan insisted.
“Right.” Hank hesitated, and there was a look on his face that told Ethan he had something else to say, but he didn’t know if he should say it.
“What is it?” Ethan asked. Tried not to demand. Tried not to feel a horrible churning fear in his stomach. Hank didn’t want to stop doing this; he wanted to be together. Ethan believed that.
“Bo actually said something a few weeks back that made me think, and then I talked to my agent about it,” Hank said.
Hurt blossomed inside Ethan, and he couldn’t help the frown on his face. His hands, holding the pasta pot that Max had used tonight, clenched hard around the edges.
“A few weeks ago and you didn’t tell me?
” He wasn’t living under the stupid impression that Hank told him everything, but lately it had begun to feel like maybe he did.
That he wanted to. Hank could be quiet, could be a deep, dark lake, so many feelings and thoughts buried underwater, but that had changed in the last few months. At least between him and Ethan.
Hank sighed. “I didn’t for a reason. I know you can be . . . weird about this.”
“Weird about what?” Ethan didn’t bother holding the demand back this time. Flicked the water off and stared right at his phone, balanced on the windowsill right above the sink.
“Avery,” Hank said.
That was the last thing Ethan had expected Hank to say. “What about Avery?”
“You know there’s been rumors that the Mavs are gonna trade him if they can’t re-sign him.”
“And that’s bullshit,” Ethan said bluntly.
“Is it? I’m not sure.”
Ethan opened his mouth to argue. But Hank didn’t let him.
“I know it’s unfair, and Avery deserves better than a team that’ll move on, just because he won’t open a fucking vein for them, swear some kind of insane blood oath, but I’m just saying that’s the rumor.
And Bo thought . . . well, Bo said that Niko would be pretty decent trade bait for Avery. ”
“You can’t actually think they’d trade for Avery.”
Hank shot him a chiding look. “Come on, Eth, this can’t be that insane of a thought. You guys talk enough about wanting to play together—”
“Like, in the future,” Ethan argued. Didn’t even feel that bad about interrupting Hank.
Okay, Dom had said it but Dom was a gossip magnet.
He’d not really thought it could be real.
Only rumors. And honestly, the rumors were bad enough, but now Hank was buying into them?
Hank was smarter than this. Or at least Ethan had believed that he was.
“Don’t you think if I thought there was even a shot in hell of that happening, I’d know and I’d have told you? ”
“You might not know it’s happening. None of you might know it’s happening,” Hank said flatly.
Ethan let out an unsteady breath. “And what? So Inverness kept Niko around as trade bait for the Mavs. Fine, okay. I’ll bite. What does that have to do with you? With us?”
Usually, Ethan tried to not use that term, because technically there wasn’t an us yet. They were still just Ethan and Hank, on two different teams. In two different cities.
But he felt raw, just thinking about this whole thing. Extra raw, today, knowing that he wouldn’t get to see Hank this month, either.
Maybe it hadn’t been that long, but it felt like a fucking eternity, when he’d been waiting all this time for this thing between them to start in earnest.
“Think about it,” Hank said gently. “I’m on the roster. What does that make me?”
Ethan got it, like a jolt of nauseating lightning, right to the gut. “Oh shit. Shit. It makes you fucking trade bait, instead.”
“Yeah,” Hank said. “And maybe Inverness has been full of shit this whole time. Maybe he’s been trying to make me feel good, by telling me I’m the future of the Bandits’ blue line, but maybe he’s not lying. Maybe. Just . . . maybe.”
Ethan didn’t know what to say. On one hand, the idea of Avery coming to New York was .
. . complicated. Good, of course. Of course.
He missed his older brother. But in so many ways, he had his older brother.
He had Charlie, who was making a real attempt to win big brother of the year.
But there was Charlie. Who loved Avery. Avery was his big brother.
But Charlie had worked so fucking hard to set himself apart.
To be his own man. Who’d carved out his place on this team and in this city and in fans’ hearts with his blood and sweat and tears.
“You’re freaking out,” Hank said. “See? This is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d freak out. And I didn’t know if it would be good or bad. Like, I kinda thought it might actually be both.”
“It is both.” Ethan wet his lips with his tongue. “And you talked to your agent about this?”