Chapter 44
FORTY-FOUR
I left Astrid’s house a few minutes before her parents were set to arrive, and headed toward the auto shop.
There was a drop-off that needed to be made to the Haywards’ shop.
I stopped in Sunny Pines and told my brothers I would do it since I hadn’t had time to speak with Russel since he did me that favor.
Adam was at the counter, engrossed in the computer. This was something you didn’t see often. Adam being on his phone texting some chick, that was expected, but him actually working more than necessary—that shit was odd.
“You good?” I asked as I tapped the counter to get his attention.
Adam barely glanced at me and continued to type away on the computer.
“Everyone has social media nowadays, right? It’s weird if they don’t. Even we have a few socials for the shop.”
He added that last bit as a justification, and I gave it to him because between the three of us, since Dad didn’t count, we always forgot to update that shit. I made a mental note to hire someone to run it for us. It was a good idea, mainly because of the expansion.
“Who are you looking for?”
He stopped typing and gave me his full attention.
“It doesn’t matter. Just someone I hadn’t seen in a long time,” he mumbled, and I knew he was lying.
“Maybe they go by a different name or their mom’s maiden name? Try looking into people you think are their friends, maybe LinkedIn?”
Adam was now looking at me like I had grown two heads.
“You’ve given this quite some thought, haven’t you?”
I shrugged it off, hoping I didn’t look as sheepish as I felt.
“Is the car all set? I’m going to tow it to Haywards’.”
“Yeah, I rigged it up earlier.”
“Thanks,” I knocked on the counter twice, then headed toward the back.
“Is everything good? I know the Rach shit is fucked up, but I’m sure Dunnett will get it sorted. Astrid doing okay?”
“Yeah, she’s fine,” I told him, not wanting to get into the shit that was fucking with me. I’ve dragged my brothers down enough with my issues with Astrid that I needed to overcome this problem on my own. “I’ll see you later. I want to catch Rusty before he leaves the shop.”
Adam gave me a two-finger salute as he continued to search for whomever had caught his attention. I had no doubt it was a woman because my brother didn’t put effort into anything other than the shop and women, and women only when it was convenient with him.
I had enough of my own problems to worry about Adam’s.
On my drive to Sunny Pines, all I could do was contemplate what I needed to do. It was a bitch, this feeling that started to consume me. Was this my karma for being a dumb kid who was too much of a pussy to tell his best friend he had fallen for her?
I was still too much of a pussy.
My thoughts were all over the place, going around in circles, getting me nowhere. The next thing I knew, I was pulling into Haywards’ Garage. The last bay was already open so I could unload the car.
“Hey, man,” I greeted him with a shake and a fist bump. “Thanks for the favor.”
Rusty couldn’t contain his smirk.
“Any chance your girl will try to pull that stunt again?”
I sure as fuck hoped not.
“We’re good now.”
“I almost felt like I was taking advantage of you.”
“That means you’re paying me then?”
“Almost being the keyword, Ty.” The asshole chuckled.
Had it been any other girl, my family would have been pissed for the free service I gave Russel, but Astrid was worth all my money and more.
I tried to pay Dad back out of my own pocket, but he didn’t let me.
And since I was the one doing the calls for Rusty because it wasn’t fair for my brothers to pick up my slack, they were okay with it.
“Thanks again,” I told him as I headed for the truck.
Rusty waved me away. “I have hope that someone will knock some sense into Adam, and then maybe he and I can work up a little deal, too.”
I couldn’t help but grin.
Hell, if someone did knock my brother on my ass, I would pay to watch that show too.
The sun was almost all set, and typically, I didn’t like coming to the cemetery at night. Not because I was scared but because visiting my mom was something I wanted to do in the daylight.
Today, I really needed her guidance.
The walk to her grave was a short one. I felt somewhat bad that I wasn’t bringing flowers. One was my dad’s, and he always brought red roses, and the other was from either Adam or Ezekiel.
Her grave never lacked any flowers—still, it made me feel bad that I hadn’t been by in a couple of weeks. A testament to how much I have been in my own head. Astrid came back to town and turned my life upside down. Or more like finally tilted it back the way it was before she left.
“Hey, Ma,” I said as I sat before the grave. “Sorry I haven’t been by in a while…” I took a deep breath and chuckled. “You probably know Astrid came back… God, Mom, she looks even more beautiful than she did in her pictures.
While Astrid ran away to forget about me, I couldn’t do the same.
Where there was a will, there was a way, and I became a fucking stalker so I could get a glimpse of her.
With every post she made, I was reminded that my best friend was living her life without me.
That the girl I loved was somewhere else without me.
It fucking killed me. All I could do was watch from afar and hope she would return to town.
I had promised myself that if she did, I wouldn’t be stupid again and let her go, but now I wondered if she was even mine to hold on to.
“I promised myself that when she came back, I would do whatever it took to keep her, but what if we aren’t meant to be? What if we don’t work out?”
Four years later after leaving town, the same thoughts that plagued me at fourteen kept me awake at twenty-two.
There was no answer—there never was—but I still felt calmer at this moment than I did when I asked myself this question back at my house.
What if things work out better than you thought?
Everything worth having took hard work, and if it meant working for the rest of my life to have Astrid by my side, I was willing to do just that. I fucked up by not choosing her once, and I didn’t want to make that same mistake.
Because I couldn’t live with what we had, I wanted more. I wanted everything.
“You would have loved the woman Astrid has become,” I told my mom. “She’s kind but can hold a mean grudge. She was a force to be reckoned with at five, and now she’s a woman to admire… I think you’d always known that she was the one.”
Fuck.
Saying it aloud felt monumental somehow.
I needed to keep to the promise I made myself.
After leaving the cemetery, I went straight home.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I would tell Astrid how I really felt.
It sucked not having her in my arms tonight. I’m surprised I had restrained myself enough not to sneak into her house every night since she returned.
I told myself that soon enough it would all work out—I had to believe that it would.
Just as I was about to lie down, a light tapping came from the back of the house. I stood still, thinking I might have made it up, but when it happened again, I immediately got up and rushed to the back door where Astrid was waiting for me.
The relief I felt upon seeing her was palpable.
“Hi,” she greeted me somewhat hesitantly. “I’m anxious about tomorrow, and being at home was counterproductive in staying relaxed.”
“Come here, beautiful,” I told her as I extended my hand for her to take it.
Astrid didn’t take it. Instead, she rushed into me. Her arms wrapped around my waist. She fit perfectly against me. Her head rested just under my chin. Like this, I felt like I could protect her from the world.
She pulled back slightly, and our gazes collided.
Astrid leaned up to kiss me, and it was at that moment that my mouth decided to just blurt out what had been bothering me these past few days.
“I love you, Astrid…” Her eyes went wide, and she stopped breathing.
I cursed myself for saying it straight up like that, but now it was out there, I couldn’t take it back.
“I loved you when we were kids. I loved you every single moment that you were gone… Fuck… When I saw you again, I knew I would always love you. Beautiful, please don’t kiss me if you don’t want forever with me because if you walk away again, it’s going to fucking kill me. ”
While my chest was rising and falling after my confession, Astrid’s had yet to move.
“You love me?” she wheezed out after a few seconds.
“In kinder, you reached for my hand, but instead, you got my heart, Astrid. I was so fucking stupid in not telling you sooner.”
Her lower lip quivered.
“Ty,” she whispered my name, and this time, I held my breath. “Please kiss me.”
My heart beat wildly as I took a second to process the words she had just told me.
Fuck.
She was mine.
I didn’t hesitate and cupped her face. She was fragile under me, but to know she trusted me—that she wanted me—that was everything.
Astrid’s lips tasted like forgiveness, and I was ready to be absolved from the sins of our past.
“Ty…” she said against my lips.
All I could do was hold on to her.
“I love you too.”
I closed my eyes, and finally, after half a life of wanting this girl and telling myself I couldn’t have her, I basked in the knowledge that she was finally mine.
This time, when we kissed, it was more urgent. The promise of forever hanging over our heads feeling more attainable than ever. My hands wandered down to her thighs and lifted her off the ground. Astrid wrapped her legs around my waist. I kicked the door closed and walked us over to my room.
“This is better than any fantasy,” I told her between kisses.
Before she got a chance to reply, I threw her on the bed. Seeing her in my space, in my bed, was everything I knew I had been missing. Everything we could have had right from the start, and now that I had this chance—now that it was real—there was no way in hell I would fuck it up.
Astrid leaned on her elbows and said my name breathlessly. “Ty.”
Fuck, that sounded good.
I kissed her again, pouring every single emotion I had into that kiss. The longing, the desperation I had felt from not having her. The kiss was raw, filled with all the broken promises we were too young and dumb to keep.
Astrid’s desperation matched my own. The kiss quickly turned frantic, both of us desperate to feel the other without any barriers.
“Dreamed about this a thousand times,” I told her as I removed her blouse and threw it on the floor, mine quickly following. “You’d be sleeping next to me, and all I could think is all the ways I could fuck you.”
Astrid was breathless as I kissed every bit of exposed skin I could get my mouth on. She moaned when I undid the top button of her jeans and put my hand on her swollen little clit.
“I had to stop myself from reaching out and doing exactly this.”
I pulled back to look at her, and those half-mast hazel eyes undid me.
“Would you have been just as wet for me then?” I taunted her as I slowly sank a finger inside of her. Her lips parted in a silent moan. “I think you would have.”
Astrid shifted her hips, trying to get me to sink my finger deeper despite the restriction of her jeans.
“I wish you had,” she admitted breathlessly. “Sometimes I would be awake and pretend to be sleeping, and grind my ass against you just to see what you would do.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Idiots. We’ve been idiots.
I kissed her again while we finished shedding the rest of our clothes. Once we were both naked, Astrid gave me a flirty smile, and then she turned around and got on her hands and knees for me.
“Fuck,” I groaned.
Her pussy was on display for me. I could see just how she reacted to me. How wet she got for me.
“Did you fantasize about being taken from behind, beautiful?” I growled as I entered her in a quick thrust. “Because I did.”
She could have said yes, or some other word, but I couldn’t hear a thing.
All I could focus on was the way her pussy gripped me.
The wetness that coated my dick. How my hands gripped her hips, knowing my fingertips would leave an imprint and she loved every fucking bit. “You feel so fucking good, baby.”
“Ty,” she whined. “Don’t stop.”
My answer was to fuck her harder. It took seconds, and she came, taking me right with her. Her knees gave out, and she landed on the pillows.
It took a few seconds for us to regain our breaths. She turned to look at me, her eyes glossy and soft.
“I love you,” I told her, and her smiling answer was everything.