Chapter 45
CEZAR
Pacing around the room wasn’t doing shit to help me build the courage to ask Lina if she wanted to take a trip with me. I hadn’t been to Piatra Verde in a long time. I never went unless things were calm on my father’s side and I’d shown my face enough to keep the suspicion down.
The last visit helped a little. Codrin kept telling Father we were working together on certain tasks, which bought me a bit of space.
Not much, but enough to get away for a few days before he started sniffing around again.
I’d even stopped by yesterday, handled what he wanted, and then got dragged out by Codrin before anything else could be dumped on me. At some point, it wouldn’t be enough.
My thoughts derailed the second Lina stepped out of the shower, not wearing a damn thing. Every time I saw her like that, I wondered what sick twist of fate handed me something I didn’t deserve. I ceased mid-pace, just watching her get dressed. I could watch her forever.
“You know, you could at least pretend you’re not a creep,” she joked while tugging a shirt over her head.
“Nah, I’m good.” I crossed the room, sliding my fingers in her damp hair, before pressing my lips to the back of her neck. My hand curved around her stomach, and I drew her in. We swayed gently, almost like we’d practiced it. Strange how tenderness kept sneaking into whatever this was.
At first, it felt like an arrangement. Now… who was I fooling? She’d been mine since the moment she jumped me.
“Mmm… whatever you’re doing, it feels nice,” she whispered, pressing her hand over mine. Her skin radiated heat from her scalding shower. “How’s your… body, Cezar?”
“I’m good. Always good. But you…” I inhaled, sinking into the scent of her skin. “Fuck.”
I shoved aside the memories from a few weeks ago and focused on her. The way she smelled. The way she tasted. The way she made the world stop spinning for the first time in my miserable life. I buried my face in her neck, earning a small giggle—my new favorite sound.
Not counting the one that happens when she—
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, but you don’t always have to be strong,” Lina affirmed.
I whipped her around, puzzled by her words. “You think I’m strong?”
She gave me a look that said she couldn’t believe I even asked. “Yes. You’re strong in ways most people wouldn’t survive. Look at everything you’ve had to carry. Look at what you endured up until now, alone, for so long.”
Her hands crawled up my chest, tracing the scars, then rested on my face.
Up until now… alone…
“Does that mean you are never going to l—”
No. Stop. Don’t go there. Don’t put that on her. Don’t cage her the way you were caged.
I wanted to ask the question, wanted to hear her promise something she didn’t owe me, but I couldn’t make myself say it.
She turned slightly, expecting me to finish, but I kept quiet. She pressed a soft kiss to my mouth before digging around for pants. “Why do you have to put all these clothes on?” I chuckled, though my tone was serious.
“Would you prefer if I just walked around naked for all to see?”
Now I was just offended. Why would she joke about that? Just for me to see, just me…
Fuck. Here it goes, just do it. What came out of my mouth weren’t words. It sounded more like a dying animal. I think I tried to say too many things at the same time. I started shaking my head as I heard her laughing.
“What the hell was that? Have you been taking too many meds?”
“Ha. Hilarious. You’re hilarious,” I muttered, rubbing my face. “I had a moment. Words are complicated.”
She walked over to the door, but before she could open it, I caught her hand. “Lina, hey… so… fuck, I was wondering maybe… did you want, you don’t have to, but if you wanted to… maybe we could…”
What the fuck was I even saying?
“Ok. Starting over,” I breathed. “Would you want to come with me somewhere? A trip. Just a few days. Nothing crazy.” My heart hammered.
My hands were cold, and my chest tightened.
Was this what a panic attack felt like? I hadn’t even been rejected yet, and I was halfway to meeting my ancestors.
Oh fuck, what if she didn’t want to? I might literally, actually pass away right here and now.
Death by rejection—is that even a thing?
“I would like that,” Lina said with a smile. Then she wrapped herself around me, her hold strong.
My knees turned into wet paper. I somehow remained standing until she walked out of the room. The second she was gone, my legs gave out, and I hit the floor like a corpse.
Then the door opened a second time. I didn’t expect her back so soon so I rolled over, trying to pretend like I meant to be on the ground.
“Um, what are you doing on the floor?”
“Oh, you know, looking for bugs, of course. What else would I be doing on the floor? Couldn’t possibly be because I was panicking…”
“Right…” She grabbed her phone and came over to kiss me before leaving once again.
I stayed there for a few seconds, catching what little dignity I had left. Then I forced myself up. I had a lot of planning to do. And I wanted us gone as soon as possible.
Lina didn’t even ask me where or why or anything. She just said yes.
She trusted me, and in our world, trust is everything.