Chapter 76
ADELINA
I wouldn’t have killed him, even when the truth finally settled into my bones. Part of me wanted to drag what he was feeling out a little longer, but it was wrong.
It’s not fair.
“Say it, say the safe word.” The words tore out of me between uneven breaths, between the sobs I tried to swallow and every pulse of pain that hit both of us. He wouldn’t do it. Cezar wanted more, wanted me to keep going.
“Fucking say the safe word!” I screamed as I drove my frustration, my grief, everything into each forceful movement. I was terrified. He wasn’t. He met every thrust like he deserved it.
“I’m so sorry, Adelina…” His breaths were thin, labored. Sadness poured out of me faster than I could blink it back. I didn’t know which of us I mourned more—him, or the version of myself I lost years ago. Tears fell freely, disappearing into the blood and slick mess between us.
“It’s ok,” he choked out. “I hate me too.”
I stopped, slowly pulling out, hearing his little whimper at the loss of movement. Mind and body pushed past their limit, and I’d kept going like I was trying to punish both of us.
Why did I push?
I moved to the front of him, lifting his head with both hands. Steady tears streamed down his cheeks. “You’re beautiful. I am so proud of you, Adelina.”
No.
No, no, no.
I couldn’t stop crying. He was the only one I ever wanted to be vulnerable with, and here he was—paying the price for loving me.
I ripped the strap-on from my hips and fumbled with the lock holding him in place.
The moment I unlatched the pillory, his legs gave in.
I caught him as best I could, and we collapsed together on the floor.
His breath came in ragged gasps, impossible to control.
I had never seen him cry like this. Never seen him truly break.
This isn’t what I want.
“Cezar… please…” My voice shook so badly it barely sounded like mine. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean—”
He shifted, trying to sit. I helped him lean against the wall even though the pressure must’ve hurt like hell against the fresh marks on his back.
“Stop, Adelina.” His voice struggled. “You gave me an out. I didn’t take it. I didn’t want it. I deserve thi—”
“No, you fucking don’t. Neither of us deserved what happened to us.” My throat ached with every word. “I know it wasn’t your fault. I believe you. I don’t blame you, and I could never hate you.”
Cezar lit up with his perfect fucking smile. Before I could say another word, he rushed in, voice unsteady. “I love you. I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. You’re everything to me. Will you stay by my side… even though loving me will hurt?”
He reached for me, and I climbed onto his lap, careful not to brush too many of the wounds I’d left on him.
“Cezar, your love has trapped me, and I wouldn’t change a damn thing. I love you too. For longer than I should have.” I kissed him slowly—soft pecks along his cheek and jaw, tasting salt and heat. I felt the tension ease out of him under my mouth.
His warm hands settled on my thighs.
“We’re a fucking disaster.” I laughed through the weeping.
He laughed too, and suddenly we were both a mess on the floor, clinging to each other like idiots.
We definitely needed therapy.
“You finally said it, the L word… Adelina, say it again.”
“I love you, Cezar. I love you so fucking much.” I kept repeating it as we breathed each other in, crying in each other’s arms.
“You are beautiful, Adelina.” It was the smile I fell in love with. He lifted his hands to wipe away my tears, and I mirrored the gesture.
Even after everything, I wanted more of him. I pushed up from his lap. His eyes went wide, like he thought I was leaving. Never. He tried to follow, but I cut him off with a single word. “Don’t.”
He stopped immediately.
The clothes I wore were whatever I had grabbed earlier. They didn’t belong to this moment, so I took them off. His pupils darkened, and I could hear the hard swallow in his throat.
Anxiety ate at me under his stare. Once I was fully bare, I stepped into his lap. His hands lifted instinctively, like he wanted to touch but didn’t know where he was allowed.
“Petal, you are perfection.”
“Touch me, Zar” I pleaded.
His jaw clamped, and his hands roamed over my thighs, stroking up and down with a careful, hungry reverence. My hips responded before my mind caught up, pressing against him, grinding leisurely over the length straining beneath me.
I loved the way he touched me.
My body started moving on him, working myself against his throbbing cock. I was bracing myself with his shoulders, lowering my head so I could devour him. My lips were desperate for his, and the teasing bites turned hungry fast.
A few strained whines broke free, barely audible, but enough to tell me how badly he wanted to be inside me. I reached down, wrapped my fingers around his cock, and shifted my body so he could fill me completely. Then I sank onto him, savoring the feeling of him in me.
“You’re so fucking big… feels so fucking good.” I rode him harder, bouncing on his cock while he held my hips and helped drive me down on him again and again.
“So. Fucking. Tight.” His voice broke around my name. “Adelina… Adelina…”
He wanted to take over, but his body wouldn’t allow him. That only pushed me further. The pleasure made me dizzy while the whole room swayed each time I dropped onto him. My palms hit his chest as I picked up the pace, chasing that release.
He caught my waist and forced me down with each thrust, the impact shooting straight through me. Our breaths blended together until the tension snapped inside my body. I collapsed forward, shaking against him as he came right after, his face buried against my neck.
We slowed, easing into the afterglow, holding onto each other.
“I’m so fucking wet,” he said with that fucking smirk, dragging his fingertips along the lines of my back. When I looked at him, he tried to stifle a laugh but failed miserably, and I felt the low rumble of it.
“You fucking love it,” I teased as I got off him. He needed to be cleaned up. I tried to move, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Please don’t go. Ever.”
I cupped his face and ran my thumb over his lip. “Never. I love you, Cezar. Let me clean you up, yeah?”
He let out a rough exhale. “You know… it would’ve been nice to see you—”
It clicked a second later. “Fucking you?”
His grin turned filthy. “Yeah.”
He caught my hand and kissed my knuckles once, claiming the moment the way only he could.
We were going to be fine.