Chapter Sixteen
Mason held Ben’s hand as they walked down the corridor of the retirement home.
“Do you think Nana will remember me? I haven’t seen her in a really long time.”
“Of course, she’ll remember you. I think you’re just the person to cheer her up. She’s been a little sad lately.”
“Why?”
Because her son was a cold bastard.
“I think she’s feeling lonely.” Mason knocked on his mother’s apartment door. A middle-aged nurse with a friendly smile opened it.
“Mr. Collins, how good to see you. And this handsome young man must be your son. He looks just like you! I’m sure Mrs. Collins will be thrilled with another visitor.”
“Yes, this is my son Ben, Rita. How is Mom today?” Mason asked as they entered the apartment.
“She’s about the same as always. She’ll watch a little television in the morning, then go for a walk. She’s starting to socialize with the other residents a little more, which is a positive sign, but you still get the feeling that….”
“That she’s not completely involved?” Mason asked.
“Well, yes, but she has improved. Why don’t you both go into the sitting room and I’ll tell her that she has company. I know she’ll be happy to see her grandson.” Rita walked off.
Mason and Ben took a seat on the sofa and waited patiently for his mother to come out of her room. After several months, Mason had not made any headway with Helen Collins. She looked at him with cold eyes, not saying a word. No matter what he said to her, his words were always met with a stony silence.
After dropping Ben off after another weekend together, it occurred to him that if she didn’t respond to him, maybe she would respond to Ben.
Helen walked out of her room with a wary expression on her face. Her iron gray hair was pulled back into a tight bun, and she wore a black velour jogging suit.
Mason stood up and walked over to her, kissing her cheek in his usual greeting. She remained still. It was like kissing a marble statue. Helen didn’t respond to his greeting but walked over to Ben and sat down next to him.
He watched as his mother took Ben’s face in her hands and gave him a long stare as if she were searching for something. “Oh, Benny, it’s really you. I’ve missed you so much.” She kissed Ben and pulled the little boy in her arms. “You have gotten so big. You will be strong and handsome…like your father.” She sounded as though that was what she least hoped for.
Mason could sense her uneasiness with him there. He had hoped that by bringing Ben she would thaw a little, but she barely glanced at him, so he took a seat in the corner and watched as his mother threw a barrage of questions at Ben, who seemed to be enjoying his grandmother’s attentions.
As they chatted away, Mason again thought over the events of the past few weeks. His redemption project seemed to be moving forward fine except where his mother and Karen were concerned. In fact, he had finally been able to speak to his former housekeeper without her hanging up on him. He’d learned at last why she had left his employ and really couldn’t blame her.
Apparently, Luisa’s former babysitter quit on her and she had nowhere affordable to take her four-year-old. Of course, her employer had given her a hard time about bringing her child into his home and turned a deaf ear to her pleas.
She had only agreed to return, after some cajoling on his part and the promise of a raise for her to take her child to a proper day care center, but not before he apologized.
On the other hand, Karen was another issue. Mason had really hurt her and she wasn’t willing to forgive and forget so easily. When he had reproached her for making disparaging comments about him in front of Ben, it only served to make her angrier.
“Who the fuck are you to tell me what I should and what I shouldn’t say to my son?” she demanded.
“I’m his father.”
“Ha! It’s taken you eight years to figure that out. I’ve had to be both mother and father to him for as long as he’s been alive, so you have no right to dictate to me how I should be raising him.”
“My mistakes, although inexcusable, doesn’t give you the right to say things in front of Ben that shouldn’t be said.”
“Oh? And parading your bimbos in front of him was appropriate?”
“No, it wasn’t.”
She’d been taken aback when he had readily agreed to her accusations, but it didn’t seem to lessen her anger. “Then you’re a fine one to talk. You’re damn right your mistakes were inexcusable and I will never forget them!” she had hissed at him.
“What can I do to make it up to you? I know I’ve hurt you, Karen, but there’s no need for us to be at each other’s throats. Let’s put Ben first.”
“When I need tips from you on how to be a parent, I’ll let you know, but until then, you can go to hell.”
“I think you’re excellent mother, but if you let your hatred toward me overcome your love for Ben, maybe I was wrong.”
“How dare you!” Karen’s face went red with rage.
He tried to reason with her. “No, how dare you. I’ve made mistakes, but now I intend to be there for Ben and you whenever you need me. I want to be the father to him that I wasn’t before. I don’t want to be your enemy, Karen. We both love Ben, so that’s at least one thing we have in common.”
“I resent you for daring to imply I’m not a good mother. I’m a damned good mother. You’ve got some damn nerve to say otherwise.”
She was right. He realized he hadn’t said the right words. “I apologize. You’re right, of course. I think you’ve done a good job with Ben, but I want you to know I’ve changed.”
She had given him a look of skepticism and contempt. “The days when I thought you were a decent human being are over. Spots and leopards, Mason, if you catch my drift.” With that she had ended the conversation.
Mason didn’t know how he would make things up to Karen and his mother, but neither woman seemed ready to forgive past transgressions so easily. They were justified in their feelings, of course, but what exactly did they want from him? If his problems with Karen and his mother weren’t enough, he was absolutely torn that he hadn’t seen Brandi in over a week. He felt as though his heart had broken all over again.
He wanted to go to her and make her listen to him, but knew the best thing right now was to give her some space. He figured if she had time to think things through, she might be a little more receptive to him later on. To force her to listen to him would only serve to push her further away.
At least Mason knew that she was safe, because Paul had been keeping an eye on her and the kids. He was pleased to learn that Brandi called the police about Rodney violating the restraining order. As a result, Rodney spent a night in jail.
He only hoped that the letters that he sent to Rodney were enough to keep him away from Brandi until he could figure out a way to get Tina Reed to talk.
The poor kid. She had come out of her coma but the one-time Mason was able to visit her in the hospital, she cried hysterically. The nurse informed him the poor girl was terrified of men and wouldn’t even let any of the male doctors near her.
It would be a while before she could talk to anyone about what happened during the fire and the night two years before. He wished he could do something for her.
“Dad, are you listening?” Ben demanded.
Mason shook his head, clearing all other thoughts before turning to his son. “What is it, champ?
“Rita made cookies. Can I have some?”
Mason looked up to see the nurse standing in the room with a tray of cookies.
“Sure. Knock yourself out.”
“Cool.”
“I’ll take the little scamp to the kitchen to get him a glass of milk.” Rita held the tray out. “Would you like some, Mr. Collins?”
“No, thanks.”
“Mrs. Collins?”
The older woman shook her head.
“Okay. We’ll be in the kitchen and you two can have a little chat.” Rita smiled at them both before exiting the room with Ben eagerly following.
Once Ben and Rita left the room, there was complete silence. His mother shot him a quick glance, then turned her head away.
“Mom, you can’t keep ignoring me like this.”
His mother didn’t say anything. She examined her nails.
Mason sighed. He got up and walked over to sit beside her.
“Please look at me,” he pleaded. Mason reached over to take her hand in his. How was he ever going to win her forgiveness?
She snatched it away and focused angry eyes on him. “How could you? Your poor father would be rolling in his grave.” The raw hurt in her voice and eyes pierced him to the core. He wished that he could take her in his arms to comfort her, but he didn’t think she was ready for that.
“Mom, you have no idea how sorry I am for what’s been done. I know it doesn’t change anything, but you have my heartfelt apologies nonetheless. I’m trying to make amends the best that I can.”
“What do you know about having a heart? Do you think by putting me in this fancy place you can make up for what you did? I had an active social life and friends until you put me in that awful place. You made them think I was crazy. The orderlies stole from me, and a nurse smacked me. I was never treated so shabbily in my life. When I told you and begged you to take me away from that place, you wouldn’t.” She started to cry.
Mason touched her shoulder, but she flinched away. He felt sad for her and incensed at the man she had given birth to. How could anyone treat their mother like this? Helen Collins had every right to be bitter. The pain she must have endured after her husband’s death was tragic, and her son hadn’t helped.
Rita rushed out of the kitchen in alarm. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, we just need a moment. If you don’t mind keeping Ben occupied in the kitchen for a few more minutes, I would really appreciate it.” Mason smiled at her reassuringly.
“Sure.” She threw a questioning look at his mother, who nodded in agreement.
Once Rita was gone again, Mason handed her a tissue from the coffee table.
Helen wiped her eyes. “You know, I really only have myself to blame for what you became. I guess I have to live with it, but I don’t have to like it.” She turned away again.
“Why do you blame yourself?”
“Your father and I gave you everything you wanted; you never had to work for anything. We always turned a blind eye when you got into trouble, paid for your girlfriends’ abortions, and bribed teachers to pass you. You never learned to be a responsible adult because we let you get away with everything. We enabled you to become the monster you are.”
Mason didn’t know what to say. Maybe the Collins’s were partially responsible for their son’s behavior, but ultimately it was up the individual to shape their own destiny.
He suddenly realized that Helen Collins wasn’t as angry at him as she was with herself. “Mom, please don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault or Dad’s, it’s mine. You’re right. Putting you in this place doesn’t change anything, but I would like to start over with you. I want to be the son you’ve always wanted, someone you can be proud of.”
“You say that now, but how can I open my heart to you again when you’ve let me down so many times before?” she asked with pain-filled eyes.
“You’ll just have to learn to trust me again. I know it’s asking a lot and I know I’ve treated you terribly, but I’ve changed. I want you to be in my life, and I want you to be in Ben’s life…and any other children I may have.”
“Is the woman you’ve mentioned before responsible for this change in you?”
“I do love her very much,” he replied softly.
Helen gave him a long speculative look. He didn’t know what she was thinking, but once her examination was complete, she seemed satisfied at what she had found. “Your eyes are different. The mean spirit is gone.”
He wasn’t sure whether to thank her or not.
“Who is this woman?”
“Her name is Brandi. She’s a widow with a set of twins, a boy and a girl. Our sons are best friends and she’s beautiful inside and out.”
“I hear the love in your voice when you speak of her. She’s a very special woman indeed, if she’s changed you.”
“Let’s just say that she saw the person within.”
“Hmm, I would like to meet her.”
“You’ll like her.”
“I’m sure I will if she has managed to give my son back to me. I…it will be difficult to get over the past, but you’re my son, and…and I want to give us another try. Please don’t disappoint me again.” There were tears in her eyes. Mason scooted next to her and gave her the hug that had been a long time coming. As he held his mother in his arms, he hoped that things would work out with him and Brandi as well.
Brandi didn’t know if she was making the right decision or not, but she couldn’t go another day without talking to Mason. She had to know the truth. Her daughter’s words still played through her head. It doesn’t seem fair that you didn’t ask him to explain. I would be sad if I was him.
She was taking a chance that he would be home. Brandi’s children were at her sister’s, celebrating her niece’s tenth birthday and although she was supposed to be helping Lisa with the party, she had to get away just for a little while to see him. She just couldn’t wait any longer.
Brandi pulled into his driveway and let out a sigh of relief when she spotted Mason’s car. A jolt of nervousness shot through her, and she nearly turned her car back around, but she stopped herself.
No, I’ve come this far. I might as well see it through.
She got out of her car and walked up to his door, shaking with anxiety. A small Hispanic woman opened the door. She was pretty with big blue eyes and long black hair. She wore a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt, looking quite at home.
Brandi’s heart dropped. Had she been replaced already? She could feel the heat rise to her face and the rage resurface. What a fool she had been to come here! It was no wonder Mason had not tried to contact her, because she obviously didn’t mean as much to him as he claimed. Everything had been a pack of lies.
“Can I help you?” The woman’s English was only slightly accented.
“No. That’s okay. I think I made a mistake coming here.” Brandi turned to leave.
“Who is it, Luisa?” Brandi heard Mason’s voice and she hurriedly walked to her car. She couldn’t face him now while she was on the verge of tears. She already felt humiliated enough without him seeing her like this.
“Brandi! Wait. Come back!”
Brandi opened her car door, but Mason’s hand covered hers. “Let go, dammit.”
“No. You came to see me. Please don’t go.” He turned her around to face him.
“Why don’t you go back to your girlfriend!” She tried to twist out of his grip.
A look of confusion appeared on his face before understanding seemed to dawn on him. Mason burst out laughing. This was just too much.
She hit his chest. “What’s so damn funny?”
“You thought Luisa was my girlfriend?”
“You couldn’t wait to find someone else to warm your bed, could you?”
“Number one, Luisa is my very happily married housekeeper and had you stuck around you would have found that out. Number two, you’re adorable when you’re jealous.” Mason smiled down at her.
Brandi felt like an even bigger fool. “I have a way of jumping to conclusions, don’t I?” She couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Yes, and the worst one you could have jumped to is that I would stop loving you so easily.”