Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
I don’t know what drove me to sneak out of the house today, but I just knew I didn’t want another sleepless night. I was feeling restless this whole week, and I knew it was due to sixth-grade graduation being around the corner.
My teacher had us write a letter to our high school selves. What we hoped to achieve, what we wanted going forward, and what we wanted to say to our friends and parents in the future.
At first, I didn’t give much thought to it.
It was just another stupid project for us to do, but then, as Astrid started to take it seriously, she began to make us sit down and write when we were supposed to be hanging out.
“What if we stop hanging out?”
Her question had been sad and slightly panicked.
“Why would we ever stop hanging out? You’re my favorite person ever,” I told her.
This made her smile, and she sat up, giving me her pinkie.
“Promise me we will never go for more than three days without talking to one another.”
The thought made me smile. She was crazy. We never went more than one day without seeing each other, and if one of us was sick, my dad drove me to her house, or her mom brought her to mine.
People had soup and rest for their sick days. We had that plus each other.
But now that graduation approached and I was looking back at where I started my schooling and how it was ending, I realized there were things we didn’t prepare for that blindsided us.
I started kindergarten holding on to my mother’s hand, and now I was going to finish elementary school with nothing but a hazy memory of her. She was gone, and I could barely remember her most days, but the ache I felt was there, and I couldn’t ever fill it.
My dad was already lying down in his room.
Adam had some of his friends over, and they were playing video games.
Thanks to them being loud, Dad wouldn’t notice me sneaking out.
Now that he was in high school, Ezekiel went out most weekends with his friends.
Dad worried about his well-being the most. He was going through a rebellious phase, or so Dad said.
I slowly made my way to the side of the house and took my bike. My stomach was anxious—not about getting caught but getting to my destination.
The streets were quiet at this time, which made it easier to navigate. The last thing I wanted was for someone to see me and go snitching on to my dad. I made sure to avoid going through the town square, which sucked because it was the easiest way to make it to Astrid’s house.
She lived on the other end from where I did.
Once I arrived at Astrid’s, I took my bike and leaned it against the fence. No one stole bikes around here, so I knew it would be fine. After that, I jumped the fence and made my way to Astrid’s window.
It took three taps for her to finally peek her head out. Astrid liked to leave the blinds a bit open so moonlight could illuminate the room. I hoped I didn’t freak her out, that was the last thing I wanted, so I patiently waited instead of just plastering my face on the windowpane and scaring her.
“Oh my God, Tyler, you scared me,” she hissed at me.
It wasn’t with anger because she was already smiling at me and pushing her window open so I could come in.
That was the thing I loved about having a best friend. They never turned you away, no matter what—it was one of the many things I loved about Astrid.
I had been in her room plenty of times, but there was something different—illicit—even being here in the dark.
When I left my house, all I could think of was being away from there because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep.
My mind was plagued with questions with no answers.
It felt wrong to end elementary school this way without my mother at my side, especially since she had been there when I started.
What if the same thing happened now that we were starting middle school?
I couldn’t imagine my life without Astrid, but the same could be said about my mother.
Tomorrow wasn’t promised.
“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep and just wanted to come here,” I confessed.
“What’s wrong?” She instantly took a step forward, her brows scrunching in confusion.
“Nothing, just started thinking about my mom,” I told her.
She nodded, understanding where I was coming from.
“Come on,” she said as she patted the bed for me to jump in.
I could feel my cheeks flame as the answer rose to my lips. It was something I had never told anyone.
“I don’t like sleeping on the right side of the bed.”
Astrid didn’t make fun of me. She just slid to the other side, no questions asked.
“Take off your shoes,” she told me as I put my knee on the bed.
Once I was lying down, I turned to face her.
“My mom used to lay on the right side when she would put me to sleep.”
“Ah, Tyler,” she whispered as she extended her hand and began to play with my hair.
I grimaced because I wasn’t a fan of people touching my head.
“Sorry,” she added. “I don’t know what to say sometimes. I can’t imagine what not having a mom feels like, but I know it must be incredibly painful.”
“It sucks,” I admitted, and her expression softened. Those big eyes seemed to sparkle. “But being with you helps.”
She beamed at me, and something inside of me settled.
This time, I reached out to her and began playing with her hair. Her hair was soft. It glided through my fingers. Astrid closed her eyes and leaned into me, and I liked that I could give her something when it felt like this friendship was all about me and what I was taking.
“I know it’s not the same, but my mom will cheer extra hard for you too. She loves you.”
I bit my lip in acknowledgment even though she couldn’t see me since her eyes were closed.
“You’re the best, Astrid,” I let her know.
“Don’t you forget it,” she murmured, starting to fall asleep.
It took a couple of minutes for her breathing to even out, and I knew she had knocked out on me. Even in the dark, Astrid was like sunshine. No matter what was happening around us, she always managed to make the days or situations brighter.
No one was more thankful than I was that her parents didn’t end up moving. Her dad ended up getting a job twenty minutes away from town while her mom worked as a cleaning lady. She mostly cleaned up the local businesses after hours.
I remember hearing my dad talking to Ezekiel. He was thinking of offering Mrs. Hart a job as a receptionist. He knew how much they meant to me—to us. He wanted them to stay as much as I did.
Watching Astrid’s peaceful face, I drifted off to sleep, thinking I could do this for the rest of my life.