Chapter 28
I didn’t make it through the introductions between Rush and my family before I broke. Muttering an offhanded, “Sorry,” I stalked out of the kitchen area and through the house. My entire body felt restless with the need to get to Chloe, all while every rational part of me knew I should turn around and rejoin my family—knew I should let this go before it could get worse.
But rational didn’t hold as much weight as it used to. It hadn’t ever since a threat of a girl had landed on my radar and started tripping up my thoughts and stealing my focus until all I thought about—all I wanted —was her.
So, I knew if I went into that bedroom now, there would be no going back from this. Not again. I knew I’d have to have hard conversations with her and tell her things I didn’t want her knowing. I knew I’d have to find a way to protect her from the demons that haunted me. Yet when I reached the door, I didn’t even hesitate before opening it.
“We don’t have to do this,” Chloe said as soon as I set foot inside. Without looking at me, she placed a folded item of clothing into her suitcase where it rested on the bed, next to my folded hoodie, and added, “I get it.”
“Whatever you think you get ?—”
“You wanted to know what I was hiding,” she said over me as she glanced my way, giving me all her pain and humiliation and sadness. “You got me to tell you. Congratulations. Well done.”
“That isn’t what happened,” I told her as I continued toward her much more cautiously than I’d stormed into the room.
A sharp, bitter laugh left her as she returned to her suitcase.
“Chloe—”
“No, I knew ,” she cried out, her hands flexing against the lip of her suitcase in such a blatant tell that she was uncomfortable—that I’d hurt her. When her head snapped my way again, her eyes were glassy. “I knew it was an act, and I still—” Her head shook fiercely. “Even if someone were to fall for my lie, at least they would still be falling for me because it’s who I am. You...you’re just a lie.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” I told her honestly as I stopped just feet away. “I didn’t trick you into telling me anything. I meant everything I said to you.”
“Yet you looked horrified when I suggested we share a bed,” she argued, then held up a hand as if begging me not to speak. “Just share it so you wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor. Then the second you got the information you’ve been demanding for weeks, you pulled away, and suddenly Cameron’s here to take me to Aruba—which I thought I wasn’t supposed to go to—and you made it very clear you didn’t plan on coming with us.”
“You done?”
She floundered for a second, like she was trying to find any other reason to be furious with me, but I didn’t let her think for long.
I reached for her, grabbing around her waist and hauling her against me as I crushed my mouth to hers.
A sound of protest rose in her throat, but just when I thought she was placing a hand against my chest to push me away, she grasped my shirt instead. Pulling me closer as her other hand wound into my hair and gripped tight. And those simple yet significant actions meant everything and had me falling deeper into the kiss and her.
Losing myself to the way she kissed me without reservation, even after everything. To the way nothing in the world mattered more than her and that moment. Losing myself to the way kissing Chloe Whitlock felt like a rush of oxygen when everyone else had felt like a temporary escape from my problems.
I forced myself to slow, to pull away, but ended up drawing back in for one last brush of my lips against hers before asking, “Did that feel like a lie?”
Her eyes slowly lifted to mine, and without saying anything at all, I knew her answer.
It hadn’t , but trusting herself wasn’t something that would come easily again.
I trailed the tips of my fingers along her cheek and into her long hair as I warred over what all to tell her. “I meant everything I said to you,” I finally began, repeating my earlier words, “but that doesn’t make this any easier for me.”
I pressed my thumb under her jaw and tilted her head back to keep her eyes on me when she started visibly shutting down, and told her, “Chloe, I don’t let myself do this. I haven’t dated anyone in...” A huff left me when I realized just how long it’d been. “Over a decade. At first, it was because we were gone so often for missions and involved in things that none of us needed to bring back to anyone. After...well, I didn’t come back as unscarred as I thought.”
Chloe’s brows drew close, but the worry on her face wasn’t for what I might tell her—it was for me. And the hand still on my chest felt like comfort as she pressed it ever so slightly harder against me.
Like she was silently letting me know she was there.
But she didn’t know.
“So, I didn’t date because I refused to let myself fall,” I went on, the hand on her waist gripping tighter in warning. “I refused to let myself have this because it’s dangerous, and I wouldn’t put anyone in that position. But the thought of it being you ? Chloe, it terrifies me.”
Her eyes searched mine before she asked, “How is this dangerous?” Letting me know in that innocent and loaded question that she hadn’t overheard the majority of my conversation with Rush.
I didn’t answer right away. I took my time studying her as I let my thumb brush along her jaw and over her bottom lip before finally saying, “You get freaked, I’ll understand.”
“Adam...” My name left her on a strained breath.
“I won’t hold it against you,” I vowed. “Clearly. I’ve been trying to get myself to walk away for you because this isn’t something to take lightly.”
“I see that,” she said on a panicked sounding laugh. “But everything I’m coming up with is probably a lot worse than whatever it is, so just tell me.”
Yeah, I doubted that.
With a steeling breath, I forced myself to release her and took a few steps away before telling her everything.
How I’d thought I’d been one of the lucky ones to end that kind of military career without any real injuries—physical or otherwise. And how a few months after moving to Texas to work for Asher, I’d woken up whispering positions and instructions like the rest of the team was there with me, breaching a compound. But even though I’d only been about to breach my unoccupied bathroom, I’d still had the butt of a rifle pressed against my shoulder.
I’d bought the gun safe the next day.
How, even though I now locked all my weapons up at night, I still woke up doing the same with phantom weapons in my hands. And how, on even more occasions, I’d woken restraining a pillow, the comforter, a broken lamp, nothing .
At some point in my confession, Chloe had sunk onto the foot of the bed as she silently listened, her eyes never leaving me as she nervously played with the ends of her hair. At some point, a pit of desperation had opened inside me because I knew we weren’t going to make it past this conversation. And even though I was sure that was for the best, everything inside me was demanding I do whatever was necessary to keep the girl who was never supposed to mean anything to me, let alone mean this ...whatever this was.
And yet, I didn’t stop talking until she knew every awful detail.
“Now you know,” I said past the knot of barbed wire stuck in my throat. “It’s dangerous to be near me when I’m asleep. It’s dangerous to be with me.”
She hummed in acknowledgment or contemplation, I wasn’t sure. Either way, it had my lungs straining and my heart limping in my chest.
Her head slanted when she asked, “You said therapy didn’t work?”
My head moved in quick, tight shakes. “He just told me I was making it worse because I was afraid of it happening again, then prescribed me something that had me so messed up in other ways, I tried resigning from Shadow.” I rubbed at the back of my neck before making a motion with my hand that said obviously that didn’t happen . “I got off it pretty quick.”
“Do you think he was right?” she asked gently, but not cautiously. “Do you think you make it worse because you’re afraid of it?”
I bit back my automatic denial and said, “It doesn’t matter,” instead. “Whether the first time was a fluke thing, or not, it still happened. And I don’t know how not to be afraid of it happening again, so if that’s why it’s still happening, I can’t stop it.”
She didn’t respond to that. She didn’t say anything as a minute came and went. And then another.
Just as I was about to beg her to say anything, she said, “Therapy...that’s why you pulled away this morning.” Her hazel eyes darted to mine. “Right? When we were talking about my parents?” When I nodded, she did the same, the action seeming distracted. “Have you ever considered going to a different therapist?”
“No.”
My chest lurched in response to the understanding smile she sent me because it screamed mask , and I didn’t want her mask between us right then, or ever.
“Are you asking me to?”
That smile softened. “Adam, I can’t even get my parents to go to therapy. No, I’m not asking you to consider it.” Before I could wrap my head around the realization that she’d somehow gotten so deep under my skin in such a short time that I would go back to therapy...for her ...she added, “Listening to you made me wonder if a part of you wants to. But I also got the feeling you might be worried you’d get the same response.”
I just stared at her as I processed her gentle observation that packed a punch. Because, no, I hadn’t wanted to try a different therapist. Not consciously. But a feeling like someone finally understood me settled deep in my chest at her words. Like I’d been waiting for someone to understand how hopeless the first therapist had made me feel.
Like I was just stuck with this because I was causing it.
“Need to know if that was the last time I get to kiss you,” I muttered and watched as her eyes danced and a soft blush darkened her cheeks.
“Do you want it to be?”
My head slanted. “You already know the answer to that. But this is about you and what you now know.”
She matched the tilt of my head and narrowed her eyes playfully. “Are you asking if I’m gonna go running for the hills? Not that I’m much of a runner—especially in this thin air.”
“I told you this isn’t something to take lightly.”
“Oh, I’m not,” she said honestly, even as a little smile crept across her face. “I can very plainly see what this does to you and how it controls you. I see how much it scares you, and I hate that for you. But you told me , which means you don’t wanna let it control you anymore. You wanna try...with me.”
“It should scare you,” I told her as I took a step closer.
“And maybe it will when it happens,” she said, not bothering to pretend that it might not .
“Chloe,” I began, my head shaking and chest twisting as I thought of how to get her to understand, “I could kill you without ever waking up. Don’t you get that?”
She held my stare for long moments before releasing her response on a breath. “No.”
“Chloe—”
“I’m not saying you can’t, I’m saying I don’t think you would.” She stood and took the last step to erase the distance between us. “You said you’ve never told another woman—that your siblings don’t even know. So, you choosing to tell me means something, unless I really am dreaming, or just utterly delusional.”
Despite everything, my chest pitched with a dull laugh as I drew her into my arms. “I told you because I don’t know how to stay away from you. I told you because I fell for you, even when I wanted to hate you. I told you because I will do whatever necessary to keep you safe, even if that means removing myself from your life.”
A soft, stunning smile was pulling at her lips by the time I was done. “And that’s why I don’t think you would.”
My hands flexed on her hips. “You can’t know that.”
“No,” she agreed, then tapped one of her hands lightly against my chest. “But when you’re alone, the only real danger is to yourself and your apartment. I think a part of you would know you weren’t alone and wouldn’t want to hurt me. Besides,” she added, her smile shifting into something playful, “I’m fairly confident I could wake you up.”
I gave her a look that said she shouldn’t be so sure. “You don’t know what you’d be up against.”
“I’ve taken you down once before, and that was on accident.”
“That was me off guard,” I said in low warning before repeating, “You don’t know what you’d be up against.”
“Then tell me how to wake you up,” she pled softly, never once losing that light in her eyes.
And I didn’t want her to.
Lifting one of my hands, I brushed her hair away from her face and secured my hand at the back of her neck. “This isn’t something we have to worry about right now,” I told her. “I don’t plan on sleeping with you anytime soon. Not for any of the reasons your mind comes up with,” I hurried to add before her insecurities could rise.
Even though I shouldn’t have found out the way I did, I knew Chloe’s entire romantic history because of the case we were working. I knew Vance had gaslighted her into sleeping with him when she’d wanted to avoid that until she was married. I wouldn’t be another regret for her.
And with us leaving this house, I had no reason to be anywhere near a bed with her.
“You didn’t sleep last night,” she suddenly realized. “I asked if you had this morning.”
The corner of my mouth twitched. “Couldn’t risk it.”
Her body seemed to sag. “What were you gonna do? Not sleep the entire week?”
“If that’s what it took,” I said without hesitation.
“Adam—”
“It’s fine,” I told her. “I’m fine. I’ve gone days without sleep before. And as for us—” Chloe jolted at the urgent banging against the door, but I knew before Rush ever ground out, “ Thatch ,” who it was.
And I knew it wasn’t good.
I took one last look at Chloe before saying, “It’s open,” as I released her to look expectantly at where the door was flinging open.
“We gotta go,” Rush was saying before he was even in the room. “Pack, and let’s head out. All of us,” he said firmly, as if he hadn’t already figured out that I didn’t plan on letting Chloe go anywhere without me.
I glanced at Chloe over my shoulder and nodded toward her bag before looking at Rush, but he was watching her too, and he looked nervous. “What changed?”
He blew out a heavy breath through his nose before focusing on me. “Think we should talk out there,” he finally said.
There wasn’t any arguing with Rush; he was second after Briggs. So, I followed him out of the room without question, shutting the door behind me as we went.
“Have a feeling we’re not going to Aruba,” I muttered as we took a handful of steps away, then folded my arms over my chest when he rounded on me.
“How much does Chloe know?” he asked. Without waiting for me to ask what exactly he was talking about, he added, “About the Wreckers and what Vance is doing—all of it.”
“What you just said,” I told him with a shrug. “All of it. I told her everything we know.”
He drew in a slow breath but released it quickly. “Gray called Briggs,” he began, his tone somber. “That teacher Vance started seeing just a few weeks ago?”
My stomach dropped before he could say it.
“She ‘quit’ Friday, according to the resignation that was submitted this morning.”
“Does Gray have eyes on her?” I asked quickly, somehow already knowing he wouldn’t and feeling physically sick over how colossally we’d messed up by trying to keep Chloe, Lainey, and Kaia safe—over how we’d failed someone else .
“He only found out about the resignation after he saw her social media post from this morning,” Rush informed me.
A curse ripped from me as I turned, my hands driving through my hair and gripping tight before I faced Rush again. “She’s gone?”
“‘Left to take care of her sick mother,’” he quoted meaningfully, forcing another curse from me.
She didn’t have a sick mom. She didn’t have a living mom at all.
“Pack,” Rush commanded. “Everyone’s headed home.”
A desperate laugh tumbled from me. “Right where they want the girls. They did this because we took them—Chloe, at least. Vance wanted her to go back,” I reminded him.
“We’ll take care of it.”
My head moved in a jumbled mess of shakes and nods as I started backing away. “I will,” I vowed darkly before stalking to the bedroom.
Once I was in there, I quickly erased the distance to Chloe and drew her to me without thinking. Capturing her lips and kissing her like I needed her to breathe.
As if she sensed my fear, she matched the fierce kiss and clung to me just as tightly. Giving just as much as I gave until my blood was pounding in my veins, demanding I keep her safe. Demanding I stop the threat to her.
“Promise me something,” I begged against her lips. “When the time comes, you won’t stop me from what I have to do to Owen Vance.”
Her eyes widened as she reared back, her grip on my forearms tightening. “What—wait, what ? What do you mean?”
“For what he did to you—the way he manipulated you and everything he forced you into—I would’ve destroyed him.” I brushed my thumb along her jaw, my own twitching as something dark and sure passed through me. “For what he still plans to do to you, I’m gonna enjoy it.”