Chapter Sixteen
Calling my agent when things go wrong is part of her job description, right?
Getting under my skin isn’t easy. I’ve had years of practice keeping my smile on through tough times.
Like when my dad jumped ship and left me to take care of my mother and newborn sister.
Or when I moved across the country, leaving behind my friends, family, and the woman I loved.
Or every time Jon spoke to me as if I were a child.
I’m too aware of the familiar squeak her front door lets out, and I wilt into the hotel’s comforter as her voice fills the room. Did I disrupt something important? A date?
Please don’t let her have been on a date.
“Sorry,” she breathes, returning to the phone.
“No, I’m sorry for interrupting whatever you’re doing. I shouldn’t have called. I’m sorry for bothering—”
“Stop it, Cade. You can call anytime you need me.” The words are simple, but they hit me like a punch, forcing the air out of my lungs. “Where are you?”
“The hotel.” After rushing out of media, I battled Seattle’s windstorm and walked back before Rio could stop me. Marcus, Dawson, and a few others have knocked on my door, but I couldn’t answer. I’ve been too busy reading every headline about me.
Golden boy can’t take the heat? Maybe he should get out of the kitchen.
This can’t be the same golden boy who never loses his cool.
Golden boy Owens isn’t looking so golden.
“Cade?” Shay’s voice is cautious, as if she’s worried I might break into a million pieces. “What happened during media?”
A dry laugh slips out as I open another article. “Didn’t you see the stories? The video?”
“No. That’s perfectly constructed bullshit. I want you to tell me what happened.”
“Video call?” I ask, fully expecting her to say no. But the chime in my ear surprises me, and I wait for the woman of my dreams to fill the screen.
There’s no word to describe how seeing Shay makes me feel, but if I had to choose one, it’s calming. Braids cascade down her shoulders, face brightened by what I assume is her laptop screen, but it’s the puke-green color of her shirt that brings me out of my daze.
I choke on a laugh. “Why does your shirt say Go Boogers?”
Espresso eyes shine. “Because my teammates are silly. It’s the team’s secondary name. The one the preprofessional soccer league doesn’t know about.”
The smile slips off my face. “I didn’t know you were still playing.”
“I’m not.” Pain dances across her tight features. “Not anymore.”
Our words once flowed freely. Now, it’s like pulling teeth to learn things about her.
“Is it okay if I ask why you stopped?”
“No, but honesty strengthens partnerships.” She sighs.
“When I started working full-time for Permian, I had to. I didn’t play for long, but it was nice to be back on the field for a little bit.
More than anything, I loved supporting my teammates on their journeys to the pro league.
” Her laugh is sad. “I miss it, but it was for the best.”
“You’ve always been good with athletes. Especially ones with a lot of emotions who don’t know how to express them properly.”
Her half smile tilts. “Guess I picked the right job then, huh?”
“Sure did.” My skin buzzes from the ease between us. “Do you think you’ll play again?”
The smile vanishes. “No. Like baseball is your life, being an agent is mine. There are things we have to sacrifice in order to have everything we dreamed of, you know? It’s hard but I’ll survive. We will survive.”
I don’t think survival is the way I want to live anymore. I’m tired of treading water and barely being able to keep my head up. I might not know what just being is yet, but I want to learn.
“I know you’re a pro when it comes to deflecting, but I’m not giving you a pass tonight,” Shay says. It’s harsh but true, and her honesty is appreciated. “What happened tonight?”
I’m met with silence as she waits for me to speak. She has always given me space, waiting for me to open up and tell her what’s going through my head. The problem was that I didn’t hold up my side of the bargain.
I’ve been replaying the moment I walked away from the microphone since I stormed out. After a tough loss, they only wanted answers about Jon. I gritted my teeth as the reporters refused to take no for an answer, listing every accolade I’d accomplished with Jon by my side.
Then Scott Asshole, or whatever his name is, asked that question.
“He said something about you.”
Shay’s eyes widen. “Me?”
“You should watch the video. I’d rather not repeat it.”
It’s circulating on every sports app right now, considering this is my first public blow up. Hearing Shay’s name come out of his mouth in that sour tone sent me into a frenzy.
“Do you think having a female agent is making you less focused on the game? Turner’s definitely a looker. I’m sure I’d be distracted if she were my agent, and I’m curious if you believe she’s helping or harming your game.”
“Cade.” Shay finally says when the video ends. “You didn’t.”
I rub my temple with my free hand. “I did.”
She closes her laptop and stares at me. “You told Scott Butts”—I knew it was close to asshole—“the top sports journalist for the Carolina Sidelines, that he was, and I quote, ‘a misogynistic prick who needs to learn some respect’? And instead of saying ‘go fuck yourself’, you told him to—”
“Suck my big toe. Just in case Violet saw it.” I sigh, suddenly full of shame. “I know that was wrong but—”
A laugh, a real Shay laugh cuts me off. I watch in awe as she throws her head back, giving me a perfect view of her slender neck.
It’s been so long since the boisterous sound was aimed at me.
More precious than any jewel or gem, and I want to bottle it and keep it with me wherever I go.
I wish there weren’t thousands of miles separating us so I could revel in this type of joy face to face.
I may have to pay a hefty fine and lose my golden boy reputation, but I couldn’t care less.
“Oh god. I’m so sorry.” She wipes her eyes. “As your agent, I know that shouldn’t be funny, but I’ve never seen this side of you.”
I want to laugh with her, but I’m still seething. “If you were a guy, he never would’ve asked that question. Treating you like you’re less capable and more distracting because you’re a woman? Commenting on your looks and not your talents?”
Something shifts behind her eyes. “It’s part of life, Cade. My life. It’s—”
An ugly noise rolls out of me. “If you say it’s okay for men to deem you as below them because you don’t have a dick, I’m going to get on a plane, come home, and force you to listen to me until you understand nothing about that is okay.
It’s not okay for anyone to treat you like that because you’re a woman in sports.
And I better not hear you apologize for being in this space.
If anyone was meant to be here, it’s you. ”
Pretty lips part as she stares at me. The Wi-Fi must’ve disconnected. I roll to the opposite side of the bed in hopes the signal will get better and lie against the stack of fancy hotel pillows.
“Thank you,” she eventually whispers. “For standing up for me.”
I hold my pinky in front of the camera. “Nobody is going to treat you like you’re less than because you’re a woman. You’re a damn good agent. My agent.”
My Shay baby.
She doesn’t lift her pinky, but I get a real smile. “Sorry about the loss. You played well.”
I did play well, but something was missing tonight.
I’m starting to think it has been for a while now.
Baseball used to be fun. Knocking balls into the lake as Kenneth and Nan swam after them.
Learning from Jimmy, my former coach and mentor.
Hanging out at the batting cages with Shay for hours, swinging until our arms were limp.
Now, I’m at the mercy of coaches, staff, and fans who always expect my best.
“You look like you haven’t slept in days,” she says, snapping me out of my funk. “Was it the hotel bed?”
“No, I just didn’t sleep well last night.” I yawn. “These days, I rarely sleep well.”
In college, sleep always came so easily, especially when I knew I’d wake up beside Shay. After the draft, my nights were filled with Jon’s endless notes, watching film, and preparing, as if sleep wasn’t part of the athlete recovery regimen.
“That’s new.” As if she senses we’re close to talking about the past, she clears her throat.
“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, how are you feeling?
I know being in the spotlight for something negative hasn’t happened before.
” I open my mouth, but before I can answer, she holds up a hand.
“And before you give me some bullshit answer that you’re fine, and I don’t need to worry, I need you to hear me, Cade.
Sunshine doesn’t have to be the only thing you exude.
Not being okay doesn’t make you weak or less than.
It makes you human. So, I’ll ask again. How are you? ”
My immediate answer was that I’m fine. For years, I’ve lied to myself and everyone else by answering that way.
But today I’m done lying to her.
“I hate being the golden boy.” I close my eyes for a moment. “I don’t want to be him anymore, but I don’t know who I am without him.”
Then my eyes refuse to open, and I lose the battle.
“Ugh. Honesty is so damn attractive.” Shay’s laugh follows me all the way to my dreams. “Good night, Cade.”
The last thing I see and hear is her, and I know this’ll be the best sleep I’ve had in years.
Being summoned by the team manager feels like being sent to the principal’s office. Except Rio Arden is the man who chooses the line up, speaks to the front office, negotiates contracts, and makes key decisions.
I’m out of a job if I can’t keep him happy, and his cryptic text tells me he isn’t happy.
Marcus lets out a low whistle as we exit the clubhouse. “Didn’t know you had it in you, rookie. Seeing you yell at Scott was like seeing a tiger outside the zoo. Terrifying, but also fucking cool.”