Chapter 26
Man-to-Man
Jonah
The next day, I have three dozen roses delivered to Renée’s university office. She deserves the entire flower shop, but I didn’t want to freak her out. She giggled mid-kiss when I asked her to move in with me last night, so hopefully she thinks I'm joking.
Let me be so clear: I wasn’t.
But my filter was gone and the words just spilled out and it wouldn’t be the first time I was accused of love-bombing.
The thing is, I’ve never purposefully done it.
Heck, I’m always the one being dumped. I’m the one who attaches like velcro!
Angie once said something about me having anxious attachment.
.. something or other. Guess when your mom dies young and your dad is emotionally unavailable for most of your life, things like this can happen.
I need to keep an eye on that, because I cannot rush this and risk scaring her off. From what she told me last night, it doesn’t seem like she’s had the opportunity to make many decisions for herself—and I want her to choose me with confidence.
I laid in bed most of the night replaying every moment with her and reminding myself that the work isn’t done.
I haven’t won anything—except maybe those sweet lips of hers.
Then I remembered I still had her panties from Strip Tease, so I wrapped them in my hand—again—and jerked off to the temptation of her plush, wet mouth.
I’m deliriously rereading the one text she sent me earlier thanking me for the flowers when my dad’s voice cuts in. “Son!”
“Huh?”
“I said can you hand me the drill.”
“Sorry.”
Dad unscrews the outside metal grate to my air conditioner to reveal a disturbing amount of dirty... lint? “That’s disgusting.”
“Yeap,” Dad sighs. “My bet is the last home owners didn’t clean this out for the last few years. You gotta stay on top of it every year.” He unscrews the rest of the grates as I begin scraping off sheets of fluffy matted dust.
“Heard you had a little birthday party yesterday.” He waggles his eyebrows but focuses on his task.
“Yeah, it was pretty cool. Between the animals and the inflatable obstacle course and the Nerf guns and the cake. It was perfect. Delta had a blast. I watched her snipe a few dads right in their chests,” I laugh.
“Great aim. And she can sing too! Ugh, her cover of 'Blackbird?'” Incredible. The Beatles should give her the rights to that song because she owned it.” I smile dreamily. “She’s just like her mom.”
“Sounds like you’re pretty taken with them.”
“I just want... all the good things for them. I used to think I wanted to be the one who could provide that. But now, I’d rather see Renée and her girls find the good for themselves and be able to trust it.”
My father’s eyebrows pinch together like he doesn’t believe me. “You just bought your three-year-old niece and nephew a drum set and keyboard.”
And when my sister’s face dropped, it was worth every penny.
“What’s your point?”
“Even without money, you’re a generous person. I once watched you help a troop of Girl Scouts sell cookies because you felt bad that you didn’t have any cash to give them.”
I gasp. “That’s right! Y’know they gave me a badge for that?”
“Can you honestly tell me you don’t wanna spoil them?”
The thought of giving them everything they’ve ever wanted feels incredibly satisfying.
Dad seems to sense where my head is. “That’s what I thought,” he chuckles to himself. “If your mother was still here, I would do the same.”
Holy moly, he’s talking about Mom.
No one make any sudden movements!
I try to act casual in my reply. “Oh yeah?”
“I mean, we didn’t have a lot of money to begin with, but I always did what I could to make her comfortable and happy. It would have been nice to finally spoil her properly.”
Aww.
“She was…” He fondly pauses. “She was too good for me. By some miracle or poor judgement on her part, she loved me. When we started having kids though, I finally saw why we were meant to be together: no one else would have been able to love and care for her and you guys the way I could. And, before you think it, I know I fell short with you kids after she died. Really short. I was neglectful and that’s completely on me and not taking care of my mental health.
“But when she was alive, so was I. I wanted to do everything for her. Nothing felt like a duty—it was all instinctual.”
His words float around my head while we work in silence. So many thoughts and feelings and memories kick up.
I would have loved to know that version of my dad before Mom died. My whole childhood I tried to find that guy.
Weirdly enough though, I sort of understand what he means by being the only one who could care for someone the right way.
Renée, obviously, is out of my league, but the more I learn about her and the more time I spend with her daughters, the deeper my confidence grows.
I could happily be what they need—what they want—because providing for them is what I want.
“What would you have done with her?” I ask. “Y’know, now that you’re retired and financially comfortable.”
He pours some kind of cleaning solution into a spray bottle before attaching it to the hose. “Traveled with her. I would have liked to see what she looks like in Paris. Maybe we would have bought a boat.”
“I don’t know, Dad. I think Raf would shoot down that idea. He told me I couldn’t buy one.”
“Because you wanted to buy a yacht,” he replies with snark. He sighs like he’s imagining himself out on the water already. “We would have bought something like a wood runabout.”
I snort. “You want the kind of boat yacht owners use to zip around with? Dad, I think we’re missing an excellent opportunity to pair up our boating interests. I’ll get the yacht, you get the runabout! Everyone’s happy. Except maybe Raf. And Ang. And Isaiah. And Dane. And my financial advisors.”
“Maybe sit on that idea for a while, son. That’s a massive purchase.”
“Fine,” I mumble. “Doesn’t mean you can’t buy your runabout.”
He doesn’t reply right away, choosing instead to spray the soap and water mixture all over one side of the AC unit. I can tell he’s not focusing on the task so much as he’s contemplating my question.
“I don’t know,” he finally says. “It’s not as appealing without her.”
“Have you thought about dating again?” As soon as the words are out of my mouth I freeze. Where is my filter?
Dad looks frozen too. Sugar. I really stepped in it this time.
“That would imply I dated in the first place,” he says. “Your mother and I just sort of fused to each other as soon as we met in college. But…”
But?!
“...It’s something I’ve been discussing with my therapist.”
“Are you allowed to date your therapist?”
He furrows his brow. “No. Dating is something my therapist thinks I’m ready for... with other people,” he clarifies.
“Ohhh,” I drawl. “Wow, dude. That’s kinda huge.”
“It’s weird when you call me dude. But yeah, it’s a big step. I’m not so sure though.”
“Jonah!” screams the voice of a little girl in the distance. Dad and I both turn our attention to find Delta running toward us from where the school bus has dropped them off at the end of their driveway.
Her toothy smile brings one to my face as well. “Ladybug!” She launches herself into my arms and Lo joins in a few seconds later. “Hey Shortcake. How was school today?”
Lo doesn’t reply with words, but she digs through her backpack to show me a collage she’s made. I see cutouts of butterflies, dogs, horses, waterslide, sparkly shoes, cookies, baking equipment, a duck and a goat. “Shortcake, did you make this?”
She nods eagerly.
“It’s so cool. Dad, look at this.” I twist around and show him the thick paper with dozens of pictures glued to it.
He steps closer and leans in to look before he smiles. “That’s very good. Are these all the things you like?”
She nods again, a little less eager and a little more wary. That’s when I remember I should reintroduce them.
“Girls, do you remember my dad?”
“Yes,” Delta says, and Lo nods once.
“Dad, this is Delta and Lo.”
“It’s nice to see you again, ladies.”
All at once I notice Delta has clearly cut her bangs again. “Ladybug,” I gasp. “What happened to your hair?”
If she had a tail it’d be tucked between her legs right now. “I didn’t mean to.”
“What do you mean, you didn’t mean to? Did you pick up the scissors?”
She frowns. “Yeah, but I didn’t mean to cut this much.”
I sigh, wanting to gently tug at the short remaining curls.
“They had almost grown back,” I say, more to myself than to her.
I place my hands on my thighs as I kneel before her.
“Hmm. Tell you what.” I untie my hair and let it fall down.
My hair is thick and a little wavy and can cover my entire chest. “I’ll let you cut my hair whenever you want if you promise to never cut yours again. ”
Her eyes widen. “Really?”
“Sure, why not? I don’t need all this hair.”
“Can I cut it all off?”
“Well,” I sigh. “If you do that, you’ll have to wait a long time for it to grow out before you can cut it again. So maybe just a bit at a time?”
“I can definitely do that.”
“Perfect! Whenever you feel the urge to cut your hair, you come find me. Deal?”
“Deal! Jonah... and Mr. Jonah’s dad, do you wanna come over for a snack? Aunt Amber always makes us a snack when we get home.”
“Oh man, I wish we could,” I say. One, because I love snacks, but two, even though Renée and I are something now (I hope), she still hasn’t invited me in her home yet.
She’s not home from work, and I will not be crossing that line until she says so.
“Sorry, girls. My dad and I need to finish working on this project,” I say with a thumb thrown over my shoulder.
“And then I have a rugby meeting after this.”
“Okay,” Delta says. “But can we come over soon to play with your animals?”
“Of course! Just make sure your mom’s cool with it.
Oh, and before you go...” I stop them before they run off and pat my pockets.
I find a receipt from earlier today and pluck a marker from Lo’s backpack before writing a note and folding it up.
“When your mom gets home, give her this. But no peeking!”
Renée
Before I even reach my front door, it’s swinging open and the girls come barreling out. “Hi,” I laugh. “What a reception.”
“We have a message for you,” Delta hollers, waving around a small piece of white paper like she’s signaling for an emergency crew to save her. “It’s from Jonah. We did not read it.” She says that last part as if she’s on trial.
Two notes in one day? The last one he had attached to the roses, read: Your hair is red, My eyes are blue. I’m not very good at poetry, but I will be for you. I may have read it several... dozen times today. May have.
She hands me the note and I gape at her. “Did you cut your hair again?”
“Yeah,” she says with a shrug, like she’s been over this. “Jonah said if I stopped cutting my hair he’d let me cut his.”
“He what?”
“Just read the note, Mom! What does it say?”
“Don’t think we’re done discussing your hair, young lady.” I unfold what is clearly a receipt and find handwriting in purple marker on the back.
I have tix to the PA Bluegrass Festival next weekend for all of you. Be my dates?
And then there are two boxes, to check either “Yes” or “Yes” with a heart next to it.
I’m grinning like an idiot, and my heart is ready to punch its way out of my chest.
“What does it say?”
“I need a pen.” Lo runs inside and back out holding another marker, this one green. I make the mark and fold it back up. When I look over to his place from my spot on the porch, he’s in the driveway getting into his SUV. “Go run this to him,” I say in a rush. “Hurry!”
Both of them don’t ask any questions and are sprinting over.
He spots them before putting the vehicle in drive and hops out.
They’re too far away for me to hear, but I watch him unravel the note and jump up and down, pumping his fist in the air.
He leans down and says something to them and then they’re all jumping.
He sends them running back and spots me before holding up his hands to form a heart.