Chapter 43
CEZAR
Lina felt guilty that I’d gotten hurt because of her. I could see it from the way her hands shook, from the way she looked anywhere but at my bandages. Every hour I spent with her pulled me deeper into the darkness, and I wouldn’t have traded that for the brightest life outside these walls.
She returned with clothes and helped me dress. Once I was decent, we walked to the living room. The house was quiet. It felt peaceful in a strange way, sharing the couch with her while she turned on the TV.
“You’re going to put holes in my head if you keep staring like that,” she remarked, not looking my way. Lina grabbed a blanket and draped it over us. I crowded into her space.
“How did you and Dorin meet?” I asked.
I expected her to brush it off. Maybe give me a sentence or two. Instead, she let the wall crumble a little.
“I saved his life. Or something close to it.”
“Oh?”
Lina shifted on the couch to face me directly, crossing her legs and leaning against the cushions. I adjusted to follow her, eager to hear her story.
She took a slow breath. “Honestly, it was an accident. I was seventeen. They’d started putting me on more assignments by then. Nothing major. I was mostly tagging along, watching, learning how the world really worked.”
Her voice carried the weight of those memories.
“We all had assigned posts. Look but don’t interfere.
Report back. The house we were at was huge.
Low-level mafia owned it. The kind who handled the filthy work organized crime didn’t want attached to their names.
Loan sharks. Prostitution. All the background rot that kept the bigger players clean. The place made my skin crawl.”
She rubbed her arm absently, as if the feel of that place lingered.
“There weren’t many of us on that job. Most of the muscle was hired.
I was placed in the back, out of danger.
That part always pissed me off, but that night paved the way for what we are now.
I heard screaming from below. I followed the noise, gun ready, staying against the wall while the voices grew louder. ”
She paused, breathing in.
“The hallway was long and dark. Wet, too. I remember hearing something drip onto the floor over and over. When I reached the end, I peeked around the corner. The screaming had stopped, though I could still hear men moving somewhere beyond what I could see. I listened for a moment and pieced together what was happening.”
She swallowed hard.
“A guy owed a shit ton of money. They took his sister as interest. They were going to make him watch everything they did to her. Maybe cut off a few fingers after. Nothing too damaging. They still needed him to work.”
My pulse shot through the roof. Vali. She had to be talking about her.
“I wasn’t supposed to interfere.” She sighed. “But I knew this wasn’t ending well, so I figured why not make things worse. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to stand by when I could do something.”
Her hand found mine, her thumb gliding over the scars. The gesture held more care than I deserved.
I couldn’t help wondering who she’d been running these jobs with. If they weren’t her men at the time and she was merely a helper, who taught her what she knows?
Who created her?
“I kind of acted how you do most days.” She laughed. “I marched my ass in there. There were five men still standing. Two holding the girl. One getting ready to ruin her life. And the rest were guarding the man who’d already had his face beaten into the floor. So, I started shooting.”
She shook her head as she relived it.
“I had never killed anyone before, but I wasn’t even focused on that. I was focused more on the guy looking at me with his one eye that wasn’t swollen shut and the girl tied to the bed. He wasn’t sure what I was going to do, and the girl… she was crying.”
Her voice trembled. Barely noticeable.
“I didn’t know if these people were good or not, or what they did exactly to end up in this situation, but it wasn’t anything they deserved.
I knew that. I went over to the woman and untied her.
She must have been like that for a while because her wrists were red and cut up.
Then I found a blanket to wrap her in. She couldn’t speak, just sobbed.
“I walked over to the man kneeling on the floor and heard “please don’t” from the girl. She had gotten off the bed but was so weak she couldn’t stand properly and fell. I guess why wouldn’t they have thought I would hurt them, but I wasn’t going to.
“I took the tape off his mouth and freed his hands. Then I radioed Vasile. Told him to get his ass to me because there was no way I could move both of them alone.”
Lina paused to take a drink of water, allowing my mind to process.
“When Vasile showed up, he yelled at me for not following orders. But he still helped me get the two out. We left through the back and reached an escape car. He went back to the team. I drove to one of our safe houses and called one of our medics.”
Her tone softened.
“They hadn’t eaten in days. I remember them sitting in the kitchen with bowls of food. And when I finally asked their names…”
She paused.
“It was Dorin and Vali. Their father left him drowning in debt. Dorin tried to pay it back the honest way. Did some illegal shit on the side, but nothing that hurt anyone. Didn’t matter.
The interest kept rising. The money wasn’t enough anymore, so they took his sister.
When he protested, they beat him and decided to make an example of both of them. ”
She leaned forward, elbows on her knees.
“After that night, they didn’t leave my side. Vali is good with computers. Really good. She helps with all that shit. And Dorin… he would die for me. I don’t take that lightly.”
Lina finished and sat on the edge of the couch. I understood, because if it ever came down to her or me, it would always be her life that mattered more.
“Lina, if you hadn’t gone in there, they both would’ve died. Or lived in a different kind of death. You saved them. And whether you like hearing it or not, I’m proud of you. You’re an impressive woman.”
“Proud of me, huh?” She smiled, though it didn’t quite erase the strain beneath it. She handed me a drink, her hands quivering. She seemed restless. Something else weighed on her.
“You okay?” I asked, rubbing her back gently.
Lina reached for the remote, muting the TV with a determined flick. “Cezar, when was the first time you took a life?”
Her question caught me off guard, dredging up memories I’d rather forget.
I hesitated, speaking with a slight quiver. “It’s not a memory I like to revisit, and it wasn’t a choice I made willingly.”
She didn’t push, but the intent was there in her eyes.
I looked away and forced myself to continue. “There really isn’t much to it. My father made me kill someone. We all know this life comes with shit like that, but I didn’t want it. Any of it. I was young, and he didn’t care. He never cared about anything except power.”
She wanted more, waited for it…
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give her that truth. She didn’t need to know the details of what I’d done. That part of me would stay buried until my last breath.
“That night still haunts me. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it.
And it’ll never be enough, Petal.” I finally looked at her again, catching the concern in her expression.
The confusion. That man wasn’t innocent, but he didn’t deserve to die by hands as pathetic and unworthy as mine.
I needed the focus off me, so I turned the question back on her. “What about you? First time you took a life on a mission you led, not one you stumbled into.”
“It was a mission, like any other,” she answered, tone low and steady. “Not long after what happened with Dorin and Vali. I was ready, so they assigned me a target, and I eliminated him.”
She spoke about it like she was describing grocery shopping. I wasn't any different. None of my kills stayed with me like that first one. Everything after became survival. Disobedience earned beatings, but at least I wasn’t being used as my father’s weapon anymore.
I waited for her to keep going, and after an exhale, she finally did. “His name was Ion Andrei—”
I cut her off. “That was you? Holy shit. I remember hearing stories about whoever pulled that off. Didn’t know the Nycto Reaper had that one under her belt, too.”
“There are probably a lot of people you don’t know I’m responsible for.”
She dropped her gaze, fingers picking at each other. I would never judge her for any of it. We all survive however we can. Though sometimes I did wonder how much of our souls would be left by the end.
“He was at a funeral. Not sure whose, but intel said he’d show up. I went, blended into the crowd. It was massive, packed shoulder to shoulder, easy to disappear in.”
She paused, studying me again, and all I could think was how impossible it would be for anyone not to notice her.
“There were funeral flowers everywhere. Too many. The whole place smelled almost pleasant, which felt wrong. But there were a lot of black roses mixed in. They stood out while I made my way to him. When the moment lined up, I dosed him. Quick and clean, making sure I didn’t create a scene.”
Her voice stayed even, accepting the monsters we had to become.
“He hit the floor and tried to grab a table on his way down. People gasped, but no one looked at me. I blended deeper into the crowd.”
She drew in a breath.
“When he fell onto his back, one of the black roses from a bouquet landed right on his chest. Just one. The rest scattered on the other side of the table. I shouldn’t have noticed that, not with how fast everything was moving, but it stuck with me.
It felt fitting, in a way. A tragic ending he earned. ”
Her shoulders stiffened, and she kept her eyes on her hands. She didn’t look at me for a long while.
Getting to know her like this felt unreal. I’d wanted this since the moment I met her—pieces of her, unfiltered. I just wish she trusted me enough to give more. I never knew if she feared my judgment or just didn’t want to drag me deeper into the demons she lived with.
“He deserved it,” I told her. “And honestly? The black roses thing is pretty poetic.”
The corner of my mouth twitched because I knew that would get her. She always hated how much she loved my smirking.
Lina finally smiled at me, hitting me on the shoulder with her fist. Pain flared down my whole side.
“My bad,” she quickly said.
I wondered what else she might tell me. How deep would she let me go?