2. Face-Off #3
“I missed you, big guy,” his father had said as he’d kissed Grayson’s temples. “So much. Did you miss me? Well, we’re going to have the best time, right?”
Grayson was stunned by the power of the memory. He could even smell his father’s aftershave. Spicy with a hint of warm citrus. He could remember the faint brush of whiskers on his father’s chin. He remembered resting his cheek on his father’s shoulder and feeling loved and safe and wanted.
“D-dad,” Grayson’s voice was tight and hoarse.
“Grayson, oh, my God! You can hear me! You can see me!” his father said, laughing and crying all at once. “I never thought… oh, God, I’ve waited so long to–but that doesn’t matter! I’m here. You’re here. We’re together.”
Grayson opened his mouth to say something else, but no words came. He trembled.
“Grayson, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay,” his father assured him, reaching for him, but then stopping at the last moment.
“The soul gem is granting you power to speak, but touching is unwise,” Christian broke in.
“Right. No touching. Okay, okay, I can do that,” his father said, fisting his hands at his sides. “There’s so much I want to say. So much I want to tell you. How proud I am of you.”
“Proud?” Grayson’s voice was thick. “How could you be proud? Before I came here, I was… I was nothing.”
“That’s not true.” His father shook his head. “Grayson, that’s not true.”
Grayson felt the tears running down his face. “I was on the run. I stole. I lied. I did what I had to do. And then I–I got a crap job and a small apartment and hid–”
“You did what you had to,” his father assured him. “You were just a kid. And you kept it together. You helped others. I’ve seen you do it. And Sam talks about everything you did for him.”
“Oh, Sam, I didn’t do enough for you,” Grayson said.
“You did, kid,” Sam insisted as he walked towards Grayson while giving his stepfather a very wide berth. “You were so kind to me and everyone who needed help. The streets make you hard but you kept that kindness in you.”
“I was just scared to be who I really was,” Grayson answered dully. “I’m not some scared kid. Both of you know that, right?”
Sam and his father exchanged looks. They clearly did know that. Grayson scrubbed his face, wiping the tears away, even though they still burned in his eyes.
“I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you both stuck around trying to help me,” Grayson said.
It sounded like a rehearsed speech even though he hadn’t known he was going to have to say these things before they’d arrived at the memory garden and been told of his ghosts.
“But you must also know that there is no further need for you to stay.”
Another look between Sam and his father. A knowing look as if they had anticipated him saying this.
“Because you’re the Immortal Ashyr?” his father asked.
“Exactly.” Grayson nodded. “This life is but a moment in time for me. It is nothing. I mean…”
“You’re a powerful, important person,” his father said. “You’re the General. People depend upon you to keep them safe. People who are powerful in their own right. Far stronger than Sam and I… even before we died. And they look to you for leadership and protection so why would you need us?”
Grayson winced. “You’re both very brave and strong in your own ways. I don’t want you to think otherwise. And I am beyond touched that you’ve stayed for me, but I know that this isn’t what you should be doing. You should be moving on. Starting new lives or going beyond.”
“Because you’re just fine without us,” his father filled in.
“I… yes, I am. I…”
Another memory came to him of running on chubby legs to his father in the yard.
There was a sprinkler. Both of them were in swim trunks.
His father was showing him how to jump over the sprinkler.
The sun was bright and shining. The water was cool and refreshing.
They’d both been laughing. He’d never laughed so hard as his father got sprayed in the face by accident when he hadn’t realized the sprinkler was turning back towards him.
His dad had laughed too and chased him around the yard. He shook the memory away.
“I can understand why you don’t want to remember this life, Grayson,” Sam said, fidgeting with his hands like he did when he was nervous and wanted a drink.
“Most of it was pretty ugly for you. Who would want to remember that? Even think about that? Especially when you’re someone important and special like you are?
Plenty of other memories to keep you busy if you want to remember anything at all. ”
Grayson’s throat felt tight again. “You–you made it better, Sam. You did your best.”
“My best wasn’t very good,” Sam said goodnaturedly. “Your dad was taken from you really early, but he made every day count with you.”
Grayson remembered his dad putting him on his lap in the car, letting him pretend to drive.
Then there was another memory of when he was sick and his father reading to him until he was hoarse as Grayson couldn’t sleep due to his fever.
There was yet another memory of him helping Grayson learn to tie his shoes.
Something about a bunny going around a tree and then down a hole?
Grayson had giggled, loving watching his father tell him that story again and again even though he’d figured out how to tie his shoes the week before.
Grayson’s hands were trembling as they went to his temples.
“I… I know,” Grayson said weakly. “But I can’t… I can’t…”
“You don’t want to remember because it hurts and you think you can just move on,” Sam said sorrowfully. “I wish it worked that way, Grayson. Your dad does too.”
“I don’t want you in pain, Grayson,” his father said. “I so don’t want you in pain.”
“I’m… I’m… not. I…” Grayson sank down onto his haunches.
“I admit that I don’t want to leave you,” his father said. “We got such a short time together and it wasn’t fair.”
Grayson shaded his face with one hand. “No, it wasn’t.”
“But I didn’t stay for me or just for me,” his father said, getting down in front of him. So close, but so far. “What you went through in this life maybe should be small compared to everything you’ve experienced and gone through.”
“But it isn’t,” Sam added.
“It isn’t,” his father agreed.
Grayson wanted to howl. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. It was pain, but also anger and loss and… and he didn’t know. The emotions were so huge. They were like the tidal wave that he’d created.
“So I want to help you to handle this,” his father continued. “Your mom and I are still here. With you. And you can talk to both of us and we can help–”
“No.”
Grayson shot upwards and turned his back.
He was shaking. He realized then that he had picked out a ton of memories of his father, but he’d not allowed himself to remember any with his mother.
Not of the three of them together, though that should have been the majority of his memories, or of him and his mom alone afterwards. He wouldn’t even picture her face.
“Why, Grayson?” his father asked.
Grayson just shook his head. “There’s no need to go over all of this. It’s a blip of time. It’s not important.”
For the first time, his stepfather spoke and that voice caused other memories to rise up, “Your son is one cold motherfucker.”
Grayson’s back went rigid.
“Don’t speak to him! Don’t you dare!” his father hissed.
“What are you and the old drunk going to do about it?” his stepfather laughed. “Nothing! You can’t do anything to me!”
Grayson slowly turned around. He faced the man he had killed. One of many. But the first in this life. The one death that had shattered his world in this life.
“They might not be able to, but he can.” Grayson pointed at Christian.
His stepfather smirked. Actually, smirked. Grayson’s rage rose. Could he tear soul particles apart? Was there anything physical about this bastard that he could just rip into pieces?
But it was Christian’s reaction that had his blood running cold instead of hot. The young man went stiff as a board. His silver eyes narrowed and glowed softly.
“We have a problem. A big problem,” Christian said.
“What?” Grayson asked.
His stepfather’s soul was suddenly being pulled to Christian as if the young man had the Ashyr power. His stepfather struggled against it, but he could do nothing. Christian faced him eye to eye.
“He sometimes haunts your mother, too. He was there earlier tonight,” Christian said. “And he’s seen Roan near her house.”