Chapter 13 #2
Livvi, who made me laugh with just a single arched brow, who got under my skin without even trying.
Livvi, who I couldn’t stop thinking about when I was supposed to be focused on swimming or making the Olympic team or literally anything else.
Livvi, who I was beginning to not have to pretend with either.
The crazy part was, the connection wasn’t all that different. With Livvi, I wanted to be near her every second, to pull her into my orbit and not let her go. With ReadToLiv, she already was in my orbit, steady and constant, pulling truths out of me I didn’t even know I was capable of saying.
And yet, somehow, the feelings were spilling over into each other. How could I crave them both?
It wasn’t fair—to either of them. Because sooner or later, I’d have to face it.
And the thought of making that choice, of potentially hurting either one, was enough to make a sharp pang lance through me.
Equally as bad, the idea of having to choose at all seemed impossible—as if any decision would shatter something precious in both directions.
My shoulders tightened without me realizing it, and my stomach churned with a mix of anxiety and longing.
My fingers itched to type, to say something to one of them, to try and untangle the knot of emotions twisting me up from the inside.
I could feel the pulse in my temples, a steady reminder that my heart was divided, not knowing how to resolve it.
I leaned back against the bench, letting out a slow, frustrated breath, hoping the morning sunlight and the hum of traffic would ground me, give me some sense of normalcy. But the more I tried to push the thoughts aside, the more insistent they became, gnawing at the edges of my mind.
I was so caught up in the turmoil of it all that I didn’t notice Ledger and Ridge coming to join me until Ledger’s voice cut through my fog.
“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” his voice sounded genuinely concerned this time, not full of his teasing like usual.
“Yeah, we thought you’d be home by now, eating your weight in eggs and oatmeal,” Ridge said, looking as concerned as Ledger sounded.
I blinked, coming back to the present, and realized just how obvious I probably looked—slouched on the bench, shirt damp from morning practice, eyes glued to my phone like it held the answers to the universe.
I forced a half smile. “I’m fine,” I said, but even I could hear my hesitation.
Ledger exchanged a knowing look with Ridge. “Uh-huh,” he said. “That’s what you said earlier, but clearly something is going on with you.”
“Is it Dad?” Ridge asked. “Is he getting in your head? You can’t listen to him, Talon. You’re so close to reaching your goal. You’re only twenty-five; you have forever to figure out your career. Swimming—”
I held up my hand to stop his pep talk. “It’s not Dad.”
Ridge’s shoulders relaxed. “Then what’s going on?”
I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to shake off the tension coiling through me. “It’s … complicated,” I admitted finally, the words tasting both bitter and liberating.
Was I really going to tell them what was going on?
It would be nice to talk it out with them, to help calm the confusion in my head.
“We’re listening,” Ledger said, setting down his bag as if he had all the time in the world to hear whatever I had to say, and I was grateful for that.
I hesitated, weighing how much to reveal.
The truth was heavy, but part of me wanted to say it, to at least confess that my head—and maybe my heart—was nowhere near “fine.” Plus, it wasn’t like they had to know exactly how I met ReadToLiv.
I’d just keep the story simple and leave out the me-being-a-secret-author part.
I definitely wasn’t ready to share that information.
I felt both the stress and the relief of speaking even a fraction of what was on my mind, though. And underneath it all, the pull of both Livvi and ReadToLiv tugged at me, reminding me just how tangled things had become.
I took a deep breath, letting the warmth of the morning sun hit my face, and tried to summarize without oversharing. “It’s … kind of a personal thing,” I said finally. “There’s someone I’ve been talking to online. We connect really well. Emotionally. Mentally. Stuff like that.”
Ledger angled his head, curious. “Online, huh? Like … a dating app?”
I laughed a little, shaking my head. “No, not like that. Just … talking. We get each other in ways that don’t really happen often. And it’s nice. But then there’s Livvi … someone I see in real life, who … well, she makes me feel like I’m not thinking straight half the time.”
Ridge whistled low, sitting down next to me. “Whoa. It’s like you’re stuck in the middle of a movie or something? Two people, both pulling at you?”
“Exactly,” I admitted, leaning back against the bench. “It’s confusing. Both of them are amazing, but in different ways. And I … I don’t know how to deal with it all.”
Ledger smirked knowingly. “Man, that sounds messy. No wonder you’re walking around like a zombie.”
I ran a hand through my hair, feeling some of the tension ease just from saying it out loud. “Yeah. And the worst part? I don’t want to hurt either of them. And the idea of having to choose … it seems impossible.”
Ledger nodded. “I can’t say I understand what you are going through, but you’ll figure it out. Just … be careful with people’s hearts—and your own.”
Ledger had his heart broken once before, years ago, and it still clung to him, so his comment didn’t surprise me.
Ridge nudged me with an elbow. “Maybe just give it some time. Things are fairly new with both of them, right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think I just needed to say it all out loud.”
Ridge grinned. “Well, consider that step one of your emotional detox. Step two? Coffee, eggs, and maybe pretending you’re fine until you actually are.”
I chuckled despite myself. “Yeah. That sounds about right.”
Even as we fell into more casual chatter about practice and upcoming workouts on our way back to our apartments, my mind kept drifting back to both Livvi and ReadToLiv.
The words I’d read, the messages I’d typed, the pull of two completely different paths—it was still there, gnawing, unrelenting, impossible to ignore.
And somehow, I had to figure out a way to navigate it without breaking anything—or anyone.