8. Ascension #4
And Reyna couldn't be happier to see her best friend's dream continue on, in the care of someone that would always put the animals first before protocol.
? 1979 / CYCLE 489 | EMBERKIND CV-0417, SECTOR CASSIA ?
The nightmares started three months after Jere left, which was over a year after Elena disappeared, and that was roughly the amount of time it took for Reyna to stop expecting either of them to come back.
The nightmare was always the same. She was on the bridge while it was empty. Every console was dark, every station looked abandoned, covered in dust, rust, and decay. The wide viewscreen at the front showing nothing but the flat, uninflected black of space. It was even missing the stars.
Reyna stood in the center, next to the Captain's console, and called out the names of the two people she missed desperately.
Elena first, and then Jere. Occasionally, she would even call out Vessi's name.
But when they didn't respond, she began to call out names even she didn't recognize.
Perhaps they were names of those that hadn't arrived in her life yet, or maybe they were names of people she would love and lose again in her future, and be stuck calling for them in the dark, too.
But there would never be an answer, from anyone.
She would be met with absolute and complete silence and the bridge would stay empty.
And yet, the silence would have weight, as though the more names she called, the more it pressed in from every direction, filling the room, rising up through her chest and into her throat until she felt as though she were drowning in a room with no crew and no sound except her own desperate, raspy voice calling out names of those she knew were never coming back.
After the first nightmare, she woke at 0300 with her hand pressed to her sternum as her breathing sucked air in and out of her lungs, as though she had been running around the ship without stopping.
It was clear she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, not after something so intense. So, she got up, put on her casual clothes, and began to walk the corridors of the Emberkind. And this is how it went on.
The first night, Reyna found Borran in his kitchen at 0300. Reyna began to wonder if Borran ever slept because she always found him in his kitchen, no matter the time of the day's cycle.
She walked in to ask him just that when he put a cup of something warm on the counter in front of where she stood. She looked over at him, and his eyes looked softly down on her.
"Drink," he said. "You'll feel better."
It was just like Borran to know what she needed without having to say a damn word.
She smiled at him, the fear and anxiety from her nightmare beginning to wear off.
She sat at the counter and drank her drink.
They didn't speak, but that was okay, because in this type of silence, she knew she wasn't alone.
But the nightmares didn't stop. They became a part of her she wanted nothing to do with but could do nothing about.
Often, she would wake from that same nightmare, breathing heavily, her chest tight, her muscles taut.
And she'd get up, dress in her casuals, and roam the ship.
Occasionally she went into Borran's kitchen, and he was always there waiting for her.
But sometimes, she wanted to sit with her own thoughts, even though she was alone.
The best place for her to find that was the same place Torvax gave to her every morning before rounds.
In the Observation Room, she could watch the extraordinary movement of space outside the Emberkind, remembering that so much went on outside of their little ship in the middle of the universe.
And, though she was hurting and scared and missing certain people more than she ever thought possible, the view out the wrap-around windows of that room reminded her that time does move on, whether you want it to or not.
There may be parts of her life that she wouldn't get back, people she'd learn to keep in her heart for the rest of her life when they were no longer around.
But that was okay. However long it took her to work through her pain and nightmares and grief would just have to be okay, no matter what she changed in her life to accomplish that.
She was afraid of being the only one left.
But, in her reality, she had lived through it.
Between their trio, she was the only one who remained.
So she decided to manage that fear by getting up in the morning, going on her rounds and making it to the bridge, and ensuring, every single day, that the consoles were lit, the stations were manned, and the people meant to be there were present and accounted for.
Decades from now, Kess would tell her that was the most unhealthy and horrific outlook to have at this time in her life. And Reyna would believe her then.
But right now, it was what Reyna needed, what she had to tell herself to be able to move forward, do her job as Captain, and keep the mission going.
Because, if she couldn't get her people back, then she'd ensure their legacy continued on in the Emberkind's work. And that promise she would never break.
? 1980-1985 / CYCLE 490-495 | VARIOUS LOCATIONS ?
A pattern began with Reyna that some would frown upon. And, truthfully, Reyna thought to herself that she wished she could have more than what became. But, her mind and heart could only do so much. And so, when the Emberkind docked at stations or ports, Reyna would sometimes find company.
The pattern was at least few and far between, and it was never out of desperation.
She had witnessed and been told how some captains pursued connection after years in deep space with the chaotic energy of someone who was trying to outrun loneliness, arriving at the same place no matter how fast they moved.
Reyna was not like that. It would happen unexpectedly.
A woman at a port bar who had interesting opinions about Coalition environmental policy, their discussion invigorating and dynamic.
Or a fellow captain at a fleet coordination who laughed at Reyna's dry humor, not trying to decode the reasons behind it.
It was always the company of someone who felt comfortable and connected to her for an evening.
But most importantly, would not require Reyna to unlock any of the doors she'd sealed around her heart.
Reyna was always kind, respectful, and present.
She enjoyed every moment she was with another woman, and never experienced a time where boundaries were crossed or they parted on bad terms. It provided Reyna connection in the only way she could muster, and even helped her make a few long-term friends along the way across the universe.
And when the Emberkind did undock and the stars outside the ship replaced the station lights, she returned to the bridge and her duties, and went another few years or so before it would happen again. And she was fine with that.
Kess was the only one that noticed because she regularly conducted physicals on the entire staff, including Reyna.
To keep her safe and healthy, Kess was able to convince Reyna to tell her, and from the first time onward, she always made sure to have Reyna come in for a blood panel when they returned to their missions.
And gratefully, every time, Kess would always tell her the truth. "Your stress markers are within acceptable parameters, Captain."
"Thank you." And Kess would look at her, letting her know not to worry.
But this pattern wasn't who Reyna was. She was the same woman who had fallen in love with Vessi but chose Elena and Jere and the Emberkind above her because that was a deeper love.
Reyna wanted to fall in love, find a partner, and be connected to another soul for the rest of her life. She knew she had been capable of it.
But now...
The stops-in-ports were her armor, not her identity.
A woman who had lost her captain, her best friend, and her partner in the span of a year.
And to catch all that came from that, her mind and body had decided, somewhere beneath the level of conscious thought, that the safest number of people to let into her heart from here on out was zero.
? 1989 / CYCLE 499 | EMBERKIND CV-0417, SECTOR AUREL ?
Near the end of last cycle before entering Cycle 500 under Coalition dating, the Emberkind had fully become Reyna's. Over ten years as Captain, a crew she knew better than some of their family members, and a group of good people surrounding her to keep the mission alive.
She sat in the Captain's chair every day for twelve years.
Her body knew its shape now and her hands could find the console controls in the dark if she needed to (and she had a few times).
Her voice belonged in the bridge carried across the ship with the authority of a woman who knew her place, had earned the right to be listened to by those who depended on her, and took such care with her ship and crew that there was no doubt from anyone that Captain Solas was the heart of the Emberkind.
The crew functioned and rescue missions proceeded with incredible efficiency that Reyna demanded and Torvax conducted, as well as the care Elena had envisioned.
The Habitat Wing alone thrived under Selowen's attention, expanding to accommodate new species every cycle.
Torvax ran the bridge with precision that Reyna trusted without doubt any more.
Kess ran the medical bay with a thoroughness that the crew appreciated as, considering the whole crew, they were the healthiest in the Coalition under Kess's care, and Reyna found exactly right.
And Borran continued to feed everyone, expressing opinions that he only communicated through portion sizes and seasonings.