16. Chapter 16 #3
Maybe Ethan hadn’t known what Hank was going to say.
But he could guess. He’d heard this shit out of Charlie’s mouth too many times to not have some idea of how Hank would push back.
It was almost funny, that Hank was a little afraid of Charlie, and yet they were so fucking alike.
Maybe, at a different, easier time, Ethan would throw a little pity party with himself about that.
How had he ended up with a guy who had too many similarities to his irritating brother?
But the more time he and Hank spent together, the more Ethan realized that it was always going to be Hank. There was nobody else for him, ever.
“You’re being annoying,” Hank said, but it came out fond and warm. “Not even letting me sulk in peace.”
“Like I’d ever let you do that,” Ethan said cheerfully.
Hank sighed and one of his hands found Ethan’s knee, squeezing it. But even better, he was also leaning into Ethan now, not just Ethan leaning into him.
“The problem isn’t you.” Ethan kept his voice quiet.
“Eth,” Hank warned.
“I know, and you know. A lot of us know.”
“Yeah, but that team-sport thing you just said. We gotta like . . . I don’t know . . . compensate, somehow.”
“Somehow,” Ethan echoed.
“I thought I could, and I hate that I couldn’t.”
There it was again; practically word for word the same crap that Charlie had spouted after the end of the last season.
Ethan nearly said it, but at the last second he swallowed it down.
Just another thing he wasn’t saying; right along with I think we’re meant for each other and I’m in love with you and I’m pretty sure you’re in love with me, too.
“I know,” Ethan said softly, leaning in more fully, letting the warmth and closeness wash over him. Hoping that it was giving Hank the same kind of comfort.
A relief, almost. An acknowledgment. You might’ve been alone, once, and you might’ve carried all this crap for a long time all alone, but you don’t have to. Not anymore.
“I talked to Bo yesterday,” Hank said in a drowsy, relaxed voice.
Ethan hadn’t been expecting that. Not that Hank talking to Bo was surprising. They kept in touch; they were friends.
He just wasn’t sure why Hank had chosen this moment to talk about it.
“Yeah?”
Hank’s hand tightened on his leg. He let out a breath, like he was expelling the rest of the ugly thoughts. The ones that screamed failure and never gonna make it and loser.
“Told him just how lucky I am. My boyfriend’s fucking amazing,” Hank murmured, the words almost lost in Ethan’s hair. But they were clear enough that Ethan couldn’t miss them. “And that was even before today. Tonight.”
Ethan smiled against Hank’s broad shoulder. “Yeah, he seems like a really great guy.”
“Don’t push it,” Hank said, clearly amused.
“You should know your boyfriend well enough to know that he loves to push it,” Ethan teased.
He swore he could feel Hank smile against his head. “Yeah, kinda hope he never stops, actually.”
“Well, he’s not gonna,” Ethan promised. Reached over, and with his hand found Hank’s. Intertwined their fingers together.
“We’re gonna be okay, aren’t we?”
It wasn’t even false bravado or overconfidence when Ethan said, seriously, “I know it. No matter what happens, we’re gonna have each other.”
“Yeah,” Hank agreed.
For a long moment, they just sat there, in a companionable silence. But then Ethan broke it. “How’s Bo doing?”
Hank chuckled, deep in his chest. Ethan could feel it. “Still in Syracuse, as you know. Still celibate. Still addicted to those stupid meditations. He was telling me that they couldn’t get anyone else to room with him.”
“It is kinda a miracle you were able to tolerate it for so long.”
“Honestly? I didn’t mind it but I kinda miss him. Bo. He’s an interesting guy. A good friend.”
“He’s still playing well. Maybe he’ll end up in New York, too,” Ethan said. “Trade deadline’s in a few months. He could get called up after that, before the playoffs.”
Hank squeezed his hand. “Yeah, he could. Of course, if he did, you know who he’d end up rooming with again.”
“We’d figure something out,” Ethan said. He never wanted Hank to just have him; he wanted Hank to have all the people he liked around him. He wondered if that was really what love was. Wanting the person you cared so much about to be happy, no matter what.
“Maybe.” Hank didn’t sound convinced though.
“I bet,” Ethan said slyly, “I could pretty easily convince Charlie to crash with Max.”
“Eth,” Hank warned, sounding a little too much like Avery for Ethan’s liking.
“I’m serious, they probably want to anyway. They did, for ages, before their entry-level contracts were up.”
Hank sighed. “If they’re gonna do it, they’d have done it already.”
“You don’t know that,” Ethan argued, even though he wasn’t sure he disagreed with Hank’s assessment of the situation. Charlie and Max weren’t stupid. They just acted stupid.
Hard to say which was worse, really.
“I guess in a few months we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Hank said. The pilot announced then that they’d just made it to cruising altitude and they’d be landing in a little over an hour.
“Come on,” Hank added, body relaxing further. “Let’s get a nap in before we land.”
And Hank didn’t have to ask him twice, Ethan drifting off before he could even respond.