Chapter 10 #2
He looked devastated. “You’re strong and intelligent, I never meant to imply otherwise.
But abuse and trauma can make individuals agree to things they don’t actually want.
How can I know if you had sex with me because you wanted it or you were worried about appeasing me?
All your decisions must be at least partially based on the fact that I’m bigger and have weapons. What I did was deplorable.”
Finally, she understood what he was trying to tell her. She burst out laughing.
The shame on his face morphed into confusion. “What’s so funny?”
“The idea that I would sleep with you because I was worried you’d hurt me,” she said, catching her breath.
“It could be true,” he insisted.
“Really? Wouldn’t I have tried when you first grabbed me outside the shuttle on the Delight? Or later after I tried to drug you on the ride down to Fielden?”
He pointed a finger at her. “You kissed me on the shuttle! That could’ve been to keep me from trying to physically punish you.”
“You wouldn’t hit me,” she scoffed, amused that he was trying to convince her that he was the bad guy.
“How can you know that?” he asked.
“Because you haven’t yet,” she shot back, enjoying the back and forth. “When I tried to drug you, all you did was break the gun.”
“I pulled you violently to the floor by the ankle,” he reminded her.
“Because I’d already escaped twice,” she said with a laugh. “I’d grab me too. It wasn’t polite but understandable.”
“I’m still bigger, and we were here alone,” he whispered.
“Before anything happened between us, you should’ve been able to talk to other Decanted women.
No one should’ve pressured you until you had a home you felt secure in, in your new life.
In the short time we’ve been together, you were terrorized, injured, and then hurt further when I carried you from the shuttle without the proper protective covering.
I’ve done everything wrong. How can you forgive me? ”
“You’ve treated me with a level of gentleness I never expected from a stranger, let alone an owner,” she said, deciding to lay out all her thoughts.
“You’ve spent a lot of money on me too. At first, I kept telling myself that it was because you were making sure your investment stayed healthy, but that couldn’t be it.
You cared that I was in pain or if I was comfortable.
Neither of those things were about my value.
You even bathed me in a way that was soothing, not exploitative. ”
“I never want you to be in pain or even uncomfortable,” he said. “I want to do everything I can to make you happy.”
She reached across the table and tugged his arm so his hand was resting on the table between them. She twined her fingers with his.
“That’s why I want more sex with you,” she murmured, then gave him an exaggerated wink.
His lips turned up a little. “Really?”
“Really,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “It never occurred to me that I had to do anything. All that was going through my head was that I wanted it. That’s why I told you to shut up when you started talking.”
He looked so relieved she almost laughed. The poor guy had been drowning in guilt, no wonder he’d been acting so oddly.
Her own anger and hurt disappeared also, bringing back her earlier hunger. Keeping his hand still trapped in hers, she looked down at their food.
“We should probably eat before they come back for their box,” she said.
“They are very possessive of those boxes,” he agreed with a little chuckle as he started eating one-handed. “I can’t wait for you to try fresh gallia fruit when we get back to Hissa. It’s so good, we make all kinds of delicacies out of it.”
With the storm over, he’d have plans to leave the planet soon. That meant she needed to convince him to leave with her instead of meeting up with his team.
“We should set off on our own,” she said. “Just the two of us. I know it can be scary to leave a secure job behind, but I know we can support ourselves.”
He went still and gave her a quizzical look. “The two of us?”
“Yeah!” she said, getting excited. “Remember how I said we could be a traveling act? I meant it. It’ll be fun, and we can visit a lot of places.”
When she was finished, she watched his expression. She didn’t think he’d be excited right away because she thought he’d have questions first.
His look of disappointment was a surprise.
“You still don’t believe me,” he whispered, sitting back and letting go of her hand.
She fought back an eye roll. “I believe that you believe it. But why can’t you and I decide on our own future? Why do we have to do what your employer demands?”
“I don’t work for a company or anything like that. I work for my entire civilization,” he said. “I’m taking you to a good life, you’ll see.”
He sounded so disappointed in her that it made her want to snap at him to stop being a trusting fool. It was clear he wasn’t going to listen to her, and it broke her heart.
When he reached for the drink she’d set down in front of him, she didn’t stop him. She watched him open it and drink most of it down before he went back to methodically eating.
“You should finish your food,” he said between bites. “My men will be here soon, and we’ll be leaving. The food on the ship is all nutri-packs. This will be your last fresh meal for a while.”
“Sure,” she murmured and pretended to eat until he slumped over, out cold from the sleep aid in the drink. She guided his big body to the floor. Kneeling over him, she touched his face, savoring the last time they’d be together. Leaning over, she brushed her lips against his.
“I wish you’d believed me instead of them,” she said before gathering her things and leaving the room. Not long after, she stepped out of the hotel in the bright early morning light, welcoming her to a new life.
She should’ve been excited about her freedom. Instead, she was fighting back tears.
“Enough of that,” she muttered to herself and headed for the roller station at the far end of the port. She had a lot to do and a longer journey ahead. She could mourn later, after she was safely somewhere else.
As a performer, she knew how to set aside emotions.
The show must go on, always. Even if your heart was breaking.