Chapter 18
Loche
Ilooked over to see Ever in the passenger seat, staring out the window of my SUV, watching the occasional billboard or road sign go by.
She’d been quiet all day when we’d loaded the car at the office with the trial boxes and other gear we were taking to the hotel with us to set up in the courtroom.
Was she missing V? Had the progress she’d made with me as myself faded away?
Or had I done something to upset her? The silence was deafening.
“There are snacks in that canvas bag in the back seat if you want any of them. Granola bars, pretzels. I think I may even have some animal crackers in there?”
“You know you’re a grown ass man, right?” Just hearing her voice eased some of the tension I’d been feeling since we pulled out of the parking structure and got on the road.
“So I’ve been told. The last time I checked, there wasn’t an age limit listed on the bag. I even sprung for the frosted ones.”
“Those are the best ones,” Ever whispered, involuntarily.
“Right? Only serial killers eat the plain ones.” I cringed, looking over at Ever at the same time she looked over at me, both of us breaking out into a grin.
“That’s dark, Greene.”
“Like my cold, dead heart, Nevermore.”
From the corner of my eye, I could see her watching me. She wanted to say something but was holding back.
“Funny story. I recently discovered that my pet turtle is a girl.”
“How did you figure that out?”
“I did a quick search on my phone.”
I was a deer in the headlights, unsure of where this was heading.
One thing was certain: I was no good at living a double life, having to keep track of all the information Loche knew that V wouldn’t, and vice versa.
How men had secret families they were able to keep secret from their wives for years, I would never know. This was fucking torture.
“Are you going to keep the name Vinny?”
“Yeah. I mean, Vinny knows that name, and to change it now would probably just confuse her. Besides, I patted myself on the back for a week after I came up with that name. I don’t think I could come up with another, let alone make it a feminine-sounding one.”
“What about Patti LaShell?”
“Fuck, that was fast. Were you keeping that one under your hat, waiting for the perfect moment?”
“No, it just came to me. My brain is useful sometimes.”
Ever paused without taking her eyes off of me as though she wanted to gauge my reaction to what she was going to ask me next. “How did you know Vinny was a female turtle?”
And there it was. A slip of the tongue, and Ever had a piece of the puzzle.
“I don’t know that I actually did know that. It just came out.” And there was another lie to add to the hundreds of lies I’d already told Ever, either directly or implicitly.
“It came out pretty confidently.”
“I’m a guy. I was born with an unjustifiably high level of confidence.”
Ever chuckled. “Can’t argue with you there.”
I watched her out of my peripheral vision, hoping there would be no further follow-up questions.
As far as evidence that I was V, a slip of the tongue about the turtle’s gender and a pair of red shoes were far from damning.
But Ever’s brain would catalog these slips, keep them locked away with all the other fuckups from me.
Ever turned and reached behind her seat to retrieve the small canvas snack bag, pulling out the bag of animal crackers and opening it.
She took out a pink frosted elephant and proceeded to bite its head off.
“I forgot how good the frosted ones could be,” she groaned, an almost orgasmic groan that got my dick’s attention.
Great. Just what I wanted. A boner while behind the wheel of a car.
I quickly tried to recover the images of Nix walking around our apartment naked to combat my burgeoning erection, but even Nix’s pierced dick was no match for the catalyst of my erection sitting next to me, periodically making sex noises.
At this rate, my cock would be taking the wheel and driving for me.
But then the heavens opened up and smiled on me in the form of Ever’s cell phone ringing, which made her close the bag of animal crackers and set it down on the floor.
“Please tell me Vinny is still alive,” she answered the phone, telling me it must be her friend Katy calling. “Oh, thank god. No, I’m not overreacting. You’ll understand when you’re a mom. Yes, a turtle counts as a child. What? Oh, you’ll get over it. Yes, I’m being so for real now.”
Ever turned her head to face me, rolling her eyes. “She’s too afraid to touch Vinny’s dried flies,” she whisper-said.
“I’m talking to Loche.” Ever’s face turned red, and I never wished harder to hear a conversation more in my life.
“Uh, yeah. So, if you aren’t woman enough to touch the flies, you can just pour a couple in the aquarium, but be careful not to dump the whole container in there because Vinny will eat them all.
Jesus. I’m not fat-shaming my turtle. I’m just looking out for her.
Yes, Vinny is a her. It’s been a whole thing.
I’ll tell you later. Wait. What do you mean Vinny peed on Jesus? ”
I couldn’t hold back the laugh at the absurdity of the conversation. Ever and Katy couldn’t be more different if they tried. A fact I observed as a casual observer at Katy’s party.
“Why are you reading pamphlets on the Catholic church?” Ever threw her head back against the seat like a parent who’d just found out their kid had broken a window while doing something they’d been told a million times not to do.
“Not this again. I thought we talked about this. Yeah, he’s hot, but he’s also taken by the Lord.
Look, Katy, I need to get going. Love you, too. Bye.”
Ever ended the call, dropping the phone in her lap. “Would you happen to have any hot friends I can set my friend up with so she gets a grip?”
I have two, actually, but there’s no way in hell I’m doing that to Katy.
“Not that I can think of.”
“What about that roommate of yours?”
“Nix? No, I wouldn’t recommend Nix. He’s a decent guy, but he’s not ready for someone like Katy.”
“Yeah, well, neither was I. But here I am. She’s so stuck on a guy she can’t have, and she’s driving me nuts. A priest of all people.”
Malachi?
“We always want what we can’t have, right?”
“What?” I glanced over at Ever. “What do you mean?”
“Katy and the priest. She only wants him because he’s off limits. At least that’s what I think.”
“Oh. Right.”
Ever picked up her phone and began typing out a message to whom I assumed was Katy, but the slight vibration in my coat pocket told me it wasn’t Katy she was texting.
I hadn’t expected her to text V while we were gone.
We were a little over halfway through our drive, and my gas gauge had started to dip low, so when we came across the next gas station, I took my opportunity and pulled in.
“I need gas. I’d use the restroom now if I were you, as there may not be too many more places to stop until we get to our hotel.”
Ever nodded. “I think I will.”
I placed the nozzle in the gas tank, positioning the lever to keep the gas flowing as I removed my burner phone from my pocket.
Just wanted to let you know I’m wearing that pair of panties you sent me.
Wait a minute. I sent Ever two pairs of panties. The replacement pair and—Holy shit. Did she mean THAT pair of panties?
I looked behind me to make sure she wasn’t on her way back out before logging into the app and finding the panties I’d bought and registered for her.
If she was in fact wearing the vibrating panties, I now had the ability to activate them at my fingertips.
Was this what it felt like to have unlimited power?
To be Lex Luther or Emperor Palpatine? Jesus, no wonder the villains seemed to have all the fun.
Ever emerged from the store, and I shoved the phone back inside my pocket, returning the nozzle to the pump. This ride just got a whole lot more interesting.
When we got back on the road, Ever sat in silence with her phone in her hand, occasionally glancing down at it, probably awaiting a response from V after that text she sent.
She excelled at poking the bear and taking the punishment that came with it with a smile on her face.
My actual phone was resting in view of Ever, which I’d done purposely because I can’t text her on a phone I didn’t have in my hands.
With the burner phone firmly tucked inside my pocket, I held a finger hovered over the button that would prove whether Ever was full of shit or a glutton for sexual punishment.
We’d traveled about ten miles down the road when I decided to find out which one it was, letting my finger tap the button.
Ever suddenly jolted upright in her seat, her phone falling to the floor at the same time, when what could only be described as a gasp fell from her lips.
Well. Well. Well.
“Everything okay?” I asked, fighting like hell to keep a grin off my face.
“Mmhmm.” She picked her phone up from the floor, relaxing in her seat. “Just a—leg cramp.”
“A leg cramp? Do you need me to pull over so you can walk it off?”
“No. It’s gone now. All good.”
“Wow. That passed quickly.”
“Yes. Genes. Good genes.”
I suppressed a laugh, watching as she settled back, frantically tapping something out on her phone. In my pocket, the burner phone vibrated. How I would give my right nut to be able to read her message right now.
Let’s turn things up a notch, shall we? My finger tapped the button not once but twice.
“Oh, God,” Ever moaned, arching her back against the seat. Her legs shook as she moved.
“Cramping again?”
“What? Uh, yeah. Yup.”