Chapter 25
25
HOPE
Wrapped in Wyatt’s hoodie and a blanket, I hold my morning coffee in two hands while I watch the sunrise from my front porch.
We sat with everyone, until eventually, Shane’s mom returned to the waiting room, leaving Violet to stay with Shane alone. Evan was curled up across two seats, asleep, and I figured it was time to head home. I left my number with Cassia and asked her to pass it on so I could be kept up to date. Evan and I stumbled through the door, said goodnight to each other, and disappeared into our respective bedrooms, exhausted.
I can’t stop thinking about how Shane saved Jasmine’s life. Even though I was exhausted last night, I couldn’t sleep because my brain wouldn’t shut down.
He was so angry that he survived the bomb blast when Wyatt didn’t. He felt that his life was somehow worth less than Wyatt’s because he didn’t have a wife and child waiting at home for him. I know there were dark times for Shane—times when he didn’t want to survive. Times I completely understood, because if it hadn’t been for Evan, I think I would have given up on this life to be with Wyatt.
But now I’m wondering if he was meant to survive for a reason. And maybe that reason was to be here to save Jas.
Shaking my head, I lift my coffee to my lips and drink, savoring the warmth as it slides down my throat. If I consider there was a reason Shane survived, then I also have to consider there was a reason Wyatt didn’t, and that’s too difficult to contemplate. I refuse to accept any reason would be good enough to take him away from us. But I can’t deny the idea that Shane was meant to be here.
A shiver works its way up my spine, and I shudder as I look out across the street, noting the glint of the rising sun off the windows of the houses opposite us. Glancing upward, I suck in a sharp breath at the beautiful purplish-pink shades stretching across the sky. I didn’t notice colors after Wyatt first died. I didn’t notice the color of the flowers—or how green the grass was. I didn’t see the changing colors of the seasons, and I completely missed changes in Evan because I was too entrenched in my grief.
Now, I realize it’s important to appreciate the little things—the changes and shifts caused by the passing of time and the beauty in the world around me. I promise myself to pay more attention to Evan and to never miss another milestone.
As I pull into the hospital parking lot, I glance at Evan in the rearview mirror. “Remember, we can’t stay too long or you’ll be late for soccer practice, and you need to be there to show Ben what to do.”
He nods. “Yeah, I know.”
Imagine my surprise when Evan called Ben to ask him if he could coach the team at practice tonight because Shane’s in the hospital. He did it without consulting me while I was busy finishing the gardening I didn’t get to on Saturday.
We climb out of the car and walk inside, searching for the room number Violet sent me yesterday.
“It’s here, Mom.” Evan steps through the door, and I follow close behind. “Shane!” he calls as he closes the distance to the bed.
I glance around quickly, hoping Evan hasn’t disturbed anyone, then my eyes land on Shane. It’s weird seeing him lying prone and being still. He’s always active, needing to do something to keep busy.
Shane smiles at Evan. “Hey, big guy.”
Evan studies the giant of a man, tracing his eyes over every part of him with concern, even though he’s covered with a sheet and cotton blanket. “Hey.”
Shane tips his chin toward me. “Hey, how are you doing?”
“Better than you,” I say as I step closer to his bed. Now that I’ve finally seen him with my own eyes, my heart finally slows to a normal rhythm.
He shrugs. “Yeah, well … better me than Jas.”
“While we were waiting to hear if you were going to be okay, Jasmine told us all about how you saved her from a rattlesnake.” I lean down to kiss his bristly cheek. “You did good,” I tell him.
He shrugs again like it’s no big deal he saved Jasmine’s life. “Better me than her,” he repeats.
I agree with a nod. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it all.” I bite my bottom lip because I’m not sure how to say what I want to say. I can’t even believe I’m going to say the words. “And I was thinking … maybe …” I glance at Evan, then study Shane’s face closely. “Maybe you were meant to survive the blast so you were here to save Jasmine’s life,” I say on a shaky breath.
His face pales to an unhealthy shade and, after a moment, he nods sharply, then turns toward Evan with his usual stoic expression in place. “Sorry I can’t make it to practice this afternoon.”
Evan’s been worried about how Shane would feel when he found out that Ben was going to take his place as coach while he’s unable. He looks down at the floor. “That’s okay. Ben said he’d help, even though he doesn’t know anything about soccer. He said I could tell him what you usually do, and I could be his assistant coach.” I know he doesn’t want to hurt Shane’s feelings, but he’s so excited Ben’s coming to practice.
“Who’s Ben?” Shane asks as he glances between me and Evan. I shuffle on my feet and adjust the strap of my purse on my shoulder. I’ve been pushing Shane away, determined to be independent, and now here we are telling him that someone else is going to take his place. I swallow, suddenly uncomfortable with the discussion.
“He’s the police officer that … you know,” Evan says, dropping his eyes to the floor as pink stains his cheeks.
Shane’s eyes flick between me and Evan for a few moments, then his lips slowly spread, forming a wide grin. Crinkles form around the corners of his eyes, and he genuinely seems happy. He musses Evan’s short hair. “That’s great. Please thank him for me, and if he gets stuck, he can give me a call.”
Evan’s head snaps up and his wide eyes land on Shane. “You’re not mad?”
Shane chuckles. It’s a foreign sound coming from him. He’s normally such a stoic man, but I love the sound of his happiness. It’s exactly what I’ve wanted for him. It’s what he deserves. “Why would I be mad? I’m grateful he can step in to help.”
Evan blows out a relieved breath, and his shoulders relax. Then he grins as he looks up at Shane. “He said he can help out as long as you need, provided he’s not working.” He moves in closer and whispers, “I was worried it would hurt your feelings. I’m glad you’re not mad. Ben’s really cool.”
I smile to myself and chuckle. “Ben and Evan have become fast friends, but I think Evan loves Ben’s police dog, Rex, more than he loves Ben.”
“Well … Rex is pretty cool.”
Violet walks in with a tray of drinks and snacks, closely followed by Shane’s best friend and boss, Toby Summer. I can’t believe how down to earth the guy is considering he’s a world-famous rock star. When we met him the other night, he was so warm and friendly to Evan and me.
We all say hello, and it’s plain to see how happy Shane is to see Violet. However, I can’t miss the tension that seems to snap between him and Toby, and I wonder what’s happened between them to cause such disharmony.
“All right, Ev. We need to get moving if we want to be on time for practice.” I lean down and kiss Shane’s cheek. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“Me too,” he whispers, and I know he really means it. A part of me settles knowing he’s going to be okay—and not just from the snakebite, but in general. He’s found his place, and he’s finally happy. Wyatt would be thrilled for his friend.
I say goodbye to Violet and Toby, offering my help if they need it, then hook my arm around Evan’s shoulders and lead him out of the room.